The Birth Control MANDATE!!! *@!*$

Obama says religious nonprofits will not be mandated to cover birth control in employee benefits. However insurance companies will be required to offer the services free of charge to any employee who requests them.

Call me crazy but I feel like its a good compromise. Personally I don't agree with religious organizations who don't want to include birth control, however I don't feel like they need to be mandated to provide contraception if its against their religion. However it must be available to those who want it or need it.

It seems to me that it makes since that birth control is a standard service that should be covered. The thought that religious groups don't want to include it in insurance plans is asinine to me. I respect the compromise that Obama seems to have come up with though.

Lord, Excuse me...

Sometimes at work we talk about religion. Several of the people I work with are quite religious and the balance between their work and spiritual beliefs is complex. One of the medical assistants has made it clear several times that she is only there because it is a job and she knows that "God knows where her heart is." I believe she is right that her God does know where her heart is; I also know that her God is much cooler than she thinks. She is doing God's work, right in the abortion clinic. But not everyone who works in abortion clinics is staunchly pro-choice like the people on this blog.

The nurse at my clinic is Catholic and when asked how she feels about abortion she is unsure. She has verbalized, off the record, that sometimes she is not sure about her personal beliefs around abortion. Her job is separate from her life and most people don't know exactly where she works, they only know that she is a nurse. But -- most importantly -- her internal struggle between her work life and personal life has never been apparent in her patient care. Her ability to provide quality patient care despite contradicting personal beliefs amazes me.

I'm agnostic; I've just figured out that this is the best way to describe my personal beliefs. I believe in a higher power and I believe awesome people existed, like Jesus for example. At the same time I don't claim to know one universal truth. I believe that reproduction is sacred thus Women's bodies are sacred. Abortion is one part of reproduction, it is a sacred decision and only an individual woman can know if it's right for her.

I can't believe in the modern day institution of Christianity or in almost any of the various denominations. I can appreciate some values of Christianity. However, modern-day Christianity as a religious institution contradicts who I am. I'm a lesbian, I'm an abortion provider, I swear, and I'm sure I am full of other sins. When people call abortion provision "baby killing" it's a joke to me because I am 100% confident there is no murdering involved in abortion provision. In fact, I believe abortion it is often life-giving for women and their families. I cannot relate to the shame I have seen some women express due to religious values. I can reassure them. I often ask women who express these kinds of thoughts whether their God is a forgiving God. Although I don't believe they have done anything that warrants being forgiven.

There are several groups that seem to have the complex relationship between religious values and abortion worked out. There is a group called Faith Aloud that offers counseling for women who are pregnant or who have had abortions. This organization also came up with "40 days of prayer to keep abortion care safe and legal" in response to the "40 Days For Life" anti-choice protesters. The Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice is another great organization that brings together people of various faiths to advocate and educate about reproductive choice.

*Christianity is the only religion mentioned because this is the primary religion with which I have come in contact in the context of abortion provision.

To Abortioneers: Help Out About A Girl!

Dear Abortioneers Out There:

I have a confession. I'm having a mini - tiny even - crisis. OK. "Crisis" is a bit dramatic; but I could totally use your help. The dilemma: I can hardly relate to clients who worry about god and if this god is going to forgive them for their abortion(s). Why is this a mini crisis? Well, because:

a) where I live, some of our abortion clients seem to be concerned about this (at least on some level), and
b) because I'm meant to have a counseling session with someone tomorrow to further discuss her spirituality and her abortion decision-making decision.

I hardly feel qualified. I used to be religious. Perhaps even zealous. I've probably even blogged about it before. I was super conservative....a long, long time ago; but that religiousness has now been out of my life for as many years as it had been in it. So I find myself at this...strange place....where I can sort of/kind of remember when I worried what god would think of me, but mostly, I just can't.

Not remembering and grasping onto this I'm-concerned-about-what-god-would-want-me-to-do thing isn't helping me at work right now. When I was a bit religious (occasionally going to church) and still holding down my abortioneer job, I loved it when women mentioned god during counseling sessions. I could relate. I could talk about god and spirituality easily. I wasn't in the slightest offended by the idea of a god or by religion itself (whereas now, religion offends me). So it seems like some twisted act of fate (or perhaps god has a sense of humor? Ha!) that I'm meant to talk to a bright, capable, young woman tomorrow who holds in her hands her very future, and the only thing stifling her is something I think is imaginary: god. I don't understand. I just want to say to said bright, capable young woman, "You know. I hate to break it to ya, but there is no god. Or if there is a god, this god is sooooo not going to care about if you have an abortion or not. If there's a god, it might be a teensy bit more caught up with more important matters like, um, global warming, civil wars across the world, genocides. That sort of thing." Yet, I can't bring myself to say that (at least not to her), because....well, she believes in some god who is going to care if she has an abortion or not.

I'll be frank (or - um - even more frank). I'm not really sure what to do. I keep re-reading literature from RCRC (Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice) and other documents, but it's not really helping me get back to understanding this spiritual concern she has. I want to give her some words of wisdom, of comfort. I want to be able to say something she can relate to, that helps her heart feel at ease: whatever decision she makes. Yet the reality is, it doesn't - I don't think - really matter what I tell her because it truly only matters what she thinks/believes. Problem is: I just can't relate.

I suppose I need to get over myself a bit. Not expect that I have to have words of wisdom. But I still am supposed to say SOMETHING to her, RIGHT? If she comes to our counseling appointment talking about god and her spirituality and reconciling that with her abortion decision (which is exactly what she told me she needs help doing!), I really don't know what I'm going to say. (BTW - I am trying to find clergy or something willing to talk to her!)

So, sisters in abortionland, maybe you can help me out. Do any of you relate to what I'm talking about? I know there are abortioneers out there who are religious/spiritual. What kind of wisdom do you give to women? Do you have some advice for me? I appreciate it. Thanks!

Much love,
About a Girl.

Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Early on in the process of American socialization most children learn a key life tool: "Keep your hands to yourself." 

What do I mean by "the process of American socialization?" In each society people are taught that certain behaviors are normal and acceptable. People learn these social norms through many sources. In the United States the family is the first source of socialization, schools and media are other sources of socialization people come in contact with at a very early age.

Most children in the U.S. at some point in school or in their home are told to "keep your hands to yourself." Its such a seemingly simple concept. However, lawmakers and other authoritative figures still seem to be confused.

When our government implements laws that require women to have waiting periods, counseling, and veiw an ultrasound prior to an abortion they are not longer keeping their hands to their self. When religious figures force unrealistic images of dismembered fetuses on women they are not keeping their hands to theirself.

It seems so simple when I tell a three-year-old to keep her hands to herself, yet somehow people are unable to transfer this very simple concept to broader arenas such as laws and beliefs. All we ask is that people remember one simple lesson: Keep your hands to yourself. In the world at large your hands might include your beliefs, morals, and laws. Regardless of what you call them, please keep them to yourself. When you pray to your God, I would never try to stop you. So please just let us live our lives as we see fit.

Closeted

The post About a Girl wrote last week -- Coming Out: I'm an Abortioneer -- has had me thinking. The post spoke to me because I have gone through the process of coming out as gay, and I'm an abortioneer. Coming out as a lesbian was a process, and I remember years of silence before I felt comfortable being out in most social situations. I recently began working in a new clinic in a liberal town which nevertheless has a lot of people who do not understand homosexuality and thus fear it or judge it. For the first time in my adult life I am not out at my job. It's challenging some days. When I talk about my lover, which is rare, I change her pronoun because I don't want to out myself. I am slightly confused at my choice to live closeted at my job as an abortioneer; but I am not interested in dealing with others' judgment or debating a part of my life that is not debatable.

I am currently on a trip abroad attempting to learn another language. I have chosen a place where I feel completely comfortable coming out as gay. However, due to the political and religious climate, I have chosen not to out myself as an abortioneer. I have learned to tell people in another language that I work for a clinic that serves women who are pregnant. I tried to think of the closest thing to the truth without "outing" myself. It's challenging to compartmentalize myself like this, but I don't feel I have much choice.

Recently I encoutered a Christian woman who knows I'm gay but does not know about my work as an abortioneer. She told me that she had a responsibility to tell me gay people are going to hell. She compared it to having a cure for a disease and watching someone die. She proceeded to tell me it was really hard for her to keep her mouth shut because she felt like she was not being true to herself and her beliefs. All I could do was laugh inside. I told her that her belief system could not coexist with who I am, therefore I do not care what she thinks. I also told her I can relate to hiding an integral part of who I am.

I know many queer people who are also abortioneers. I often wonder what brings us to this work, when in some ways it could be assumed that it has little to do with our personal lives. Reproductive rights and LGBTQ rights are about freedom, control of your body, and choice. I don't think anyone would choose to live in a closet. It's usually out of necessity, painful necessity.

Religious AND Pro-Choice?

There are so many deeply rooted assumptions about people who are pro-choice, about women who have abortions, and about people who work in reproductive rights that it's truly astounding. I sometimes think we could have a whole blog just dedicated to all the myths and stigma surround abortion. One of my favorites is that you can't be spiritual - or religious - and be pro-choice (or have an abortion).

In fact, most of women who have abortions consider themselves Protestant. You might even be surprised to know that we truly owe many clergy during the 1960s and 1970s our gratitude for helping to pave the way for making abortion legal in the USA. Surprised? Believe it or not, there was a group called the Clergy Consultation Service on Abortion in New York in the 1960s. The founder was an American Baptist Minister. This set the groundwork for the Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice.

A brief list of well-known pro-choice religious organizations/groups include:
- The Episcopal Church (USA)
- The Presybterian Church (USA)
- Unitarian Universalists
- United Church of Christ
- United Methodist Church
- Union of American Hebrew Congregations
- National Council of Jewish Women
- More...

Are you surprised? You might be. I even know Abortioneers who sometimes are unsure of what their religion teaches about abortion and whether, according to their own church, if they are doing "something wrong" by working in Abortionland. Maybe you wonder sometimes, too. If so, hopefully some of the above resources will help put your mind to rest that many mainstream religious are actually pro-choice.

I was raised in a conservative Protestant church that's anti-choice. I struggled, trying to reconcile my personal beliefs with the beliefs I was taught by people I trusted. Eventually, I realized I was my own person, with my own set of beliefs and I simply didn't accept the things I was taught (it wasn't an easy process). I've made the choice not to be religious; but I've thoughtfully learned (throughout the years) about religious groups that more closely shared my pro-choice view: there are plenty out there and that certainly helped me at times when I considered switching churches.

In high school, while I was practicing my religion of origin, Bill Clinton was up for President. I remember confiding in my Catholic friends that I didn't accept Clinton because he was pro-choice (even though I wasn't old enough to vote). My closest friend at the time told me that our favorite teacher confided in her that his family prayed about which candidate to vote for, and prayed, specifically, about the abortion issue. Their answer: that they should support Clinton and support a woman's right to choose. I recoiled at such a notion and believed that no god would send such an answer in a prayer to anyone. I know that to this day, that teacher, whom I'm still in touch with, is very devoted to their religion. The religion just happens to be on the pro-choice list.

Certainly a lot of women I see ask, "I just hope god will forgive me." I always ask, "Well, what do you believe about god? Do you believe your god is a forgiving god?" I've never heard a woman say, "no" (and I want to say that I personally don't believe there's anything to be "forgiven" of!).

...So, I'm just wondering if any of you have had similar struggles and what you've done - or what you're doing - about it. Feel free to share!!

Today The Ugliness Is Born Again As Love

Happy Easter. I hope all of you who worked and volunteered at clinics this week were able to stay safe and protect the women coming to you for assistance. I hope the antis trespassing on your clinics recognized the damage they do and the medical risk they are causing to their targets. I hope you are enjoying your Sunday, which is (most) abortioneers' day of rest as well.

I thought I had buried my faith in the public's understanding of critical issues, but I've come to its tomb and found the stone rolled aside. Maybe people out there are more pro-life than I could have hoped. They must have been inspired this week to support life for young women, and life for black families.

That is to say: lately all the goddamn insulting public ads about the "untold" badness of abortion have left me wishing and waiting, wishing and waiting. But I wasn't sure for what. Well, I must have been waiting for this: 

And probably wishing -- breaking news, y'all -- for this: 

Alleluia!

The text of this iReport story does not do justice to the joy in my heart at seeing this affirmation, this vast improvement upon the previous eyesore (soulsore!) marring a place I consider one of my homes. But you can read it here. Whatever intrepid and loving soul climbed up there to improve them, they've apparently only done a few so far -- but I enjoy imagining they'll hit all 30-odd, and the other 50 that were planned.

To all our friends out there who are spreading joy: Amen, Amen, Amen. And thank you.

Let us go in peace to love and serve one another!

Have you seen any others around your city? Please share with us! 

Placeholder post

We normally have a full post up on Wednesdays, but for right now I'm just pinch-hitting for Anti-Anti. It's actually three in the morning here, and there's a city repair crew on the sidewalk right outside my window, and their jackhammer's been going for an hour. Seriously, guys? I saw you out there last night, checking out a leak; you couldn't have started this earlier?

So even though I need to wake up in under five hours, I figured I'd stop by the blog. Here's a song I like a lot. Possible reasons I've been playing it so much: (a) Regina Spektor is funny and weird and makes music out of ha-ha laughing; (b) I'm an atheist/agnostic/don'tcare and this song pokes around the edges of that (for the record, I've always thought the quip "there are no atheists in foxholes" was silly); (c) it's got a line that sounds like it was tailor-made for Fred Phelps and his less-sensational ilk, which is always fun; (d) the pre-trial hearings of the narcissistic shitfucker who murdered George Tiller are taking place right now and I'm feeling serious.  Hard to say!

Faith

I am an atheist.

There. I said it.

I remember when I first came out as an atheist. It was generally anti-climactic; I had never believed in God, and so I had never hidden my atheism per se. If people asked, I told them. But the first time I actually made the declaration in public was a very personal victory. Even my best friend at the time, another staunch heathen, was too insecure or self-conscious or whatever to announce the same about herself. She did, however, give me a sneaky low five with a "you go girl!" glint in her eye. It remains one of the proudest moments of my life. I was 12 years old.

I caught Hell. One kid even gasped, like the coming-up-for-air-after-a-near-death-drowning kind. I'll never forget you did that, KJ!

Point is: It is impolite (to say the least) to question people's religious beliefs. ALWAYS. If somebody wants to start fussing and feuding with you, then I'll concede that you have the right to defend yourself. Fine. But at what point in the process of marching up to people AT RANDOM and telling them you'll pray for them or that Jesus loves them did you decide "Hey, what a super idea"? I have never in my entire life told a person that I would worship Satan in his or her name, nor have I ever considered it. I have never believed that it was somehow my business to save others. But seriously, what is up with that? What difference would it make in my life if you pray for me? It only works if I pray for myself! What happens to me in the "afterlife" is God's call, not yours.

This is particularly frustrating when I deal with antis. They offer me rosaries, invite me to church, say "God bless you!" almost ironically as though they mock my heathen ways. Stop it. I am not on your side. Ever. I just can't be. You are not doing any favors, even for fellow religious folks. Remember my post about this very issue from last month? You can upset people with your banter. You might think you're doing some noble deed, but you have no idea who you're effing with when you go there with people, even with close friends and family. These are truly and deeply personal matter that are nobody else's business. (What? I thought everything was the antis' business!) Bottom line: it is inappropriate! It's this pseudo-magnanimity that antis interpret as ungratefulness when they get an adverse response. Duh. People don't like being told what to do, last I checked.

I would solicit the antis to put the shoe on the other foot, but who are we kidding. They're serpentine and have slithery tails that are not conducive to shoe-wearing.

Sometimes a little reminder

this is how I feel while counseling

For the last several years one of my guiding principles has been that you should do what you're willing to do that others are not. That's one reason I keep doing jobs that sometimes seem inconveniently "controversial", and tasks requiring talents that don't come naturally to me. For example, I'm good with policy and analysis and not as strong in what they call "interpersonal intelligence," so counseling strangers sort of drains me even though I really value it. Sometimes for motivation I have to remind myself that there aren't enough abortioneers in the world for me to slack off.


This weekend I was so tired and couldn't believe I'd signed up for another clinic shift. If only I could sleep in this time. But I went to work and ended up spending half the day with a woman who felt she would understand her counseling session better if she had an interpreter. Her English was not great but it was decent, and her other language was one that I speak but am very self-conscious about; I felt disappointed to have to interpret. But over the next hour she opened up to me about the things she hadn't been able or willing to tell her other counselor.

She and her three children joined her husband in the US less than a year ago. Before moving, she was a foreign-language teacher; now she has to pass an ESL class in order to get certified to teach here, which seems kind of silly. She wasn't happy about having an abortion, but said it was the right thing to do because she's barely able to keep her three kids safe and happy right now; they're pretty young, and she doesn't know anyone in her new town. Have you ever wanted to give a client your phone number and tell her to call you for anything? My husband brought me and the little one here today, we had to leave the two older ones at home alone, and I feel scared about it. A mother shouldn't have to do that, she said. Back home I would never do this abortion -- there's so much family there to help with kids and share hard times. She hopes to have more children when things become more stable, so she had a lot of questions about abortion's effect on her future fertility.

I was really anxious today, but now that I'm talking to you I feel really relieved. I'm so glad you could speak with me. At those words I realized I was going to stay at work until her procedure was finished and her husband was back to take her home. She was stoic during the long wait, the cold pre-op room, the procedure -- her lips pressed together, her fists tight near her chest until I offered my hand -- the final ultrasound check, the cramping recovery. In the recovery room she asked me about medical complications, asked me if abortion is legal here, and told me how her religion accepts abortion in the first 40 days of pregnancy -- Before that, it's not a person, it's only blood. We squeezed hands again before I left the room and she said God bless you, really, God bless you in two languages.


Some people aren't comfortable with what I do -- including my parents, who visited me this weekend and had asked me to get my shift covered so I could spend more time with them. My dad used to ask about twice a year whether I was planning to change fields. He would say, why don't I spend my energy working on contraceptive use instead? Well, having the power and tools to prevent unwanted pregnancy is fantastic, and my job does include contraception services. But I won't consider leaving Abortionland as long as abortion services are still needed and abortioneers remain too few. Being in the right place at the right time to make someone's clinic experience more emotionally bearable is worth the social inconvenience, the missed Saturday sleep, the questions from family. I can't really complain.

why can't all women just conform?

Sometimes I wonder if anti-abortion protest is really only about the fetus. That unknown being, that potential life, that is growing inside of a woman's body. There can be so much passion and conviction behind the anti-choice movement. There can also be a tremendous amount of hate, violence, and fear mongering. Is it all for the fetus? If the anti-choice movement fought as hard for infant and child rights as they do for fetal rights, I would have to say yes. But, unfortunately, that is not the case.

The anti-choice movement will go to great lengths to make sure that unwanted fetus/child is born. Who cares what the mother wants to do or what is in her best interest-that fetus MUST be born. But then what happens after that child is brought into this world? To put it bluntly, the anti-choice movement doesn't really give two shits. If they did, they would fight equally as hard for healthcare for all children, outstanding education for all children, safety for all children, and general quality of life for all children. They would fight for increasing access to prenatal care and decreasing maternal mortality. But they don't. Their battle has already been won.

So this begs the question-why the passion to bring this infant into the world when they honestly don't care what happens after the pregnancy is over?

In my opinion, it is about control. Control over women's bodies, control over their sexuality, and punishment for their inability to conform to what women should do-give birth. If history tells us anything, women have always been punished for their inability to conform. For example, women who refused to conform to religious doctrine were stoned, burned at the stake, and drowned. Hundreds of thousands of women were murdered for being accused of sorcery and witch craft. Or in plainer terms, their inability to conform.

It is no surprise that those who protest abortion the most are intensely religious--following scripture that has traditionally viewed women as second class citizens with rights equal to a donkey's. They believe that women who are impregnated must continue that pregnancy, regardless of how they feel, what they want, and if the pregnancy is safe for their bodies. It is what they are created to do, what they are supposed to do, and anything against that is a sin. Laws are created to force women to conform or perhaps scare them into conforming. It is interesting to also address that the majority of anti-choicers are men--traditionally those that lead the procession of conforming women into activities that are against their choice. And those women who don't believe in a women's right to choose? They are the conformed, believing women should do as they are told and what there bodies were made to do.

I am thankful, however, that we have grown as a society and species to allow women to make their own choices...and this time, we won't be murdered for it (although clearly, that is not true of our providers). I am thankful for the men and women who may have their own beliefs with regard to abortion, but have chosen not to push, or attempt to conform, others. I am thankful for those that are religious, but view abortion as a divine right or a private decision. I am thankful for my fellow abortioneers who will continue to fight for the rights of all women.

We still have a ways to go before we can truly live our lives without fear of forced conformity by those who think a woman's body is theirs to own and dictate. However, if the anti-choice movement believes women will fall in line and conform to their beliefs and structure, they are very much mistaken.