Telling Stories: You're Not Alone

It's that time of year again around the world: The Vagina Monologues will probably soon be coming to a city near you. I've been thinking about the Vagina Monologues a lot and though I'm a huge fan, I do think it's very strange they don't talk about abortion when they talk about vaginas. I wish they did!

VDay is coming up too - I think this week. It's all about raising awareness of the violence against women and how it's important to give voice to such things. Even during difficult, terrible times, women can still obtain power. And I'm grateful that as Abortioneers, we get to help women regain some power when faced with an unwanted pregnancy.

For us, one of the most important aspects of giving women power is access to options and choices. Sometimes, this could be as simple as telling the undocumented client who came to us for abortion services - who had been brutally beaten and nearly killed by her strict Catholic husband when he found her birth control pills - that she could regain some control over her fertility (and freedom - hopefully - at least sometimes - from being used as a human punching bag) by using Depo, an injectible birth control that her husband won’t be able to find in her dresser drawer. As you probably know, when a woman is pregnant, the risk of domestic violence increases dramatically. In fact, the time when a woman is most likely to be murdered in domestic violence is when she is pregnant. This client cried when she learned that her husband wouldn’t find any more pills and she could at least prevent a pregnancy; because as you can imagine, this woman had no power to negotiate when her body could be used for sex, under what conditions, nor did she have the power to negotiate condom use, let alone be able to discuss birth control. She was grateful. And though she had endured painful circumstances, and though controlling her fertility doesn’t mean she’ll never be abused again, she gained some power over her own body. Her own life.

I recognize she didn't go home and have a voice against her abusive husband; but for the hours she was within our clinic, she had a strong, powerful voice of bravery. I'm proud that she had a haven, a place to go to where we recognized her strength. Somewhere she could safely tell her own story. Perhaps it saved her life.

Find a V-Day event near you.

endangered species?

I woke up this morning to hear a new attack on women’s reproductive freedom…billboards have gone up around Georgia stating that black babies are an endangered species.

Yikes! What a disgusting ad…the antis are really desperate, aren’t they?

On MSNBC this morning, the pro-billboard woman was stating that black women are targeted for abortion and that abortion is affecting their fertility rate. Ugh-idiots! Seriously, this is the most ridiculous thing I have heard a in a long time. First of all, women make a choice to come in to the clinic to seek abortion services. We are not out on the streets soliciting women for abortions. Second, let us not forget that women who have abortions are usually mothers already-having already contributed to that fertility rate.

Unfortunately, for the Right to Life Georgia group, there is no data to support their outrageous claims. The CDC reports that Black women have higher than the national fertility rate (births per 1000 women in reproductive age) and it has gone up over the years.

The amazing executive director of Sister Song was quoted in the NY times saying “The reason we have so many Planned Parenthoods in the black community is because leaders in the black community in the ’20s and ’30s went to Margaret Sanger and asked for them,” Ms. Ross said. “Controlling our fertility was part of our uplift out of poverty strategy, and it still works.”

Hey anti-choicers, way to shame black women for the choices they make. By putting a message out there that black babies are “endangered species” you are sending a message to black woman that by having an abortion they are, in essence, committing a grave crime against their "species." You are sick. We are women, not baby-making factories.

Perhaps we can flip this message. Like Sister Song said, controlling one’s fertility-either through contraception access or abortion-is a way to lift women out of poverty. By putting this message out there, targeting black women, you want to keep the cycle of poverty going by decreasing their access and shaming black women, their families, and their communities.

Wow, antis, you must be so proud.


Picture from NY Times

quick Superbowl addendum

In addition to mr. banana grabber's excellent post below (complete with excellent mock-ad find), we hope you catch this today, instead of that annoying Tebow ad:

Super Bowl Sunday

It's that time folks. Grab your corn chips, your salsa from a jar, and a good old American Bud Heavy and sit down to watch the Saints try to keep the American Dream alive and beat the Colts. And also to see the much talked about, much hyped Focus on the Family commercial.

For those of you blissfully unaware: Pam Tebow, Tim Tebow's mother, was pregnant when she was on a missionary tour in the Philippines. She became extremely ill and went into a coma. The drugs used to get her out of her coma and to treat her dysentery caused a severe placental abruption to occur. Basically, the pregnancy detached from her uterus. REALLY BAD. In fact, "fetal mortality rate of 20-40% depending on the degree of separation. Placental abruption is also a significant contributor to maternal mortality." So the doctors said that the baby was likely to be stillborn and recommended abortion. She was in the Philippines, where abortion has been criminalized and illegal since 1870, so I am not sure how great her doctor was since he was apparently ignorant of the country's laws?? Anyway, she said no, and carried the pregnancy to term. AND TIM TEBOW WAS BORN WOWOWOW MIRACLE OF LIFE.

This commercial is getting a TON of press, and my head is about to explode if I have to read another article talking about how IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL AND TIM TEBOW IS SO NICE AND WE LOVE HIM. (Note Revolutionary Vagina commented on this briefly a few weeks ago) Take for example, Roland S. Martin of CNN, who says

There is no rule anywhere in existence that says that the Super Bowl should be free of politics and social causes. None. So what's the big deal over Heisman Trophy winner Tim Tebow and his mother starring in a pro-life ad?

I agree with you, Mr. Martin. Whole heartedly. Expect that apparently there ARE rules, put in place by the Super Bowl, about what kinds of ads they air. In 2004 PETA wanted to run an anti-fur commercial and they were rejected. Moveon.org wanted to air a commercial about how much Bush is running up the deficit, and they were rejected. The United Church of Christ wanted to air a commercial letting the world know they don't discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation, and that EVERYONE was welcome at their church. They were rejected. Why? The Super Bowl peeps said they had to reject those ads because they were not going to “touch on and/or take a position on one side of a current controversial issue of public importance.” Even this year, a homosexual dating website wanted to air a commercial about the site and they were rejected as well. I am just confused how Pam Tebow's story is not a controversial issue? Abortion has been and seems like always will be a hot button issue in this country.

Oh wait! CBS has CHANGED THE RULES about what is "controversial" this year. So I guess a gay dating website is, but anti-abortion is not. Ohhhhhhhhhh okay I toadily get it. Thanks guys.

I guess what bothers me the most, besides CBS playing favorites on political issues, besides the story of Pam Tebow's pregnancy being riddled with inconsistencies that don't add up, is that everyone is forgetting, as Revolutionary Vagina pointed out, Pam Tebow did have a choice. If she was really in the Philippines were abortion was 100% illegal, then not really, but the point in all of this is that she CHOSE to keep the pregnancy despite the risks to the fetus and to her own life. I know we are not getting the full story here in terms of what actually happened, but either way, she chose to carry a pregnancy that was dangerous to both her and her fetus and she was aware of this and made that choice anyway. That is a brave choice and I give her props for that. I do not give her props for making it seem like it was NBD and that we should always choose life. Unfortunately, carrying a pregnancy to term is not always choosing life because sometimes both the mother and the fetus die. Sometimes the mother dies but the fetus lives. Sometimes the fetus dies. There are a lot of risks and complications involved with that kind of stuff and it appears as if they are sweeping all that under the rug. Just not cool, you know?

And this is from Upright Citizen's Brigade, so, you know it's gonna be hilarious:

Change you can believe in

Abortion changes you.

Abortion Changes You is a trademarked Web site and book. Abortion Changes You welcomes visitors and encourages those who have experienced abortion to begin their healing process through a series of virtual interactive (yet confidential?) reflective exercises. Michaelene Fedenburg is the author and creator, inspired by her own profound sadness and feelings of loss after having an abortion. (She's also a Facebook fan of Feminists for Life.)

We feel her.

When I began this work, I wanted to start a post-abortion support group at my clinic, but I was not a registered or licensed counselor, and the clinic feared looming lines of liability involved in expanding our services as we struggled to provide a common and vital surgery to nearly a quarter of our notoriously anti-choice state.

To our credit, we provided phenomenally safe, comprehensive, sacred, and respectful ABORTION care. We listened to every story, held every hand. We understood the profound sadness. The fear. We did not judge the relief. In many situations, we celebrated it. We accepted that our robust and unconditional support was off-putting to some depending on where they were in their grief process. It was a sacrifice we were willing to make for the collective of humanity.

We honor and observe the stories of our lives.

I was drawn to Abortion Changes You by The Stacy Zallie Foundation. Every once in a while The Stacy Zallie Foundation comes dancing out of the mad woods to drive tremendously BIG ad campaigns, waving full page testimonials in USA Today and bus stop ads. No Judgment. Just Support. Not Pro-Choice. Not Pro-Life.

Please forgive my wary head-

The premise of The Stacy Zallie Foundation is heart-breakingly tragic. The foundation is dedicated to Stacy Zallie who took her own life. It is founded by her father and mother, George and Linda. Though, the Web site and foundation seem to be managed and framed by her father who keeps in-touch with women around the world regarding their abortion experiences (aka, George's Post-Abortion Comfort Portal). Her father is convinced that Stacy's abortion at age 20 lead to her suicide less than one year later.

We deeply sympathize. We feel the weight of the women we know we did not help enough. Pregnancy termination is a tremendous experience. It is tragic and blessed and complicated. We wish someone could have helped Stacy too.

Abortion changes you...

We also deeply sympathize with women who cannot access safe abortion services, for families that suffer when basic health care needs are not met. We feel the weight of the women we know we did not help enough. (For a dose of ground-breaking reality, please see the Turnaway Study.) Pregnancy termination is a tremendous experience. It is tragic and blessed and complicated.

The Stacy Zallie Foundation (Not pro-choice, not pro-life, unbiased, donate here, blah, blah, blah) promotes Abortion Changes You and Abortion Changes You helps you find resources in your area. The resources?...drum roll, plllleaZ........................................Crisis pregnancy centers.

Crisis pregnancy centers need your money to spread no-good lies about ectopic pregnancies and breast cancer because no-good Prez-money-bags skipped town. Abortion not only changes you. They want your name, address, bank account and routing number if it fucked you up so they can *save* you. (For ground-breaking CPC legislation, please contact your local NARAL chapter.)

Abortion changes you.

So does waking up, going to the bathroom, brushing you teeth, falling in love, reading a book, crying, watching a film, having a baby, going on vacation, getting married, clipping your toe nails, eating peanut butter, parting your hair in the middle instead of to the side, getting raped while on a date, getting cancer, losing your job, having an orgasm, opening your mail, taking shots, baby-sitting, bird-watching, crossing the street, dancing, having a picnic, saying a prayer, doing downward dog, looking at the moon, jumping up and down, eating Sushi, joining the military, knowing faith-based organizations lie to you for their own good, realizing you have the innate power to choose your family's destiny...

"Bump"

I was surfing the web, thinking about all that is going on in the world of abortion that I can talk about. And  I stumbled upon a website called Bump the Show. This is a fictional web show that follows 3 women and their unintended pregnancies. The idea is to watch as they make the decision on whether they will carry their pregnancies. The viewers then go on their web boards and have discussions about the show, its characters, and what they think these women should do. The viewers actually influence the direction of the show, and ultimately the decisions these women will make.

W. T. F.

Really? What are the producers of this show thinking? And watching this show, makes me think they have never actually spoken to any women who are struggling with an unintended pregnancy if they think that this is realistic.

One of the things I found most off putting while watching the pilot episode is something one of the women said during her interview with the producers. "I think it's a really interesting experiment." "It's a really big decision, and so to have so many...so much input into it, is a really interesting idea." --Umm, what? I have talked to many pregnant women struggling with this decision, and I can't imagine any of them would react this way. Now, I understand this show is dramatized -- it is fictional, after all. But come on.

The producers of this show say the purpose is to have an open conversation about abortion and (my favorite part) "find workable solutions to the problem of unintended pregnancies". I get that this is a way of having communication on the abortion debate. I just wonder how successful it will be, and if the conversation will really be about abortion, or the way the show is presented. Also, I don't get how this show will help find any solutions to unintended pregnancies. I guess we'll have to watch to find out.

*As of the writing of this blog post, I am trying to watch the 2nd episode. My uncooperative internet is making that difficult.*

Against abortion? You know what to do...

What a funny notion. What if in order to reduce abortion people lobbied for more vasectomies? So I wrote these words after seeing a photo of this bumper. As I sat here trying to dig a blog post out of my skull, I looked at the photo again and decided to visit the website in small print at the bottom of the bumper sticker.

I did it, I visited a pro-life website just to see. I mean really it was more logical than any other pro-life mantra I’ve ever heard. I’m sure vasectomies inhibit a minute number of unintended pregnancies and in turn abortions. It also holds men accountable as a part of reproduction. The debate over choice is fought over women’s bodies, quite literally.

The idea that men who don’t want to have children should get vasectomies is sort of refreshing because it places some of the responsibility on men. I am not pretending to agree with the mission of this bumper sticker or organization. This organization claims to be both pro-choice and anti-abortion, which from my point of view is not possible. There is nothing pro-choice about being against abortion. However, I am intrigued by this organization for a few reasons. Their mission is to reduce abortion through the effective use of contraception, which is definitely a step ahead of those who believe contraception is just as bad as abortion. They also claim to take a moderate stand on abortion, so they at least recognize that there are circumstances when abortion is necessary -- still not in line with my personal beliefs, but not quite as asinine as many anti causes. Really, there is nothing moderate about accepting that women have the right to control their bodies and lives. Finally, they use the money from their bumper sticker to fund vasectomies -- sort of weird, but also sort of productive, right? Snip, snip.

Abortion will never be eliminated even if every single person in the world had access to contraception and used it 100% accurately. Contraception fails, conception can and will happen and sometimes an unwanted pregnancy will need to be terminated. Not to mention that the world is a long, long, long way from every single individual having access to contraceptive technology and information on how to use it properly.

I am not endorsing this cause, just presenting it as a really interesting spin on the pro-life movement. Know thy enemy.

A brief assortment of scenes

[ETA: you know, I forgot we had a listy-post last week. So, sorry for listmania, maybe the rhythm just got into my head without my noticing!] 

Things I Only Have To Say At My Abortionland Job

1) An abortion? And you said you just had the unprotected sex last night? Well, you can't get an abortion, but do you know about emergency contraception?

2) I'm sorry, if you had unprotected sex four weeks ago, it's too late for the morning-after pill.

3) No, I don't think you're a bad person.

4) I'm sorry, I can't give you the name of our doctors over the phone, even though I really sympathize with you wanting to look them up on ratemydoc.com before you make an appointment. They're highly trained and qualified doctors, I promise, but they get harassed and threatened when their names are public.

5) Yes, there are a few protesters, but at our particular location they don't seem to get a lot of attention from traffic, so they don't stay very long -- but keep your windows up or they'll throw things into your car.

6) For two weeks afterwards, make sure you don't put anything in your vagina! No tampons, no penises, no vibrators, no DivaCups, and don't go swimming or take tub baths. Exceptions will be made for the NuvaRing and IUD insertion only. Did I mention no penises? No penises!

7) I really mean it, no penises. Did you know your softened cervix means not only are you more susceptible to infection in the next two weeks, you're also more susceptible to pregnancy.

8) On that note, no, you're obviously not likely to become infertile. I've had clients who didn't realize that they were more fertile afterward and ended up back here a few months later, so, no.

9) No, you're not likely to die either. Both the risk of death and the risk of infertility were high in the days when abortion was illegal and so there was no legit way to train doctors to do it safely -- so I think that's where a lot of people have that idea from. Back then, untrained people using any manner of equipment could definitely injure or infect women's uteruses, but in a legal clinic in the US, the risk of dying is less than 1 in a hundred-thousand.

10) Do you have anal, oral, vaginal sex?

11) You look uncomfortable. Do you want to talk to me without your boyfriend around?

12) That will be one thousand, two hundred and fifteen dollars. Um...can you take that cash to the money-order place?
OR
That will be one thousand, two hundred and fifteen dollars. (But I saw your sleeping bag unrolled in the back-seat of your car.) Um...actually, can you hold on a minute? (Maybe I can talk to my manager.)

13) We offer IV sedation, but you can be awake during the procedure if you prefer. What's it like? Well, have you ever given birth? You know the contractions beforehand?...Way less bad than that! But worse than your period cramps. For about a minute.

14) What's going to happen? OK, first you'll...well, have you had a gynecological exam before? No? Hm. Well then, here's what the speculum will do. Yeah, it will feel kind of weird when it opens, and maybe uncomfortable. I know.

15) You're welcome -- you're very welcome! God bless you too!

Abortion rights are Human rights

An old friend came to visit me this weekend. We will be forever bonded. We began our journey together as teenagers, counseling women in crisis who needed money to have an abortion, to save their lives, and the lives of their families. Our organization had very little money and so we were always saying, no. We continued to come to work and continued to say no, saddened and infuriated by the health care system's neglect to women's health needs. The women we talked to everyday, the women we cried with, the women whose stories we listened to...about rape, incest, suicidal thoughts and threats. Stories about working three jobs with five kids to feed, about partner violence, language barriers and the ultimate fear of having a baby. Which, in reality, was going to happen without the money.

People still do not seem to understand that even though because abortion is legal, it is completely inaccessible to women if they can't afford the services, find the providers, have the information to make the right choices, and lack access to a clinic or hospital.

Now let me clarify: Sexual rights are the "universal human rights based on the inherent freedom, dignity, and equality of all human beings."

List me list them for you, as laid out by the Declaration of the 13th World Congress of Sexology, World Association of Sexology (WAS) Declaration of Sexual Rights:
1. The right to sexual freedom (free from coercion, exploitation and abuse)
2. The right to sexual autonomy, sexual integrity, and safety of the sexual body
3. The right to sexual privacy (HELLO! Including the records of all abortion patients)
4. The right to sexual equality.
5. The right to sexual pleasure (YES! It is a sexual right and FGM denies women this right)
6. The right to emotional sexual expression
7. The right to sexually associate freely.
8. THE RIGHT TO MAKE FREE AND RESPONSIBLE REPRODUCTIVE CHOICES (This encompasses the right to decide whether or not to have children, the number and spacing of children and the right to full access to the means of fertility regulation - which includes abortion!)
9. The right to sexual information based upon scientific inquiry.
10. The right to comprehensive sexuality education (Get with it United States!!)
11. The right to sexual health care (Sexual health care should be available for prevention and treatment of all sexual concerns, problems, and disorders).

Now, these rights have been clearly laid out, within the human rights framework, and it's about time for them to be recognized, promoted, respected and defended.