Friday, January 28, 2011

More things I would rather do than be forced to carry an unwanted pregnancy to term

Continued from my previous post.

26. Eat a lot of beans.
27. Wrestle with a seasick crocodile.
28. Pronounce "R" like "W" for the rest of my life.
29. Have my arm crushed against the wall of a crevasse in the mountains by a huge boulder and have to amputate it with a dull knife.
30. Sit next to John McCain during the SOTU address.
31. Be surrounded by attack dogs wearing Milkbone underwear.
32. Walk everywhere on my knees.
33. Have a nipple ring ripped out of my nipple by snagging on a bath towel.
34. Run away from lava in swim fins.
35. Transfer sand from one place to another using tweezers.
36. Be a meth-addicted former child actor.
37. Have recurring night terrors in which I am pursued by demon zombie robots.
38. Be pursued by demon zombie robots.
39. Have to watch Nicholas Cage movies for the rest of my life.
40. Have my face sucked off by a giant squid.
41. Have my teeth knocked out by Mel Gibson
42. Have my toenails grow back 3x longer with every clip.
43. Downhill ski the mountains of Mordor.
44. Take a shower in garbage water.
45. Use a cheese grater for a loofa.
46. Write lyrics for Ke$ha.
47. Take voice lessons from Bobcat Goldthwait.
48. Be Carrot Top on "Kick a Ginger Day".
49. Swim naked in the Arctic Ocean.

Happy weekend, y'all!

1 comment:

  1. Totally unrelated! But since you mention something vaguely resembling it:

    I once had a nipple ring get caught in the wire of a seven-foot-high ferret cage I was carrying from one room to another, and didn't realize I was hung up until I set the cage down.

    Once I'd untangled myself and got over the immediate OMG OW, I looked down to see how badly I'd injured myself -- and found I wasn't even bleeding! I'd bent a 1/2" circular barbell out until the balls were an inch apart and the curve was almost gone, but the nipple wasn't torn even a little bit; I just had to pinch the barbell back into shape and I was fine, aside from a little bruising that lasted about a day.

    I guess I must have mighty nipples.

    Anyway! You have a good weekend too.


This is not a debate forum -- there are hundreds of other sites for that. This is a safe space for abortion care providers and one that respects the full spectrum of reproductive choices; comments that are not in that spirit will either wind up in the spam filter or languish in the moderation queue.