Shitty Jobs: They Exist Here, Too

Abortioneers can have shitty jobs. Most of us do the work because we care. We look to the greater good. We are motivated by helping others (and if you’re not, you won’t last long as an Abortioneer). Most of us are grossly underpaid and grossly overworked. Most of us have co-workers who are incredible and inspiring. Hopefully, we have bosses and doctors who give a shit and don’t take the crazy stress out on their employees.

Those of you who work in clinics are pretty amazing, really. You get up every day and go to work in the face of protesters that scream at them. You hold onto complete strangers' secrets and carry them as your own. You put up with threats. You get isolated socially because it's hard to talk about your job. You hold hands. You wipe tears. You smile. You're brave. Sometimes you get into the safety of the clinic to face unhappy, burnt-out, unkind co-workers or, worse, bosses. Yes, they exist. They exist everywhere, don’t they? Why should abortioneering be any different?

We’re all so scared to talk about the shit that exists within our work because we want to portray an image of the altruistic feminists who fight hard for the cause, never give up on women needing abortions, and never give up on their employees. That doesn’t always exist. The reality is, just like in any other job, there can be fucking shitty managers. Fucking shitty co-workers. Fucking shitty work environments. And guess what? We hatehatehatehate talking about it because we:
1) Don’t want to get outted to our employers (and possibly face getting fired)
2) Don’t want to fuel the antis who read our blog and will say, “See! You guys are suffering because of the evil work you do!”

I’m sick of both of those things. My dear, dear co-blogger, Sparky, just wrote about how she’s having a hard time at work in this post. She’s brave. I admire her. She spoke out. Our work is hard. It’s easy to get burned out. We givegivegive of our hearts and sometimes our employers don’t really give much back to us in terms of support. Sometimes our employers tend so much to the “business” part of our business, that they forget the heart of it. They forget that without passion, without advocacy, without caring for more than the bottom line (and without having employees who do, to their core, have these qualities), they will have a very cold business. They will lose those who care the most: who are motivated by making a difference in women’s lives. Some of my friends are getting lied to by their bosses: being promised that they would always have a job/not get a paycut/not get laid-off/that they’re too valuable to ever lose; then all of the above happens. And employees who are rude to patients, rude to other employees, who suck the heart out of a clinic stay behind.

I understand Sparky. I’m burned out, too. I’ve been burned out. And I realize that sadly, where I work, there are lots of unhappy people who probably are just waiting to get out. Maybe they want to find a replacement before they quit. I’m looking for a new gig. I’m loyal to abortion work, but I’m no longer loyal to my clinic. Hard to be loyal around those who aren’t loyal to you or who you can’t really respect.

So, we’re sorry to those of you who are struggling at work. It totally sucks. If employers dump so much stress on their staff on top of the inherent stress that already exists doing this work, they’ll lose all their best people (they’ll either quit or they’ll get so disenchanted and angry that you won’t want them anymore). What a terrible thing to squash the passion and the love of the work out of your employees or co-workers.

In my opinion, abortion clinics should be a place of love. When they aren’t anymore and there’s nothing you can do about it, it’s time to get out.

Protecting Secrets

I was going to write about something totally different this morning, but Daughter of Wands and Vegan Vagina have me thinking about secrets with the posts they've written this week. We live somewhat double-lives, as DoW mentioned: we give direct service to women seeking abortions, but we all have interests and lives outside abortion work. And like Vegan Vagina shared, we then write for this blog, which means we’re extra secretive because we have to protect our own anonymity from our employer (and co-workers) as well as our co-bloggers’ anonymity.

This blog began so we could discuss how amazing and challenging doing direct service abortion work is. We needed a safe outlet: a place where we could really vent and celebrate. Work isn’t always a safe place to do this, especially if we think improvements could be made in certain areas. There have been times I’ve definitely been nervous at work listening to people talk about our blog. I often worry about getting outted. Even last week, a co-worker talked about one of my own blog entries. I was incredibly scared that I may have blushed and made it obvious it was me who wrote what she was talking about. Why would we care? Because we don’t represent our employer when we write here, and we may not always agree with our employer and we may want to talk about it; some employers would not be happy with this at all. Mine is one of them. And to be totally honest, there are things I still haven’t written about because I’m so scared of being outted! (And this totally pisses me off.)

Being the keeper of secrets for clients, carrying them on our shoulders, in our hearts, will be a job that lasts a lifetime. Even beyond our work with abortion. We know things about some women that perhaps they’ve never told anyone else. We become woven into their stories: their abortion story. And we have a responsibility in that. It’s our responsibility to be kind and to make their stories – their experiences – just a little better. So we are present. We focus on the women. We care for them. We listen, and - hopefully - trust them. And yet, we must be separate and tip toe on this very fine balance…of being a protector: of patients and of self...without becoming cynical and burned-out. It's not always easy.

I try to keep my life outside abortion quiet and peaceful and not filled with abortion stuff…which, let’s face it: is usually not quiet or peaceful. I try to protect my family from my work and clients from the protesters and myself from my employers and you just end up with this spiral of protectiveness and secrecy which can be difficult to unravel.

So, to those who do know our secrets (our dearest of family and dearest of friends who know we write on this blog), we’ve entrusted you with our utmost confidence that you, too, will protect us. And…we thank you for that!

Systemic Breakdown

I often deal with other institutions on behalf of women seeking abortion care. I interact with many different abortion funds or social assistance agencies, when I worked for a fund I helped women deal with medical clinics, I also deal with a myriad of other kinds of institutions in order to help women access safe medical care in both my personal and professional life.

The thing is, usually I am able to figure out how to help a woman get care when someone seeks my help. Sometimes there are legal issues like when a woman is a minor and has to get parental consent or judicial bypass. I have extensive experience in different types of case management, but sometimes I just can't figure it out. The many laws, regulations, dollars, and other barriers between a woman and her abortion are impenetrable. I have spent 3 work days trying to figure how to help a young woman get seen before she is too late to be seen at the clinic where I work. I have been able to raise some money for her from a myriad of places, but the money isn't the issue. There are so many institutions that can work together to stop a woman from accessing safe and simple health care.

It's really frustrating. Today I had to accept that a woman who does not want to be pregnant and should not have to will stay pregnant. This woman has medical issues that warrant abortion, and yet it isn't any easier. The answer doesn't change: she will most likely have to stay pregnant. I don't understand it. Access to health care should not be this disjointed in the United States.

I remember the first time I had to tell someone who was 26+ weeks pregnant with a severely deformed fetus that was incompatible with life that I could not pull all the strings to get her abortion. I felt like my heart might fall to pieces. This happened at least two years ago, and yet I still remember minute details about our interaction.

Accepting that helping everyone is not possible is a really important part of self-care for me. I cannot absorb the world's problems. I try to help people access something that should be available, but when a system of legal, medical, and social service agencies fails someone, I cannot feel personally responsible. I have to find a way to accept it and move on because I can't help everyone.

Thankfully, the work I do usually results in women getting the care they need. Learning how to take time for my spirit to recuperate is really important. I'm constantly trying to balance dedication to my work with self-care. In this emotionally intense line of work, abortioneer burn-out seems only inevitable. What are some of the ways other folks in the abortioneer community deal with this disappointment, when a patient isn't able to get seen or something else emotionally draining happens?

Staying Motivated

We know doing direct service abortion work can take its toll. After reading our dear Desembarazame's recent post, Trust, I got to thinking: what can we do to keep ourselves motivated? We've talked about how to not burn out, how to take care of ourselves; but what can we do to stay on fire, to keep "burning-in" day in and day out?

I loved what Desembarazame said about wearing her "Trust Women" button (and believing in it to her bones) and about dancing around in the building. I can imagine her - as I'm sure you can, too - bringing a lot of happiness and light to her clinic. I totally wish I worked with her!!! (She would completely rock as a co-worker, wouldn't she?!) I relate to how despite believing so much in what we do, it can be exhausting. Especially in times of change. Especially when co-workers are all up in eachother's business. Especially when I'm annoyed with some decision that someone has made.

Some motivation tips:
1) Share client stories with co-workers (even when they're being - err - a bit challenging. I'm talking about your co-workers, not the clients!).
2) Try to have direct contact with clients, make a connection (remember why you're doing what you're doing).
3) Pick people's brains that have done the work longer than you: ask them for stories from "back in the day." (They'll probably love a skip down memory lane.)
4) Read the Abortioneers Blog!! (Cheeky, I know!)
5) Or...STOP reading about abortiony stuff and abortionland! Take a break! (But not from our blog. OK? Please? Oh, well, alright. If you need a break, it's okay. We won't judge.) :)
*5) Take a long weekend off. No, not just from our blog...from your job, too! Yes, I'm serious! Play hooky! You have our permission! (Uhm...just don't tell your boss!)

In all seriousness, sometimes we need more than a weekend hiatus. Sometimes we need a few months. Or a year. Or longer. It's okay. Honestly. It is.

What kind of things help all of you not just avoid burn-out, but get you to BURN IN (per Jack Kerouac, per Daughter of Wands), to stay motivated?

*PS: We don't endorse lying to your employers. But we know everyone plays a little hooky-hooky sometimes. Just don't call in on a super busy day, like, when people are on vacation or you have clinic!!!!! Be a good co-worker and play sick responsibly!

*PPS: No, don't show this to your HR Manager. And no, we don't offer sick notes: fresh out!