Last Saturday, the sun was rising after days spent hidden behind an ominous country of clouds, and the air was chill, but spring was settling-in, and I was strolling to clinic, watching the sun, crossing the once-snow-torn streets, and listening to Everything I fell briskly into a pothole the size of a dinosaur’s print. My ankle blew-up to the size of a small uterus, so I took the bus to work instead of hobbling between trains.
The protestors tend to pray in-front of their giant posters of adult-size, gruesome pregnancy porn where the bus stops--I pulled the Stop Request cord, took a deep breath, humbly thanked the driver, humbly thanked the bus, and beyond the roaring god-have-mercies, I caught the eyes of the woman I see every Saturday from afar as I walk an elaborate round-about-way in order to avoid their wave of nauseating, anti-abortion possessive evil.
I caught the eyes of the woman who liked to ask me if I’d like to talk about my alternatives to helping women kill their babies. I thought of Sarah Palin and how pretty she is with all of her kids. I thought of Easter Sunday and bonnets and bunnies and the lord’s everlasting forgiveness and his finger always pointing me in the right direction when I let Christ into my heart.
I had an ancient memory of all my cuddly children of lives past and felt the potential of thousands of babies before me. (The women I'd spent years truly listening to never occurred to me at all.) My abortion spirit left me, so I embraced my otherwise regular stalkers and took a packet of cross-clad pamphlets and embarked on my new life’s calling to prey on incoming cars with the single-handed mission to stop abortions.
APRIL FOOLS!
PS. The part about falling into the pothole is darn true, but it only made me love abortion more as I contemplated whether I could walk while resting on the curb.
Plus, check-out why I’d rather be an April fool than a March lamb:
March 31, 2010: Where the US Went Wrong on Abortion from CBS News
March 30, 2010: Nebraska lawmakers to debate abortion restrictions from the Kansas City Star
March 30, 2010: Kansas lawmakers pass rewrite of abortion laws from the Kansas City Star
March 30, 2010: When It's Teenagers Seeking Healthcare the Myths Emerge About Abortion form RH Reality Check
March 30, 2010: Mexico's anti-abortion laws prompt many women to seek procedure in Texas from KENS 5 TV
March 30, 2010: Black Abortion: Battleground Georgia from RH Reality Check
March 30, 2010: Archdiocese sues city over pregnancy counseling notice from The Baltimore Sun
March 29, 2010: Med schools vary on abortion instruction from the GW Hatchet
March 29, 2010: Senate Moves forward with 24 hours mandatory delay bill The Digitel
March 29, 2010: Neb., Okla., Antiabortion Bills Clear Legislative Hurdles from Medical News Today
March 28, 2010: Health clinic assisted a student seeking abortion properly under the law from the Seattle Times
March 27, 2010: Abortion ban proposal to be on Colo. ballot from the Associated Press
March 26, 2010: Q and A with Carole Joffe from The Nation
March 26, 2010: In Subway Ads on Abortion, a Pretense of Neutrality from the New York Times
March 26, 2010: Repro-Briefs: Ultrasounds, Upside Downs and Prenatal Care from RH Reality Check
March 26, 2010: Senators advance abortion bill from Omaha World Herald
March 26, 2010: A look at details of the health care overhaul law from the Associated Press
March 25, 2010: Abortion referral puts spotlight on school-based health centers from the Seattle Times
March 23, 2010: Gloria Steinem: Health-Care Reform and a Woman's Body from WoW
March 23, 2010: House Approval Of Reform Package Rested On White House Executive Order On Abortion form Medical News Today
March 22, 2010: KS House endorses greater restrictions on late abortions from the Kansas city Star
March 22, 2010: Ky. Republicans File Petition For State House To Consider Ultrasound Bill from Medical News Today
March 22, 2010: Stricter Enforcement Of South Korean Abortion Laws Limits Access For Many Women from Medical News Today
March 22, 2010: Videos Discuss Health Reform Abortion Debate, Maternal Health Efforts from Medical News Today
March 21, 2010: Text of the Executive Order on Abortion from The Atlantic
March 21, 2010: House Democrats seeking executive order on abortion funding from the Washington Post
March 18, 2010: Colo. abortion foes say they cleared petition bar from the Washington Post
March 18, 2010: SC lawmakers approve abortion ban in health plan from the State
March 16, 2010: Lawmakers expected to push to rewrite Kansas law on late-term abortions from the Kansas city Star
March 16, 2010: Late-term abortion doctors fill in for Tiller from the Los Angeles Times
March 15, 2010: Court to rule this month on state's abortion notification law from the Chicago Tribune
March 9, 2010: Home abortion drug use effective, safe for most from Reuters
March 9, 2010: Guv signs revised abortion bill from the Salt Lake Tribune
March 8, 2010: Abortion amendments jeopardize 4 more bills from the Louisville courier-Journal
March 7, 2010: Anti-abortion protests draw thousands in Spain from Arab News
March 6, 2010: Utah House Passes Bill Outlawing Nonmedical Abortions from Fox News
March 5, 2010: Groups protest S.Korea crackdown on abortion from the Associated Press
March 4, 2010: Oklahoma Supreme Court Rules Abortion Law Unconstitutional from Ms. Magazine
March 4, 2010: Utah Anti-Abortion Bill Citing 'Reckless Act' Is Withdrawn from the New York Times
March 3, 2010: From Town Halls To Twitter: The Long, Rocky Road To Destigmatizing Abortion from Newsweek
March 2, 2010: The World According to Stupak from The Nation
March 1, 2010: New York Times Article on Myth of "Racial Bias and Abortion" Omits Critical Analyses from RH Reality Check
Thanks for scaring the crap out of me. Boy, I am gullible. XD
ReplyDeleteWonderful!
ReplyDeleteI somehow imagined your spirit floating out of your body at the point where, I figured out later, the story took a turn into the unreal. I suspected a trick up your sleeve!