My Abortion Commitment

This work has had a profound impact on me. Sometimes that impact has been like the sun stretching its rays into my heart; other times, it's been more like smashing head-on, full-force into a brick wall. I suppose, like love, or relationships in general, it takes work. You go through phases: the passionate awakening (I've found my calling!); the honeymoon (this is such a great organization!); the growing apart a bit...the stretching (well, there are some things that aren't perfect about my employer and sometimes I'm uncomfortable with xyz). Sometimes that stretching bends you, makes you flex between two worlds: abortioneering and "home." You may feel you can't keep stretching without something having to give. You may feel you don't belong fully in either world. You might leave said organization. Leave abortion work. Separate yourself more from "home"/non-AB work. If you can find a balance - one foot in each world - it's cool. Feels good. Real nice.

This work has stretched me. I'm more compassionate. Less judgmental. More open to life's experiences in general. I have a core belief that as women, we know what's best for ourselves. We could do with a bit of self-gentleness: we don't have to be perfect. And through this realization, I've learned the virtue of being kind to strangers. The power of just listening. Of just being present. And simply: kind. I learn from our women. I've watched many of them find their own Spring through abortion: they are reminded of who they are. What they want out of life. What they want from themselves. And from others. My own abortion was a lot like a wake-up call ("this man in my life is not someone I should be a parent with. Maybe he isn't someone I should be a partner with, either").

These lessons and values helped me decide what kind of people I want in - or out - of my life. I try to parent this way, too. I want my child to be compassionate, kind, and to care. I hope my child will respect women and not be super judgmental. If I manage to bring these concepts into parenting, I will forever thank my abortion relationship. My beautiful, romantic, warm-fuzzy abortion story. The one with the sun inside me.

Moving onto "I'm in it for the long-haul/totally committed to you, dear abortion," has long-term impacts that aren't always positive. I try not to stress too much, because I don't want the tender balance between abortion and my personal world to snap. I don't want to bring my work fears home. I don't want them literally on my doorstep with my child fearful of personal safety. I want to feel confident in developing relationships within my community without being the abortiongirl. I don't want to get outted to my neighbors or my child's teachers. I fear kids at school/teachers/parents will say mean things about abortion, about my work, about me as a parent, inevitably hurting my child. This balance between abortion and home becomes more tenuous.

Nothing's perfect. More compassionate, yes; but I'm more anxious, too. Granted, I can calmly handle an emergency. I know what to do if there's a bomb threat; but I'm the type that gets silently worried, waiting for the "next bad thing" to happen. Basically, I'm the victim of the type of relationship where abortion threatens to leave me. Shakes me up so I don't get comfortable in my job for too long. Insecurities abound: will abortion stay legal? can we keep doing abortions in the second trimester? oh, shit! parental consent! oh, shit! mandatory waiting period! oh, god, insurance might not cover anymore. am i going to lose my job? will those fucking protesters just stop their stupid 40daysoflife? will our business be the next to go under in this bad economy? It's like whiplash: Stop.Go.Stop.Go. Now: FIGHT!FIGHT!FIGHT! Stop.Breathe.ItWillBeOK. FIGHT!FIGHT!GO!GO! Exhausting.

When you're tired, you make compromises. Something has to give. How to give all the light I've learned from this work, while protecting those I love from the dark parts? I struggle. And I don't know what this phase in my relationship with abortion is called. We're not as close as we used to be. For better or for worse.

50 Days, 50 Escorts!

Dear readers,

Hi! Your friendly neighborhood clinic defender is here with some news for those of you who want to get involved but don't know how or in what capacity.

In case you don't know, the anti movement has established "40 Days for Life", a periodic 40-day campaign during which clinic protesting and patient harassment is at least doubled, and, in many cases, quintupled. Apparently 40 days is what it takes to make believers out of us all. It actually only takes one hour max for me to become insane with anger and reaffirm my pro-choice stance for all eternity. So, thanks antis, for helping solidify my commitment to killing babies. I owe it all to you!

Any-old-who, the point is that during the "40 Days" clinics need help. While most antis are harmless, i.e. they sing or pray on their own, others can get pretty raucous and obnoxious. Think of the patients who have to get through all that nonsense just to get to the clinic door. A crying shame! So, End Clinic Harassment, a blog dedicated to news about escorting and clinic defense, has begun its own counter-campaign: 50 Days, 50 Escorts. The goal is to get 50 folks from now until the next "40 Days" campaign to pledge to escort at a local clinic. Think about it! It will be a bit warmer by then, and you can meet some new friends and help a bunch of people in need.

The next "40 Days" will be March 9 - April 17. Can we count on your support?

Nice save

Ahh, I just love the smell of lunacy early in the morning.

The time is upon us: "40 Days for Life" is well under way across the U.S. and other countries. I took a moment to peruse the website and found some real gems. Here is my favorite, from a collection of what appears to be soundbites from 40 Days participants:

"Learning that the 'free ultrasound' coupon worked, convincing women to get ultrasounds – and saving lives "

I'm so glad that your scheme "worked", and it doesn't sound the least bit conniving or devious. What a farce; tempting women with coupons? How about you offer her some free childcare for that baby she's about to have that she can't support? Which is not to mention that ultrasounds are also provided in ab clinic, but that's a different can of worms.

In the corner of the website there is this ticker:

September 22 – October 31
Day 29 – 346 babies saved

More like 346 women harassed, accused, guilt-tripped. Oh wait, it's more like a billion women. Those 346 are just the ones who actually stopped to listen to you, who either didn't want to have abortions in the first place or who didn't know where to turn for real information and advice and fell victim to your lies and injustice.

In a list of ways for antis to "get involved", the lovely folks at 40 Days recommend the following:

"And please consider fasting. Some people are unable to fast from food for health reasons; that's understandable. Fasting simply involves renouncing an activity that can put a barrier between you and God. It could be television, the internet, chocolate, coffee, etc. You really can do without it. Take the time you usually spend in those activities and give it back to God."

Yes, please starve yourselves. Not only will it do nothing to end abortion, but it will hopefully reduce your anti vigor and I can enjoy a peaceful walk to work. Maybe you can "fast" from being lazy idiots and go help people in need. Clean up one of the filthy, drug-paraphernalia-ridden parks that unplanned children are playing in/being kidnapped and raped in. Or are you too afraid to know how some people really live once they drive away from that clinic? Maybe. All that matters to you is that you have your chance to scream at people during your free Saturdays and head back to cushy homes where you don't have to worry about others' problems. Helping your fellow man, indeed.

Do us all a favor; if you really want to make lots of happy children why don't you start making this world a better place for them. Better homes for our children mean better communities for everybody, including yourselves you anti pricks.