It's an Abortioneer's World...Kinda

I work at an abortion clinic and I have a pregnant friend and a pregnant acquaintance. For what it's worth, one pregnancy was planned, one wasn't, and both are welcome. I can't wait to meet their babies, and I tell them that. I even call a 9-week fetus a baby in the case of the shopkeeper I chat with. It's all about the intention, and even though I can completely visualize what her 9-weeker looks like thanks to my pathology experience, and it sure doesn't look like a baby, I respect that her outcome will be, barring any complications (knock on wood), a full-term baby.

See how I knocked on wood there? After clinic work, which includes D&Cs for miscarriage management and terminations due to fetal anomalies, I can't think of a pregnancy without thinking of what could go wrong. I also can't ask about the gestational age (I do ask the pregnant ladies in my life, "How far along are you? because I know it would be odd to inquire about gestation like I do at the clinic. We try to avoid "How far along are you?" because it implies that a pregnancy will be carried to term.) without envisioning the development I've seen in pathology. I can't visualize the third trimester development because I've never seen that, but I really do feel so fortunate to have gotten such an intimate glimpse of human biology and development. (And no, I don't say to my friend, "Oh! Your baby is about the size of a mango! Have you had an anmiocentesis? Because now is when something might go wrong.")

Working at the clinic isn't just about abortions. I've met the babies of clients who have decided not to terminate and who brought the baby to see us. We also provide care for infertility and we cheer when someone gets pregnant. Several co-workers of mine have been pregnant and bring their kids to work to see all of their aunties. I once told a toddler, "I remember seeing you on your mama's ultrasound around 19 weeks!" Remember the Jennifer Baumgardner book, Abortion and Life? That's my life. Abortion and pregnancy and life and me, and they're all beautiful.

Stock photo because that's just all-round safer.

When Pro-Choice gets Personal

I recently visited my hometown and stopped by an old friend's home. She was excited to see me, and for me to meet her new niece. This particular friend has at least one older sister who already has children, so I figured it was one of her daughters. I came in the house, scooped up a precious little lady in pink polka dots (after my own heart!) and giggled and squeed. My friend's younger sister, who is several years younger than I am, introduced me to her boyfriend, from whose grasp I had blindly stolen the baby. I looked back and forth at the two of them and realized: the baby was hers!

Nobody had explicitly mentioned that the baby belonged to the youngest of the brood. I guess I had just assumed that she was too young to have children. I managed a "Congratulations!", though my mind was racing and I was in shock. But to look at the little family huddled up in the living room - Mom, Dad, Auntie - you could surmise that this was a perfectly healthy and happy bunch. As for the baby, she was really something. I couldn't keep my hands off her. What a doll! I played with her, sang to her, watched as Dad, still in his work uniform, changed her diaper and scolded Mom for swinging her too hard ("She could fly right into the wall!"). It was wonderful.

Since becoming an Abortioneer, I've become even more pro-choice than I'd ever thought possible. Because I not only celebrate the right to choose abortion, but also the right to bear children. I had always considered unwed motherhood something distant, completely outside of my scope of being. My middle-class, pill-popping environment had made it so. And for a split second, when I realized that this young woman was a mother, I felt as though something had gone wrong. I wanted to say "You could have called me! I would have known what to do!" But that thought was gone sooner than it came. My friend, and anyone who friends me on Facebook, knows where I stand on the issue, and is aware that I have information and "connections". This was a smart woman. If she had wanted help I'm sure she could have found it. But she was a mommy, and she had a daddy and a big warm family there for her. And her little Christmas miracle made them all smile and laugh, and why would I spoil that? My services, so to speak, were not needed here. All the wanted from me was to enjoy the opportunity to kiss a cheek, tickle a belly, and celebrate a special little person with old friends. And I'm so glad I did.

HOWEVER! To all the women out there with different situations, or the same situation but different feelings, you can still call on The Abortioneers. We'll support you through it all.

"Keep Ya Head Up" by Tupac

This Tupac song is always inspirational to me because it recognizes that life is hard for women, and women give our lives to our children, families, and communities every day. One day I was jammin' this song for at least the 1,000 time, and I noticed this portion of the first verse:

Time to heal our women, be real to our women

And if we don't we'll have a race of babies

That will hate the ladies, that make the babies

And since a man can't make one

He has no right to tell a woman when and where to create one

So will the real men get up

I know you're fed up ladies, but keep your head up

I love this song. The survival of women will determine the future of our world. Reproductive choice is about healing, loving, and entrusting women with their own livelihood. I could criticize the possesive language in the song, but the semantics don't matter; the song recognizes the divine nature of women's role in the future of all people.

I wear a button that says:

"Until One understands the heart of a woman nothing else about abortion makes any since at all."

-Dr. George Tiller

Murdered May 31, 2009

It reminds me that working in reproductive health and education is about healing women's hearts, "And if we don't we'll have a race of babies, that will hate the ladies, who make the babies."