You deserve high-quality abortion care regardless of your gender (Or..."Man in the clinic" Pt. 2!)

I'm a bit behind in sharing this, so you may have read about it at other blogs already -- which is great. But just in case you didn't, here's a thing to mull over. At the CLPP conference two weeks ago, Jos Truitt mentioned at one panel (on feminism and trans people and, eventually, reproductive justice) that it's important to recognize that it's not only women who have abortions. This spurred Lori at Feministing to write "Why I won't be talking about abortion as a women's issue anymore." You should go read it all, but it boils down to this:

Trans men have abortions. Gender-queer people have abortions. Two-spirit people have abortions. People who do not fit into the box of 'woman' have abortions. This is the reality we live in, and the more we pretend otherwise, the more dangerous it is for other people.

I'd add to this that, also, lesbian women have abortions. (I know sexual orientation wasn't the focus of Jos's remarks or the panel's subject, and don't mean to dilute those remarks, only to point out that our language can be erasing in multiple ways at once.)

I'm happy that my abortion clinic, which also offers reproductive wellness care, realized it has the capability to provide this care for transgender men and for women who have sex with women just as well as we do straight, cisgender women [cis is the opposite of trans], and has spent time training and seeking staff who feel the same way. (Extending our services for trans women, however, is unfortunately taking time.) So it's not that I'm unaware. But, it's true, when I talk about the social realities of abortion I find I'm almost always saying "women," and talking about experiences common to many straight cis women, which erases other women as well as men and people who identify as neither. Just because cis women compose the majority of our patients doesn't mean we can ignore the existence of others. I've noticed that the New York Abortion Doula Project is very consistent about referring to "pregnant people," which is highly accurate and perfectly inclusive, but they're about the only group who do this.

When we talk about how people who oppose abortion are underestimating women or being callous to women's realities, well, yes, they ARE doing that to women. But they're also underestimating and being callous to trans men and intersex people and other people on the gender spectrum -- and in many cases, are doing a lot worse to them. Like not even believing they exist. Or believing that not only are they not entitled to abortion care, but they're not entitled to ANY medical care until they conform to the gender assigned to them upon birth (or upon strangers' snap judgments). Or doing violence to them in more direct, terrifying ways. In sum, it's not just cis women whose mental health, physical health and survival are in danger.

So as long as we abortioneers owe it to women to provide abortion care that is welcoming, non-stigmatizing, non-judgmental, and as non-traumatic as possible given each particular patient's own circumstances, we will owe the same thing to men. And to gender-queer, neutrois and intersex people. How a patient identifies and presents their gender doesn't dictate what kind of care they will need or what quality of care they deserve to receive. 

Recently a coworker said something oppressive about gender-transitioning and trans people "passing," and continued to say it even when I and another colleague responded with reasons that we disagreed. She relented after a time, but I was still frustrated that even my workplace isn't everything I know it can be. (We do occasional "values clarification" sessions to identify our individual values about abortion; I wonder if any abortion providers incorporate issues of gender and sexuality in such workshops?) But I'm aware that the trans* and queer- friendliness of abortion providers can vary widely, (almost?) as widely as in any other medical field, and so I worry that other places I may work in the future, wherever they may be, might not live up to my generally-positive experiences to date. 

What's your Story?

Please enjoy this one last wise blog by our guest guru, deliverance:

“How can you feel so much for another person, a complete stranger?”

Recently this question was posed in my Abnormal Psychology class. It resonated with me because it seems to articulate one of the most significant obstacles in the

complex world of abortion, which is that we see each other as separate.

"She is different," the woman says, who is 6 weeks and was in the waiting room with another woman who is "showing." "How can she do that to a baby?"

"They aren't like me. I am 40 and done having children. I've never planned on coming here," she explains, as if all other patients have visions of their reprodutive futures.

"I am different than them. I care," she tells me, angered by patients in the waiting room who have the nerve to laugh in an abortion clinic.

Nobody plans to have an abortion at 22 weeks, or at 40 years old. The way people deal with having to make tough decisions is not uniform; some laugh, others cry, and a few might not even acknowledge the difficulty of making such decisions until years later.

When I began training for my job, I also wondered what it would be like to talk about intimate details of a "stranger's" life. When I found myself invested in the most essential part of my job, though--making sure patients are listened and attended to--all such reservations disappeared.

I suppose what I'm saying can be put into two words: Trust women.

Sympathize, imagine, discuss, do what you have to do--but I am as you are.

There are differences among us, such as class, race, and most importantly in this case, gender, but we all want to feel like we are creating happy and fulfilling lives for ourselves and those we love.

If we are supplying someone else's ability to live, and decide we cannot continue to do such, know that it isn't easy--but it's also not your place to judge. At the risk of sounding preachy, let go of that which you cannot control (and how sad it is that control over women's bodies has become sanctioned by law).

If I had to identify the single most important thing abortion care has taught me in the precious 13 months I have been benfitting from it, it is that we should never judge others, for we never know another person's story, unless we ask.

Image: One Heart, One World

I'm prochoice but...

I am adamantly pro-choice or pro-abortion rights. I have also struggled with how I personally feel about late term abortion of physically viable pregnancies. At one point I even decided that personally I was against it. I continued to help women obtain late term abortion even though I had personal judgments. The primary role of an abortioneer is to be objective. I didn't feel the need to inhibit women from doing what they decided they needed even if personally it didn't quite sit right with me.

There were times when I would go above and beyond to help a woman obtain a late term abortion because her story was tragic, maybe she was child or an adult who had been traumatized, maybe she just stuck out to me but for whatever reason it seemed more OK in her circumstance. I have come to realize that even when I could not comprehend why a woman waited so long it did not negate the fact that she and only she can make decisions for herself and any point in her pregnancy. I would talk to a woman when she was 8 weeks pregnant and hear back from her when she was 22 weeks pregnant and sometimes I would not understand why she let it go so long. I had to consistently remind myself that I was not living in her shoes. She had to make her life choices on her own time not mine.

Over the years I continued to struggle with my feelings about late term abortion. When a friend of mine had a baby prematurely I thought about what that meant about late term abortions. I realized that it had nothing to do with them because my friend was pregnant with a wanted child, an invited guest into her body and family. This is a completely different situation than an unwanted pregnancy.

I'm sharing these struggles here because over the years I have come to strongly believe in trusting women. Now when I'm in the clinic and a woman is too far along to have a procedure where I work I go above and beyond every time to get her whatever information and resources I might be gate keeping. Abortion is a matter of the heart and matters of the heart are never simplistic. I challenge all abortioneers to identify what judgments you might carry and to constantly be aware of how those judgments may affect the work you do each day. We all have them and if we are going to be completely objective we have to be able to identify where we carry personal judgments.

"Every child is valuable, and children aren't a punishment"

Sorry you haven't gotten your regular Monday-morning post. Work and/or school are swallowing a couple of us whole, but come back and chill with us tomorrow!

In the meantime, we don't want to leave you totally bereft. Check out the words of a man who's pious enough to give us his honest take on the worth of disabled kids and what Christians "suggest" for sinners:

Legislator Says Disabled Kids May Be God's Punishment
By Kelsey Radcliffe
Sunday, February 21, 2010

RICHMOND, VA – State Delegate Bob Marshall of Manassas says disabled children are God’s punishment to women who have aborted their first pregnancy.

"The number of children who are born subsequent to a first abortion with handicaps has increased dramatically. Why? Because when you abort the first born of any, nature takes its vengeance on the subsequent children," said Marshall, a Republican. "In the Old Testament, the first born of every being, animal and man, was dedicated to the Lord. There's a special punishment Christians would suggest."

and check this out:

"Looking at it from a cultural, historical perspective, this organization should be called 'Planned Barrenhood'" [Marshall said].

[Dean Nelson, executive director of the Network of Politically Active Christians] suggested that the organization be called "Klan Parenthood".

Oooh, zinga-zing-zing! They got you good, Planned Parenthood! Maybe next time you won't choose such a DUMB RYHMABLE NAME. (I actually think it's a fantastic name and a fantastic goal. Poor PP.)

Oh, on that note, can I tell you how many of my clients through the years have mistakenly called it Plant Parenthood, Planet Parenthood [a place where you don't want to go!], Parent Planethood, Paired Planning? A lot! It sort of rolls off the tongue and people don't always remember the specific words, I think.

There's so many other funny name mix-ups I've heard for clinics and funds -- one by the acronym of EMA which a client kept referring to as "she" and I eventually realized she meant "Emma." Abortioneers and friends! Any similar misnomers you're able to share?

A written response to your ignorance:

In my family everything is a political debate, EVERYTHING. Very few of us agree on things like welfare, health care, elected officials, or abortion. I try to avoid these debates, they irritate me, people become angry or emotional and nobody really actively listens to each other so they are pointless as far as I'm concerned. When alcohol is involved they are usually more than pointless, more like ridiculously unproductive, sort of like taking steps backwards because everyone just become more strongly entrenched in their own opinion and NOTHING is going to challenge it no matter how incoherent that person's logic may be.

The other day one of my very polite, very sweet, non-debating male cousins used the "N" word. He's a cute 20 year old white boy from the south raised in a relatively liberal family. I love him, really he is one of the most enjoyable people in my family. I responded by telling him I didn't think it was appropriate for him to use that word. He said he just didn't get that. We didn't get deep in it but I told him that the use of that word to degrade black people is not some ancient part of history but people who were around when white people used that word as a form of verbal terror are still alive and kicking, and some aren't even that old. He didn't really respond, and I hope I gave him something to think about.

So, what does this have to do with abortion? For kicks I then asked him his opinions on abortion. I really had no idea what he would say. He says "well if a girl is dumb enough to get pregnant she should have to bear the responsibility of her actions." Not a surprising answer. I let him continue before I responded. He continued talking about these dumb girls who go around fucking every guy in town. He rambled about this and then went on a tirade about stupid girls who try to sue their boyfriends for money for their abortions. At this point I said, "dude, that does not happen." He said "I know girls that have tried that" and insisted that it does.

I told him I worked in abortion care for 4 years, it does NOT happen and if these "stupid girls" threaten to sue their idiot boyfriends, and their boyfriends believe its possible it sounds like they're the dumb one in the situation. He actually agreed once he realized it really doesn't happen. I mean, hello it would take nearly the whole pregnancy to get the case in court, not to mention she would lose. I remember a woman who had to wait until her second trimester to get an abortion, because she was 2 months away from 18 and she went to get a judicial bypass but the judge said since she already had a child she would probably regret it. So, she stayed pregnant for another 2 months until her 18th birthday. The bottom line is the American court system is not going to make men pay for abortions, the same courts can't get most men to pay child support and when they do it takes years to win that battle. Abortions are pretty time-sensitive.

I then followed up and said, what about someone whose been raped or molested? His response was, "yeah, well they should get an abortion if they want it." I dropped it at this point because I didn't want to debate, and it was clear that women's health and sexuality is just too complex for some people's ignorance. I can think of 1001 reasons why that one individual should be able to get her abortion, in fact daughter of wands listed 51 of those reasons in a blog several months ago. It's not productive to judge which individuals have the right combinations of reasons that make an abortion OK. I try to think of the kind of ignorance my cousin expressed as just that, pure ignorance; he does not have enough information or life experience to understand the complexities involved in women's health and reproduction. I wish that people could accept that they don't have to get it, they just need to be willing to let people live and make their own choices without judgment or questions. Of course, to give my cousin credit, I asked for his opinion, he did not pass judgement on someone else, but his opinion made it clear he has a judgment of young women who face unintended pregnancies.

Abortion=Empowerment=Information

Many women I know and respect immensely too would describe themselves as pro-choice but have issues with late-term abortion. The other day I spoke to another cousin of mine who is a young mom. We discussed late-term abortions and I told her, "you know if a woman is willing to go through having a late-term abortion she obviously needs it, and doesn't need a child regardless of the circumstances." She agreed, no questions asked. I was not really surprised, but my cousin would not identify herself as a feminist nor is she an activist or highly educated. However, she gets it because she is a young woman who has struggled with her own choice to be a mom. It made me question why so many pro-choice, feminist, activist people can't just get that it's an individual woman's decision, no questions asked, no matter what the circumstance.