Protecting Secrets

I was going to write about something totally different this morning, but Daughter of Wands and Vegan Vagina have me thinking about secrets with the posts they've written this week. We live somewhat double-lives, as DoW mentioned: we give direct service to women seeking abortions, but we all have interests and lives outside abortion work. And like Vegan Vagina shared, we then write for this blog, which means we’re extra secretive because we have to protect our own anonymity from our employer (and co-workers) as well as our co-bloggers’ anonymity.

This blog began so we could discuss how amazing and challenging doing direct service abortion work is. We needed a safe outlet: a place where we could really vent and celebrate. Work isn’t always a safe place to do this, especially if we think improvements could be made in certain areas. There have been times I’ve definitely been nervous at work listening to people talk about our blog. I often worry about getting outted. Even last week, a co-worker talked about one of my own blog entries. I was incredibly scared that I may have blushed and made it obvious it was me who wrote what she was talking about. Why would we care? Because we don’t represent our employer when we write here, and we may not always agree with our employer and we may want to talk about it; some employers would not be happy with this at all. Mine is one of them. And to be totally honest, there are things I still haven’t written about because I’m so scared of being outted! (And this totally pisses me off.)

Being the keeper of secrets for clients, carrying them on our shoulders, in our hearts, will be a job that lasts a lifetime. Even beyond our work with abortion. We know things about some women that perhaps they’ve never told anyone else. We become woven into their stories: their abortion story. And we have a responsibility in that. It’s our responsibility to be kind and to make their stories – their experiences – just a little better. So we are present. We focus on the women. We care for them. We listen, and - hopefully - trust them. And yet, we must be separate and tip toe on this very fine balance…of being a protector: of patients and of self...without becoming cynical and burned-out. It's not always easy.

I try to keep my life outside abortion quiet and peaceful and not filled with abortion stuff…which, let’s face it: is usually not quiet or peaceful. I try to protect my family from my work and clients from the protesters and myself from my employers and you just end up with this spiral of protectiveness and secrecy which can be difficult to unravel.

So, to those who do know our secrets (our dearest of family and dearest of friends who know we write on this blog), we’ve entrusted you with our utmost confidence that you, too, will protect us. And…we thank you for that!

Abortioneering Parent? Or Soon-to-be-Parent? Or Someday, Might Wanna Be a Parent?

...if you answered yes to any of those questions, you've (hopefully), come to the right post. Those of us who are parents and who are abortioneers have different slants on the realities of direct service work from those of our non-breeding abortioneer friends. What, you ask? For starters, security/safety issues (parents are directly responsible for their little ones so when, say, bomb threats occur or you get threatened by a protester, it gets more complicated. Enter: Mama Bear). Other typical concerns are how NOT to get outted to neighbors, your kids' teachers, the PTA, and so on. Getting outted is no fun for anyone; however, with children, there are additional implications for them (being treated differently by teachers, peers, their coaches).

So, I want to do a twice monthly series called...."The Yummy Mummy's Guide to Abortioneering." Until interest dies off, I'd write about some of these topics that impact us as parenting abortioneers. Any interest? If so, comment to this post, on FB, Twitter, take our poll, whatever. Let me know of any particular issues you'd want me to bring up/discuss.

Let me also just state this disclaimer: though I am a parent, I am by no means pronouncing myself as expert in all things parental. Far from it. I will speak from my own personal experience and bring up topics that I hear other parents talk about and will ask for your thoughts, too! The point is to interact.

Must rush now. It's storytime in this house: The Cat in the Hat is on demand tonight.

Much love!

PS: If you think the Yummy Mummy title is a bit too non-inclusive and have a more inclusive thought for a title, hit me up.