Tuesday, February 23, 2010

The Anti-Abortion Best Friend

Something unexpected and surprising happened recently. I learned that even if you're about to have an abortion, your very pro-life, anti-abortion best friend can still be your best friend. Confused? So was I.

Let me explain. A few weeks ago, a client came to our clinic for a pregnancy test. She knew she was pregnant, but wanted a health clinic to confirm this. She brought her best friend with her. Not unusual. I thought it was quite sweet. When I gave the positive test results, both the client and the best friend were present. The client didn't flinch and said, "Okay. I need an appointment for an abortion." The best friend's lips were terse. I took that as a red flag. The appointment was set. The best friend flipped her long blonde hair, looked me straight in the eye, and stated, with distaste, "How can you do this job?" I must've looked confused. I was, in fact, confused. After I asked what she meant, she cleared her throat and said, "I mean, how can you do this? How can you work here?" Her face screwed up again. I quickly stated, "Well, I love my job." Then I looked to the client, as if she could give me some clarification because I was still confused. The client tilted her head towards her best friend and casually stated, "Oh, she's totally anti-abortion and doesn't agree with what I'm doing at all. She's been trying for several years to get pregnant. So, she doesn't get abortion."

I was a little concerned for the client, worried her only support person was totally against abortion. The best friend flipped her blonde hair again. "I don't get it. And I have tried to have a baby for years, like she said. But she's my best friend. So I'm here. And I'll be with her to help her with whatever she decides." I was impressed. And not so sure the client would show for her appointment.

But she did. And so did the best friend. The best friend took off a day from her job. A job which was really difficult to get off from. She sat with the client all day. And it was an exceptionally long day. She even stayed with her during the abortion procedure and held her hand. At the end of the day, filled with a lot of waiting, the best friend pulled me aside. She touched my arm, smiled, and flipped that blonde hair once again. "I know why you do what you do now." I smiled, quizically. "I read the journal you guys have in the waiting room. You know, the one where all the women can write about how they're feeling about their abortion. And now I get it. Now I get why you are here and why you love your job and why it matters. And I wanted to tell you I think it's really great." Her blue eyes sparkled and she smiled. A sincere smile. I wanted to hug her.

Actually, I want to put her up as a great big billboard of what best friends are supposed to be. How they're meant to act. How they're supposed to be there to support their friends, even when they don't really agree. And if I were to have an abortion tomorrow, I sure as hell would want a best friend like that around.

We all could do with a best friend like the blonde hair flipper who has been trying to have babies, is against abortion, but stood by her friend and held her hand during her abortion: because she loves her best friend. I think she's amazing. And I think you may think so, too.


  1. Reading this just made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and I thought about it and realized that I have anti friends who would probably be with me, too.

  2. This is an amazing story and is a true testament to the family formed from friends. Thanks for posting.

  3. Wow. Just...wow. Amazing.

    Didn't Anne Frank once say: "I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are good at heart"? Something like that anyway. I believe it. I guess you need an experience like this to know you who your true friends are.

  4. We need more people like that in the world.

  5. Freddy May - you're lucky that you have some anti friends who love you enough that they'd put aside their feelings to be there for you. :)

    Dylan Rocket - I agree. Often times, our friends are our family of choice (uh. No pun intended! lol)

    Anti- Oh. That makes me love Anne Frank! :) <3

    Steph + Nichole: I know, right?!

    EAMD - You're welcome.

    I keep thinking about this friend, though. And she really has inspired me and I believe the patient was very lucky to have such a loving, true friend.

  6. I have friends like that, who are anti-abortion as a choice on a personal level, but who would not hesitate to be there for me if I ever made that choice for myself.

    I thought I had unique friends. Apparently not. Gives me hope for the world at large.

  7. I have said this before, your kindness and empathy come out in this blog. . .my wife is waiting to retire from her job as school librarian to take a job like yours.

  8. This is truly inspiring, brought tears to my eyes. I hope to never need another abortion, but if I do, I would be lucky to have a friend such as this.


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