Wednesday, February 4, 2009

A Pro-Family Choice

Women who choose to have abortions often do so because they are already caring for and providing for families. Approximately sixty-one percent of women who have abortions in the U.S. already have one or more children. Each and every day women explain their choice to end a pregnancy based on the difficulty of raising the families they already have. I read a thank you note today, the woman gave thanks for support in making this difficult decision and explained her choice stating, "I can barely take care of the two kids I got, there is no way I could afford a third."

I was on my way home from a conference where a Planned Parenthood representative did
a presentation on the lack of access to information in marginalized communities, specifically communities of low income people and people of color. My cousin calls to tell me that she has something to tell me..."I'm pregnant...". "Nooooo!", "ok so you have options..." I was 20, she was 19. Seven years earlier we got our periods in the same month of the same year. I had my ovary removed just a few weeks prior and now she got pregnant in the same month I had major surgery on my reproductive organs. Her daughter is two years old and the light of both of our lives.

One of my best friends has a son who will turn 1 in April and she is pregnant again. In her text message announcing her pregnancy to all of her best friends from college, she says "and yes I am keeping it or else you would have received a personal text message, Sparky." She will be a mother of two children within the coarse of 2 years and if anyone can handle the responsibility I know she can. Not everyone can handle this kind of challenge. Women should be able to choose to have children when they are ready to commit their lives to giving that child every possibility.

I am surrounded by pregnant women and mothers. I am constantly reminding them they
have choices beyond bearing children and yet most of them make the choice to give birth and be mothers. Recently, I talked to my roommate about the possibility of moving in with a friend of mine who has a kiddo. She commented on living with kids and the change that would mean in our 20-something-year-old lives. I responded that I have pretty much accepted that my life consists of children and helping parent, mentor, and raise children.

Another friend of mine who is a mother and I were talking last time I was home; she assured me that if she got pregnant again she would not keep it. She never said the word abortion, however we both knew what she was implying. If she decided to have another child I would love that baby and accept them as one of the many wonderful children in my life, but we both know she is barely able to support the kids she already has. Most women who have abortions already have children. Each day someone says to me..."m'aam I already have a 9 month old son", "I already have 2 kids, 4 kids, 6 kids, and the only person working in my household is my oldest son. I just can't afford an abortion, and I definitely cannot have another baby, not now." Making the choice to have an abortion is a pro-family decision.

Many, many, many women have abortions simply because they want to be able to provide for the children they already have. Women who have abortions and the people who assist them in accessing this necessity are not baby-killers. We are people who love babies and want to provide fulfilling lives for the children who are already in our lives.


  1. FABULOUS LOVE LOVE LOVE IT. A huge thank you to you and all the people who do the admittedly no always easy work of helping women exercise their choice. Thanks to for linking to my blog. I fixed the email situation, so give me another shout out and I'll answer you. I'm lurking incognito JIC some crazy ass PL tries to stalk you know THE BEAUTIFUL BABIES I DIDN'T KILL (how is that for a vday tshirt slogan - Old Navy, Target? Anyone?

  2. hi there, here i am :) thanks for reading, i'm thrilled you like it!

  3. thank you for juggling the complexity of motherhood. so simple and yet so ignored :(


This is not a debate forum -- there are hundreds of other sites for that. This is a safe space for abortion care providers and one that respects the full spectrum of reproductive choices; comments that are not in that spirit will either wind up in the spam filter or languish in the moderation queue.