Be my little baby

There are a handful of movies that I'll watch anytime they come on TV, no matter how many times I've seen them before or how far in the movie is. I'll drop everything for the following (in no particular order):

Titanic
Any Brat Pack teen flick
Jurassic Park
Dirty Dancing

Especially that last one. Since I was first introduced to the magical coupling that is Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey, I have been a faithful fan of this silly film. I like watching it again and again, because I always discover something new.

At age 12 I discovered that Johnny was checking Baby out in the rear view when she was changing in the backseat.
At age 17 I discovered that Boyz II Men did a delightful cover of "In the Still of the Night", which was playing in the background the morning after their epic lovemaking.
At age 21 I discovered that this movie is about abortion.

It took me so long to catch on not because I'm an idiot, but because I obsess over movies about dancing and I spent most of the time wishing I were one of the background dirty dancers. So I kind of bleeped out the subplots about lies and betrayal and CLANDESTINE ABORTION.


Penny gets pregnant after sleeping with some twerp who works at the resort. He wants nothing to do with it, prompting Baby to borrow the money from her father for some secret yet noble purpose. As I recall it's something like $500. This is 1960-something! That's a lot of scratch! Of course Penny gets a raging infection, almost dies, and Baby's disappointed father has to save her life with his black medical bag of tricks (that he carries around on vacation, apparently). Baby teaches her dad that even dance instructors deserve a fair shake in life, and he becomes so liberated that he allows her to canoodle on the dance floor with a man twice her age.

I think it's pretty easy to gloss over all the adult material there, because the movie ends so happily and is so seductive for nerdy, frizzy-haired girls like myself. But there's a lot of macabre stuff going on. Struggling runaway trying to start a new life. A shithead "man involved" who has tons of money but won't spare a cent for an abortion (legality aside). A traveling quack who nearly kills a young woman with a rusty spoon in her cervix. It ain't pretty. And in fact, Dirty Dancing only gives a PG-13 account. What if Penny had died? What if Baby didn't find the money? What if her father refused to treat Penny's infection? Things could get even yuckier, and I'm glad they didn't because I still want to be able to enjoy my guilty pleasure movies.

At the end of the day, I am grateful for the courage of the screenwriters and directors to portray abortion in a reasonably fair light. I understand why the issue wasn't more prominent (this is a love story!), but for 1987 I think they made some seriously progressive choices.

Yay abortion in movies! What are your favorite movies about abortion?

That's Entertainment!

Ah, TV. I'm not really sure where I'd be without you. Who better to supplement my early childhood education? Who better to boost my self-confidence with your pathetic reality slop? Who better to show me what real life is all about?

Wait. Scratch that last one.

My favorite thing about TV is how inaccurately it portrays everything (except, of course, for Sandra Lee's "Kwanzaa Cake" calamity, which is depicted with frightening accuracy). For example, very few programs or movies related to pregnancy address abortion as more than a sidebar comment. This problem extends beyond it's disdain for reality and thoughtful women; I wager that folks who are not involved in the pregnancy options world actually buy this tripe and take it as gospel. In the last couple years, since the outpouring of pregnancy-related entertainment, I've lamented to friends and coworkers time and again that abortion should be part of the story. Their responses are usually to this effect: "But Anti-Anti, if she had an abortion there would be no story lol!"

Apparently the media has made ignoramuses out of all the people I know and respect. No story?! People are actually starting to believe that abortion is a nonsense topic. It's something that people don't go through. It's something that people don't seriously consider. It's something that is not nearly as chaotic or side-splitting as a woman carrying to term an unplanned pregnancy brought on by some doofus with a stupid haircut.

Let's count the ways in which choosing an abortion continues to be an issue of substance:
1. the woman actually has to weigh her options to make a decision
2. the woman probably already has kids
3. the woman has a deadbeat partner, or an awesome partner who doesn't want her to have an abortion
4. the woman doesn't have the money for an abortion
5. the woman doesn't have an escort to get to her abortion
6. the woman is near the gestation limit in her state and has to get to her appointment NOW!
7. the woman has to get a judicial bypass because her parents would mangle her if they knew
8. the woman gets mugged and all her hard-scrounged abortion money is stolen
9. there is a fetal anomaly and the woman has to get to a specialized health center NOW!
10. the woman is homeless
11. the woman is a teenager
12. the woman is ill
13. the woman doesn't speak English
14. the woman has no support from friends or family and has to rely on total strangers
15. the woman was desperate enough to attempt a DIY abortion
16. the woman's pregnancy circumstances are not ideal, yet her biological clock is ticking
17. the woman belongs to some moron religion
18. the woman was a virgin impregnated by God, but still thinks it's not cool
19. the woman makes a living as a swimsuit model and doesn't want to compromise her figure
20. the woman wound up at a CPC and has to make up for lost time and lost sanity

Phew! With any combination of those circumstances I could write a Judd Apatow-esque comedy that would knock your socks clean off, about abortion! What's our world coming to? When did unplanned pregnancy become HILARIOUS? Something that is a wild ride while you're on it, but always feels better at the end? Screw that. I want to see a) an abortion comedy, where a woman does some hilarious things and faces zany circumstances to make her abortion happen or b) a pregnancy tragedy where a woman listened to all the folks around her telling her not to have an abortion and dies in childbirth and utters with her last breath, "If only I had chosen abortion, one of the safest medical procedures in the United States."

IT'S TIME TO GET REAL, TV!

On that note, I'd like to pay tribute to MTV, who aired a wonderful special on abortion last night. One of my fellow Abortioneers will investigate this topic in depth, but I'd like to first share with you the link so that you can see for yourselves just how interesting a story about abortion can be.

No Easy Decision - MTV Shows

The Least Balanced Among Them

Sparky wrote a post about the Rachel Maddow documentary "The Assassination of Dr. Tiller."

I watched it, and thought it was very good. I was expecting to get extremely emotional watching it, but I did not. Seeing Dr. Sella get choked up was very moving, the patient stories, obviously -- but for the most part, I kept it together way better than I was anticipating.

For me, the best point the documentary made was expressed by one of Dr. Tiller's staffers. Essentially, she was saying that anti leaders, like Troy Newman or Randall Terry, are culpable to some degree for the behavior of people like Scott Roeder. She said, and I am paraphrasing here, that they use language of violence, murder, and hatred to incite people. Then, when the least balanced among them acts out as a result of that, they stand back as if they are not accountable and had nothing to do with it. Not unlike how when a football player does something wrong to a player on the opposite team, and then afterwards, when a flag is thrown and he gets caught, he stands there with his hands up as if that somehow proves he didn't do it.




Did I do that?

It is very important for the mainstream media and population in this country to understand this concept. Not just for abortion rights, but a variety of extremely important topics. For example, Fox News saying Obama is a Muslim over and over and over and over and over and over and then acting like it is an interesting news piece / revelation when most of the viewers of Fox News think Obama is Muslim. Similarly, when Bill O'Reilly calls Dr. Tiller "Tiller the Killer" on Fox News 30+ times, it's no wonder then viewers of the program start to view Tiller as not a person but a mass murderer.

The problem lies in where exactly the line of culpability starts and ends. Obviously, it's very complicated and difficult to ascertain. It is mostly shades of gray, and that is why they can get away with it.

I think, generally, the rhetoric of hatred that is so pervasive in this country seriously needs to subside. Hate breeds hate. I have no problem engaging with anti-choicers about the issue and talking about it. Note the word "talking." Talking implies two or more people are participating in a dialogue. I am more than happy to do that. If nothing else, it will help me understand where he or she is coming from better. I have a really hard time doing this, though, when the person is incredibly fired up, saying things that are blatant lies, and seem totally okay with the murder of my colleague. The least balanced among them - those who harass, shame, stalk, humiliate, murder - they are ruining it for everyone.

It would be nice if anti-choice folks were more willing to regulate the behavior of the extreme among them. Their leaders, Randall Terrycoughcough, seem more than happy to embrace their behavior.

Thanks, Rachel Maddow

you are the shit

If you haven't already heard of or watched it, last night Rachel Maddow's show did a special episode on Dr. Tiller's murder. I was unable to watch it because of my lack of cable, but I definitely plan to locate it on the wonderful interwebs.

Here is a brief clip of Maddow interviewing Dr. Elizabeth Newhall. Maddow and Newhall discuss the "WANTED" ads created by anti-choice radicals that target abortion doctors and threaten their lives. I would like to thank Rachel Maddow for broaching a subject that most mainstream media just won't. Abortion providers are endangered. When I am in the clinic, particuarly if I'm alone, I am always very vigilant about making sure doors are locked and I check security cameras countless times a day. It's mad what we, abortion providers, have to do just to do our jobs and help others carry out their choices as they see fit.

Please share if you were able to watch Rachel Maddow's show last night -- what did you think of it? -- or if you know a good way to watch the whole thing online...

Thanks to our com mentors the link above will bring you to the whole episode or you can read commentary for multiple ways of viewing the episode!

Accidents Will Happen

Oh, Canada!

I've been enjoying one of my guiltiest pleasures, Degrassi: The Next Generation, via Netflix. Not only do I enjoy the melodrama of teenage life in Toronto, but I was also in search of the missing link: an elusive episode that addresses abortion. This episode (of course!) was not aired in the States, so I was dying to know how it went.

Manny Santos, resident grade 9 hottie, has an affair with sensitive rocker Craig Manning, and becomes pregnant. There was the obligatory misunderstanding during the liaison - he thought she was on the pill, she didn't know she could get pregnant her first time/couldn't identify a condom. Manny's BFF is Emma Nelson, know-it-all and buttinsky supreme. Emma was born when her mother was 15, so of course she is an anti because she knows that teenage pregnancy results in pleasant children like herself. Manny and Craig consider running off to start a little family; Manny is sure that her mom would exile her to the Philippines if she hung around, and Craig wants to repair his own broken home. After more consideration, however, Manny starts leaning towards abortion when she realizes she wants to fulfill all her plans for the future. I don't have a video clip of the throwdown, but it goes like this:



Manny: I can't do this. I thought I could, but having a baby now is just....
Craig: You're not making any sense.
Manny: Someday you're gonna be a great dad, and someday I hope I'll be a mom. But now, now isn't someday yet.
Craig: No. No, you're not. Manny, stop! No, I won't let you!
Manny: Please!
Emma: Craig!
Craig: Emma, you butt out! What she's doing is wrong!
Emma: I agree with you, OK? If she was just some stranger I would be furious with her, but she's my friend. And it's her choice.
Craig: It's my baby!
Emma: In Manny's body; what about her?
Manny: I just...I just...I can't.

INTENSE!

Let's rehash my favorite part: If she was just some stranger I would be furious with her, but she's my friend.

God bless that little moral crusader. Emma is just so bright and insightful. She figured it out all on her own that abortion is OK, provided that you actually know and care about the person going through it. It's just so logical!

What Emma doesn't realize, and never will because she's stubborn and a brat and super annoying, is that Manny is a stranger to someone too. Even if you are supportive, someone out there is thinking that Manny is evil and is stomping on her right to choose. But that's cool, because people should only support their friends' abortions? Being selectively pro-choice is not pro-choice! You are still a jerk, Emma! Placenta Sandwich has also addressed this issue on a post referencing the clinic scene from "If These Walls Could Talk". Jada Pinkett plays a friend escorting a patient to the clinic, but is actually stewing in her juices about having to be there.

Granted, I can't blame Emma for this poor choice of words. She is not a real person. But there are plenty of folks out there who feel similarly. I've talked to dozens of them! Women who think that abortion is wrong except when it's herself or a close friend or relative. I exhort those women to consider that all those people outside the clinic, shouting slurs and harassing you or your loved one, might as well be you. Because guess what: YOU'RE STILL AN ANTI.

I think this clip, from the original Degrassi series, handles the topic much better. Lucy, the awesome one, makes my favorite point ever: "So women are just baby factories?" Ah, feminism! TRIVIA: The spiky-haired one is Emma's mom, who admits that just because she is a teen mom doesn't mean she knows what's best for other women. Hooray!

Abortion on TV

I found out recently that the a couple of shows, both on major networks, produced episodes featuring abortion as a main story line. And not only did the story lines feature abortion, both characters had an abortion. One of them was shown on tv, the other did not.

Friday Night Lights, not a show I've ever watched before, centers around high school football in a fictional (smallish?) town in Texas. While football is the main story line, there are, of course, various personal story lines. One of them involves two teenagers, Luke and Becky.

"I Can't" centers mostly around Becky finding out she's pregnant and trying to figure out if at 15 she wants to have a baby or have an abortion. While during the episode Becky is obviously torn up about the abortion and telling her mom (who was a teen mom), she seems pretty clear throughout on her decision. She does find solace in the support and objective counseling of the high school football coach's wife, Tami, who doesn't try to talk her out of her decision but does encourage Becky to tell her mom after asking if it's safe for Becky to do so.

The show doesn't delve into a lot of specifics but does a pretty good job of portraying the story realistically and objectively. There's a brief scene with a doctor, at the clinic where Becky will have her abortion, giving the state mandated counseling. Like I said it doesn't go into specifics, so we don't see too much of the counseling process. I do think the show gave a pretty well rounded view, albeit packed tightly into an hour tv show that dedicates much of it's time to various story lines. I can't find any clips to put on the website, but I saw it on the NBC website and thought it was a pretty good episode that portrayed an abortion experience objectively.

The other show, had a slightly different portrayal of an abortion experience - the Family Guy. The Family Guy is a satirical cartoon, made for adults, that isn't afraid to take any controversial topic and poke some fun.

In the episode, "Partial Terms of Endearment", which Fox won't air but is coming out on dvd, Lois goes to a class reunion and runs into an old friend. This friend asks her to be a surrogate for her and her husband. Lois agrees and an embryo is successfully implanted in Lois' uterus. However, not long after, Lois' friend and husband are killed in a car accident. Lois isn't sure what to do and ultimately decides to have an abortion. While Lois does have the abortion in the end, there is a moment where Peter, her husband, tries to convince her not to have the abortion after talking to anti-abortion protesters outside the clinic. This leads me to my favorite scene from this episode. I did watch the entire episode, broken into parts on You Tube.

What is this "work-life balance" of which you speak?

Sometimes, you just gotta.

My lovely coblogger About A Girl recently wrote about self-care and the symptoms of getting too wrapped up in your work. I have to say, "Not going to pee" really made me say "Oh god, hell yes." Isn't that insane? Not going to pee? Jeopardizing your long-term organ health because you feel so pressed for time that you pretend you're a machine and not a person who needs to pee??

On several occasions I've gone entire workdays without getting up to have a drink of water or use the bathroom (and eating a snack from home at my desk). Iterated over the long-term, those are NOT good ideas! I did get a lot better about it over time, though -- partly because I realized the importance of self-care, and partly because I got more efficient/effective at the parts of my job that had been keeping me busybusybusy.

The interesting thing about that list is some of it is really physical and direct -- not going to pee, for example -- while others have more elaborate pathways or are more about emotional coping when faced with other people's traumas, or even about getting along in the midst of office politics. It's clear that everyone's different, and we don't all necessarily struggle with the same effects of putting too much into our work. In my case, it tends to be more of the physical stuff -- not eating right or not peeing regularly because I felt tied to my desk or the flow of clinic was just nonstop -- and much less of the mental/emotional stress. On the other hand, I can get LOTS of mental/emotional stress when an officeplace situation is bad, just like it might be at any other (non-abortiony, non-hectic, etc) job.

I'm super interested in learning more about sustainable work practices in our field. My focus has always been on giving clients what they need, and that will always be paramount to me, but I also want my colleagues to be able to stick around for many years. Non-profit and social-good work in general tends to drain people without giving back materially, with the justification that you're in it for the satisfaction of doing good anyway so you don't care about crass things like money or forty-hour work-weeks (ha!) or the flexibility to take a vacation. Acting like we're "in the trenches" is supposed to be normal. And the smaller and more marginalized the field, the more this applies (usually!). I've talked a lot about pee in this post, but of course I'm really talking about the whole shebang.

I was trying to remember the name of a woman I once saw speak (and a reader commented speaking about the same person and reminded me, so thanks, Courtney!) who should probably be part of a yearly retreat for anyone who works in crisis care or other fields where clients bring you their traumas or urgent, high-intensity needs. The speaker's name is Laura van Dernoot Lipsky and she has peered right into your soul and written down what she saw. Her book is called Trauma Stewardship: An Everyday Guide To Caring For Self While Caring For Others.

In other news, another of our lovely readers (hi, Ali!) tipped us off to the ending of BUMP+, the weird-looking show that Revolutionary Vagina blogged about a while back. I haven't been watching -- life's busy, TV's hard to watch on a DSL connection, and this show looked weird -- but supposedly the fictional pregnancy outcomes were pretty much par for the course when it comes to abortion and "television" -- even, I guess, if the television is on the internet. Did anyone else see it? What do you think? Spoilers are more than welcome! 

Super Bowl Sunday

It's that time folks. Grab your corn chips, your salsa from a jar, and a good old American Bud Heavy and sit down to watch the Saints try to keep the American Dream alive and beat the Colts. And also to see the much talked about, much hyped Focus on the Family commercial.

For those of you blissfully unaware: Pam Tebow, Tim Tebow's mother, was pregnant when she was on a missionary tour in the Philippines. She became extremely ill and went into a coma. The drugs used to get her out of her coma and to treat her dysentery caused a severe placental abruption to occur. Basically, the pregnancy detached from her uterus. REALLY BAD. In fact, "fetal mortality rate of 20-40% depending on the degree of separation. Placental abruption is also a significant contributor to maternal mortality." So the doctors said that the baby was likely to be stillborn and recommended abortion. She was in the Philippines, where abortion has been criminalized and illegal since 1870, so I am not sure how great her doctor was since he was apparently ignorant of the country's laws?? Anyway, she said no, and carried the pregnancy to term. AND TIM TEBOW WAS BORN WOWOWOW MIRACLE OF LIFE.

This commercial is getting a TON of press, and my head is about to explode if I have to read another article talking about how IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL AND TIM TEBOW IS SO NICE AND WE LOVE HIM. (Note Revolutionary Vagina commented on this briefly a few weeks ago) Take for example, Roland S. Martin of CNN, who says

There is no rule anywhere in existence that says that the Super Bowl should be free of politics and social causes. None. So what's the big deal over Heisman Trophy winner Tim Tebow and his mother starring in a pro-life ad?

I agree with you, Mr. Martin. Whole heartedly. Expect that apparently there ARE rules, put in place by the Super Bowl, about what kinds of ads they air. In 2004 PETA wanted to run an anti-fur commercial and they were rejected. Moveon.org wanted to air a commercial about how much Bush is running up the deficit, and they were rejected. The United Church of Christ wanted to air a commercial letting the world know they don't discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation, and that EVERYONE was welcome at their church. They were rejected. Why? The Super Bowl peeps said they had to reject those ads because they were not going to “touch on and/or take a position on one side of a current controversial issue of public importance.” Even this year, a homosexual dating website wanted to air a commercial about the site and they were rejected as well. I am just confused how Pam Tebow's story is not a controversial issue? Abortion has been and seems like always will be a hot button issue in this country.

Oh wait! CBS has CHANGED THE RULES about what is "controversial" this year. So I guess a gay dating website is, but anti-abortion is not. Ohhhhhhhhhh okay I toadily get it. Thanks guys.

I guess what bothers me the most, besides CBS playing favorites on political issues, besides the story of Pam Tebow's pregnancy being riddled with inconsistencies that don't add up, is that everyone is forgetting, as Revolutionary Vagina pointed out, Pam Tebow did have a choice. If she was really in the Philippines were abortion was 100% illegal, then not really, but the point in all of this is that she CHOSE to keep the pregnancy despite the risks to the fetus and to her own life. I know we are not getting the full story here in terms of what actually happened, but either way, she chose to carry a pregnancy that was dangerous to both her and her fetus and she was aware of this and made that choice anyway. That is a brave choice and I give her props for that. I do not give her props for making it seem like it was NBD and that we should always choose life. Unfortunately, carrying a pregnancy to term is not always choosing life because sometimes both the mother and the fetus die. Sometimes the mother dies but the fetus lives. Sometimes the fetus dies. There are a lot of risks and complications involved with that kind of stuff and it appears as if they are sweeping all that under the rug. Just not cool, you know?

And this is from Upright Citizen's Brigade, so, you know it's gonna be hilarious:

"Bump"

I was surfing the web, thinking about all that is going on in the world of abortion that I can talk about. And  I stumbled upon a website called Bump the Show. This is a fictional web show that follows 3 women and their unintended pregnancies. The idea is to watch as they make the decision on whether they will carry their pregnancies. The viewers then go on their web boards and have discussions about the show, its characters, and what they think these women should do. The viewers actually influence the direction of the show, and ultimately the decisions these women will make.

W. T. F.

Really? What are the producers of this show thinking? And watching this show, makes me think they have never actually spoken to any women who are struggling with an unintended pregnancy if they think that this is realistic.

One of the things I found most off putting while watching the pilot episode is something one of the women said during her interview with the producers. "I think it's a really interesting experiment." "It's a really big decision, and so to have so many...so much input into it, is a really interesting idea." --Umm, what? I have talked to many pregnant women struggling with this decision, and I can't imagine any of them would react this way. Now, I understand this show is dramatized -- it is fictional, after all. But come on.

The producers of this show say the purpose is to have an open conversation about abortion and (my favorite part) "find workable solutions to the problem of unintended pregnancies". I get that this is a way of having communication on the abortion debate. I just wonder how successful it will be, and if the conversation will really be about abortion, or the way the show is presented. Also, I don't get how this show will help find any solutions to unintended pregnancies. I guess we'll have to watch to find out.

*As of the writing of this blog post, I am trying to watch the 2nd episode. My uncooperative internet is making that difficult.*

Who watches the Super Bowl for the commercials?

I was browsing the internet and stumbled upon this little gem. One of my favorite, love-to-hate-'em, college football players is going to be in a Super Bowl commercial. This is not your ordinary Super Bowl commercial - scantily clad women enticing men to drink really terrible beer, eat junk food, etc.

Oh no. This commercial is sponsored by Focus on the Family. Oh take that, Gator Fans, your beloved Tim Tebow is going to be in an anti-abortion ad during the Super Bowl. I can't seem to find a sneak peek of this ad. All I know is that he and his mom are going to talk about how her doctors recommended she have an abortion during her pregnancy with him because she was sick while doing a mission trip to the Philippines.

Interesting -- it was recommended she have an abortion, but she made a choice not to. She made a choice! I honestly am glad that she got to make a choice. And now she will go on national TV and promote denying that choice to others. Splendid.

And why the Super Bowl?

chestnuts roasting on an open blog

So I'm grappling with some homework on a chilly Saturday evening, but I always have a minute for something thoughtful and abortiony. Look what I just read: the "Five Stages of Grief" as applied to clinic escorting.  This was a really thoughtful way to look at how clinic escorts experience the stress and disillusionment of angry confrontation.  Also, sidenote, it made me like the Golden Girls even more! No, really. I Remember Exactly Where I Was...when I heard Bea Arthur had died.

(..At an abortion providers' conference, actually, where an afternoon speaker on "abortion in the media" recalled Arthur's great portrayal of deciding to have an abortion in the 1970s TV show Maude, and how different it was from what you see today.  RIP, you clever deadpan sarcastic hulking lady!)