Abortion in My Dreams

Last night I dreamt I was walking through the halls of a University. I’m not sure I even went there. I overheard three girls behind me talking about “some pill” that could induce an abortion. They called it some dream name I don’t quite remember. One of the girls in the group disagreed and thought it was just a myth. I whipped around to face this group of strangers and said, “Actually, it’s true.” They all looked at me like, what does she know? So, I continued to talk.

I continued to impart every ounce of knowledge I could spew out before they would no longer listen. I told them how no matter what you end up deciding to do with an unplanned pregnancy, it is a difficult situation to be in for every woman. The same girl who disagreed with the idea of a medical abortion, then told me, “it would never happen to me. I would never be in that situation.” I proceeded to list off the endless ways; she absolutely could be “that girl.” The girl who thinks, this could never happen to me. I’m not like them. I wanted to help her see and feel and empathize with all the women who may have thought it would also never happen to them, to be pregnant with an unwanted pregnancy.

Now the dream gets a little fuzzy...

Last thing I remember is screaming out through my tears, pleading almost, for them to understand how inaccessible an abortion is for many women. How expensive it can be. How health insurance does not always cover abortion. How Medicaid often does not cover abortion. As they walked through the heavy locking doors to their gymnasium, they all looked back at me. I could see in their eyes, a touch of pity, for trying desperately to reach through to them; a touch of sympathy, for my unyielding passion about abortion acceptance and accessibility; and just maybe, a touch of understanding.

When I awoke, I still felt the desperate urge to relay how important it is to keep abortion available and affordable, free from stigma, violence and shame. I wanted those girls to feel as dedicated to the struggle for abortion’s acceptance into the medical field, as a simple, safe procedure that should be afforded to any woman who chooses to terminate an unwanted pregnancy.

I used to dream a lot about abortion. When you are working in the field (at a clinic, a fund, a non-profit organization, as a counselor, a provider, etc.) abortion permeates every atom of your being. At least, it did for me.

After 5-6 years of working “in the field,” I have become distanced from this way of life. As if I have been pushed into the periphery. I chose to study sexuality and reproductive health in graduate school, in hopes that I would have a wider forum to talk about abortion. This is rarely the case. It is no longer part of my everyday language. Days can go by where I don’t even say the word-Abortion. This is a big shift for me, from saying it around 100 times a days-to patients, their friends and families, clinics, provider, MY friends and family.

My dream reminded me, that although I feel separated sometimes from the everyday discussion of abortion, I am just as passionate, energized and determined to fight for abortion acceptance in all realms of life. I continue to educate people whenever I can about the intersecting social/political/economical issues that abortion effects. I will continue to join like-minded people in discussions, fundraisers, blogs, and marches to keep abortion at the forefront.

I believe no matter where my life takes me; I will never be far away from the abortion world. And that makes me feel good.

Gathering for Love

It is a gorgeous, sunny Sunday afternoon and I am with my family. I flew home last night, just in time to attend a beautiful outdoor wedding reception. The trees were strung with lights, the night air- warm and inviting. The mood of the garden embraced each guest as they floated around the open space. We were all there for love.

This morning, I had a flashback to one year ago, this exact day in this exact place one week from today. It was a Sunday morning. I was at home. I was with my family. But on that day, the mood was heavy and although it was early morning, I could see no sun in the sky. It was that morning, I found out about Dr. Tiller’s murder. I was in complete and utter shock. My mind could not process the news. My hands and body were shaking so much I could barely read the news, slowly and then steadily appearing online.

I then broke the news to my mom, and as she started to process it, we began to call our loved ones and share in the inability to comprehend what had just happened. How things would never be the same. For women. For us. For his family. We were all struggling with feelings of outrage and anger, grief and sadness.

It was a Sunday. God’s day (some people would say). And dear George Tiller was at church, unarmed and unaware of what was about to happen. I think about him often, totally vulnerable.

Last year, I was at home. There was a ceremony. It was a Sunday. We lit candles in the backyard. Lots and lots of candles, one for every year he supported women in their choice to have an abortion. In their right to a happy and fulfilling life. All our loved ones were there. The mood embraced every person, but this time it was of heartache. Sadness. Disbelief. And yet, we were all there for love.

Today, I want to share his words:

“Abortion is not a cerebral or a reproductive issue. Abortion is a matter of the heart. For until one understands the heart of a woman, nothing else about abortion makes any sense at all.”

Dr. George Tiller

Education Sunday.

I decided to post an excerpt from a paper I wrote. In case you didn't know the specifics, now you do.

On March 24, 2010, President Obama issued an Executive Order that prohibits the use of federal funds for abortion services (except in cases of rape, incest or life endangerment of the woman).[1] This provision continues the ban on federal funding of abortion that was set in place more than 30 years ago by the Hyde Amendment. Proponents of the Hyde Amendment assert that it is their democratic right as policy leaders, to express their opinion and be able to exert their beliefs in the health care debate.

Currently, six million women of reproductive age obtain health care coverage through the Medicaid system.[2] Federal bands on funding for abortion services have severely restricted access to safe abortion care for thousands of low-income women who depend on the government for their health care. Poor women especially, are unable to exercise their constitutional right to choose abortion when public funding is restricted. An estimated 18-35% of Medicaid-eligible women carry their pregnancy to term because they cannot afford an abortion.[3] While Medicaid does not allow federal funding for abortion, it does provide funding for childbirth.[4] Medicaid insures one-fifth of the nation’s children and pays for one-third of all childbirths.[5]

Under current health care policy, the federal government is willing to pay for some of poor women’s reproductive health but not all. In turn, the Hyde Amendment is negatively impacting poor women’s lives on the basis of policy leaders moral and ethical beliefs about abortion. Should Congress members and policy leaders be able to put their moral beliefs above the health and well being of its citizens? Low-income women often face serious hardship when trying to raise funds for abortion services. Many women use money they should have spent on rent, food, bills and clothing for their children. A significant amount of women resort to pawning household items, and some resort to theft and prostitution in a desperate attempt to have a legal, medical procedure.[6] The 1983 AGI study found that Medicaid-eligible women wait on average 2-3 weeks longer than women with economic means to have an abortion. As a woman gets farther along in her pregnancy, the cost of the abortion starts to rise, and it becomes more difficult to raise the necessary funds, creating a vicious cycle.

The Hyde Amendment is a discriminatory policy that targets poor women, who are disproportionately women of color. Women who are not covered under the Nation’s Medicaid system, are either not enrolled in the program, undocumented citizens, or not eligible under the Federal Poverty Income Guidelines. Women who can afford to pay for an abortion on their own, ranging from approximately $300-$500 for a first trimester procedure, are mostly unaffected by the Hyde Amendment’s restrictive policy. An estimated 18-35% of Medicaid-eligible women carry their pregnancy to term because they cannot afford an abortion.[7] There is a huge disparity between impoverished women and middle/upper class women. In 1983, AGI researchers found that “nearly 60% of Medicaid recipients said that paying for an abortion caused serious hardship, compared with only 26% of non-Medicaid-eligible women.”[8] Although Roe v Wade gave women the constitutional right to have an abortion, they are unable to exercise this right when access and affordability of services is denied. The Hyde Amendment makes real reproductive “choice” a privilege for those that can afford it, rather than a constitutional right guaranteed by the Supreme Court.[9]

---

[1] Raising Women’s Voices. (March 30, 2010). Health Reform and Reproductive Health: Positive and Negative Effects. Available: http://www.raisingwomensvoices.net/storage/RWV%20on%20Health%20Reform%20and%20Reproductive%20HealthFINAL3.30.10.pdf.

[2] Boonstra, H., A. Sonfield. “Rights without Access: Revisiting Public Funding of Abortion for Poor Women.” The Guttmacher Report on Public Policy. April 2000: 8-11.

[3] Fried, M. (2007) “Hyde Amendment: The Opening Wedge to Abolish Abortion.” New Politics. 11(2): 82-85.

[4] Annas, G. J. “Abortion Politics and Health Insurance Reform.” The New England Journal of Medicine. December 31, 2009: 2589-2591.

[5] Weil, Alan, "There's Something About Medicaid," Health Affairs (Jan/Feb 2003).

[6] Boonstra, H., A. Sonfield. “Rights without Access: Revisiting Public Funding of Abortion for Poor Women.” The Guttmacher Report on Public Policy. April 2000: 8-11.

[7] Fried, M. (2007) “Hyde Amendment: The Opening Wedge to Abolish Abortion.” New Politics. 11(2): 82-85.

[8] Fried, M. (2007) “Hyde Amendment: The Opening Wedge to Abolish Abortion.” New Politics. 11(2): 82-85.

[9] Boonstra, H., A. Sonfield. “Rights without Access: Revisiting Public Funding of Abortion for Poor Women.” The Guttmacher Report on Public Policy. April 2000: 8-11.

Empire State of Mind.

Spring has sprung. The time has come to support your local abortion fund! Abortion funds are local, grassroots organizations that raise money to support women in need of abortion services.

In honor of my current home, I am highlighting the fabulous New York Abortion Access Fund!!

"NYAAF is a volunteer-run, 501(c)3 non-profit organization that provides financial assistance to low-income women in New York State who cannot afford to pay for an abortion." They are an affiliate of the National Network of Abortion Funds and believe that abortion services should be available to all women, regardless of their ability to pay.

Why New York (you may ask)?

Yes, New York is what abortioneers call a 'Medicaid state' -- in other words, low-income women who are eligible for Medicaid (public health insurance) and can provide documentation can have their abortion paid for, up to 24 weeks (in some cases). Yes, abortion access in New York is better than in most other states (there are no parental consent/notification laws or state-mandated waiting periods). In New York, no metropolitan area lacks an abortion provider.

Even so, many women struggle to come up with the funds for basic reproductive health care. Whether it's because they are undocumented and cannot get on Medicaid, fall in the "donut hole" where they aren't eligible for Medicaid but can't afford private insurance, or a slew of other reasons, the need for abortion funds is substantial because many women fall through the cracks.

NYAAF supports not only women who are from NY, but also women who have to travel there from states where they cannot have the termination because they are too far along, or if it is less expensive in NY than in their own state. NYAAF has made grants to women from New Jersey, Connecticut, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, and even Texas! From 2008-2009, "NYAAF provided over $43,000 in assistance to support 77 women."

What can YOU do to help?

1) Make a donation directly, http://www.nyaaf.org/how-you-can-help/

2) Volunteer to help with fundraising, technical assistance for the website, stuffing envelopes and other tasks.

3) Host an event to raise money.

4) Join their Board.

Thank you, NYAAF and all the other wonderful, dedicated abortion funds across the country that help women access their reproductive rights everyday. Without you, many women would not have the means to exercise their right to healthcare.

Spread the Abortion Wisdom

Being pro-choice is part of my identity. It is who I am, at my core. It is not simply an adjective to describe me, like having brown hair or hazel eyes. And as part of my pro-choice identity, it is my job to spread the word, the abortion word. To spread the knowledge, life experiences, untold stories and statistics, in hopes of instilling love, empathy and abortion wisdom into another person. By doing this, we as abortioneers are widening our circle. We are trying to invite people into our world so they can see into women's hearts as we do, as Dr. Tiller did, and as every human being should.

This past Friday, I was talking to two girls who are also pro-choice. One is a provider who performs abortions and was a strong voice in organizing people to march in protest against Stupak in the nation's capital. We got to talking about women in prison and their stripped rights, when the abortion provider said, "and they can't even get abortions in federal prisons."

My mind immediately went back to my "abortion wisdom box" and I remembered learning at my last job that "Prison officials must ensure that women have access to the full spectrum of pregnancy-related care, including abortion."

She seemed unsure about my statement, baffled by the very idea of it. I was outnumbered because the other girl had also never heard of protected reproductive rights for prisoners, and she worked in prisons!! I stuck by my abortion wisdom, and tried to think of the calls I've had from moms, partners and families of prisoners, all trying to help their loved ones get an abortion. The first step was telling them, "No matter what you have heard, what the prison guards and officials have told her, she has the legal right to a safe and legal abortion even if she's in prison."

It is a woman's constitutional and human RIGHT to have an abortion, regardless of criminal prosecution or incarceration. The Fourteenth Amendment of the Constitution guarantees bodily autonomy and privacy protection, which includes a woman' right whether or not to have a child. The U.S. Supreme Court Decision of Roe v Wade in 1973, ensures this right to have an abortion for incarcerated women.

Now here's the tricky part: Information, Access and Affordability are most often NOT provided to incarcerated women. They rarely know they CAN have an abortion, much less get information on how to pay for it, where to go, or who to call to find all this out.

I am a strong advocate for making abortion services accessible for women, because it is simply not enough that they are legal. Legality does not equal accessibility -- for this reason, many people do not know about the legal rights of women in prison, because they are so heavily restricted from accessing this right. There are SO MANY barriers set in place to keep women from knowing and attaining the pregnancy-related care they want.

It is our job to keep spreading the word, to impart our knowledge of the ins and outs of the abortion world to everyone we meet. Even our friends to subscribe to being pro-choice may not know wisdom we have, and vice versa. Share the wealth. Spread the word. Educate and Inform. For with knowledge comes power, and with power we hope for change.

Happy Vday Everyone :)

Abortion rights are Human rights

An old friend came to visit me this weekend. We will be forever bonded. We began our journey together as teenagers, counseling women in crisis who needed money to have an abortion, to save their lives, and the lives of their families. Our organization had very little money and so we were always saying, no. We continued to come to work and continued to say no, saddened and infuriated by the health care system's neglect to women's health needs. The women we talked to everyday, the women we cried with, the women whose stories we listened to...about rape, incest, suicidal thoughts and threats. Stories about working three jobs with five kids to feed, about partner violence, language barriers and the ultimate fear of having a baby. Which, in reality, was going to happen without the money.

People still do not seem to understand that even though because abortion is legal, it is completely inaccessible to women if they can't afford the services, find the providers, have the information to make the right choices, and lack access to a clinic or hospital.

Now let me clarify: Sexual rights are the "universal human rights based on the inherent freedom, dignity, and equality of all human beings."

List me list them for you, as laid out by the Declaration of the 13th World Congress of Sexology, World Association of Sexology (WAS) Declaration of Sexual Rights:
1. The right to sexual freedom (free from coercion, exploitation and abuse)
2. The right to sexual autonomy, sexual integrity, and safety of the sexual body
3. The right to sexual privacy (HELLO! Including the records of all abortion patients)
4. The right to sexual equality.
5. The right to sexual pleasure (YES! It is a sexual right and FGM denies women this right)
6. The right to emotional sexual expression
7. The right to sexually associate freely.
8. THE RIGHT TO MAKE FREE AND RESPONSIBLE REPRODUCTIVE CHOICES (This encompasses the right to decide whether or not to have children, the number and spacing of children and the right to full access to the means of fertility regulation - which includes abortion!)
9. The right to sexual information based upon scientific inquiry.
10. The right to comprehensive sexuality education (Get with it United States!!)
11. The right to sexual health care (Sexual health care should be available for prevention and treatment of all sexual concerns, problems, and disorders).

Now, these rights have been clearly laid out, within the human rights framework, and it's about time for them to be recognized, promoted, respected and defended.

Abortion in movies

It's good to be back.

I realized this past month (once I left my like-minded, sex positive, wonderful feminist group of friends) that it is really hard for me to be around people who do not have the same values and ideas about abortion, gender, and sexuality as I do. As I left the group of women I surround myself with at school (and outside of school for that matter) I did not anticipate how different and uncomfortable I would feel in situations that challenged my core values and forced me to "defend" my position.

I traveled abroad for a week for holiday and my travel companions were two boys. Little did I know what the next 10 days would entail. I felt completely alone without my "backup," and unable to articulate to them what was wrong with statements like "that's so gay" or "when you say partner, you sound like a lesbian."

I am so used to talking about abortion, sex, masturbation, etc. with people who feel the same way, that I realized I was totally unprepared to have discussions with people who don't feel the same way, or simply DON'T KNOW.

It is this realization that reminded me, this is part of my "job or mission" as well. To be able to talk to people outside of my pro-choice, feminist group and hear what they have to say. To try and remain calm when I feel infuriated, and instead impart my knowledge in hopes that some of it sinks in and stays with them. It is enough... when you hear the words "I never thought about that" or "That's a good point. Now I'm not sure how I feel."

I realized I will not always be immersed in my safety net of women, because there is a world that exists outside of us. Which brings me to this past Thursday, when I attended a screening of abortion documentaries, in light of the upcoming anniversary of Roe v. Wade. The films were wonderful, and I felt at home with the other ladies in my program by my side, surrounded by people I didn't know, with their friends and partners, who had all gathered for the same cause: to continue the fight for abortion rights, to keep it safe, legal and accessible for every woman.

Obvious Child from Gillian Robespierre on Vimeo.

At the end of the films, one of the filmmakers talked about how important it is to continuously tell people how abortion happens to 1 in 3 women (which I already do) and how our fight is not over in face of bills like the Stupak Amendment, restrictions like waiting periods and parental notification laws and clinic violence (which I also do).

Then she said, "I know we don't always surround ourselves with people who have the same views on abortion..." and my friends and I looked at each other, eyes wide and mouths open, and said "Yes we do."

So, here is my long-winded message... are we just "preaching to to the choir?"

Is it necessary to step out of our comfort zones and mingle with people who are anti-choice? Who think abortion is a sin? Who think feminism has "destroyed" women? Who think "ego" is the reason trans people alter their bodies? Who think you choose to be gay?

All of these opinions I heard over my break from school, my separation from my friends and family who hold the same core values and who are my constant support group. I was alone and had to defend my and "our" position, and although I felt angry and like I couldn't get my words straight sometimes, for me, it was good practice to be faced with those opinions in stark contrast to my own and force the other person to question their values while forcing me to define mine.

In the end, I will most likely surround myself with other pro-choice, liberal people, mostly because I like talking to them and not always having to argue or defend my position :) But when possible, I think it is important to be able to articulate why we fight for abortion and sometimes, not always but sometimes, you will hear "I had never put myself in those shoes, or looked at it from the woman's perspective."

And once again, it is all worth it.

We will Persevere

A knitting needle
Plant Poison
A coat hanger
Dirty instruments

A bowl of soapy water
A syringe
A clean towel
A cheese grater
A bar of soap
A rag
A bottle of disinfectant

A Speculum
Antiseptic solution
Local Anesthetic
A thin tube
A handheld syringe

A Speculum
Antiseptic solution
Local Anesthetic
Cervical dilators
A cannula
Vacuum aspirator machine

A pill taken orally
A set of pills taken 24-72 hours later

An injection
A set of pills self administered vaginally 3-7 days later

Women have always found a way
The Jane Network
Women on Waves
Word of Mouth
Women helping women
Doing what we have to do

Vera Drake said, "I help young girls out, when they can't manage."
We are bound together as women
To relieve the fear the and desperation
in women's voices when they say,
"I can't keep it. I'd rather kill myself."

We have been persecuted
We have been imprisoned
We have had our rights taken away
We have fought
We have died
We have survived

We have each other
We have strength
We have love, and
We will persevere.

An Abortion Mission

Abortion still seems to be a “fringe” topic. I have come to realize that there’s a difference between being “pro-choice” and really believing that abortion is a central part of women’s lives (all women’s lives, and men’s, and families); until we can find some way to make contraception affordable and accessible to ALL women (and men), and to provide unbiased and accurate information about sexual health (not just reproductive health), and a whole slew of other economic, social and political changes….abortions will continue to be common and not rare (unfortunately). SO, what does this mean?

For the time being, you cannot talk about sexuality and women’s health, without talking about abortion. It happens! It’s like…. when people on the phone used to tell me they “didn’t believe in it” after I spent weeks helping to fund their abortion. I would scratch my head and think…. “How can you not believe in it? It’s not like a ghost, or God, where you can’t see them and don’t really know if they exist.

Abortion is a common medical procedure, so how can you not believe in it? It’s real.”

Still, there are people in my everyday life who think it’s talked about too much (maybe from me), and even seem a tad annoyed that it is constantly brought up. Let me clarify by saying, some of these people are studying sexuality!! I simply do not understand how you can talk about sexuality WITHOUT talking about abortion? It’s just that common. For instance, my roommate tells me the other day, “Hey, guess what? Did you know 1 in 3 women will have an abortion before the age of 45?” I ponder for a moment as I’m thinking… “Haven’t I repeated this statistic to you a million times?”

1 in 3, 1 in 3, 1 in 3!!!!

Speaking of abortion, I went to a discussion forum about Stupak on my campus and got SO RILED UP! (obvi) I was furious, I was outraged, and I was pissed off! And I as I looked around the room, everyone else seemed surprisingly calm. Was I the only one who was hearing this? As I was saying things under my breath (and not under my breath) in response to the health care reform updates, I was once again being hushed. My friend put her hand on my knee and looked at me, telling me quietly to calm down.

Wasn’t everyone else OUTRAGED?! Who else is Outraged?!

SO… a classmate and I are on a mission (an abortion mission) to bring up abortion in every class discussion. We managed to do it in statistics class AND in our theory class, where we strategically inserted statistics like “77% of anti-choice leaders are men, and 100% of them will never become pregnant,” during a discussion on gender and social movements. It has already become clear, that it makes some people “uncomfortable.” But HEY, get uncomfortable! Because watch out world, here we come!

Human Kindness

Why are so many people afraid of the word abortion?

Even though 1 in 3 women will have an abortion before the age of 45, even though it is one of the safest medical procedures, people still find the need to keep it on the “down low.” Like when people come into the clinic for their appointment and whisper through the glass, “I'm here for my abortion,”…. And I whisper back “So is everyone else” (signaling to the other 50 people in the waiting room)

ABORTION!!! Maybe if it was called…. Noitroba? How do we get rid of the stigma attached to this word? Hmm… what do people like?

Most people would agree with human rights, right? What about the right to a fulfilling and happy life? The right to control your own body?

Abortion=Love, Choice, Relief, Option, Life, Happiness, Respect, Kindness….the list goes on. Abortion means so many positive things to so many different people, and yet it still “sounds bad.”

So maybe it’s just the word. Maybe it’s the tone in which people say it. Maybe everyone should say abortion at least once a day until it is no longer hushed and whispered in conversation. Abortion, abortion, abortion….is human kindness.

This weekend, I participated in a values clarification seminar where I was once again, the “abortion person.” In a room full of like-minded, sex positive women, values were colliding and being challenged. I became aware of the assumptions I carry about how important being “pro-choice” actually is to women, and the role abortion plays in their lives.

The other day I had a wonderful conversation with a girl in my class about abortion, and her work as a health educator in schools. She was genuinely interested in hearing about the work I had done in the abortion field and it was such a breath of fresh air to freely talk about what I was most passionate about.

The next day, I saw her in the student café area and beamed with excitement, remembering the lengthy conversation we had just had about abortion. I came up to her in front of some of her friends, mentioned something from our talk, and watched as her face dropped and head shifted away. She hurriedly said “uh huh,” and then went on her way. I suddenly remembered, she might have opened up to me the other day because she felt comfortable and safe. She could talk to me in a non-judgmental, respectful and loving space. In a different context, in front of her “other” friends, it was a topic she did not want to openly and publicly discuss.

There are days now that pass where those conversations don’t happen, and when they do, I am reminded of my unconditional support and love for women. Why I constantly fight for safe and accessible abortion services, and why I will never stop fighting. I feel so grateful and comforted that there are other people, just like me out there, who feel there is nothing more than Human rights-which are sexual rights-which include the right to safe, legal and accessible abortion. These people in my life are sprinkled throughout different states and countries, and I often miss them in my everyday life. So thank you blog, and women of the blog, for filling a place in my heart.

Matters of the heart.

I love abortion. ( I said it out loud in class) and had no idea I would get such a response. Even people who I thought were as "liberal" and "pro-choice" as me seemed to be rubbed the wrong way by my positive statement. Later at a wine bar, a girl in my "sex" class asked me, "What exactly did you mean when you said I love abortion?" Hmm....

What do I mean when I say I love abortion? To me, there is absolutely nothing wrong or surprising with the supposed "controversial" statement. I love women, therefore I love abortion. Abortion is a part of women's lives.