Phone Etiquette

Lately, I've been thinking about how people who call doctors' offices can act strange on the phone. I've had/or my friends have had any of the following situations occur before:

1) Patient who wants an abortion ordering McDonalds while trying to schedule an appointment.
2) Patient screaming at her kid while trying to schedule an abortion (I always cringe whenever this happens).
3) Client's mother screaming at daughter (who needs/wants an abortion) because the daughter was so "stupid to get knocked up!" (Ugh. Also cringe-worthy.)
4) Patient's boyfriend who calls to "make sure she really had her abortion."
5) Patient's driver calling to pick up the patient after her abortion, but refusing to walk inside the clinic to get her.

If I could make a request of people: please don't call us and scream. Please don't scream at us, in our ear, at your child, at your mother, or at your partner when talking to us on the phone. Thanks!

I'm sure you've had crazy phone situations, too. Though sometimes I want to hang up - especially when yelling ensues - I am grateful that people are so different that they keep us on our toes.

Friends Of The Abortioneers: a gripe

Not long ago, my BFF told me that "on second thought, [I] probably shouldn't meet" one of his new friends because she had briefly expressed anti-abortion sentiments (something like "Well not that I support abortion") the last time they hung out. I asked my friend if he had said anything to respond to her...like, oh, say, "Well, I do support abortion rights, so you don't have to make any disclaimers around me." Or that his best friend provides abortion care and is a perfectly okay person. I don't know.

He said no, he hadn't said anything, and I realized I was hurt. He's known me for years, knows how important abortion is; why isn't that worth rocking the boat with someone he's just met? And why wouldn't you want to state your position early on -- what if this new friend simply assumes that's an OK thing to say to him, or to say in general? I even wondered if she's said it in front of women who, unbeknownst to her, have had abortions and now might never feel comfortable mentioning it.

I felt hurt even though I don't know this woman and don't particularly need to. I feel hurt when my mom lets her psycho friend be vocally anti-abortion in her presence, or when my dad seemed visibly relieved that I was going back to school and he could tell the relatives we were visiting that his daughter "works in public health." It's not outright rejection, but their silence isn't just about abortion as an abstract concept; it's like they're avoiding sticking up for me. And it bothers me even though I don't always stick up for myself.

Am I ashamed? Don't I want to educate people? Why wouldn't I always stick up for myself?

No; No; and, Because. No, I'm not ashamed. Okay, Yes I do want people to "be educated" about abortion, but No I don't want to do it in my local pharmacy or the video store I rent from every weekend. And maybe -- sometimes -- I don't want to be the one to do it. Maybe it would be nice if other people did some educating. People who could say "Someone I'm close to works in an abortion clinic, and from what I can tell it's an important part of healthcare that we shouldn't stigmatize or demonize." People who are far enough away from actually doing the work that, if they said this, it might make someone uncomfortable, but not make someone violent. People who are far enough away from the work that a bad reaction might make them disappointed, but not break their soul yet again.

~

If I were someone else, I might have been offended that my BFF thought I was too narrow-minded to hang out with someone who opposes abortion -- and I recognize that some people reading this might feel that way too. But I know that he was looking out for me, because I am that narrow-minded; or, less facetiously, because over the years I've decided that my time is better spent with people who can get their head around the fact that I find my work meaningful and valuable, and not wasted on those who need to be gently led back to Square One at potentially great personal risk.

I make exceptions for my grandparents, my middle-school teachers, my parents' close friends; I'll be social with them and skirt the subject. (Although I sense that if I have to see my mom's psycho friend again I'm going to snap.) I also make exceptions by not bringing it up with people I meet at parties, bars, or other noisy places where I am trying to have fun, not an upsetting high-decibel "debate," and don't plan to know you in the long-term. Or if a stranger on the bus wants to chat -- do you know that someone I know was followed on her commute home by an anti? After some instructive mishaps, I now make exceptions when meeting friends of friends, too. I don't like making a friend's evening awkward just because I responded to "So what do you do?" and their other friend couldn't pass up the chance to be rude.

On the face of it, maybe it doesn't sound fair for me to give myself all these passes but hold my family and friends accountable for their silences. But I don't care, actually. They could be my allies: their expenditure and risk in speaking up would be so low compared to mine. They ought to.

These roots were made for abortioneering

I was born into abortion. And yes, that statement is logical.

My earliest memory of being exposed to abortion was when my sister told me “We don’t get pizza from Domino’s, they are pro-life”. I didn’t know back then what pro-life meant, but I knew I didn’t want to be it (because I eagerly mimicked everything my sister did including ice skating, gymnastics, and playing with Barbies).

Years later I ended up working at an abortion clinic and I was fortunate to have the support and approval and encouragement of my entire family. I have met many abortioneers over the years that hid their profession from their loved ones and I luckily never had to be quiet about my work and passion.

Am I a direct product of my pro-choice upbringing? I often wonder if I would have been born into a pro-life family would I have ended up pro-life? Well thankfully that is a scenario I was never faced with. So here’s the rundown on my family tree:

Dad is a pro-choice neonatologist, and yes that is also extremely logical. He has spent his life taking care of babies who were born premature or ill. Oftentimes these babies were not wanted and he sees the direct result of women who were denied access to abortion and how an unwanted child impacts their health. He understands how women and girls don’t have access to family planning and he understands rape and incest. He is an advocate for women and for what they choose and that is ultimately the best kind of medicine. My dad was the first person I would call after a heartbreaking case at work. I needed someone to vent to and I knew he would understand the hard things I was constantly dealing with at the clinic.

Mom was a nurse midwife for years. One of her first jobs out of school was at an abortion clinic right after abortion was legalized. She is the first person I go to any time I am fundraising for pro-choice causes because she is such an incredible supporter. She is the epitome of pro-choice and would never question the choice of a woman or pass judgment.

My aunt is currently a prison nurse but worked in an abortion clinic years ago. She is also a no-questions-asked advocate for women.

My half-cousin who is a generation older than me is a nurse practitioner who has worked at Planned Parenthoods all across this great nation of ours. Once when I was babysitting her daughters I ordered pizza from the above-mentioned Domino’s (they were the only number I knew to call for delivery)…when she got home she promptly threw out the leftover pizza. I have never ordered from Domino’s since!

So those are my roots…I look forward to passing on my own abortioneering to the next generation.