So, I recently got a boyfriend. Squee!
My boyfriend, like most boyfriends, has a mom. Unlike most moms, she used to be a nun. I mean straight up walking-around-in-a-habit nun. Unsurprisingly, she is very pro-life. Very. Pro-life. Anti-Choice as I like to call 'em.
I am slated to meet this lady next weekend. Yes. Awkward. So so awkward. I have already played out how this will go 10,000 times in my head.
Scenario 1:
Boyfriend: Mom, this is Mr. Banana Grabber.
Mr. Banana Grabber: Hi! It's really nice to meet you!
Nun Mom: So, where do you work, Mr. Banana Grabber?
Mr. Banana Grabber: Um... I work at a non-profit that focuses on women's issues.
Nun Mom: Oh?? What's the name of it?
Mr. Banana Grabber: Um...
Nun Mom: *silent judgement*
Scenario 2:
Boyfriend: Mom, this is Mr. Banana Grabber.
Mr. Banana Grabber: Hi! It's really nice to meet you!
Nun Mom: So, where do you work, Mr. Banana Grabber?
Mr. Banana Grabber: Um... I help low-income women get abortions.
Nun Mom:
Scenario 3:
Boyfriend: Mom, this is Mr. Banana Grabber.
Mr. Banana Grabber: Hi! It's really nice to meet you!
Nun Mom: So, where do you work, Mr. Banana Grabber?
Mr. Banana Grabber: Um... I'm a cashier.
Nun Mom: *silent judgement*
So I am pretty stressed about this. I mean, I refuse to lie about my job or make something up. That isn't an option. It's strange though because I am definitely feeling the need to play the whole thing down. But the fact I am even considering doing that makes me feel all sorts of weird. Am I a bad Abortioneer for wanting to do that? I am not sure how to best handle it. What do you guys think?
Scenario 3:
Boyfriend: Mom, this is Mr. Banana Grabber.
Mr. Banana Grabber: Hi! It's really nice to meet you!
Nun Mom: So, where do you work, Mr. Banana Grabber?
Mr. Banana Grabber: Um... I'm a cashier.
Nun Mom: *silent judgement*
So I am pretty stressed about this. I mean, I refuse to lie about my job or make something up. That isn't an option. It's strange though because I am definitely feeling the need to play the whole thing down. But the fact I am even considering doing that makes me feel all sorts of weird. Am I a bad Abortioneer for wanting to do that? I am not sure how to best handle it. What do you guys think?
What does the boyfriend say about this impending encounter? Has he mentioned to his mom about your work (or your views)?
ReplyDeleteIt seems, it's unavoidable to tell her - and if she's half as scary-anti-choice as we think, then the same judgment that she'll bestow upon you for your work would be there if you weren't an abortioneer but just volunteered/believed in the work.
I've done this before: outright lied once, skirted around it two other times. It wasn't many times, but each one felt like it lasted forever - social occasions with people whom I was, basically, "not allowed" to upset. It felt really awful, but I still don't know what I'll do if a similar situation comes up again.
ReplyDeleteI think someone else in our bloggy midst has had this come up with a bf's family, but I don't want to mess up the story by trying to tell it myself.
Ya rly!
ReplyDeleteBEEN THERE, though the boyfriend's mom was never a nun...just an idiot. The whole fam is super anti, with the exception of the dad maybe, who seems indifferent at best. When I first became an Abortioneer, the boyfriend sat me on his lap, stroked my hair, and told me oh-so gently that I couldn't take the job because he could never tell his mom what I did. Nearly dumped him.
I was "unemployed but still searching lol" for the next few months, until I accidentally let it slip that I did have a job. At a women's rights organization, of course. To this day I'm still not allowed to tell mom, though everyone else in the immediate family knows. I had the same attitude at first, refused to lie. But I figured...fuck. Do I really want to ruin the boyfriend's life over this? I mean, his entire family prayed for him for months after we moved in together, told him he was killing his mother and they prayed he'd see the error of his ways. Holy cow. Just forget it. I don't care so much about his family that I need to show my true colors. It's not worth it for people I don't even really like. Ya kno?
Nun Mom: So, where do you work, Mr. Banana Grabber?
ReplyDeleteMr. Banana Grabber: I work in a highly sensitive area for personal clients with absolute confidentiality. Can't talk about it. Very sorry. But my work is about protecting my clients' privacy. And where do YOU work, Mom?
dame janus - not a bad idea. though does it run the risk of suggesting, idunno, call girl to senators, or something else this mother-in-law still might not approve of? ha.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the whole meeting the mom situation, which is always stressful, regardless of what your job is.
ReplyDeleteWhy lie about it? Doesn't that tacitly convey the message that you think your job is somehow unseemly, or that you should be ashamed of it? Why should you have to lie about who you are and what you do for a living? Doesn't that contribute to the marginalization of abortion providers?
But, that's all very easy for me to say, since I'm not in your shoes. Good luck!
Assuming she is anti-choice (I will refuse to accept the conventional belief that catholics are anti-choice until they stop getting abortions and the sheer fact that your beau's mom USED to be a nun suggests that she diverts from the doctrine on several accounts)...
ReplyDeleteI like to immediately divert conversation to the story of pro-choice priests and ministers and NUNS who saved 1,000's of women in the US when abortion was illegal for a short while in the early 20th century. You too do your work out of moral obligation. Sounds like you and mom have a lot in common. Though, if this was a chick flick, you'd bend the truth over several occasions before nun mom encountered you talking a pregnant woman who can't afford an abortion down from a ledge as her five children, Ob-Gyn and the pope watched helplessly from the ground because you ROCK!
I just found this blog. I assume that by your referring to your self as "Mr. banana grabber" that you are male, with a boyfriend, which means you are homosexual. If she got past him being homosexual and didn't disown him, she'll accept you. My guess is she is praying and fasting for him, she'll add some novena's your way as well....which couldn't hurt, really.
ReplyDeleteReal pro-lifers believe all life is sacred for a reason, so she will not harrass you.
D's comment = totally hilarious on multiple levels. Any fans of "Arrested Development" in the house?
ReplyDeleteI've only seen a few good episodes of Arrested Development. D--I'm not sure if I lost you at male, boyfriend or homosexual first but I know I lost you at real pro-lifer.
ReplyDeleteI know "D." probably is not going to see this, but the moment he/she referred to him as "homosexual," I could tell he/she was anti-choice or at least highly-sympathetic to their cause. haha
ReplyDelete