It's that time of year again around the world: The Vagina Monologues will probably soon be coming to a city near you. I've been thinking about the Vagina Monologues a lot and though I'm a huge fan, I do think it's very strange they don't talk about abortion when they talk about vaginas. I wish they did!
VDay is coming up too - I think this week. It's all about raising awareness of the violence against women and how it's important to give voice to such things. Even during difficult, terrible times, women can still obtain power. And I'm grateful that as Abortioneers, we get to help women regain some power when faced with an unwanted pregnancy.
For us, one of the most important aspects of giving women power is access to options and choices. Sometimes, this could be as simple as telling the undocumented client who came to us for abortion services - who had been brutally beaten and nearly killed by her strict Catholic husband when he found her birth control pills - that she could regain some control over her fertility (and freedom - hopefully - at least sometimes - from being used as a human punching bag) by using Depo, an injectible birth control that her husband won’t be able to find in her dresser drawer. As you probably know, when a woman is pregnant, the risk of domestic violence increases dramatically. In fact, the time when a woman is most likely to be murdered in domestic violence is when she is pregnant. This client cried when she learned that her husband wouldn’t find any more pills and she could at least prevent a pregnancy; because as you can imagine, this woman had no power to negotiate when her body could be used for sex, under what conditions, nor did she have the power to negotiate condom use, let alone be able to discuss birth control. She was grateful. And though she had endured painful circumstances, and though controlling her fertility doesn’t mean she’ll never be abused again, she gained some power over her own body. Her own life.
I recognize she didn't go home and have a voice against her abusive husband; but for the hours she was within our clinic, she had a strong, powerful voice of bravery. I'm proud that she had a haven, a place to go to where we recognized her strength. Somewhere she could safely tell her own story. Perhaps it saved her life.
Find a V-Day event near you.
Where's the Vagina Monologue about abortion?
ReplyDeleteI'm not a fan of the Vagina Monologues but I agree, its odd that they would leave something like abortion out.
ReplyDeleteThis might be out of place, but I have to ask. You provide information about access to domestic abuse shelters for women like this, yes? Tell her that she doesn't have to stay with a man who abuses her? It's great that she can prevent anymore unwanted children, but at the end of the day she's still going back to a husband who hits her.
ReplyDeleteWell, it's not quite the same to have it segregated off like this, but check it out: www.abortionmonologues.com/
ReplyDeleteSold-out US premiere last week, playing around universities in Canada.
CP - don't want to speak for everyone here, but in my experience yes definitely! My coworkers have always offered phone numbers and/or websites, but it's notoriously difficult to get out and stay out of a violent relationship -- starting with square 1 of having hope that you can try -- so sometimes we can't even get a client to take the numbers from us. We do what we can and try not to stay up thinking about what we can't; but I'm always happy to hear of more effective ways to help a client to safety.
ReplyDeleteCP - yes, most certainly referrals were given for the client to find a safe place to live. This is common practice and in abortionland, we find that we regularly end up working in collaboration with community agencies, trying to assist clients who are in need of many different types of additional services (whether it be for domestic violence, for sexual assault, for substance abuse, etc.).
ReplyDeleteThough it would be a topic for another blog, it can sometimes be hard when women don't want to accept the referrals you seek. (And statistically, women will leave their abusive partners seven times before leaving for good.) It can feel frustrating and sad; however, as a feminist, and following an advocacy model of empowerment, the choice is the woman's: whether that's to have an abortion, continue being in an abusive relationship, or continue to shoot up with herion when she doesn't have any good veins left. I truly believe that for this particular woman, her choosing depo was actually the safest and bravest thing she could do at that time. And it was her choice.
These are exactly the kind of stories that make a grown man like myself almost cry. I teach my daughter differently. . .to be her own person, to find her own existential meaning and value, to operate from her own internal locus of control, and to value her emotional and financial independence. I teach her that marriage and family are pieces of a life, but not her life or her be all to end all reason for being.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to hear that assistance was offered. I realize that it can be difficult for a woman to remove herself from a violent situation (or a man, but that's a different topic). I understand not everyone will take advice and help when offered. As long as the advice and help IS offered, we can take small steps towards progress.
ReplyDeleteWould like to go back to About A Girl's comment (where she listed some things that we can't make decisions about for our clients) and say, for the record, that I believe that having a needed abortion can be far healthier and more constructive than the other things in that list and wouldn't want anyone to assume otherwise. AAG, I don't presume to explain what YOU meant in your comment, but having known you, I'd guess you might feel the same way as me :)
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