Monday, September 12, 2011
Maybe this happens to every abortioneer. I know a few other abortioneers have shared their dreams about pregnancy and abortion. I had a dream I was 20 weeks and 6 days pregnant. I had no idea I was pregnant until for some random reason I got an ultrasound and I was told I was in the second trimester of a pregnancy.
I was astounded. I'm gay and I have not slept with a man in over 5 years. In my dream I could not comprehend how I ended up pregnant without sleeping with a man. It seemed obvious my very masculine female bodied partner was who impregnated me. It was some form of immaculate conception except in my dream it seemed less immaculate.
I considered abortion, my partner was like, "this is amazing, its my baby of coarse you aren't going to get rid of it." There I was knowing I did not plan this pregnancy and I have always been very clear that any pregnancy will be very planned especially given that accidents are so highly unlikely given my sexuality. In my dream I started searching for a pregnancy test, just like the ones we use at work. I finally found one and only when I saw the positive second line did I believe the ultrasound.
I felt really ambivalent about keeping the pregnancy because I did not plan it and it did not feel like it was the right time. However, I also felt really unsure about having and abortion. Ultimately I very ambivalently decided I would keep the pregnancy. Then I got lost in an unfamiliar city, alone, still trying to figure out how the hell I got pregnant.
I woke up thinking about pregnancy, parenthood, abortion, and babies. I feel really blessed that planning pregnancy is pretty much a must because I'm gay. I fear that when I'm ready it might be hard, or my ovaries will have expired. However, I feel really blessed that I will not face an accident that results in an unplanned pregnancy. In my dream every one around me was like, "this is amazing!" and all I could think was that I did not plan to get pregnant right now!
When faced with something so unintended I felt really unsure of what to do. I know one thing, it was really important to know I had the ability to choose how to handle the very unexpected circumstance.