To Abortioneers: Help Out About A Girl!

Dear Abortioneers Out There:

I have a confession. I'm having a mini - tiny even - crisis. OK. "Crisis" is a bit dramatic; but I could totally use your help. The dilemma: I can hardly relate to clients who worry about god and if this god is going to forgive them for their abortion(s). Why is this a mini crisis? Well, because:

a) where I live, some of our abortion clients seem to be concerned about this (at least on some level), and
b) because I'm meant to have a counseling session with someone tomorrow to further discuss her spirituality and her abortion decision-making decision.

I hardly feel qualified. I used to be religious. Perhaps even zealous. I've probably even blogged about it before. I was super conservative....a long, long time ago; but that religiousness has now been out of my life for as many years as it had been in it. So I find myself at this...strange place....where I can sort of/kind of remember when I worried what god would think of me, but mostly, I just can't.

Not remembering and grasping onto this I'm-concerned-about-what-god-would-want-me-to-do thing isn't helping me at work right now. When I was a bit religious (occasionally going to church) and still holding down my abortioneer job, I loved it when women mentioned god during counseling sessions. I could relate. I could talk about god and spirituality easily. I wasn't in the slightest offended by the idea of a god or by religion itself (whereas now, religion offends me). So it seems like some twisted act of fate (or perhaps god has a sense of humor? Ha!) that I'm meant to talk to a bright, capable, young woman tomorrow who holds in her hands her very future, and the only thing stifling her is something I think is imaginary: god. I don't understand. I just want to say to said bright, capable young woman, "You know. I hate to break it to ya, but there is no god. Or if there is a god, this god is sooooo not going to care about if you have an abortion or not. If there's a god, it might be a teensy bit more caught up with more important matters like, um, global warming, civil wars across the world, genocides. That sort of thing." Yet, I can't bring myself to say that (at least not to her), because....well, she believes in some god who is going to care if she has an abortion or not.

I'll be frank (or - um - even more frank). I'm not really sure what to do. I keep re-reading literature from RCRC (Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice) and other documents, but it's not really helping me get back to understanding this spiritual concern she has. I want to give her some words of wisdom, of comfort. I want to be able to say something she can relate to, that helps her heart feel at ease: whatever decision she makes. Yet the reality is, it doesn't - I don't think - really matter what I tell her because it truly only matters what she thinks/believes. Problem is: I just can't relate.

I suppose I need to get over myself a bit. Not expect that I have to have words of wisdom. But I still am supposed to say SOMETHING to her, RIGHT? If she comes to our counseling appointment talking about god and her spirituality and reconciling that with her abortion decision (which is exactly what she told me she needs help doing!), I really don't know what I'm going to say. (BTW - I am trying to find clergy or something willing to talk to her!)

So, sisters in abortionland, maybe you can help me out. Do any of you relate to what I'm talking about? I know there are abortioneers out there who are religious/spiritual. What kind of wisdom do you give to women? Do you have some advice for me? I appreciate it. Thanks!

Much love,
About a Girl.

Sigh of the week: "With Liberty and Justice for Most" (In which I try to play well with others)

So I wanted to write you a little post all about Plan B and ellaOne. There is good news and bad news, about that. The good news is, I spent this weekend at a little surfing beach on the Pacific, complete with fishing boats and coconut at snacktime and very little internet access. The bad news is, there are no carefully-explained, well-researched blog posts to be had around these parts! Only chilled beers and split coconuts, it turns out.

So, sorry. You can read all about emergency contraception here soon, I promise. In the meantime, do check out NYCProchoiceMD's super post at abortion gang about mostly the same topic.

Today, a burning question: Am I the only one who's had bad experiences with libertarians?

You know, I get that libertarians supposedly value individual liberty above all else, even to a fault -- for example, to the point of denying responsibility for the suffering of many individuals due to collective oppression, or to the point of forgetting that the roads they drive on are paid for by taxes -- uhm, et cetera. But what's so interesting is that, given those values, some libertarians still (1) introduce themselves to me as "libertarian" [not normally of external prompting] and then (2) dare to tack on "...except for abortion."

Argh, fuck you, buddy!

This has happened to me multiple times, in inappropriate contexts -- like the noisiest bar I've ever been in, or a mutual friend's house party. Actually, I don't even think I've met libertarians who DON'T make exceptions to liberty when it comes to abortion. It's like, I'm minding my own business, maybe making small talk or waving down a bartender or trying to avoid secondhand smoke, and then some dude (it is always a dude!) decides that "I'm a libertarian" is a good conversation item, and then that "except for abortion" is totally consistent and sensible and not at all likely to provoke a negative reaction, and then what? Well, then I'm faced with the perpetual shitty choice:

A) Have a whole long conversation (they are always long!) about how no sense is being made, in which the dude will never attempt to understand the point of view of someone else (which shouldn't be a surprise because, hey, libertarian!), eventually leading me to despair of ever being able to meet a stranger normally like normal people do;
B) Let him say whatever he wants to so I can get through the situation with a minimum of time wasted;
C) Tell him I have a policy, ever since a few years ago, of generally not talking to "libertarians" and definitely not talking to "anti-choice libertarians," and try to gently leave.

After enduring too much heartache with strategy (A), I've moved on to (B) and (C). But recently I've acquired this temporary neighbor, who I know will be easier to get along with if I don't shut down on him. And he's perfectly nice most of the time, it's just: I'd be lying if I said I didn't cringe when he revealed a few weekends ago that he identifies as a libertarian, and I'd be lying if I said I haven't been avoiding the subject of abortion ever since because I don't even want to deal with the part where he might turn out to be anti-choice.

On the other hand, he's quite young and not from where I'm from and maybe it's not all his fault and potentially at this point I can/should afford to give him a break, or a chance to learn better, rather than avoid it entirely? But ugh, what a drag that is. Help, what do y'all think?

In exchange for your advice, here's a ridiculous picture I found:

(saw this in the Washington Independent)

PS: I recently told someone else I was an abortioneer -- after watching my first episode of "Sixteen and Pregnant" (very harrowing!), hah -- and he took it fine, we are even totally friends I think. Score one for notdouchebags!