You Are A Good Woman

I wanted to share this amazing brochure that the Abortion Care Network developed, designed to address the negative messages about abortion in our society. I felt compelled to share this because the past few weeks it has been non-stop attacks on women’s rights from all over the map. Between South Dakota attempting to legalize the murder of abortion providers, the House attempting to redefine rape so its victims have less access to abortion, Ohio trying to ban abortion after 12 weeks, there has been a lot of talk about abortion in the media.

I kept thinking about how stigmatized and shitty women who are pregnant or recently pregnant must feel. What if I had just had an abortion? Turning on the television to hear Republicans describing the legal medical procedure I just had as murder, legislating what I can and cannot do with my body…

This document is an excellent alternative to that narrative. I think it’s a great resource for women to read generally, but especially for women who are post-abortion. I found it very moving, and thought a Sunday night would be the perfect time to share.

Please be sure to check out the Abortion Care Network's store! They have notepads with this handout available, plus tons of other great stuff.

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You are a good woman. It may be hard for you to believe that right now, but deep in your heart you know you are making your decision out of a place of goodness. This pregnancy and whatever choice you make about it doesn’t change that.

For some women abortion is a clear, certain decision. For others it can be really hard. For most women it is somewhere in between.

Many Women Have Chosen Abortion
For thousands of years women all over the world have wanted to prevent pregnancy and birth when they are not ready to have a baby. Since 1973, when the United States Supreme Court made abortion legal, there have been more than 53 million women in America who have chosen abortion. Those abortions also involved nearly 53 million men. One in three American women will have an abortion during her life. Each day, good women and men just like you make that choice.

There Are People Who Want to Make You Feel Bad
Here is something that may surprise you. Even though you know you are doing the best you can, there are people who are working hard to make you feel guilty and ashamed. These are the people who want abortion to be a crime. For nearly forty years since abortion became legal, these people have spent millions of dollars and used politics, religion, intimidation, terror- ism, threats, arson, violence and even murder to try to make it so you don’t have a choice. This may already be a hard time for you. It’s not fair, but making you feel even worse is part of their plan. They believe that if you feel guilty and ashamed it will be hard for you to stand up for yourself, let alone for any other women. The people who don’t want women to have any choices act as though they speak for God—-as though they are God. And they think if they act righteous enough they might be able to control you.

The anti abortion activists are a small group. They are not necessarily bad people. Some of them may be very sincere in their beliefs. But they think they are right and everyone else is wrong. The only thing they care about is their crusade to make abortion illegal. You may have had to walk past some of these people if there were picketers outside the clinic.

They Don’t Know You
These anti-abortion people don’t know you. They don’t know what’s in your head or your heart. They don’t know about your life or your values. They don’t know if you have other children depending on you. They don’t know if the man involved is someone you can trust or depend on. They don’t know if you are ready to be a mother, or if you can afford to care for a child. They don’t know your spiritual or religious beliefs. They don’t know your situation. They don’t know what you want. And the truth is… They don’t really care.

When People You Care About Judge You
It is very hard when you think that people you care about will judge you—or think that you are doing a bad thing. It hurts when people think less of you. How can you feel sure of yourself and your own decisions when you don’t have support from people who are important to you? At those times, you need to be as sure as you can of what is right for you. One of the challenges we all face is learning to trust our own hearts and being OK even if other people don’t agree. It is also important to find someone, even if it’s only someone at the clinic you are going to, who isn’t going to judge you.

Sometimes criticism may come, not from friends or family, but from your church. No matter what you think the rules of your religion are, what is the heart of your faith? What does your religion teach about forgiveness? How does it provide support and comfort for you at times when there is no easy decision? What does the God inside your heart say?

How You Feel is Up to You
You are making two very important decisions. The first decision is whether to continue or end your pregnancy. The second decision is how you’re going to feel about that afterwards. Most of us don’t think that how we feel about things is a decision. But who else is in charge of your thoughts and the meanings you give to things?

When you hear something over and over, like “abortion is murder”, it can get into your head—like a commercial. But if you really believed that abortion was the same as murder you probably wouldn’t even be considering it.

When you’re facing tough times, it can sometimes feel like you are a scared little kid. That can give an angry, judgmental voice of authority, like the anti-choice protesters, even more power. The anti abortion people have not been able to make abortion illegal yet, but they have made many women doubt their own goodness.

Honor Yourself
One woman could have an abortion and might forget how hard she worked to make a good decision—and how much she cared. Later, she might decide she is a bad, selfish woman who will never be forgiven.

A different woman could have an abortion and might remember her reasons for choosing abortion and have compassion for herself as a human being in a difficult situation. She could accept whatever feelings she is having, and decide she is a good woman doing the best she can for herself and her family. Which woman would you choose to be?

Do You Judge Yourself?
It never feels good to be judged from the outside. But it can be even harder when the mean, critical voice of judgment is coming from inside your own head. Women so often judge themselves without mercy. It’s like we have a horrible bunch of picketers in our own minds! Who benefits when you punish yourself? Who pays the price when you are suffering? You, of course. But also the people closest to you—your family and friends. If you decide to treat yourself with kindness you give a gift to yourself and everyone close to you.

In Real Life Things Are Not Black and White
In real life things aren’t just one way or another—black or white. We are likely to have mixed feelings about difficult issues. But when it comes right down to it, how we live our lives, whether we are miserable or happy and how we feel about ourselves, is pretty much our own decision. What kind of life do you want to have?

Women Know
Can it be that women know something very deep inside, even deeper than fear and shame? Can it be that women know it is their responsibility to decide when to bring a new life into this world? Can it be that you know better than anyone else what is right for you? If you doubt that, think for a moment-- who else would you trust to make this decision for you? Women are not the enemies of our children—even those we decide not to bring into the world.

Don’t You Deserve to Feel Peace?
If you have thought carefully and made the best, most responsible choice you can, then what’s all this judgment and criticism doing in your head? Don’t you deserve to feel peace and resolution? If you begin to doubt yourself, remember your goodness. You could take a deep breath and put your hand on your heart and say to yourself, “I am a good woman doing the best I can.”

You are a good woman.


Abortion Care Network Abortion Care Network http://abortioncarenetwork.org/

IUDs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mirena IUD

I have an IUD. I am pretty much in love with it. Over the years, I had heard all sorts of things about them, but the biggest thing was that IUDs were mainly for married women who were done having children. AKA, not me. It also seemed like kind of a pain (pun intended) to get it inserted, cost alot of money, etc etc etc.

Well, first off, pretty much anyone can get an IUD. You don't have to be married, or "done" having babies. It turns out, IUDs are recommended for post-having babies women because giving birth stretches out your uterus, which makes the IUD insertion generally less painful and less likely to be expelled. However, that doesn't mean you can't get one if you haven't given birth.

Since I was no longer happy using oral contraceptive pills, I decided to take the plunge and get a Mirena in June. The ENTIRE thing was covered by my insurance so I figured worst-case, if I hated it, I could get it removed after three months and then go back on the Pill. I was pleasantly surprised to find the insertion wasn't terribly uncomfortable. I had cramping and spotting afterwards for a few weeks on and off. Then it was over and everything has been going swimmingly since.

I bring this up not only because I think the IUD is an underutilized form of birth control, but also because post-abortion and post-partum IUD insertion is becoming a growing trend here in the US. Since the cervix is already dilated and you already have your feet in the stirrups, it's a pretty convenient time to get your birth control taken care of for the next couple years. In addition to the convenience, there is also evidence to suggest this is a particularly useful form of birth control for low-income populations because it lasts for so long and does not require a lot of maintenance (versus having to go to the pharmacy every month to pick up pills, pay for the pills every month, etc). Plus, getting an IUD inserted at the time of an abortion is helpful because it saves the woman an additional trip to the doctor.

A very low percentage of U.S. women in general use the IUD, and even smaller amount of low-income women use it. Studies have suggested about 1% of low-income young women use it as a method of birth control. Informed counseling, I think, can change this, and there are programs out there which offer IUDs for free/low-cost to qualifying patients. For clinic-working abortioneers out there, if your clinic doesn't offer IUD insertion, or have discounts for low income women, it might be worth checking your state laws, programs, etc... maybe something is out there.

Whatever You Need

Don't Ask Because I Won't Tell

When I'm Ready,
I'll tell.
But for now,
please don't ask.

By Chris Cotrina, from a multicultural queer youth anthology Revolutionary Voices

A friend of mine had an abortion in almost complete secrecy. She didn't tell me or pretty much anyone. There was a moment when I wished she had felt comfortable confiding in me given my line of work. However, I know that her experience of making the choice to have an abortion was not about me. If she needed almost total privacy, I wanted her to have what she needed.

I have had 2 good friends and an older aunt express a sense of regret after their abortions. Those same women have expressed complete releif and gratitude that their life took paths that would have been impossible had they carried that pregnancy to term. I beleive each woman is entitled to feel whatever she needs to feel before, during, and after her abortion. Its hard because the anti-abortion sect often uses media outlets to make women think they *should* feel guilty. Each time my sisters have expressed regret I try to stand with them and tell them thats ok. I also try to help them move to a place of peace. I'm really thankful there are organizations like Exhale who offer post-abortion counseling that is not weighted by the demonization of women who choose to have abortions.

There is no "right" way to feel during or after an abortion. I wish we lived in a world where women could receive whatever kind of emotional support and care they needed before, during, and after choosing to have an abortion.