"Until I come to you"

Motherhood by Georgia Douglas Johnson

Don't knock on my door, little child,
I cannot let you in;
You know not what a world this is
Of cruelty and sin.
Wait in the still eternity
Until I come to you.
The world is cruel, cruel, child,
I cannot let you through.

Don't knock at my heart, little one,
I cannot bear the pain
Of turning deaf ears to your call,
Time and time again.
You do not know the monster men
Inhabiting the earth.
Be still, be still, my precious child,
I cannot give you birth.

From The Crisis (October 1922)

Georgia Douglas Johnson was a black poet and writer who was among the first female poets to gain recognition during the Harlem Renaissance. She was often criticized for not addressing race in her poetry however, much of her writing spoke to issues unique to women's experience.

Motherhood spoke to me in so many ways. Its about choosing motherhood and wanting to bring children into a world that is safe and kind. Based on history we know that the world was less than a safe or kind place for a black woman in the 1920s.

Women who have abortions are mothers. We are mothers of 1 or 7. We are future mothers. We are aunties who raise other people's children but never birth our own. We are women who want to come to motherhood by choice and when we know we can create a world that is as safe and kind as possible to our children. And sometimes we aren't mothers.

On chives and choice

I was happy when my friend's son learned to talk. Not because he was able to communicate, "I am hungry and I would like to see my mama now please" (or something to that effect) instead of screeeeeeeaming, although that certainly was a perk. But because I was able to say, "Thomas*, can I pick you up?" and he could say, "No!"

One of the many, many reasons I'm not a fan of babies is because to me, it's weird that you would walk up to this tiny human and grab its fingers and pinch its cheeks. I would no sooner do that to my cousin than I would to my landlord. And if I did, for some strange reason, have the inclination to do that to my landlord, I could say, "Rupert*, may I pinch your cheeks?" (And I'm positive he would say, "No. Also, evicted!")

What I'm saying is that choice comes naturally to me. We talk about the rhetoric of choice versus life and justice versus choice, (and I don't disagree that the "life" argument is bullshit and that reproductive justice > simple choice) but at my own core, I'm pro-choice even when abortion isn't involved.

I teach a fitness class on the side (sometimes, I sneak in abortion humor. You can take the instructor out of the clinic, but you can't take the clinic out of the instructor!), and I intellectually know that my job is to direct and correct. But it takes effort to do that because my inclination is to say, "Huh. That's an interesting take on the exercise, but if it doesn't hurt your hip and if you're not knocking out your neighbor, then go ahead with those roundhouse kicks as the rest of us stretch."

For that matter, when my cat steps in my dinner plate (I live alone), I do remove her, but I have to explain to her why I'm lifting her from my potatoes and how I do respect her right to dip her toes in the chives. She made the choice to encroach, I made the choice to overrule her, but I still need to explain and offer informed consent.

And mashed potatoes or unwanted pregnancies, I am so very much all about choice.

* Of course, all names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Happy Mother's Day.

Mother's Day is the day we celebrate women who brought us into their families, cared for us, and have supported us through our ups and downs.

This is also a great day to celebrate choice. I celebrate the people who chose to be moms, but I also celebrate the people who didn't choose to be moms or become a mom again. I celebrate the women who took on the challenge and those that knew they could not. As About A Girl has said, parenthood is hard work even when it was deeply desired -- imagine how much harder when it wasn't -- and deserves to happen with all the readiness and support it can. Motherhood should be voluntary, freely and happily chosen, not forced.

At the time of their appointment, 61% of abortion patients have one or more children; so the majority are mothers, and the vast majority of the others will also become mothers at some later time in their lives. And many of the people who care for them or advocate for them (at clinics and local funds, and at policy organizations) are also moms. When you know this, it's hard to think that abortion is about "hating children," either for patients or for abortioneers; abortion is just one possible part of making a responsible choice about being a mom.

Being a mom is one of the most amazing, and I think sacred, things a woman can do, and she shouldn't take it lightly or be forced to do it. Society, too, shouldn't take motherhood lightly by implying that it is the obvious choice for all women who find themselves pregnant. I celebrate all of the moms out there and their ability to CHOOSE to be moms -- may you be celebrated all year 'round -- and may we work to make it a truly free choice for all.

Happy Belated Mother's Day

"The reasons women give for having an abortion underscore their understanding of the responsibilities of parenthood and family life. Three-fourths of women cite concern for or resposibility for other individuals; three-fourths say they can not afford a child; three-fourths say that having a baby would interfere with work, school, or the ability to care for dependents; and half say they do not want to be a single parent or are having problems with their current husband or partner."

Some may think this is an odd forum for mothers' day wishes. However, I feel strongly that appreciating mother's is a major part of being an abortioneer.

About sixty-one percent of women who get abortions in the U.S. have one or more children. This means that more than half of the women in this country who have abortions are mothers or have at least given birth. When I talk to women in the process of obtaining an abortion I speak to mothers, and lots of them. I also speak to women who would like to be mothers eventually or under different circumstances. So often I hear the question, "Will I still be able to have healthy children in the future?" or, "What are the chances I will be sterilized?" The answer is that women who have safe abortions ARE able to carry healthy pregnancies to term in the future.

In the last week alone I have spoken to multiple patients who were mothers and made a decision to terminate an unintended pregnancy because of their desire to care for their children. One woman came in for a free pregnancy test and, upon hearing she did have a faint positive, broke down crying and exclaimed, "I already have babies, I do not want any more babies right now." Another scheduled her appoinment and as I routinely said, "Please don't bring any children to the clinic," she went into crisis mode because she doesn't have anyone to watch her child. Each day abortioneers everywhere serve mothers.

The very first blog post I ever wrote was titled "A Pro-Family Choice". I said it then and I will say it again, women often choose to have abortion because they want to care for the children they already have. So, as an abortioneer part of what I do every day is celebrate mothers. I remind women that they have the power to make personal decisions about how to care for their bodies, lives, and families. To all of the womyn who identify as mothers or who help care for children, Happy Mother's Day!

Against abortion? You know what to do...

What a funny notion. What if in order to reduce abortion people lobbied for more vasectomies? So I wrote these words after seeing a photo of this bumper. As I sat here trying to dig a blog post out of my skull, I looked at the photo again and decided to visit the website in small print at the bottom of the bumper sticker.

I did it, I visited a pro-life website just to see. I mean really it was more logical than any other pro-life mantra I’ve ever heard. I’m sure vasectomies inhibit a minute number of unintended pregnancies and in turn abortions. It also holds men accountable as a part of reproduction. The debate over choice is fought over women’s bodies, quite literally.

The idea that men who don’t want to have children should get vasectomies is sort of refreshing because it places some of the responsibility on men. I am not pretending to agree with the mission of this bumper sticker or organization. This organization claims to be both pro-choice and anti-abortion, which from my point of view is not possible. There is nothing pro-choice about being against abortion. However, I am intrigued by this organization for a few reasons. Their mission is to reduce abortion through the effective use of contraception, which is definitely a step ahead of those who believe contraception is just as bad as abortion. They also claim to take a moderate stand on abortion, so they at least recognize that there are circumstances when abortion is necessary -- still not in line with my personal beliefs, but not quite as asinine as many anti causes. Really, there is nothing moderate about accepting that women have the right to control their bodies and lives. Finally, they use the money from their bumper sticker to fund vasectomies -- sort of weird, but also sort of productive, right? Snip, snip.

Abortion will never be eliminated even if every single person in the world had access to contraception and used it 100% accurately. Contraception fails, conception can and will happen and sometimes an unwanted pregnancy will need to be terminated. Not to mention that the world is a long, long, long way from every single individual having access to contraceptive technology and information on how to use it properly.

I am not endorsing this cause, just presenting it as a really interesting spin on the pro-life movement. Know thy enemy.

"Keep Ya Head Up" by Tupac

This Tupac song is always inspirational to me because it recognizes that life is hard for women, and women give our lives to our children, families, and communities every day. One day I was jammin' this song for at least the 1,000 time, and I noticed this portion of the first verse:

Time to heal our women, be real to our women

And if we don't we'll have a race of babies

That will hate the ladies, that make the babies

And since a man can't make one

He has no right to tell a woman when and where to create one

So will the real men get up

I know you're fed up ladies, but keep your head up

I love this song. The survival of women will determine the future of our world. Reproductive choice is about healing, loving, and entrusting women with their own livelihood. I could criticize the possesive language in the song, but the semantics don't matter; the song recognizes the divine nature of women's role in the future of all people.

I wear a button that says:

"Until One understands the heart of a woman nothing else about abortion makes any since at all."

-Dr. George Tiller

Murdered May 31, 2009

It reminds me that working in reproductive health and education is about healing women's hearts, "And if we don't we'll have a race of babies, that will hate the ladies, who make the babies."

Choice

Choice really is a beautiful thing.

I have met women that are struggling to conceive. And although the odds are against them, they have made the choice to continue with the long, challenging, expensive, and sometimes heartbreaking process. Their doctors support them and foster this decision.

I have met women that are very sick during their pregnancy. They have diabetes, high blood pressure, seizures, and/or blood loss. It may have been in their best interest health-wise to terminate the pregnancy, but they made the choice to continue. They fight for this pregnancy, a wanted pregnancy, even when it dramatically hurts their physical well being. Again, the providers stand by these patients with their decision, care for them, and do the best they can to help bring a healthy child into this world.

I have met women who are struggling financially, have no support, are in an abusive relationship, in danger physically because of the pregnancy, are not ready to be a mother and have made the choice to have an abortion. Their provider supports their decision* and provides them with unbiased information to help each woman make the best decision for her.

Choice is everywhere in healthcare and in women’s reproductive health. We need to support women, we need to listen to women, and most of all we need to trust women.

*I realize this isn’t always the case, but it should be.

Ways To Not Understand "Choice," or Patriots don't get pregnant

A 'C'? A 'C'? I got a 'C' on my coathanger sculpture? How could anyone get a 'C' in coathanger sculpture?


(who doesn't like a little humorous misapplication of a classic cartoon line?)


I can never tell if it's more frustrating or funny to realize I'm talking to someone who thinks pro-choicers support coerced abortion. It happens about as often as I venture into anti world -- which means, depending on how patient/masochistic I'm feeling. The thing that seems obvious to me is, "chosen" is like the opposite of "coerced," so you'd think pro-choice might suggest...anti-coercion.

The questions (they are usually questions, though I'm not sure if they're earnest or intended as a-ha! traps) are things like "What about that woman whose husband tricked her into taking the abortion pill" or "What about the woman whose parents threw her in the trunk of the car and drove her to an abortion clinic" or "What about the woman who was told by an evil genie that she had to either get an abortion or be sold into a harem on the lost island empire of Atlantis". #1 and #2 are specific examples of questions I've been asked, and they refer to actual events that have occurred. #1 and #2 are also called 'assault' and are punishable by prison time.

The other main twisting of "choice" that I hear a lot always feels like a punch in the gut, and I do hear this one a lot because our culture is full of slut-shaming, not just in anti world. People who think they're cute pipe up with this semantic tour-de-force that goes something like, "I believe in a woman's right to choose -- she could've CHOSEN not to spread her legs!" Ah, clever. The idea being, if you're dumb enough to CHOOSE to have sex, and then get pregnant from it, you fucked up and deserve to stay pregnant. I mean, we don't let speeding drivers seek treatment for their broken limbs, do we? Fifty-five means fifty-five! So if a woman finds herself pregnant in a situation where she can't stay pregnant, even though she knew from the get-go that getting pregnant would really suck, then she's an idiot and pretty much earned what she gets, which is to take her life into her hands, nearly kick the bucket, be refused emergency care from her own doctor, be told she's crazy by another doctor and also lose her job.

Say what? Well, you should read this: Military Abortion Ban: Female Soldiers Not Protected by Constitution They Defend.

“You hear these legends of coat-hanger abortions,” a 26-year-old former Marine sergeant told me recently, “but there are no coat hangers in Iraq. I looked.”

Synopsis, though I hope you'll just go read the article: active-duty military who become pregnant are discriminated against and those who seek abortions get it even worse. So they're trapped, and might do the next logical thing: the Russian roulette of DIY. (You can also see this sergeant interviewed in the documentary The Coat Hanger Project.)

And right on the heels of that article comes word of a recent policy on the ground in northern Iraq that pretty much codifies what's been going on all along: forced unsafe abortion for female servicemembers. U.S. personnel in Iraq could face court-martial for getting pregnant:

The policy, which went into effect Nov. 4, makes it possible to face punishment, including a court-martial and jail time, for becoming pregnant or impregnating a servicemember, according to the wording of the policy and confirmations from Army officials. ... The policy also applies to married couples who are at war together.

To recap, your beloved Department of Defense:
(1) forbids medical personnel to provide abortion care except in cases of rape or life endangerment;
(2) refuses to cover the cost of abortion care except in cases of life endangerment only;
(3) by its very nature stations its personnel in places it has utterly ravaged so that, if they ever did have safe specialty health services, well they don't anymore.
...so far so good, right? The DoD is doing an awesome job preventing abortion -- hell, they've made it practically impossible!

(4) engages in under-the-table discrimination against pregnant soldiers and, now, outright criminalizes pregnancy.

So now what? Well, like I said, now you take your life into your hands, nearly kick the bucket, get refused emergency care from your own doctor, get told you're crazy by another doctor and also lose your job. It's that or jail (or maybe both). You don't have much choice.


This blog is primarily for us to share from our perspective in the field, so you might wonder if now I've accidentally digressed into extrapolation or punditry. But I could tell you a surprising (to me) number of stories from work involving women in the military, or married into the military, needing an abortion as a result of their connection to the military and then having a hard time obtaining one as a result of their connection to the military. They're not all the same situation as that of "Amy" in the RD interview -- there's a lot of different ways to get screwed over for serving one's country while uterused. Maybe this will be a two-part post, so next time (around the new year) I can share some of those with you. But you don't need to hear them all to see there's an unjust price for being a woman in uniform.

open your ears

I, admittedly, have never had an abortion. I am so very grateful for my legal right to choose to have an abortion, but am equally grateful that I have never had to exercise my choice. Because no matter how I feel any given day or no matter what I say about the politics that surround abortion, I can never fully put myself in the shoes of the woman who is getting that abortion and who did exercise her choice. I have never pretended to know what she feels or understand why she made the decisions that she did. And that’s the thing, I don’t need to. It’s not my job to understand or judge. My job is to support, counsel on options, and provide a safe, legal procedure. Her body, her choice.

I have sat across from so many women exercising their choice. They are teens, they are in their 40s. They are already mothers, they are not ready to be mothers. Their boyfriend is abusive, their boyfriend is supportive of the decision. Their birth control didn’t work, even though they used it perfectly. They didn’t have birth control because they were taught abstinence only. They are anti-choice, except when it comes to their own abortion. Last week, they were protesting the clinic, and today they are your patient. Every woman’s story is different. Ask any Abortioneer, and she/he will tell you the same. No one can describe the typical abortion patient, because there is no typical patient.

It’s funny to me when people say abortion hurts women. Do they mean literally? I mean, from what I have seen, some women do complain of intense cramps. If they mean figuratively, I guess I don’t follow. From what I have seen, abortion helps women. No one in the clinic forces a women to have an abortion, she is there of her own free will and choice because, well, she needs help. If people don’t believe that, then they aren’t listening. And I honestly can’t tell you of a more gratifying field of work. In all my medical experiences, patients with a safe, legal option to terminate an unwanted pregnancy are the most grateful and most thankful patients I have ever encountered.

And I am grateful that if I should need to exercise my choice in the future, someone will be there to offer the same counsel and support I provide. I am grateful of these things for you too, reader, no matter what you believe.

The Secret

A group of women sat around a quietly gurgling fountain on a dry summer day, waiting for the door to the church conference room to be unlocked. These women were all devoutly devoted to their church and its wellbeing and often spent their free time discussing ways to improve it over coffee and baked goods. Their ages ranged from early 40s to late 60s, and although they found common ground in their work for the church, some differences simmered just beneath the surface.

As they waited for a member of the maintenance staff to unlock the conference room doors, chatter topics went from children, to weekend activities, to politics. The women found they agreed on most issues surrounding the political discussion, that is until one older woman brought up the topic of abortion.

“How could anyone choose to have an abortion?” she stated. “I just don’t understand it and never will.”

Mrs. Jones absorbed these words her friend spoke and let them rest on the inner depths of her soul. She had an abortion over two decades ago. A difficult decision which had remained a secret, a secret she shared with few. But for the first time on that summer day, she felt different about her experience. Like so many women before her and after her, she chose to have an abortion for a reason that was personal and challenging. No one had the right to tell her how she should feel and what she should have done, she thought. And then it happened, those four powerful words emerged from her lips: “I had an abortion.”

The older woman looked up at her, surprised and speechless. Mrs. Jones proceeded to share with her the details of her own experience; how the pregnancy was unplanned but wanted, how the doctor’s told her because of her use of Coumadin, her baby would most likely be born with severe anomalies, how abortion was an open option for her to pursue. She described the difficult decision, the pain, the relief, the heartache, and the joy when she had a healthy baby girl just over one year later.

By the end of the story, the elderly woman was in tears. She had never known a woman who had an abortion, although I am sure they were all around her just like Mrs. Jones.

After the coffee was drunk, the baked goods consumed, and the meeting completed, Mrs. Jones returned home. She reflected on her discussion with the elderly woman and felt only peace with her decision to disclose her own abortion. She knew abortion was a very personal decision and the ability to choose was important, necessary, and powerful.

Later that evening, she received an email from her elderly friend that simply said “Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me this afternoon. I have reconsidered my stance on this very important issue.”

Mrs. Jones was overwhelmed by the immense impact she had on just one person. As she drank her glass of wine that evening she realized her story was for sharing, for empowering, and for normalizing such a personal and profound experience. Her secret was sacred, but no longer for keeping.

This was based on a true story.

Ohio state Rep.: You poke it, you bought it

Hey, remember Highlights for Kids -- the magazine in the dentist's office that had the short stories and games in it? Well, sometimes I miss it, so here's a fun exercise: Can you find all the ways in which this attempt at legislation BLOWS? Draw a circle around each instance of misogyny. Draw an "X" through anything whose consequences are not well thought-out. Cut out any parts which seem just plain ignorant, and smear boogers on them. The dental hygienist will see you now!

A bill was introduced by a western Ohio lawmaker last week that would create a requirement to obtain paternal consent before an abortion may be performed in the state of Ohio.

That's PATERNAL, as in the "father" of the embryo or fetus. This country already has a few dozen "parental consent" laws, in which a pregnant minor must get her parent's (or parents') permission for an abortion (see Sparky's latest post), but laws requiring an adult woman to get permission for reproductive decisions have already been struck down as unconstitutional.

Well, encouraging communication about reproductive decisions, that's all well and good, but you can't enforce something like that...Can you?

[House Bill 252] would state that no person should induce or perform an abortion on a pregnant woman without the written informed consent of the fetus' father.

Providing a false biological father would be a first-degree misdemeanor the first time, which means not more than six months and jail, and a maximum $1,000 fine," [Rep. John Adams, R-Sidney, who introduced the bill] said. "And on the second occasion, providing false information would be considered a fifth-degree felony."
...
When asked what a woman wanting an abortion would do if she could not locate the father, or if she did not know who the father was, if the bill were to become law, Adams said, "She would then not be able to have an abortion."

...Oh.

Actually, Rep. John Adams of Sidney, Ohio, has experience with these things. He introduced an almost-identical bill back in 2007! At that time, he was also saying that a woman seeking an abortion would have to provide "a list of possible fathers" who would be DNA-tested for a match. Sadly, at the time he didn't realize that you cannot do DNA testing of a pregnancy before the tenth week of pregnancy at the very earliest (via chorionic villus sampling at 10-12 weeks, or via amniocentesis at 15-20 weeks), that over sixty percent of abortions take place in the first eight weeks of pregnancy (and another thirty percent between eight and twelve weeks), and that CVS and amniocentesis carry a risk of miscarriage (around 1%) and are actually discouraged unless the potential benefits outweigh that risk.

But I guess someone pointed out to Rep. John Adams of Sidney, Ohio, that making a woman who is 7 weeks pregnant wait three more weeks for a CVS -- or making a woman who is 13 weeks pregnant wait until she is 15 weeks for an amniocentesis! -- when everyone knows that the earlier an abortion is performed, the simpler a procedure it is and the shorter the recovery time, might seem counterproductive or perhaps cruel or maybe even like meddling in her medical care. Or maybe someone pointed out that the state would have to contact any number of men for genetic samples -- if one resisted, would the state have to subpoena him? -- and since men are whole human beings with rights and dignity, it would be unacceptable to routinely invade their privacy in such a way. In any case, Rep. John Adams of Sidney, Ohio, seems to have dropped the paternity-test idea for now, and admits the state might in practice have no other option but to actually take women at their word.

But at least the bill's sponsor is mostly honest about his intent:

"There needs to be responsibility for actions," Adams said. "As someone who is pro-life, this is also an attempt and a hope to keep the two people who have created that child together, and I suppose if you just go back to the simple beginning, there is merit to chastity, and to young men and women waiting until marriage."

Adams added that he simply does not believe abortion is an "avenue that we should pursue, and abortions should be rare," and he said HB 252 is one attempt to make sure they occur less frequently.

Adams said he would like to see HB 252 move through the legislature, and "at least open up the debate to keep young people together."

-Wanting to punish sexuality, because it's not fair for young people to have sex before marriage now that I am old: Check!
-Blatantly assuming that men are not up to the charge of respecting their partners' bodily autonomy, and are only "allowing" abortions to take place because current law says it's not their uterus, and that's why this bill is going to help stop abortions: Check!
-Preferring a miserable couple to an unpossessed woman as a matter of policy: Check!

What Rep. John Adams of Sidney, Ohio, is in fact trying to do is transfer legal ownership of the poked uterus from the pokee to the poker. Once I fuck someone, she is my personal babymaking oven, and it makes no sense for an oven to suddenly grow legs and walk itself to the abortion clinic, now does it? Really, I will always find it hilarious that when a woman's ovum and a man's spermatozoon, and the woman's uterus and the woman's blood and the woman's food and the woman's oxygen, come together to create a zygote>embryo>fetus, the man wants a 50% share (or more!) in all related decision-making. That's not how it works, buddy. You get out of it what you put in, and if all you put in was your penis then it sounds to me like you're trying to have your cake and eat it too. Oh god, mixed metaphors, ice-cream headache.

On a more serious note, check out the concerned representative of the people, defender of the little guy, standing alongside Rep. John Adams:

Rep. Seth Morgan, R-Huber Heights, a co-sponsor of HB 252, said there are a "good number of fathers" who are left out of the decision-making process that leads to abortion. "I have heard a good number of horror stories when the father is left out of the process," Morgan said.

You want horror stories, Rep. Seth Morgan of Huber Heights? I'll give you a good number of fucking horror stories. Here's one from a friend of mine: "This reminds me of a woman [from Ohio, coincidentally] I talked to, who was going to have her abortion here, but she was in a domestic violence situation and it got really bad, so she finally packed a bag and took off and ended up with her cousin in Massachusetts. So she missed her appointment. Like these fucking assholes, who abuse women to the point where they have to run away, should make them have their kids." Should that woman have to go back to her abuser to ask his permission for an abortion?

And recently I worked with a woman in a very similar situation, except this one was in limbo between Florida and Virginia -- her court date for a divorce from her abusive husband was in one state, and the safe haven of her mother's house was in another. She already had two children as a result of his sexual abuse, and she was desperate to have an abortion before he found out about the third pregnancy. Every woman is singular and unique, but these stories are all too common and familiar. There was also the woman whose boyfriend held her prisoner, I'm not even joking, in their home when he realized she was pregnant. Should he have a say in her decision about starting a family with him?

And then there are the women, even girls, whose partners regularly try to sabotage their efforts at contraception: 26% of a small Boston survey, 51% of a large Chicago survey (PDF link). And there's the woman I counseled who was seeking an abortion because her partner was injuring her in the belly and had already caused one of her twin fetuses to miscarry. The truth is, by and large, decent men already are privy to their partners' reproductive decision-making processes, and I'll say on the record that as long as you're in a good relationship, that's ideal. But men who are not decent already use the threat of unwanted pregnancy and childbearing, as well as violence toward born children and wanted fetuses, as tools to control, possess, and terrify women. A bill writing their ownership of women's bodies into law, giving them the legal trump card over women's fates, is only likely to make it worse.

Don't get me wrong: I don't actually think this bill will pass -- it's ludicrous, unconstitutional, and would embarrass the state of Ohio if it did become law and was taken straight to court -- but there's just so much that this guy either has never even thought about or considers acceptable collateral damage in the war of cultural abstractions he's waging. He says promiscuity and irresponsibility are the enemies, and society's moral fabric is the victim; but his battle plan is to arm some sadists and give them the right to own slaves.


Whew! Sorry to get all pessimistic on you there! I'll just cap things off with another brilliant word from our co-sponsor:

I think it is not a bad idea to have a fully informed group making the decision," Morgan said.

Oh yeah? Here is what my partner had to say about that: "There should be an awesome version of that law, that allows fathers to have a say, but only if they participate in a televised game show where you spin a giant Wheel-of-Fortune-style device with a combination of horrible pregnancy mishaps. Like: sterility, losing life savings, the mom gets to leave you with sole custody of the kid and book it. The kind of amendment you could slip into a bill that people wouldn't notice."

And maybe the game show can have an "Ask The Audience" option, where they poll the fully informed group to make the decision:

THE TOP 5 MOST ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT MY LINE OF WORK

1. So... how much does an abortion cost anyway? (Followed by look of nonchalance)

This is hands down the most common question when my line of work comes up. I mean, I guess I didn't really know how much an abortion was before I moved to Abortion Land, but I figured one would be at least a couple hundred dollars. I find that most people are utterly shocked to discover that most abortions are around $400.


Which leads me to the second most common question.

2. WHAT?! THAT IS SO MUCH MONEY! WHY IS IT SO MUCH? (Accompanied by wide eyed look of shock)

"I know... right? [Insert plug for your local abortion fund here]"

But really... I don't know why they are so much? It's not like a t-shirt at Urban Outfitters that is $50 and was made in China and you know probably cost 25 cents to make and is therefore a rip-off. Abortion is a medical service, and since it's not usually covered by insurance or whatever (whole 'nother rant), you gotta pay out of pocket. Getting a throat swab at the doctor for strep is like a $75 if you don't have insurance... it seems kind of a logical a surgery would be about that much? Right? Plus, abortion prices have increased at a much much lower rate than other medical procedures over the past forty or so years.

3. What's the latest you can get an abortion? (Coupled with look of curiosity)

When someone asks me this I sigh deeply on the inside. So many complicated issues built-in to answering this. When I say that it depends on state law, but probably 26 or 27 weeks, people are usually like "WAIT WHAT?! THAT IS LIKE 6 MONTHS PREGNANT WHAT THE HELL" and then I have to go into the age old Why Second Trimester Abortions are Deeply Misunderstood in America speech. It really bothers me how opinionated people can be on this issue and yet know nothing about it. When I explain that these later abortions are usually for fetal anomaly, the life of the mother, or some other really disturbing reason (rape, incest, etc) then people usually respond saying they didn't know that and that seems reasonable. At least that's what they say to me, they could be hiding their true thoughts since I ooze pro-choiceyness out of my pores. In fact, I only wear EAU DE CHOICE. Eau de Choice is a refreshing, zesty, and vibrant perfume with notes of apple peel, orange, sherbet and plum.

JK.

4. Wait... how many women get those really late ones? (Followed by a look of skepticism intermingled with suspicion)

It is estimated that "really late" abortions account for 1% of the abortion-getter population. So... hardly any. See handy Guttamacher chart:


I find it really strange/weird how many people think late term abortions are super super common and comprise like 40% of all abortions.

5. So.. can I have your number? (Followed with a wink)
BA DUM CHHHHHHHH

Drum sound brought to you by little Bobby

and now i'm pregnant....

I was raped...4 weeks ago, 2 months ago, in August or July, it was a while back and now I’m pregnant.

I'm really sorry you went through that. Do you want the Number to the Rape and Incest National Network hotline number?

Are there any family members you have told about your situation?

No.

Is there anyone you feel comfortable telling?

No. My mom kicked me out when she found out I was trying to get an abortion.

Are you able to explain to her what happen to you?

No she doesn't believe me.

Can you lie to anyone to get money?

No.

I want to help you figure this out but you will have to find a way to scrape together the money if you want to get an abortion.

These words seem completely illogical given the circumstance. When someone is raped they don’t need to be reminded they are responsible for handling the outcomes of this violation. Often that is my role. I have to acknowledge that this situation is not their fault. But, it will not go away unless they find a way to make the appointment, get the money, make the numerous phone calls, find the ride and someone who will go with them, and do whatever else is needed to coordinate services that should be accessible no matter what the cause of the pregnancy.

I've been raped before. I did not have to worry about being pregnant or obtaining an abortion after. I felt lost, confused, hurt, and a deep emotional and physical pain. The months after I was violated are a blur of emotions. I was no longer present in my body. Sometimes it’s hard for me to understand how women are 5 or 6 months pregnant and didn’t realize it. Each time is not necessarily a result of rape. However, I believe this is a result of dissociation from one's body for a variety of reasons often related to some form of violation.

It’s hard to hear women's rape stories. I have a fear that their story could happen to me. Even when a woman shares the most difficult of stories with me I have to be the stern yet supportive voice on the other end of the phone saying, "You have got to get this money in order to get an abortion."

Often times, women do not offer their stories of rape for any number of reasons. When I ask them, "What about the man involved in your pregnancy, can he give you any money?" the story spills out of them. Sometimes they become angry I asked such a seemingly senseless question given their circumstances. Other times, they are searching for a listening ear and someone who will let them cry or yell or be sad, or just be ok with the realization that this is really happening.

Women are left physically and emotionally scarred when assaulted and when it results in pregnancy they are also left with the responsibility of making a choice about what to do about that pregnancy. Then they have to find the means to handle their choice to have an abortion or carry to term. When an abortion is out of reach there really is not much choice involved in the matter. In many states Medicaid will cover abortion in the cases of rape and incest. Most often to use Medicaid in these circumstances a woman needs to have reported the assault with in 24 hours and have obtained a rape kit at a hospital. Sixty percent of rapes are not reported to the police. This means that a huge number of women who are pregnant as a result of rape did not report the rape and many of the women who do report it do not necessarily do so in the 24 hour window required for Medicaid to cover abortion care.

Personally, I spent the first year after being assaulted in denial that what happened was rape. When the person who assaults you is someone you know or even love it becomes more difficult to recognize that this person violated you and it was not ok. Seventy-three percent of rape victims know their assailant. As women tell their stories it is clear they usually know the man who violated their body. It was their father, a nineteen-year-old cousin, a man at my cousin’s wedding, my best friend who committed suicide when he realized what he had done, a friend of a friend at a party, my brother’s best friend, my neighbor, a man I was dating who left me for dead afterwards. When a woman’s assailant is someone she knows intimately, reporting rape may be even more difficult and even dangerous.

Abortion is a service that should be available to anyone who wants or needs it. The financial hardship, logistical difficulties, and social stigma involved in obtaining an abortion are violations of women’s rights. As someone who is a rape survivor I must desensitize myself in order to help women navigate through all of these challenges to obtain care. These obstacles create an environment that makes it even harder for a rape survivor to heal both mentally and physically.