A woman is a living, growing human being

In our sidebar we link to blogs of people who have had an abortion and want to write about their experience. Here's a new (to me) one: My Journey Through Abortion. The post I'm linking begins like this: "I think I am going to talk about what I have learned."

This is a wonderful, fascinating topic. How the abortion was good for me. Not just, How it sucked less than the alternative; not just, How it didn't really suck any more than getting wisdom teeth out sucks and I'm damn glad that both services exist in safe legal settings. Yes, those are interesting too. But those are already part of the public rhetoric about abortion, and the one that people who've never experienced abortion feel most comfortable joining in. It's wonderful and fascinating when a woman who's had an abortion feels able to say out loud that she is a better person after her abortion -- not in spite of it or in opposition to it or in penance for it, but thanks to it.

She is better after her abortion than she was before it. How remarkable! This exists completely outside the discourse where, no matter what else you believe, abortion must be a loss, and a taking-away -- where mathematically, and thus objectively, and thus morally, she is less than when she was pregnant. (You < You+embryo. More is more. Very baroque.) But women know this isn't true, especially when we are at our healthiest: being "good" doesn't mean saying Yes to every request; it doesn't mean taking on more than you can just-because; it does mean being true to yourself.

In the documentary "The Coat Hanger Project," interviewee Jeannie Ludlow says something remarkable that people don't discuss enough. I'll have to paraphrase: In her experience as a clinic counselor, she says, abortion can be a good thing for women; it allows some women to grow in ways that they otherwise would not have had the chance to grow. This doesn't mean, though, that no women feel wistful about their pregnancy, or that no women think of their embryo or fetus. Of course some of them don't; and some of them do but also feel joyous about returning to non-pregnancy, some of them do but also think of themselves or of their born or future children.

A friend told me about her recent experience with abortion and how it is changing her life already -- from a series of crises and dangerous disregard for self, to a new stream of moments where you face the same old decisions and this time you choose life: your life.

~

I'm willing to bet that some of our patients, if they had a blog or a diary, would express something similar to this blogger's words:

"I have learned that I am not really good at pulling the trigger on moving forward. It is like I am sitting in my car, flat tire, spare in the trunk. And I am too damn lazy to get out, open the trunk, get the jack out, and get to work. It is not because the view from the car is spectacular or because there are good tunes on the radio. It is because I am scared to move forward. I am too focused on the fact that I have a flat tire, and I have forgotten that I can FIX THE FLAT."

Especially when talk turns to second-trimester abortion, so many people seem to imagine women as two-dimensional things. If anyone ever asks you "why did she wait so long?" -- remind them of three things:
1) Health care is expensive, abortion isn't covered, and most people aren't rich.
2) Sometimes biology is sneaky and pregnancy isn't discovered quickly.
3) Women are people: sometimes they're unsure what to do, or they freeze, or panic, or they take time to weigh an important decision. Just like you.

Prochoice.org

The name of this organization has often conjured images of abortioneers lined like soldiers fighting the war on abortion in my head.

But alas, the National Abortion Federation is a non-profit organization best-known for its annually-updated clinical policy guidelines, and certifiable quality-assurance among independent abortion clinics and Planned Parenthood facilities across the US and Canada.

Furthermore, their national, toll-free, hotline counselors offer compassionate, unbiased, factual information about abortion care.

Looking for a quality abortion clinic? You may choose to start your search here.

You may be surprised to find that Blue Mountain Clinic in Montana was built, staffed, and rebuilt by Missoulans to provide high-quality medical care to women, men and children. As a fully service family medical practice, they treat illnesses and injuries of all types. They provide integrated western medical and complementary alternative therapies including acupuncture, Chinese medicine and mental health counseling.

Or that Curtis Boyd, M.D., P.C. in New Mexico has been providing pregnancy termination services in New Mexico since June 1972, shortly after abortion services were legalized in New Mexico. Dr. Boyd worked closely with Clergy Consultation for Problem Pregnancies, a national organization to provide safe medical abortion and he was one of the first physicians to provide high quality, low cost outpatient procedures in the southwest.

Or that the philosophy of Women's Health Specialists of California is to promote positive images of women and provide their clients with a new perspective on their bodies and health. They give women the tools to evaluate their authentic health care needs - not based on a societal myth, but on women's reality and experience. They put women's health in women's hands.

Or that the Knoxville Center for Reproductive Health has been a vital resource for the women of Tennessee, Kentucky, Georgia, and Virginia since 1975.

Or that Northland Family Planning Centers just released a special new film, Every Day, Good Women Choose Abortion.

Or that Allentown Women’s Center has a You Tube channel, Warrior’s for Choice.

(Or that they don’t link to the Abortioneers) :(

Or that the Washington Surgi-Clinic is one of the only NAF-certified clinics in the Mid-Atlantic region providing abortion services up to 24 weeks.

Or that you have the right to choose to terminate your pregnancy, safely and legally anywhere in Canada, thanks to the courage and compassion of one man: Dr. Henry Morgentaler.

You will not be surprised that I didn’t even tip the iceberg of comprehensive, compassionate care currently available to women seeking abortion-services in the US and Canada.

We would love for you to share your thoughts.

Reminder: When Daughter of Wands sez: We’d love to hear your thoughts, she does also mean: Your thoughts should not include hints of anti-abortion slander of any kind.

Patient "support persons," and a reader poll!

Allied blog plug: If you aren't reading Every Saturday Morning, you should be! Last month, this post brought me close to tears, tears of anger at the way patients and escorts were subjected to not only simmering tension, creepy or violent threats, and verbal aggression, but also stalking and actual physical violence. Really, I just sat there afterward and felt like my bones were shaking from indignation.

But today I read this post that brought me to tears of gratitude, about a moment when strangers came together to help a woman in need -- not just the band of escorts and certainly not the band of "sidewalk counselors" (anti-abortion protesters and harrassers), but people inside the clinic, friends and drivers of other patients.

Now, I'm not saying I cry at the drop of a hat or anything, but another thing that always does it to me is seeing two patients' respective support people bonding in the waiting room, during the several hours the patient may need to be in the clinic offices -- for example moms sharing the experience of being a parent to a patient, or one offering to run out for some food for both of them or helping to entertain the other's grandchild who had to come along to the clinic.

We hear a lot about the isolation of needing a stigmatized procedure, and I certainly do see lots of women who don't want anyone to know, don't want to sit with "the others," come without a support person even if that means no Vicodin and no sedation, or cross their arms and avoid any eye contact with other patients. But when patients can reach out to each other, and when they have warm and committed support people who reach out to one another or even to other patients -- well, it does happen, and I still get wet eyes every time.


Question for readers! How many of you have been a woman's support-person during her clinic visit? What was it like for you -- were you uncomfortable? Did you make friends? Was the wait really long? Was it easy or hard to be supportive that day?

Or, if you've had an abortion and are comfortable talking about it in comments, did you have a support person, and if so how were they?

I'll post a poll on the right of the home page, if you want to tell us more anonymously, but consider ALSO telling us in your own words, which is always so great to read!