All stigma great and small

Gender Across Borders just hosted a fantastic series on stigma, including - shocker - abortion stigma. Stigma against providers as well as patients, perceived as well as anticipated, internalized as well as externally enforced. I'll probably be talking more about these things in the coming weeks.

But the thing I really want to talk about ASAP is this one: Pivotal Positions: Transforming Abortion Provider Stigma. Jennifer Colletti accurately depicts stigma against providers as the complex and diversely-manifested problem that it really is. It's not felt the same way or from the same sources in all places, and I think that's important to remember.

It's not hard for us, for abortioneers I mean, to rage against the full-blown anti-choice model of stigma: literally demonizing us and alleging Satanic rituals, stalking our children, calling providers murderers and those who provide any related care accomplices (or "killer-helpers," in the words of one persistent but not very inventive fellow). When we encounter people who do this, their failure to accept our personhood and the value of our lives (while insisting that those of the embryos are inalienable, I'll add) says to us that they don't care about how life might be lived by people other than themselves, meaning they're either oblivious and narcissistic or cruel and dictatorial. So we can easily write them off.

What's harder, though, is to talk about how our parents sidestep friends' questions about what their progeny are doing these days, or how high school reunions are at even greater risk of being depressing/distressing/disastrous than for everyone else, or how we worry about our kids learning what we do not because we aren't proud but because their classmates' parents might shame or punish them.

We go to schools that don't want to talk too much about abortion because some nebulous outside audience may object; we attend reproductive health lectures by professors who feel comfortable accommodating the opinion that it's OK to be anti-reproductive health; we don't get hired because someone thought we'd bring unnecessary attention to an organization that doesn't even really care about abortion either way, maybe they even support what we do, but just wants to get its own work done without pointless interference. You will never see an abortioneer nominated to the Department of Health and Human Services.

These things don't feel like stigmatizing incidents so much as the material that our lives' scenery is made out of. It's in the water, it's in the air. It feels like there's not as much to say about them, or else you're being melodramatic, compared to how fucked up it is to get shot down dead. But it's still stigma and it still harms our health and happiness.

We need the abortioneers around us to support us through crap like this; and we need non-abortioneers around us to get it. Make it your mission to let your on-the-fencey non-abortioneer acquaintances know what you deal with just for going to work.

Got harassment???

Have you heard about Voice of Choice? Check out this landlord-turned-reproductive rights-hero Todd Stave who is sick and tired of being harassed by anti-abortion STALKERS...he speaks on the Rachel Maddow show here

This all started when Todd, who is the landlord of the building that houses Dr. Carhart's abortion clinic, refused to back down to pressure from antis. So, naturally the antis did the next logical thing and protested at Todd's children's school (yeah I know, mind is exploding)...read about it here

Oh, and did I mention he is a second generation abortioneer? Yup, his pops was an abortion provider! Apple did not fall far from the abortion tree...

Todd is urging everyone to check out Voice of Choice...all you have to do is click here!!!

They are looking for people to volunteer, donate, and most importantly SHARE stories about being the victim of anti-abortion harassment.

Here is a blurb from their website:


Finally, a voice of reason.

For too long, the abortion discussion has been dominated by angry, nasty protests fueled by individuals and organizations that thrive on sensationalism and extremism. Now it is our turn.

"Voice of Choice" was established as a calm, measured response to anti-abortion activists who engage in misguided, raging protest tactics that are often ill-informed and only serve to victimize women, pro-choice professionals, law-abiding businesses and unaligned bystanders.

We use email, telephone and social media in peaceful, person-to-person counter-protests, against groups that target abortion facilities, providers and patients, as well as their families and communities. We don’t question anyone’s right to express opinions and ideals; we challenge their bullying tactics and their contempt.

"Until I come to you"

Motherhood by Georgia Douglas Johnson

Don't knock on my door, little child,
I cannot let you in;
You know not what a world this is
Of cruelty and sin.
Wait in the still eternity
Until I come to you.
The world is cruel, cruel, child,
I cannot let you through.

Don't knock at my heart, little one,
I cannot bear the pain
Of turning deaf ears to your call,
Time and time again.
You do not know the monster men
Inhabiting the earth.
Be still, be still, my precious child,
I cannot give you birth.

From The Crisis (October 1922)

Georgia Douglas Johnson was a black poet and writer who was among the first female poets to gain recognition during the Harlem Renaissance. She was often criticized for not addressing race in her poetry however, much of her writing spoke to issues unique to women's experience.

Motherhood spoke to me in so many ways. Its about choosing motherhood and wanting to bring children into a world that is safe and kind. Based on history we know that the world was less than a safe or kind place for a black woman in the 1920s.

Women who have abortions are mothers. We are mothers of 1 or 7. We are future mothers. We are aunties who raise other people's children but never birth our own. We are women who want to come to motherhood by choice and when we know we can create a world that is as safe and kind as possible to our children. And sometimes we aren't mothers.

Pregnant Abortioneers: We Still Love Babies

One of my co-workers is pregnant and in her third trimester. She happens to do ultrasounds and assist the doctor during abortions. I notice that sometimes, the women stare at her belly, then quickly glance at her face. It’s as though they’re confused and searching for an answer to, “You work here? But you’re pregnant. Are you judging me?”

I wish the women who were worried if our pregnant colleague was judging them, could have seen all of us when Veronica brought in her newborn. Everyone stopped working for a bit to swoon over this precious little bundle. It was a cacophony of estrogen swirling around, making music out of all our “ooohs” and all of our “ahhhhs.” Thing is, Veronica chose to continue her pregnancy, so we sang with delight. When a woman chooses to abort, we hum. We hold her hand while she may moan and we hum with warmth, compassion, and love.

I think it’s beautiful to see a pregnant woman working at the clinic. It’s the full circle. Nothing more perfectly shows how at different stages/places in our lives, we make different choices. We are women. Women who have had abortions, miscarriages, still births, babies…we’re women who have been infertile. We are amazing and we carry all those experiences within us. Sometimes, one woman has experienced all of what I just listed. Mothers have abortions. Single women have babies.

And, just on a side note: hopefully women see our pregnant staff and realize one more myth about abortion and abortioneers is squashed. We are not baby haters. Most of us adore babies and children. Some of us have even worked in child education. Many of us are mothers. We love babies. And we also honor your choice.

HATE MAKES DUMB

Is it just me, or is 40 Days for Life like every day.

Lately, we’ve had no protestors, which is dandy. This community doesn’t tolerate them but every so often they sneak up to the corners with their grotesque posters, baby dolls, crosses, and high water khakis. Last week, we had rare but always disturbing protest activity. At the end of the day, they followed my colleagues to their cars. There was damage to bumpers backing out. My colleagues were shaken.

Dummies. It was Thursday. They were protesting annual exams, infection checks, STD testing and treatment, and birth control consultations. They were protesting the woman who just moved here because she lost her job/insurance and will be living with her brother but contracted a bacterial infection along the way. They were protesting the seventy-five year old man desiring routine testing because he was entering a new relationship. They were protesting cancer screenings, bump checks, treatment for variable degrees of genital discomfort and dysfunction. They were protesting women attempting to prevent pregnancy with contraceptives.

They are dumb.

I keep thinking one day everyone will go to sleep and have the same dream, the one about abortion being necessary. The next day everything will just fall into place.

The Care and Keeping of Your Abortioneer

So, if you have stumbled upon or have been directed t0 this blog, you might have the honor of being a friend or loved one of an Abortioneer. Congratulations! Abortioneers are fascinating and dynamic people, and they can also be quite complex, and I hope that the following guide will help you to appreciate and understand your very own Abortioneer. This is, of course, intended to be a general guide, as every Abortioneer and Abortioneer's experience is unique. Now, let's get started.

As a friend/loved one of an Abortioneer, try not to joke like an anti-choicer. In some of my cruder moments, I've been known to say sarcastically, "Well, I'm off to make my living as a baby killer!" My best friend, a non-Abortioneer, is allowed to say things of that nature. However, if I have just met you and we are not BFF, it really isn't necessary to pretend you're a close-minded clown just to prove your pro-choice cred because all it really accomplishes is making me think that you're a close-minded clown trying quite feebly to prove your pro-choice cred, which is questionable, at the moment. For the time being, stick with, "Oh, you work in abortion? I completely support that. Please, tell me more."

Of course, you are more than welcome to ask questions about my job. I would much rather clarify something than have you under the (very wrong) impression that an abortion is performed through the nostril. You also can and should ask more probing questions like, "Wow, an 11-year-old who was raped...what was that like for you? Do you need to process that? I'm happy to listen."

And when it's a job where I provide compassionate and empowering care to a child who was raped and is 23 weeks pregnant, please understand that it's not just a job. I do this work because it's a calling and a passion, and it's not for everyone, and it's not easy, so it's prudent to keep in mind where I'm coming from.

On the flip side, occasionally, it's just a job. 90% of the time, I feel fortunate to do the work I do, but that doesn't make me immune to the usual workplace frustrations. That doesn't mean I'm going to turn in my letter of resignation tomorrow, but recognize that I deal with a lot of the same things that you do in corporate America. (OK, not a lot of the same things. But some.)

So, whether it's just a job or not, please honor my need to self-care, anger, or bragging. It's in the job description of an Abortioneer to deal with people in crisis, no matter how small. Even on the most tranquil day at the clinic, we're still providing customer service, and that gets stressful and/or exhausting. Thus, I might need to come home and watch a marathon of Weeds instead of vacuum the floors, and as long as the floors don't look like the ones on Hoarders, it's OK for me to zone out once in a while. (Others of us cope by vacuuming instead of vegging out. Whatever works.) I also might just need to rant and rave about injustice or frustrations, and you're not obligated to fix anything; just listen. And yes, sometimes, I have to toot my own horn about how awesomely I advocated for that client, and you're welcome to join in praising me.

And I do genuinely like talking about my job. You've probably noticed. But please be aware that there is a time and place top talk about my job and before going off on your own rant about anti-choicers, as much as I appreciate the sentiment, consider that I might not want to talk about such a loaded topic at the drop of a hat. It's a good idea simply to ask if I'd like to hear about your thoughts at the moment. I might rather just talk about what's for dinner.

In a similar vein, while I do value most of your opinions, I don't value your revolutionary thought that "if she didn't want to get pregnant, she should have just used birth control." There is no need to state the obvious, and especially, no need to state the judgmental. And please, don't play devil's advocate. A friend of mine once tried to tell me that the anti-choicers "mean well," and then I stopped listening...to most things she ever said.

Of course, even though I'm speaking for the Abortioneers as a whole, I also want to acknowledge and want you to acknowledge that there is not just one type of Abortioneer. Some of us are Christians, some of us are atheists; some of us are hippies, and some of us are socialites; and all of us are Abortioneers. And all of us are fortunate enough to have built lives full of people who adore and support us and our work, so thank you, friend.

'Tis the Season for Misinformation

How exactly can people with no true knowledge on a subject get away with telling the public lies about it? This happens all the times with antis and abortion. They just love to say things that aren't true to scare people. But that's not what I'm talking about in this case.

I'm talking about Michele Bachmann's claim that she spoke to a woman who said the HPV vaccine gave her daughter mental retardation. What?! First of all, the claim that vaccines cause horrendous side effects like autism was found to be fraudulent. Second, I've seen no legitimate source show proof that the vaccine could cause mental retardation. In fact, the CDC has information on vaccine safety on their website and lists info on the HPV vaccine.

Luckily Bachmann's claim has been ridiculed by pretty much everyone, including conservatives like Rush Limbaugh! Her claims are ridiculous and clearly not founded in scientific fact, but most importantly they are dangerous. The HPV vaccine helps prevent cervical cancer. To suggest to someone they shouldn't get a vaccine because they could have a serious side effect (that you have no proof of) is criminal. Vaccines are one of the most important advances we've made in public health. They don't cause mental retardation, they don't cause autism, they save lives.

Dr. Tiller's Late Abortion Patients

Last night, I went to make a cup of tea. All the cups I normally use were in the sink (whoops), so I reached to the back of the shelf where I keep my "special" mugs, and I pulled a mug for Women's Health Care Services, Dr. Tiller's now defunct clinic.

There has been renewed interest in his clinic and the doctors he worked with. More specifically, Dr. Ann Kristin Neuhaus, who provided the legally required second opinion for Dr. Tiller's late abortion cases from 1999-2006. 11 cases are under review, because someone filed a complaint to the State Board of Healing Arts.

I read about it in this article. One of the patients in question, a 15 year old from Illinois, bothered me in particular because the author of the article makes it seem like she got an abortion because she didn't like basketball anymore, and that's it. The cases described in the article are missing a lot of details in general, ie, was the 15 year old pregnant because her 22 year old boyfriend impregnated her? Did she spend 20 weeks trying to get an abortion and was unable to raise funds and ended up at Dr. Tiller's clinic? If there is anything my experience in the field has taught me, it's that the reasons and psychology of a woman seeking an abortion is very complex. Just like people in general. We aren't one-dimensional images that can be fully understood in a few sentences. People reading these articles can easily jump to the conclusion Dr. Tiller was doing abortions on young women for totally ridiculous reasons. He didn't do that.

Dr. Tiller didn't take abortion lightly and did not give abortions to people who were flippant about it. He just didn't. I am thinking because of HIPAA laws the article couldn't reveal more, and as Dr. Neuhaus stated herself, she was worried anti-choice people would get ahold of these documents. Clearly her fears were correct. Obviously, if Dr. Neuhaus was cutting corners and not properly documenting these cases, then that is wrong. I could only find articles about this from the anti-choice perspective, so it's hard to fully determine what was going on her.

It just saddens me that anti-choicers are still obsessing over this clinic which is now closed. Dr. Tiller has been dead for 2.5 years. RIP.

Abortion - Mixed Feelings: We Aren't All Nicely Wrapped Packages

We know that women have abortions for many reasons. And we know some women feel a myriad of emotions about having abortions. Sometimes, they don’t; but I’m going to talk about complexity today. Sometimes the “abortion feelings” are wrapped so tightly, are so entwined with the “everything that’s going on in my life” feelings, that they aren’t separate at all. Yet, they kind of are. It’s like the ying and yang. It’s usually the “everything that’s going on in my life” that turns a woman toward abortion. Life/Abortion. One not quite existing without the other. If things were different…different decisions might be made. (Always the conundrum of life, really.)

I’m not telling you anything new; but sometimes, abortioneers like to make the abortion decision - and the feelings about the decision – nicely wrapped into a fine package of “I’m going to be okay. Everything’s fine. I am woman. Hear me roar.” But it isn’t always so simple. It’s not always wrapped up so nice and sweet, delivered into the palms of clinic workers with a smile on the face and a “here you go. You don’t have to worry about me! I’m your text book feminist having an abortion.” Sometimes, the decision is dead easy…but attached to a heavy heart. Sometimes, it’s sad. Sometimes, it’s terrifying and feels wrong. Wrong, because your life wasn’t supposed to be like this. You weren’t supposed to be one of those girls. You didn’t grow up saying, “One, day, I want to have an abortion.” But life can take twisty turns down dusty roads. Shit happens. He happened. It happened: whatever “it” is. The “it” is not the same for everyone. And trust me, we get it.

Sometimes, just sometimes, the experience – or multitude of experiences – that brought her to stand in front of us, asking for an abortion, can’t even be dealt with at the time. Just getting the abortion completed (money in hand, ride at her side, pads in the car, kids taken care of) might be all that can be handled with right then and there. Don’t fuck with her about her relationship or question if she’s sure she doesn’t want to try a new birth control method (because, this one failed. Right?). If she sighs deep, looks like she hasn’t slept, seems distant: just fucking hold her hand. Show her kindness. Let her breathe. Let her deal with the other shit when she can.

We (women/people) can’t always handle life all at once. We can’t always be expected to be strong. We can’t always be expected to carry the heavy, heavy weight bearing on us. So we take out strips of our life from our pockets and face what we can. Piece by piece if we have to. Year by year, if needed. Maybe he hurt you in ways you never told anyone. And though I don’t think women have to heal from an abortion, it might sometimes seem like it, because we may have to heal from all the hurt that surrounded “it” happening to us. And it’s not that it’s confusing: we shouldn’t have to separate, really, the possible pain/sadness/hurt/regret (that things weren’t different) about the abortion from what our life was like at the time of the abortion. To let go, to grieve what you’ve lost in your life – that “what could’ve been” – is okay. It’s equally okay to have mixed feelings about an abortion during a mixed up part of life and still feel solid and certain that abortion is the best decision, while feeling so…unraveled.

We’re women. We’re complicated. And we don’t fit in neat little boxes, wrapped up nicely, with smiles on our faces. All of the time.

Hello from the Haven Coalition

I have written in a few posts about the organization I volunteer with as a patient host, the Haven Coalition. I realized that in all my time writing as an abortioneer here I have probably not written enough about this awesome network of patient hosts. I did write a patient hosting FAQ here, but I thought I would share some excellent media stories about our organization and our history. We are always looking for new volunteer hosts (contact info here) and also willing to talk to people in other cities about getting their own volunteer hosting network started.

So, if you have some free time I highly suggest checking out these great pieces written about our org:

In Salon: here

In NYMag: here

and Brooklyn Rail: here

...and finally, here is a link to join our Facebook page: here

Happy Reading! I would also love to hear about any other DIY or grassroots efforts in your town that provide support to women.

Dreamland

Maybe this happens to every abortioneer. I know a few other abortioneers have shared their dreams about pregnancy and abortion. I had a dream I was 20 weeks and 6 days pregnant. I had no idea I was pregnant until for some random reason I got an ultrasound and I was told I was in the second trimester of a pregnancy.

I was astounded. I'm gay and I have not slept with a man in over 5 years. In my dream I could not comprehend how I ended up pregnant without sleeping with a man. It seemed obvious my very masculine female bodied partner was who impregnated me. It was some form of immaculate conception except in my dream it seemed less immaculate.

I considered abortion, my partner was like, "this is amazing, its my baby of coarse you aren't going to get rid of it." There I was knowing I did not plan this pregnancy and I have always been very clear that any pregnancy will be very planned especially given that accidents are so highly unlikely given my sexuality. In my dream I started searching for a pregnancy test, just like the ones we use at work. I finally found one and only when I saw the positive second line did I believe the ultrasound.

I felt really ambivalent about keeping the pregnancy because I did not plan it and it did not feel like it was the right time. However, I also felt really unsure about having and abortion. Ultimately I very ambivalently decided I would keep the pregnancy. Then I got lost in an unfamiliar city, alone, still trying to figure out how the hell I got pregnant.

I woke up thinking about pregnancy, parenthood, abortion, and babies. I feel really blessed that planning pregnancy is pretty much a must because I'm gay. I fear that when I'm ready it might be hard, or my ovaries will have expired. However, I feel really blessed that I will not face an accident that results in an unplanned pregnancy. In my dream every one around me was like, "this is amazing!" and all I could think was that I did not plan to get pregnant right now!

When faced with something so unintended I felt really unsure of what to do. I know one thing, it was really important to know I had the ability to choose how to handle the very unexpected circumstance.

What isn't about abortion?

Abortioneers. Tell me if you haven't met someone -- a young girl, an older woman, a mother of four, the grandmother of the patient, a survivor on the run -- whose hands you wanted to grasp as you told her, basically, this:

The Laughing Heart

your life is your life
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is a light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them.
take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you.


Charles Bukowski

A Novelistic Abortion

I would never become a mother, but that would not be the same as never bearing children. I would bear children, but I would never be a mother to them. I would bear them in abundance; they would emerge from my head, from my armpits, from between my legs; I would bear children, they would hang from me like fruit from a vine, but I would destroy them with the carelessness of a god. I would bear children in the morning, I would bathe them in the morning with a water that came from myself, and I would eat them at night, swallowing them whole, all at once. They would live and then they would not live. In their day of life, I would walk them to the edge of a precipice. I would not push them over; I would not have to; the sweet voices of unusual pleasures would call to them from its bottom; they would not rest until they became one with these sounds. I would cover their bodies with diseases, embellish skins with thinly crusted sores, the sores sometimes oozing a thick pus for which they would thirst, a thirst that could never be quenched. I would condemn them to live in an empty space frozen in the same posture in which they had been born. I would throw them from a great height; every bone in their body would be broken and the bones would never be properly set, healing in the way they were broken, healing never at all. I would decorate them when they were only corpses and set each corpse in a polished wooden box. It is in this way that I did not become a mother; it is in this way that I bore my children.

Excerpt from Autobiography of My Mother by Jamaica Kincaid

Judging a book by its cover calling the kettle black

Several years ago, in my pre-Abortioneer life, I was working at a PR firm, rocking blazers and long, sleek, painstakingly straightened hair. And fancy-me mentioned to my cubicle-mate in passing, that I was a fiercly pro-choice feminist. "You are?!" she replied incredulously. "You...don't really look like one. I'm really happy that you are, but I just didn't expect it," as though that were a compliment. I bought a "This is what a feminist looks like" shirt shortly after. In the years since my career change, I've taken to looking a little more crunchy, but I'm still aware of how I'm treated a little bit differently (in the abortion community and out) when my hair is flat ironed or when I have mascara on.

I was at a fundraiser a few months ago, hair done and heels on, and I started chatting up a woman who I knew was pro-choice because, well, she wouldn't have been at the event if she weren't. Although she wasn't dressed much differently than I was, I immediately read her as someone who was the pretty face of choice--someone who was non-threatening to the antis and who was charming to the moneyed pro-choicers. However, once we got past pleasantries, the first words out of her mouth were, "I love events like this, but I wish everyone would stop goddamn dancing around the word 'abortion.' I've f*****g had it with people who pretend there's something wrong with it, and I'm not afraid to say it." So, yes, I was wrong.

I also recently met a woman who wanted to volunteer at my clinic, and she was polished, put-together, and poised. She projected an aura that said, "I know what's up, and also, I WILL help you out." My brain, however, translated it as, "We could never be friends." It wasn't just me, either--an established volunteer walked by, caught a glimpse of the new woman, and rolled her eyes. But I kept talking with the prospective volunteer, and whether or not we would be BFF was irrelevant--she was one of the most articulate, observant, passionate Abortioneers I've ever met. She acknowledged her privilege and recounted her experiences, and openly discussed where she fell short as well as where her passion lay.

Despite the fact that I've been on both sides of the feminist discrimination fence, I'm still surprised at how tricky it is for all of us to navigate. I'm certainly not proud of it, either, but I'd rather call it as I see it, even if I'm not excepted. And I won't even get into how mind blowing it is to some people when they meet a pro-choice male feminist.

Abortion is an option

Read that post title again. Perhaps twice more. Slowly, if you need to, to let it sink in and make sense.

Abortion is real. It happens. It is an actual thing. I didn't make it up just now.

I feel the need to belabor this point because lately I've been bitch slapped in the face with outright denials of abortion's awesomeness. What's more, I've had people straight up tell me that abortion is not a pregnancy solution. COME AGAIN?!

I've been thinking about abortion stigma lately, due in part to an upcoming series in the Gender Across Borders blog (check for it in a couple weeks!). Now, I have no delusions about being able to eradicate abortion stigma anytime soon. But the first step towards fighting stigma in any arena is just to get people talking about it. Get folks to the point where they can actually say the word "abortion" in public without giggling or lowing their voices. But how can we even get there if people won't even think of abortion as a real live option? And I'm becoming increasingly frustrated that it doesn't even come up in the family planning conversation, even as an idea that one might reject.

Remember: Just because you don't like it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

What's funny is that a lot of the aforementioned "abortion denial" does not come from the full-on antis. No, they know abortion is real, and they make it very clear to everyone else how much they hate it. BUT HEY: at least they're talking about it! At least they use the word, even if it's in the [false] context of "Abortion is dangerous" or "Women regret abortion". So, in that respect, I have to applaud the antis for their awareness, if nothing else.

No, it's the middle-of-the-road, don't-care, would-never-happen-to-me-so-I'll-never-have-to-think-about-it types who, for whatever reason, have never talked about abortion. Sure, we've all talked about abstinence, and most of us have talked about contraception. But ask them what they know about abortion and they can't be bothered. And I suspect it's not a matter of distance from the problem. (Just see our latest poll, in which 100% of respondents report knowing someone who's had an abortion!) I think it's a matter of ignorance, of never having had the opportunity to ask questions, or to listen to someone else talk about it. Ignorance, notoriously, begets stigma and hatred and fear and all that, so I think it's super easy for someone who's never actually thought about abortion on a complex level (besides would you/wouldn't you) to think it's weird and scary and something you should never talk about, let alone post to someone's Facebook wall.

So, as an ally of both abortion and people who want to know more about it, I've tried to open myself up. I still face a small degree of stigma from people who learn that I'm pro-Abortioneering, but it's so worth it when someone finally comes to me and - even in hushed tones - asks what abortion is really all about. Is there really such a thing as "partial-birth abortion"? How much do abortions cost? Are all clinics like that one in Philadelphia?

Abortioneers far and wide, I feel your pain. But I also feel the joy of being a sounding board for curious fence-riders who simply want to know what's what. And being able to educate someone with factual, experience-based information to help balance out the tripe they read elsewhere is definitely worth the cost. Who knows; the heart you open up could be that of the next Abortioneer!

Defining Choice

I came across an editorial published online for the Chicago Sun Times about being pro-choice and whether that means defending one's right to have an abortion or to carry to term. I won't recount their editorial, but I think it's a pretty interesting read and recommend you check it out. It made me think about choice and what it means to be pro-choice.

For me personally, pro-choice isn't pro-abortion. I am pro-choice because I think that people have the right to make decisions about their life and their body. If your choice is lawful, why should it be any of my business? For me this means people should be able to choose abortion, choose to carry to term, choose to use their preferred method of contraception, or choose not to use contraception - all without stigma.

It frustrates me to no end when someone refers to me as pro-abortion, which is something anti-choice folks say all the time. First of all, abortion is only one part of what choice means to me. Also, and this may surprise or bother some of my pro-choice brethren, but I'm not pro-abortion. I don't necessarily think that someone should have an abortion. I think they should have the CHOICE. That's what it's about - the ability to choose what is best for you. This blog is the Abortioneers and a lot of what we do and talk about obviously revolves around abortion, but choice, for me, includes many different aspects of reproductive health. And I am happy to live in a country where people have the right to decide which choice is right for them and their families.

Seriously, the GOP frightens me.

A Few Things:
1. Could this video be anymore reminiscent of George W. Bush? Seriously creepy.
2. Liberals often criticize GOP leaders like Bush, Palin, Bachmann, and Perry for being, well, not very smart. I think this video is an excellent example of this. Republicans counter that Liberals are just snobby intellectuals who think people who don't talk in "educated" ways are therefore stupid. Therein lies the problem and I think the crux of differences dividing the parties. Just because I think Rick Perry is a fucking idiot and this video is an excellent example of his fucked up ideas, does not mean I think everyone from Texas is stupid. I think Rick Perry is stupid because he has a moral stance (sex before marriage is wrong/bad/sinful and abstinence is the only way) that he maintains in the face of overwhelming evidence that abstinence only education does not work and does not do any favors for the teens of Texas or anywhere else in the United States. When pushed on this, and I give props to the interviewer for refusing to let Perry off the hook, Rick Perry bumbles and offers no legitimate reasons why abstinence-only education works besides "abstinence works."
This is what Liberals find so annoying - just saying you personally believe it works in the face of facts that suggests otherwise does nothing to persuade me that you have a credible opinion. Conservatives, who tend to have more opinions based on morals, I think find this appealing because he is "sticking to guns" that sex is bad and abstinence is the best.
3. This practical/moral divide is even more apparent in the abortion debate. The pro-choice sides argues that women should have control of their reproductive rights and be able to choose when and if they have children because it's a complex issue and sweeping laws banning it don't make sense in many cases. Rape, incest, maternal indications, say the father is abusive, or the family lives under the federal poverty line, or the mother gets sick often, or the mother already has 3 kids.............etc. Anti-abortion people say abortion is murder no matter what and therefore all abortions are bad. (Except for, of course, when they get pregnant. Every clinic I've ever interacted with has stories of protesters who come in for procedures).
4. Both the contraceptives and abortion issues also highlight, at least to me, that Republicans don't care about women. Their beliefs on this matter have no gray area, no wiggle room. If you are a teenager and had sex (BTW I wonder how old Rick Perry was when he lost his virginity?), there is no message of "Maybe we should talk about sexuality," or even, "Let's talk." It's you are bad you did a bad thing and if you are pregnant then you better keep it! Because that bad thing you did results in a magical holy pregnancy and if you want an abortion then that is EVEN WORSE because that's murder. Obviously, not everyone who identifies as Conservative holds these beliefs and I'm not trying to suggest that every Republican thinks that way. However, there is something to be said for the idea of fact-based opinions and moral based opinions, IMHO (SEE WHAT I DID THERE?)
5. THIS IS TERRIFYING NEWS FOR THE ELECTION. Since, historically, the economy is the greatest predictor of who will get elected, it seems likely (at this point) a Republican is most likely going to get elected. The prospect of having to deal with another of these idiots in the Oval Office is really sad/frustrating/UGHHHH

Jennie McCormack: You Rock!

I’m often in awe of the strength of women. In my experience, women who seek abortions often exhibit the most strength I’ve witnessed. In awe? Yes. Strengthened myself as a result? Yes. So women who stick their tongues out at abortion stigma and announce to others they’ve had one, and announce loudly and proudly publicly they’ve had an abortion (and to get off their backs), amaze me even more. I’m saddened it must amaze me (stigma, stigma, stigma), but still, I respect the strength.

Jennie Linn McCormack is one of these women. She’s from Idaho. Pocatello, Idaho. And if any of you know much about Idaho, you know just how conservative it is. You may not know this, but, Idaho is one of the states that made it illegal to have an abortion after 20 weeks’ gestation. Jennie was arrested in May for having an abortion (which would’ve required her to go to Salt Lake City, Utah as there aren’t any providers in Idaho that go beyond 14 weeks. She didn't have the financial means to do this, as many women don't.). Allegedly, she performed a self-induced abortion. Get this: her sister’s “friend” called her in to authorities. If you want to read more about Jennie Linn McCormick’s situation, you can read here; but obviously, since we’re abortioneers, we’re supportive of her decision to seek an abortion after 20 weeks, regardless of her reasons. Well, anyway, charges were dropped, but she has now filed a lawsuit challenging the “fetal pain abortion ban.” Jennie is pressing charges against the state saying the ban is unconstitutional as it doesn’t allow for maternal or fetal indications (as reason for abortion later in the pregnancy) as Roe v Wade promises.

I'm incredibly sad that Jennie Linn didn't know about other resources that may have been available to help her obtain a safe, legal abortion. The Justice Fund within the National Abortion Federation is a national abortion fund that can help women in Idaho pay for their abortions (they also help women from any other state where Medicaid doesn't cover abortions). I'm not sure if she ever contacted a clinic, but if she did, I can only hope they tried to connect her to the National Abortion Federation. And hopefully, then, she would've spoken to an individual who would've brainstormed with her and helped with case management in order to get her to a clinic to have an abortion either in Boise, Idaho; Spokane, Washington; Seattle, Washington; Salt Lake City, Utah; or Portland, Oregon. Traveling to such places can place a huge hardship on women, like Jennie; but there are some clinics and abortion funds that will help women pay for the cost of travel, pay for hotels, or set clients up with volunteers so they can stay in their homes.

I think Jennie Linn is a hero for pressing charges against the state and for bringing to light the lack of access to abortion services in Idaho. Whether she realizes it or not, she is facing stigma straight on and telling it to go suck itself. She’s telling the lawmakers in Idaho to do the same. All the while, she’s standing up for all Idaho women – women who are totally undeserved – in hopes of helping pave the way for better rights.

Jennie Linn McCormack. You rock.

Hurricane weather report

So my large metropolitan city just got hit by a hurricane…well I think we did. Maybe it was just a big storm? I’m still not really sure. What I do know is that the city shut down for almost two days, which included public transit, stores, restaurants, and most importantly, outpatient medical facilities.

At work on Friday many of my co-workers seemed excited about the prospect of a forced weekend holed up in their apartments. They would get to clear their TIVO, lounge on the couch drinking wine, and just have a general good ole’ time with this “situation”. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t also excited to be on lock down for a few days, after all I had loads of reading to do for the start of my doctoral program. However, Friday afternoon I was listening to case managers call our clients to prep them for the storm and it got me thinking. The staff were instructing clients on what supplies to procure (flashlights, batteries, food, water) where/when to stock up on food (many of our clients rely on my agency for their daily meals), and how to get their daily medications (for those who receive directly observed therapy). In my head I started to think about what other health services would not be available for two days…and yes, you know where I’m going with this.

When Hurricane Katrina hit I was working in the South at an abortion clinic. I remember hearing stories through our networks of women desperately trying to find an abortion clinic after they were evacuated because the hurricane caused them to miss their appointment. Or some were even just trying to locate emergency contraception, sometimes after being sexually assaulted in the aftermath of Katrina. I envisioned all this happening again this past weekend and my heart went out to all the women who were told their appointments would be cancelled.

For a woman who finally gets the money together, the transportation, the childcare, the determination…what happens when she is then told the clinic will be closed? Or the buses aren’t running? I know that we have no control over the weather, but it just adds one more barrier. At my clinic when there were a few times we were forced to close due to circumstances beyond our control, we would “freeze” the fee for women so that they did not have to pay the extra money it would cost them to wait a week. That is one thing clinics can do, but what about women who have reached the limit of what is legal in their state? What happens to them? My heart breaks for any woman who tried to get an abortion this past weekend and will now have to carry to term. I wonder if they see this Hurricane as a sign that they were not meant to abort? For those who are not past the legal limit, how do you “do it all over again” the next week and find the time/money/transportation/childcare/determination???? I am exhausted and sad just thinking about it.

Have any of you who work in clinics dealt with these issues?

State Mandated Information

I live in a state where there is a state mandated 24 hour waiting period. In addition to this waiting period abortion clinics are mandated to provide literature that is designed by the state to discourage women from having abortions. We are required to use verbiage that mentions the patients' "unborn child" and we have to give out resources from the state that are supposed to offer options aside from abortion.

Once I actually attempted to contact some of the agencies listed as alternative resources and was not surprised to find out that most of the agencies did not answer their phones or they were not able to provide resources that would actually assist a woman in carrying a pregnancy to term. Sometimes when a woman comes in for a pregnancy test and states that she wants to continue her pregnancy I give her the bundle of booklets provided by the state but I also have to tell her the phone numbers and agencies might not be useful. In order to provide them with a resource that could ACTUALLY assist them seeking prenatal care, I usually give them the number to the same community health clinic where I go for medical care.

Its amazing to me that state and federal government has so much emphasis on discouraging women from accessing abortion care. Yet, when I am asked for resources or information on carrying a pregnancy to term I can not depend on the the "resources" provided by any government agency. I depend on my own knowledge of the community I live in and I try to provide the most comprehensive and useful information I can.

Recently, a patient with some pretty severe mental health issues became very upset upon seeing booklets provided by the state. She was sure she wanted to have an abortion but felt extremely emotional about her decision. All I could do was explain to her that we were mandated by the state to give her such material and assure her that no one working in the clinic wanted to give her such skewed information.I wish both state and federal agencies based policy on abortion on actual science rather than subjective standards of morality.

Once upon a long long time you will wait for an abortion so bring a good book for heaven’s sake

Ever notice that people will wait in line sometimes for days to attend sports events, grand openings, musical concerts, royal weddings, holiday season sales, reality television auditions, presidential inaugurations, a hand shake with the Pope…but come to their crucial, medical appointments hungry and late with somewhere else to be in no time?

I believe this is yet another hairline repercussion/inevitably of obtaining and providing stigmatized services in a degraded society where notions of spirituality have been reduced to owning new things.

Hell is the plastic island in the Pacific.

Once, abortion was sacred. Both tea parties and recovery involved delicious cake.

Featured photo by Anne Geddes, of course

It's the Final Countdown (Not final, but I like music references.)

Top Ten Dumbest, Most Annoying Comments About My Job

10. "Do you do the abortions yourself?"
9. "Do embryos get anesthesia?"
8. "I'm not pro-choice, but I think women should have the option of an abortion."
7. "But if you offer birth control, you'll have fewer abortion patients!"
6. "I know they want to kill you, but the anti-choicers mean well."
5. "Are abortions free?"
4. "I would never have an abortion...but if I did need one, could you give me a discount?"
3. "The doctors are just in it for the money."
2. "I don't think abortion should be used as birth control."
1. "You do know what a fetus looks like, don't you??"

Top Ten Most Amazing Comments About My Job

10. "You saved my life."
9. "I was way more close-minded until I met you and heard about your job."
8. "My bank account is almost empty, but I'd like to donate to your clinic."
7. "By the time I left the clinic, I felt so much better than I had when I walked in."
6. "I've never told anyone, but I had an abortion, and I'm not sorry."
5. "Thank you for being there for women."
4. "I don't care what those jerks outside protesting say; you are absolutely going God's work here."
3. "You're an angel."
2. "I can't wait to tell people that staff at an abortion clinic helped me KEEP my baby!"
1. "I've never been treated so well by anyone as I was by everyone here."

Please shut up so we can actually talk

Sometimes anti-abortion spokespeople act like it's huge news or a total outrage that abortion providers and abortion-rights advocates are hesitant to discuss flaws in their colleagues, partners, or movement. "See," the antis say -- and you can almost hear their crossed arms and satisfied smirk -- "They're only worried about protecting themselves, even if it means protecting their predatory, dangerous, greedy peers." And anti-abortion "activists" are constantly manufacturing problems to "investigate" and "expose" as well -- like when Lila Rose tries to prove that Planned Parenthood staff protect child traffickers, when actually they're telling the fake traffickers that young women can receive free checkups there (true), and then alerting the police (appropriate). 

In such an atmosphere, where tapes are heavily edited and even simple statements get twisted to mean something else entirely, is it any wonder that we fear perverse or disproportionate consequences, from antis and employers alike, if we speak up about the non-manufactured problems that do exist? 

Don't misunderstand: all of us, pro- and anti-choice, want dangerous abortion practices or abusive providers to be brought to light. But those are few and far between, way rarer than anti press would have us believe. So we have to spend our time dissecting what's real and what's BS, and meanwhile, there are more subtle issues that can't take stage, like "I prefer X style of abortion care provision while the only clinic in town provides it like Y," or "My organization has a fantastic mission but terrible leadership," and so forth. Stuff that I really want us to work on. Stuff that would move abortion care from "widely safe, usually decent, sometimes wonderful" to "uniformly excellent." 

I won't give a million more examples right now, but I'm working on it. But if, for example, you want to know why it's taken me weeks to draft (and months to conceptualize) a critique of Planned Parenthood's current position in our field, all you have to do is take a gander at shit like this: 

"AT LAST!! Former Planned Parenthood Director and "Employee of the Year" to Reveal Abortion Chain's WEAK LINK!"

Pro-Choice Hypocrisy

I was doing some internet reading when I stumbled on this Slate article that asks the question of why some pro-choicers are bothered by selective abortion. One thing that really bothers me about the mainstream pro-choice movement is hypocrisy. I am tired of hearing that people have the right to safe, legal abortion until....until it makes me feel uncomfortable or it conflicts with what I would do personally. Isn't that what drives us all crazy about antis, that they try to make people fit into their own moral constraints?

The New York Times has recently published articles on abortion including one in which a woman decides to reduce a twin pregnancy and another about sex-selective abortion. These articles have sparked various blog posts regarding selective abortion, including this one. Now, I understand that even pro-choicers have limitations on how far they personally would go. But what I do have a problem with is casting your morality on someone else and saying their decision to have an abortion is wrong because you don't like their reasoning.

I won't go on a spree of linking to and commenting on the many blog posts the articles have spawned, as the Slate article does a pretty good job of that. I do want to mention one in particular that really bothered me, this short post on RH Reality Check. The author of this post says that she wasn't bothered by the idea of selective abortion...until she read the reasoning given by the patient in the Times article for reducing her twin pregnancy. This woman said that if her pregnancy had come about naturally, she wouldn't have aborted one of the fetuses, but because it was created artificially, she felt it was just one of the decisions she could make about the pregnancy. I don't know exactly what makes the author of the RH Reality Check post so uncomfortable. If you have no problem with selective abortion, then why do you have a problem with this woman's? But I really don't think it's the author's place to judge this woman. She clearly had to make a very difficult decision; one that was ultimately best for her. And isn't that what we want? Don't we want women to be able to make these decisions for themselves? Don't we, pro-choicers, want people to make decisions about their reproductive health free of scrutiny?

Personally I have no problem with anyone's decision to have an abortion - whether it's because she can't afford it, doesn't want multiple births, doesn't want a boy/girl, etc. If you call yourself pro-choice, how about you be just that. Celebrate choice and let the person who has the pregnancy decide what she's going to do and why she's going to do it, and keep your opinions about it to yourself.

Presidential Election 2012

Straws are a pollin, people are debatin.

Presidential 'lection season is in the air. Take a deep breath in and get a whiff of the piping hot bullshit.

Maybe I'm just getting old, but I am NOT looking forward to the election and all the fearmongering, lies, and general untruths that will prevail.

UGH.

Remember when John Kerry's campaign was basically derailed because a group of people MADE UP LIES about him and then had a well-funded ad campaign to disseminate said lies? And then most people seemed to believe them? WTF?

Or all that crap about Obama not being a citizen, or being Islamic, or whatever else?

FUN TIMES.

This batch of GOP candidates aren't really inspiring for those interested in women's reproductive health either.


Rick Perry, Governor of Texas

Perry spokeswoman Katherine Cesinger: “Gov. Perry is proudly pro-life and successfully championed strong pro-life legislation in Texas including parental consent, this year’s sonogram bill and a budget that significantly defunds abortions in Texas,” she said. “The governor has long supported overturning Roe v. Wade, and would support amending the U.S. Constitution, with the backing of Congress and the states, to protect innocent life.”

Rick Perry said he believes abortion should be legal only in cases involving rape or incest or when carrying a pregnancy to term would threaten the woman’s life.

Michele Bachmann, Minnesota Representative in the House

Life is the first right; I'm 100% pro-life from conception.
Prohibit federal funding to groups like Planned Parenthood.

“Part of our faith is standing for the area of life. and we are completely committed,” Bachmann said of herself and her husband. “After our second child was born, we became pregnant with a third baby, and it was an unexpected baby, but of course we were delighted to have this child. And the child was coming along, and we ended up losing that child. And it was devastating for both of us, as you can imagine if any of you have lost a child. At that moment we didn’t think of ourselves as overly career-minded or overly materialistic. When we lost that child, it changed us. And it changed us forever. And so we made a commitment that no matter how many children were brought into our life we would receive them, because we’re committed to life. And we didn’t know it at that time that we’d be foster parents and that one day we’d be parents of 28 children, but we are extremely grateful for that opportunity because you can get money wrong, but you can’t get life wrong. And I am committed to life.”

Also let us not forget Bachmann sponsored the incredibly fucked up redefine rape bill earlier this year.

And she voted for a Personhood Amendement in February 2009.

Mitt Romney, former Governor of Massachusetts
Romney has an interesting background relating to his stance on this issue. Previously, he has stated he is "unwaveringly" pro-choice because he had a relative die from an illegal abortion back in the day. This was, of course, in Massachusetts which has a liberal stance on abortion. Later, when Romney was considering running for office in Utah, he wrote a letter to the newspaper stating "I do not wish to be labeled pro-choice." (??) This "flip-flopping" continues depending on whether he is trying to get elected in Massachusetts or facing a broader, more national audience. He basically seems to say whatever he needs to depending on that audience. I suspect at heart he is not actually pro-life, but who knows. I don't trust him. Salon has a good piece on this.

So these three are considered the front runners thus far for the GOP nomination. The more I read about each of them, the more disturbed I am. Like Michele Bachmann, foster mother of 20-23 (depending on when you ask her), voted no on a parental leave assistance program for federal employees with new children. WTF?

Can't wait until this time next year when we are in full tilt 'Lection Season!

:(

Today, a Poem

Today all you great readers get a poem. A cool poem at that. Tell me what you think!

And God Created Abortion
by Sharon Esther Lampert
1. In the Beginning of God's Creating the Heavens and the Earth -
2. When the Womb was Astonishingly Empty, Inside of Every Woman Being
God Made Millions of Eggs That Lived a Fleeting Lifespan. And One by
One, Each Egg Cascaded to its Death. God Made Abortion for Womankind.
And It Was So.
And Inside of Every Man Being, God Made Billions of Sperm That Lived a
Flitting
Lifespan, And Cascaded to Their Deaths, on the Upstream, Against Gravity.
God Made Abortion for Mankind. And It Was So.
3. God said, "Let there be Abortion," And there was Abortion.
4. God Saw that Abortion was Good, And God Separated the Eggs from the
Sperm.
5. God Called to the Sperm: "Male," And to the Eggs God Called: "Female."
And There Were Men and There Were Women, One Day.
6. God Said, "Let There Be a Conception. And One Plummeting Sperm and
One Plunging Egg Melded into One, And Propagated the Human Species.
And God Let the Lower Species Have a Greater Survival Ratio of Eggs to
Sperm.
7. And God Said: "Let There Be More Ants Per Square Inch Than Human
Beings Per Square Mile." And It Was So.

New school year=new anxiety

I’m starting my doctoral program this month and I’m getting a bit nervous with homework due on the first day, learning my way around a new school system, and of course the inevitable “what if I’m the only pro-choice person in my program?”. For my masters program I knew that I would be surrounded by like-minded folks, mainly because my department put a strong emphasis on reproductive and sexual health, and more importantly, I knew students who told me how pro-choice the environment was. Well, my new program does seem to have some faculty who focus on reproductive and sexual health, but it doesn’t seem to be as integrated or dominant. I could be wrong, and I hope I am, but in the meantime I will have to feel things out. I imagine on the first day of class I will confidently state that I work in sexual and reproductive health, and eye the room, looking for signs of potential comrades, those who will talk freely about abortion.

Every time we abortioneers enter a new realm, whether it is a job, school program, or meeting a new social circle, we are faced with the decision to “come out” about our work. I started my new job this summer and I have yet to discuss my past work with most colleagues. I asked the HR guy when he described my benefits package if our health insurance covered abortion….he certainly had never gotten that question before (he also didn’t know the answer). I don’t think most people at my work would be anti-abortion, but I also do not feel the need to bring it up unnecessarily. I also haven’t “come out” as having OCD (although I have a feeling my boss might suspect due to some of my behaviors, ha!). I imagine that I will have to leave work early some day to go pick up an abortion client that I’m hosting, and then I’ll bring it up, and it will be a non-issue. But, there is part of me that feels like not discussing it means I’m hiding it, but I also don’t really have a reason to bring it up.

I will definitely report back on the pro-choice’ness of my new classmates and program. I hope to have nothing but positive things to say, so stay tuned.

So Maybe You're not an Abortioneer?

We realize that not everyone who reads this blog is an abortioneer in their professional life. Maybe you believe in a woman's right to choose but you have not ever faced an unintended pregnancy or you haven't ever been asked for support from someone else facing an unintended pregnancy. Policy changes can seem pretty outside of the average individuals realm of influence.

This blog from feminists for choice presents 8.5 simple steps one can take to be pro-choice. You don't have to be a lobbyist on the hill, or working in an abortion clinic, or even bringing your best friend or sister to the clinic to be prochoice. Sometimes its as simple as having a conversation or seeking information about health insurance coverage. Happy Reading!

FREE OTC ORAL CONTRACEPTIVES ZOMG!

...not quite.

BUT, you can help provide some data for a study by The Oral Contraceptives Over-the-Counter Working Group to learn about the public's attitudes towards OTC oral contraceptives. In light of the government's recent approval of copay-free contraception, as well as other preventative services, this group based in Ibis Reproductive Health wants your opinion on taking this one step further to maximize access; OTC contraceptives.

In order for such groups to properly advocate for change, they need to understand the motivations and desires of their target groups. So, let them know! Take 5 minutes to complete the survey.

SURVEY!

It gave me lots to think about, and I want to pose some discussion questions on the subject. Comment if you have any feelings about them!

a) Will users start skipping their annual gynecological visits if they are no longer required for getting oral contraceptives (OCs)?

b) Will users will feel even more stigmatized having the pimply 16-yr-old cashier ring up their OCs?

c) Will they be sold next to the condoms or behind the counter with the emergency contraception (EC)?

d) What are the implications for users forgoing EC due to all the procurement constraints and using OCs as EC instead (of which I am a big advocate, btw). Is this a detriment to full-on EC promotion? Might EC become obsolete, assuming that barriers to procuring it are greater than those for OCs?

e) Can they print up discreet receipts that don't list the product name?

f) Can cashiers refuse to ring it up citing the conscience clause?

Lots to think about! I'm sure this is not even close to happening anytime soon, but good to be prepared in any case. Discuss, I'd love your opinions!

Turning the (Exam) Tables

I've never had an abortion. I've never even had a pregnancy scare, though that's probably more because of the lack of opportunity than anything else. Sometimes I start to think that I could have just a teeny bit more Abortioneer cred if I had had an abortion, even though I don't really believe that there is a hierarchy of pro-choicedness. And one time, when I was worked up about someone's anti-choice Facebook comment, I considered lying and saying I'd had an abortion, just to shock him and shut him up. You do not need to tell me the many, many problems inherent to this idea, and I'm proud to say I came to my senses. In any event, if I did have an unintended pregnancy, I would have an abortion, and it would not be up for debate, with myself, or anyone else. I would be glad, I would be grateful, and I would be a patient at my own clinic.

A friend once asked me, "Would you choose your clinic if you needed an abortion?" I looked at her like she had grown an IUD out of her nose, and replied, "Um, yeah. Of course." I'm really good at answering without thinking sometimes. Then I ruminate about it for hours. It's a lot of fun being me. So I thought about it later on and considered the fact that a lot of Abortioneers might not be as fortunate to work at a clinic they love and believe in, and it might be just a job to them, and they might have no qualms about going to a clinic that's friendlier, brighter, or, heaven forbid, safer.

A former employee of my clinic was a patient a couple of months ago. I chatted with her about the place and how it had and hadn't changed, and then, feeling a rapport, she confided about how embarrassed she was for being on the other side of stirrups as a patient. "I should have known better," she lamented. "I can't believe I'm here for THIS." "I'm really ashamed of myself." They were all of the heartbreaking reasons our clients often give, but I was surprised to hear them coming from the mouth of an Abortioneer. I'm certain that she wouldn't have judged clients they way she was judging herself, so was she just being hard on herself, or was she expressing her subconscious thoughts about abortion? She was, of course, entitled to her feelings, but those feelings are pretty complex.

I treated that client as well as I treat any other client, and like I know I would be treated if I were an employee-turned-patient. But I can't say for sure how my emotions and biases would or wouldn't align if I were the one having the aspiration. On the plus side, if I ever do, you can be sure I'll write all about it here.

Miranda for Abortioneers

I was very moved by The Abortion Provider's Declaration of Rights. It really gave me an aha! moment, when I realized just how bad our beloved docs and nurses have it. You think open heart surgery is tough? Reattaching a severed thumb?

Try laying out your Kevlar vest along with your shirt and socks. Planning a new route to work everyday. Being escorted by security personnel each time you go out in public. Drawing the curtains to block out the protest on your sidewalk. Making sure you kiss all your children goodbye each morning, because it might be your last time. Because you know, as a health care provider, that not only is the well-being of your patients at stake, but yours too.

This is the reality of abortion providers and clinic staff. They wake up every morning knowing that they are stepping into a lion's den and might be clawed to pieces. And they continue to do it! There is no doctor on earth who faces the music like an abortion doctor, whose livelihood and life is constantly hanging in the balance, who faces obstacle upon ridiculous obstacle simply to be able to treat a patient. Nobody cares if a dermatologist's office is associated with a local hospital. Or if it has a 20 sq ft broom closet, or fluorescent lighting, or toilet paper that rolls from the front and not the back.

Anyway, sign the declaration in honor of Dr. Tiller, Dr. Carhart, or any of the other stupendous abortion providers! To commemorate the occasion, I've rendered an illustration of an abortion doc declaring his rights: