There are a few things for you to know about our clinic so you will be prepared on the day of your appointment.
#1 Please expect to spend anywhere from one to eight hours at our facility. We will escort you through the preliminary, medical, and recovery processes as safely and respectfully as possible, but you are seeking a deeply stigmatized procedure, and we must slay dragons on your behalf.
#2 We do not accept checks or cash. Please be prepared to pay for your services with a money order, debit or credit card. We understand that this complicates a majority of real-life scenarios, but when we accept cash, everybody pays with cash, and then someone who probably waited too long (because *we forgot to inform* them of #1) will eventually rob us.
#3 Please bring paperwork (variable by state and patient background), and prepare to answer several questions openly and honestly. We are here to help you and will support your health care needs with concentrated medical expertise and painstaking confidentiality.
#4 There will be protestors but please understand that they terminate pregnancies too.
#5 Please bring no more than one support person. We respect your desire to be involved with family and friends throughout your experience, and we understand the limits and obligations of parenting, but the surgery you seek is common, and we simply cannot comfortably and privately accommodate the soul-group of every human-being.
#6 We ask that you not bring children into this facility. We know there are other parts of the world where both intentionally pregnant and unwantedly (sic) pregnant women gather in practice together, and the world will progress, but here we revert to 1 through 5 and repeat: We cannot accommodate children.
#7 Lucky charm
#8 Please allow me to provide directions for traveling to, entering, and exiting our clinic...(variable by clinic and terrorist actvity).