Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Would you rather...

Last night was the Iowa Caucus and I have Republicans on the brain. So, I pose this conundrum to my fellow abortioneers (who I presume to not identify/vote/align as anti-abortion Republicans):

Q. Would you rather have sex with Michele Bachmann OR Rick Santorum?


I mean, you could easily substitute "vote" for "sex" here. However, I really want to talk about sex! I think at this point in my life I would have to say I would rather die from a sex drought than have sex with an anti-abortion Republican. But then I think, can sex just be sex? What if they are amazing in bed??? I have thought about this a lot over the years, and I really don't think I could give one of these zealots the satisfactin of sleeping with a sex-positive birth control-using person such as myself. I mean what happens if that one-night stand with a Republican turns into a pregnancy??? You certainly can't ask them to help pay for the abortion (well, unless you can, which probably happens often...lots of those "anti-abortion until it happens to me" types are out there). But, what if you decide to have the baby? You potentially have an anti-abortion baby daddy on your hands who could be in your life FOREVER. Ugh. So, that is why I have established my embargo.

I would love to hear your "would you rather" scenarios...submit your ideas in the comments!


6 comments:

  1. VV, I don't think I've ever been faced with a bigger moral conundrum. This will require some heavy analysis.

    First, Michele has that whole anti-gay thing, so it would be a real challenge for me to get her into bed. Then again, the thrill of the chase is very exciting for some folks. Score one for Bachmann.

    Still, Rick has that dweeb thing going on, which is pretty hot these days. And since the Iowa Caucus he's even got Midwestern charm, which I can't argue with as a Midwesterner myself.

    Both are remarkable assholes, so I suspect they'd be the types to brag about it after, how they banged some pro-choicer and proved that we're all just a bunch of sluts.

    Short answer: three-way.

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  2. Wow A.A., that is amazing. I didn't even think of the 3-way option!!! I think I would reject both of them and bed Kucinich (he's a vegan!!!).

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  3. Lmao. I love the comments on this site. =D

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  4. I'd probably go with Santorum, because he's a dick so he'd brag about it, but then not give a shit a few days later. Bachmann, even as a 1 night stand, she'd probably unleash a torrent of crazy on the person who slept with her. Bachmann would probably stalk for days whining "whyyyy haven't you called me baack? I love you! I'm going to kill your kitten!" The bonus would be if Santorum got his 1 night stand pregnant, and she had a highly publicized abortion WITH Santorum's knowledge.

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  5. I'm pretty sure that Ultra-conservatives are not physically capable of having good sex and even if they were I wouldn't be turned on knowing I was about to have sex with someone slightly less-evil than Pol Pot and significantly less-intelligent than the Gary Busey.

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    Replies
    1. Anthony, I'd do you just for that response.

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