Jury duty, or the time my bubble burst

I love living in a bubble of things and places and people that make me happy and comfortable and supported. There is a reason I live in a large metropolitan city, a reason why I mostly hang out with fellow feminist progressives, and a reason why I choose to eat in vegan restaurants. I love being surrounded by people who think/act/work/play just like me. We all like this to some degree, right? While I know my time could be well spent (or not?) getting to know some anti's and trying to convert them, it's just much more enjoyable to be surrounded with pro-choicers. I am privileged enough to live in this bubble and have access to a community that is in sync with my views.

Enter jury duty. I had jury duty a few weeks ago and my bubble was shattered. Yes, even in my beloved liberal city I was faced with a slew of individuals who were very different from me. I won't go into details about the trial, but throughout the process I witnessed many examples of misogyny. I left this experience feeling quite sad about this random sample of my city and what it represented.

I know that for things to ever change (abortion rights, lgbt rights, racism, environment, etc) we need to get out of our bubbles...I would love to hear other people's thoughts on this. How do we survive outside of our bubbles? How do we nurture ourselves when it can be so hostile out "there"???

On chives and choice

I was happy when my friend's son learned to talk. Not because he was able to communicate, "I am hungry and I would like to see my mama now please" (or something to that effect) instead of screeeeeeeaming, although that certainly was a perk. But because I was able to say, "Thomas*, can I pick you up?" and he could say, "No!"

One of the many, many reasons I'm not a fan of babies is because to me, it's weird that you would walk up to this tiny human and grab its fingers and pinch its cheeks. I would no sooner do that to my cousin than I would to my landlord. And if I did, for some strange reason, have the inclination to do that to my landlord, I could say, "Rupert*, may I pinch your cheeks?" (And I'm positive he would say, "No. Also, evicted!")

What I'm saying is that choice comes naturally to me. We talk about the rhetoric of choice versus life and justice versus choice, (and I don't disagree that the "life" argument is bullshit and that reproductive justice > simple choice) but at my own core, I'm pro-choice even when abortion isn't involved.

I teach a fitness class on the side (sometimes, I sneak in abortion humor. You can take the instructor out of the clinic, but you can't take the clinic out of the instructor!), and I intellectually know that my job is to direct and correct. But it takes effort to do that because my inclination is to say, "Huh. That's an interesting take on the exercise, but if it doesn't hurt your hip and if you're not knocking out your neighbor, then go ahead with those roundhouse kicks as the rest of us stretch."

For that matter, when my cat steps in my dinner plate (I live alone), I do remove her, but I have to explain to her why I'm lifting her from my potatoes and how I do respect her right to dip her toes in the chives. She made the choice to encroach, I made the choice to overrule her, but I still need to explain and offer informed consent.

And mashed potatoes or unwanted pregnancies, I am so very much all about choice.

* Of course, all names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Plug for a fellow blogger: more on fathers

Sparky's had an unexpected travel-related contretemps these past couple of days, but that doesn't mean the pro-choice summer reading stops! I urge you to visit Every Saturday Morning, the blog of a team of clinic escorts in Kentucky, where today Dan has written on the intersection of fatherhood and escorting, and about a confrontation with

disapproving men willing to abandon their daughters during their moment of deepest emotional distress, embarrassment, and fear, and leave them to walk through this gauntlet of hatred with a complete stranger, a man who will be in her life for only a few minutes, but is willing and able to be her surrogate father.

The post is both heartfelt and heart-rending. Dan, thank you for writing about your struggle that day, and thank you for being a pro-choice dad and a compassionate escort. And happy Fathers' Day to you!

Evolution of my choice

For a while, I was "pro-choice." It's the pretty, socially acceptable to say it. When I started working at the clinic, I became "pro-abortion." And the longer I worked at the clinic, the more I became "pro-reproductive justice." It tends to evolve like that. And while I was in a (heterosexual) relationship, I was absolutely in favor of abortion for myself. I've never wanted to have kids and I'm fairly certain that I would go crazy (literally) if I had to carry a pregnancy past 6 weeks, and even that is pushing it. So, we used birth control pills AND condoms and I took monthly pregnancy tests at work just in case. And all the while, I knew, with some wonder and fascination, that if I had wanted to have a child (for some reason), I could. Rather, we could. It wouldn't have been the easiest or most affordable thing in the world, but it sure could have been more difficult. With our powers and incomes and backgrounds combined, we had support and money and resources.

What I did, instead, was abort that relationship (see what I did there?), and now, I'm subsisting on my meager hourly wage, living solo in a tiny apartment, any conception would be immaculate, and I am still certain that I never want to be pregnant. But when it occurred to me that if I got pregnant and wanted to have a child (for some reason), I couldn't anymore. For all intents and purposes, my critical demographics shifted and if I had a baby, I would be a single parent with an income that only supports one, and this weird, hypothetical kid and I would suffer. Don't get it twisted, I don't WANT a kid, but it was a strange, rude awakening to know that my prospects as a parent or not flipped upside down with such a simple life change. In a matter of days, really, abortion became less of a choice and more of a necessity. I would make the same choice as before, of course, but it would be a little bit less just. And if that's the way it is for a white girl with a upper-middle class background, just imagine how it is for some other populations. Actually, I don't even have to imagine it...I wish it were just imaginary.

Utopia

I'm sitting here in my apartment, looking out the window at the trees dancing in the spring breeze. My cat walked by and gently rubbed my foot as I took a sip of tea. I have no obligations for this day except for writing this post and reading my books in time to get them back to the library. It's the kind of nearly-perfect day that makes me think about what would be absolutely perfect: A world where Sunday means nothing but relaxing with a cat and books and tea, no matter how warm it is outside, and also, a world where OF COURSE everyone wants abortion to be included in the new healthcare plan, where woman talk about their (positive) abortion experiences in the same breath as they talk about the frozen yogurt they had last night, where Medicaid pays for all abortions, where birth control is affordable and accessible and side effect-free, where abortion providers are heroes to all, where every child is wanted, where every termination is a blessing, and where no woman has to panic or give up her dignity or feel complete despair because she doesn't have the money or the means to terminate her unwanted pregnancy. Oh, and also a world where I am 5'9" and I have chocolate pouring out of my kitchen faucet and I have a unicorn.

I'd give up my Sunday afternoon leisure and all the tea in my kitchen (the new version of "all the tea in China," because I'm pretty sure I have more, and who talks about China like that anymore?) if I never had to hear another potential patient sob about how she couldn't possibly continue this pregnancy because she had no job and no support and her kids were already wearing clothes that were too small, so how in the world would she be able to get the hundreds or even thousands of dollars needed to have an abortion? And I would love to see someone merrily purchasing Tory Burch Revas (How do I even know about those?) without automatically, bitterly thinking, "Enjoy your flats. Clearly, they will help the average American woman much more than anything else you could possibly spend your money on."

I'm no Tory Burch buyer, and I'm not even a Chuck Taylor buyer--I can only afford the One Stars at Target. But I pledge to forgo my little splurges on coffee, Lush shampoo, clearance rack earrings, and unicorn in favor of making a donation to the NNAF Bowl-a-thon. Dear reader, will you please pledge to do the same?

Religious AND Pro-Choice?

There are so many deeply rooted assumptions about people who are pro-choice, about women who have abortions, and about people who work in reproductive rights that it's truly astounding. I sometimes think we could have a whole blog just dedicated to all the myths and stigma surround abortion. One of my favorites is that you can't be spiritual - or religious - and be pro-choice (or have an abortion).

In fact, most of women who have abortions consider themselves Protestant. You might even be surprised to know that we truly owe many clergy during the 1960s and 1970s our gratitude for helping to pave the way for making abortion legal in the USA. Surprised? Believe it or not, there was a group called the Clergy Consultation Service on Abortion in New York in the 1960s. The founder was an American Baptist Minister. This set the groundwork for the Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice.

A brief list of well-known pro-choice religious organizations/groups include:
- The Episcopal Church (USA)
- The Presybterian Church (USA)
- Unitarian Universalists
- United Church of Christ
- United Methodist Church
- Union of American Hebrew Congregations
- National Council of Jewish Women
- More...

Are you surprised? You might be. I even know Abortioneers who sometimes are unsure of what their religion teaches about abortion and whether, according to their own church, if they are doing "something wrong" by working in Abortionland. Maybe you wonder sometimes, too. If so, hopefully some of the above resources will help put your mind to rest that many mainstream religious are actually pro-choice.

I was raised in a conservative Protestant church that's anti-choice. I struggled, trying to reconcile my personal beliefs with the beliefs I was taught by people I trusted. Eventually, I realized I was my own person, with my own set of beliefs and I simply didn't accept the things I was taught (it wasn't an easy process). I've made the choice not to be religious; but I've thoughtfully learned (throughout the years) about religious groups that more closely shared my pro-choice view: there are plenty out there and that certainly helped me at times when I considered switching churches.

In high school, while I was practicing my religion of origin, Bill Clinton was up for President. I remember confiding in my Catholic friends that I didn't accept Clinton because he was pro-choice (even though I wasn't old enough to vote). My closest friend at the time told me that our favorite teacher confided in her that his family prayed about which candidate to vote for, and prayed, specifically, about the abortion issue. Their answer: that they should support Clinton and support a woman's right to choose. I recoiled at such a notion and believed that no god would send such an answer in a prayer to anyone. I know that to this day, that teacher, whom I'm still in touch with, is very devoted to their religion. The religion just happens to be on the pro-choice list.

Certainly a lot of women I see ask, "I just hope god will forgive me." I always ask, "Well, what do you believe about god? Do you believe your god is a forgiving god?" I've never heard a woman say, "no" (and I want to say that I personally don't believe there's anything to be "forgiven" of!).

...So, I'm just wondering if any of you have had similar struggles and what you've done - or what you're doing - about it. Feel free to share!!

Labels, Labels, Labels: The Best One?

Are you a pro-choicer who kind of doesn't like the term "pro-abortion?" Seem a bit too extreme for you? Well, I'm not one of those pro-choicers. I actually strongly prefer the term "pro-abortion" and have for some time. I know some pro-choicers who say, "Well, no one is really pro abortion!" I am. Completely. Whole-heartedly. And absolutely unapologetically pro-abortion. For whatever reason. If a woman wants an abortion, then I'll be her whatever-she-needs-hand-holder-tear-wiper-cheerleader-pro-abortion-girl. If a woman says she wants to carry her pregnancy to term and become a mother (even if she's 15 and lives in a car), then I am pro-motherhood. I will be her referral-seeker-set-up-an-appointment-with-an-ob/gyn-get-on-prenatals-find-out-a-way-to-stay-in-school-cheerleader-pro-motherhood-girl. My point: I'm really pro-woman. All real Abortioneers are.

"Pro-life." Oh, how I hate that term. Really. It's such an asinine label. Seriously. Who isn't pro-life? Um. Besides the likes of crazy mass murderers? I've said it in another post before, Abortioneers, pro-abortioners, pro-choicers (whatever you want to call us!) are the most pro-life people I know! Why? Because we value the life of actual human persons, not just the embryos that have the potential of becoming human persons. (Let me just say that we will also get excited, becoming pro-motherhood girls, for those who want to love their potential human persons. FYI: lots of abortioneers happen to be mommies, too.) If you like where I'm going with this, don't get too excited: I'm not a fabulous philosopher; but Leonard Peikoff is.

Who? Leonard Peikoff. Don't worry, I only just learned about him, too. He's a philosopher of objectivism (termed for the philosophy of famous author, Ayn Rand). He wrote a fabulous essay called "Abortion Rights is Pro Life" and you can read it here. Read it! Well, and though I am a self-proclaimed feminist, I'm not a HUGE fan of Ayn Rand's books. (Gasp!) I am, however, a fan of this quote of hers:

I cannot project the degree of hatred required to make those women run around in crusades against abortion. Hatred is what they certainly project, not love for the embryos, which is a piece of nonsense no one could experience, but hatred, a virulent hatred for an unnamed object...Their hatred is directed against human beings as such, against the mind, against reason, against ambition, against success, against love, against any value that brings happiness to human life. In compliance with the dishonesty that dominates today's intellectual field, they call themselves 'pro-life.'

Yay Ayn Rand!

The term pro-choice? Well, I suppose that's just the default political label, but I don't really like it. It's a bit lame for my taste. Abortioneers are more than pro-choice. We're pro-abortion and pro-woman and pro-motherhood and pro-adoption and pro-whatever-the-hell-a-woman-believes-is-best-for-her-at-this-point-in-her-life type/label/people. We're out there doing the direct service work, day in and day out. We're the real experts in this field (not to toot our own horns) because we're the ones with our fingers on the pulse of women's lives. And really, we're not the experts. I was being coy. The women are the real experts. (Nearly one in four American women, to be exact!)

So we throw all these labels around like they actually mean something; and they don't really: I know people who call themselves pro-choice who are actually anti-abortion in certain circumstances and I know people who call themselves pro-life who are actually very pro-abortion in certain circumstances (like rape). We talk about all this abortion stuff like what we do is rare. Like abortion is rare; but it's SO not. It's very common. And I suppose that's the ONLY common ground all of us label wearers will ever have. And that's just fine with me.

I need a laugh...

One of the hardest parts about being an Abortioneer is what you hear -- working in the field, you hear some pretty awful stuff, anything including and not limited to: extreme poverty, rape, incest, domestic violence.... and that's just the tip of the iceberg. I have heard so many sad terrible stories of what women have gone through to obtain an abortion. I am definitely lying awake at night more often than I'd like to admit.

With this in mind, I thought it would be nice to have a lighter post -- just some of my favorite pro-choicey buttons, stickers, pictures, comics, etc. A montage if you will.

Enjoy!



I love the "I should not have to be here" sign!


What have you done today? ;-)




In the wake of Dr. Tiller, this one is especially poignant. I have a really hard time wrapping my head around the utter hypocrisy of the Right to Lifers.


Par for the course



Abortioneers out and about make me smile <3

What are everyone's favorite slogans/buttons/etc?

We love abortion like we love babies

The darling, soft and joyful baby kept rushing toward my open arms...

Sunday afternoon.  You dawdled in civic square and I lamented this economic down-turned truth: those who love babies, those who hate abortions will, in fact,  seek termination and the resources to so.

Happy families enjoying the new, spring air, the sunshine, the breeze and blossom--will reconsider their once-fertile efforts. I know this because I have begun to navigate new and not-so-once-needy territory.

Oh, laughing and precious baby! How I love your mushy hands and pint-sized body. How I long to embrace your zest for life, your non-judgmental wish to hold my hands and bounce about. Thank goodness you are here and loved. Thank goodness you will go on to thrive. Thank goodness for your cuddly flesh. Thank goodness you come bearing divine gifts, the truth, a new kind of refreshing true love...