26 by 26

As I enter my final weeks of marathon training, the number 26 is constantly looming overhead. Yet when I hear the number 26, my very first, knee-jerk thought is still of abortion. For most people I train with, hearing "26" would immediately conjure up the miles of sweat, pain, and tears that will constitute their marathon. But for me, even after two and a half years of being a runner and training for this marathon goal, 26 still reminds me of the last moment a woman can legally obtain an abortion in Georgia. Why? I lived in Georgia for ten years and was extremely active in pro-choice activism and also worked for two years at an abortion clinic. Our clinic had doctors trained and licensed to provide abortions up until 26 weeks, and we probably saw on average one woman per week who was 26 weeks into her pregnancy.

Training for a marathon is a painfully solo endeavor. Every step that a runner takes is deliberate and intentional. I can make the decision to stop at any moment and it won't affect anyone else. Even when I am running with teammates or friends I have to rely on my own determination to get through a run and to not quit early. In an ideal world pregnancy would also be intentional and chosen freely, but this is often not the case.

The first race I ever trained for was a half-marathon that I completed through Team in Training, a fundraising team for leukemia and lymphoma. Every week at our team runs, we were reminded of why we were fundraising and training, and that our participation would fund treatment for cancer patients and research that would lead to a cure. We met cancer survivors and children currently going through treatment--constant reminders of the parallels between our journey to a race and their journey to a cure. My difficulties were not physical but mental, and I had to constantly talk myself into continuing, convince myself that I could finish. There were many times where I reminded myself that what I was going through was very minor compared to the challenges confronted by people living with cancer. This might seem a bit dramatic, but for some reason it worked. It kept things in perspective for me and made the pain and misery go away. I felt selfish for complaining about running: if that was my biggest complaint then I should consider myself lucky. I started changing my attitude and found myself coming to appreciate what my body could take on. I won't say that my first half-marathon was easy--it certainly was not. For the last five miles I was pretty unhappy and just wanted it to be over.

A combination of factors has led me to enjoy this marathon training much more than last time. I have been a runner for 2.5 years now, so I had a much better base to start from. I also decided to listen to the entire library of Dan Savage's "Savage Love" podcast, which provides humorous sex and dating advice—that definitely makes the time fly by. Most importantly, my outlook has changed. I have seen so many runners get injured and I myself have had bouts of injuries through the years. I appreciate running for what it is in my life right now and never take it for granted. I thank my body for transforming into an experienced runner and responding well to the process of training.

I no longer think about cancer when I run--I think about abortion. A few weeks into my training, the whole connection between 26-week abortion limits in Georgia and 26 miles of running just hit me like a truck. These two things that are both so instrumental in shaping who I am have this undeniable link and I realize I am the woman who I am today because of abortion and running. Abortion has changed my views on the entire world. It brought things onto my radar I never knew about and it allowed me to appreciate my body and the control I have over it and how it is not something to take for granted. Once I could be thankful for that, I was finally able to take on running and marathon training and have it be a meaningful and whole experience. Ever since noticing this pair of twenty-sixes, I have used my runs to think about the challenges we all face in life and how insurmountable they appear. It is rare that people, especially women, can tackle these huge challenges. Too many barriers exist for women who are trying to seek an abortion. The women who are able to terminate a pregnancy at 26 weeks are some of the most determined, resourceful, and dedicated women I have ever seen. Most women who seek abortions are less than ten weeks pregnant, however there are a tiny percentage who choose to terminate later in the second trimester. Their stories and reasons are varied, but they are never decisions made lightly. I I think about what women go through to obtain an abortion and it makes my marathon training seem trite. And to be honest, although I haven't struggled too much this go-round, I know that come October 9th there will be times I want to quit. I know myself pretty well and I can't imagine that I will give up, but that option will be there constantly dangling in front of me.

Women seeking abortions often give up. Not for lack of trying. They simply can't get the money together, can't get time off of work, can't find an adult to serve as their driver, can't find childcare, their insurance denies them coverage at the last minute, or they are a minor and can't get a parent's permission. There are dozens of other reasons. These women end up with an unwanted child. There are just too many things going against them. For these women it is not about attitude or determination, rather it is institutional barriers preventing them from controlling their own bodies. When I think about all the women who can not obtain an abortion due to cost, or timing or the inability to find childcare for their existing children it is really utterly depressing. And then I think about how blessed I am to have such control over my own body. I feel blessed and then I feel shitty right after. I have the luxury of training for a marathon and not worrying about having an unwanted child.

I'm prochoice but...

I am adamantly pro-choice or pro-abortion rights. I have also struggled with how I personally feel about late term abortion of physically viable pregnancies. At one point I even decided that personally I was against it. I continued to help women obtain late term abortion even though I had personal judgments. The primary role of an abortioneer is to be objective. I didn't feel the need to inhibit women from doing what they decided they needed even if personally it didn't quite sit right with me.

There were times when I would go above and beyond to help a woman obtain a late term abortion because her story was tragic, maybe she was child or an adult who had been traumatized, maybe she just stuck out to me but for whatever reason it seemed more OK in her circumstance. I have come to realize that even when I could not comprehend why a woman waited so long it did not negate the fact that she and only she can make decisions for herself and any point in her pregnancy. I would talk to a woman when she was 8 weeks pregnant and hear back from her when she was 22 weeks pregnant and sometimes I would not understand why she let it go so long. I had to consistently remind myself that I was not living in her shoes. She had to make her life choices on her own time not mine.

Over the years I continued to struggle with my feelings about late term abortion. When a friend of mine had a baby prematurely I thought about what that meant about late term abortions. I realized that it had nothing to do with them because my friend was pregnant with a wanted child, an invited guest into her body and family. This is a completely different situation than an unwanted pregnancy.

I'm sharing these struggles here because over the years I have come to strongly believe in trusting women. Now when I'm in the clinic and a woman is too far along to have a procedure where I work I go above and beyond every time to get her whatever information and resources I might be gate keeping. Abortion is a matter of the heart and matters of the heart are never simplistic. I challenge all abortioneers to identify what judgments you might carry and to constantly be aware of how those judgments may affect the work you do each day. We all have them and if we are going to be completely objective we have to be able to identify where we carry personal judgments.

Why did she wait so long?

When I'm fundraising for someone, one of the questions I hate the most is, "Why did she wait so long?" I wonder, why does it matter? And what does that mean? It shouldn't matter, and it doesn't matter to me why someone "waited" so long. Although I would like to examine the reasons why someone would "wait".

First, I want to say that many women don't wait. They don't wait to get further along. In fact, it's quite the opposite. Many women I talk to want an abortion as soon as possible. If they can move their appointment up they will. However, there are a myriad of things that come between women and their abortions. Here are just a few.

Money. An abortion in the first trimester can cost on average of $400-$500. To you and I that may not seem that bad. I have a job, maybe you have a job, but not everyone has a job. So many people in this country live in conditions that many of us really cannot imagine. Maybe she can barely take care of herself, her children, her parents, her brothers and sisters, let alone come up with $500 for her abortion. She may not have anyone she can borrow money from. She might pawn everything she can and still not get enough. There is a reason they call it "chasing the price".

Unknown pregnancy. It's not that hard to be pregnant without realizing it. This is coming from someone who's never been pregnant -- but I've talked to enough pregnant women to realize this is the case. How many of us get irregular periods? How many of us are that in tune to our bodies? How many of us have so much stress and drama in our lives that we don't take time to take of ourselves, to think about why we feel sick, rundown, haven't gotten a period in a couple of months? I talk to so many women who swear they are "a couple of months", and then we find out they're in their 2nd trimester -- teenagers and older women alike. We don't always know our own body as well as we think we do.

Complications. You can't foresee them, and they can be so heartbreaking. Some women have complications in their pregnancies - some they cannot overcome. They may be threatening to the health or life of the woman. Maybe their baby will not live more than a few moments, hours, days. Maybe they cannot possibly take care of a child with so many problems that could seriously compromise its life if not treated properly.

Let's not judge. Let's not assume we are "better", that it would "never happen to me". Rather than judge, let's embrace each other, help each other -- donate to a local abortion fund, volunteer at a clinic, help promote comprehensive sex education, and help elect candidates for office that support a woman's right to choose (in actions and not just in positions statements).

Stranger

She was fairly far along in her pregnancy when she came in for her abortion. Maybe 16-17 weeks. She didn't speak English, only Spanish. No bother, most of us were bilingual.

Before you start any procedure, you need to confirm with the patient their name and birthdate. When we asked our patient these questions, she hesitated. It was almost as if she couldn't remember. She got the name right, but the birthdate wrong. Perhaps we entered it wrong? When asked her a few more questions (ie. address, telephone number), she didn't know the answers.

Then she broke down, tears streaming fast and heavy. I can see her in my mind. Lying on the table, already vulnerable, in a room full of strangers, hooked up to an IV, harboring a secret she had told so few. Finally, her lips separated: about 4 months ago, she had crossed the border illegally. Upon crossing, she was raped. I cannot remember by whom-border patrol, coyote? But this pregnancy was a result of that rape.

She was staying with friends when she decided to terminate the pregnancy. But she was living in this city as an undocumented citizen and had no health insurance. What options did she have? She then posed as her friend, using her friend's insurance to pay for the procedure.

And here she was, on the table, crying quietly, surrounded by strangers, her painful secret exposed.

Although the women in the room did not know this patient personally, we all knew someone like her. She was our friend, our sister, our acquaintance, she was each one of us. In that moment, it didn't matter she didn't have insurance. Her body had been violated, her womb inhabited by an unwanted stranger, and we were there to help her. Because as women's health providers, we believe that abortion is part of a woman's reproductive health, not in addition to it.

After the abortion was completed, I could only see relief in her eyes. A part of her had returned and she was so grateful.

I will never forget her. She, and patients like her, remind me why I want to be an abortion provider and why abortion providers are so incredibly important. Like me, she is a woman with choices, with a story, with a body that is hers.

THE TOP 5 MOST ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT MY LINE OF WORK

1. So... how much does an abortion cost anyway? (Followed by look of nonchalance)

This is hands down the most common question when my line of work comes up. I mean, I guess I didn't really know how much an abortion was before I moved to Abortion Land, but I figured one would be at least a couple hundred dollars. I find that most people are utterly shocked to discover that most abortions are around $400.


Which leads me to the second most common question.

2. WHAT?! THAT IS SO MUCH MONEY! WHY IS IT SO MUCH? (Accompanied by wide eyed look of shock)

"I know... right? [Insert plug for your local abortion fund here]"

But really... I don't know why they are so much? It's not like a t-shirt at Urban Outfitters that is $50 and was made in China and you know probably cost 25 cents to make and is therefore a rip-off. Abortion is a medical service, and since it's not usually covered by insurance or whatever (whole 'nother rant), you gotta pay out of pocket. Getting a throat swab at the doctor for strep is like a $75 if you don't have insurance... it seems kind of a logical a surgery would be about that much? Right? Plus, abortion prices have increased at a much much lower rate than other medical procedures over the past forty or so years.

3. What's the latest you can get an abortion? (Coupled with look of curiosity)

When someone asks me this I sigh deeply on the inside. So many complicated issues built-in to answering this. When I say that it depends on state law, but probably 26 or 27 weeks, people are usually like "WAIT WHAT?! THAT IS LIKE 6 MONTHS PREGNANT WHAT THE HELL" and then I have to go into the age old Why Second Trimester Abortions are Deeply Misunderstood in America speech. It really bothers me how opinionated people can be on this issue and yet know nothing about it. When I explain that these later abortions are usually for fetal anomaly, the life of the mother, or some other really disturbing reason (rape, incest, etc) then people usually respond saying they didn't know that and that seems reasonable. At least that's what they say to me, they could be hiding their true thoughts since I ooze pro-choiceyness out of my pores. In fact, I only wear EAU DE CHOICE. Eau de Choice is a refreshing, zesty, and vibrant perfume with notes of apple peel, orange, sherbet and plum.

JK.

4. Wait... how many women get those really late ones? (Followed by a look of skepticism intermingled with suspicion)

It is estimated that "really late" abortions account for 1% of the abortion-getter population. So... hardly any. See handy Guttamacher chart:


I find it really strange/weird how many people think late term abortions are super super common and comprise like 40% of all abortions.

5. So.. can I have your number? (Followed with a wink)
BA DUM CHHHHHHHH

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