Thou doth protest too much, methinks

While anti-abortion folk toil over abortion on the legislative floor of practically every state in the country and gibber gabber outside your women’s health clinic, I muse over the plentitude of activities one might engage in as valiant demonstration of pro-lifeness far more so than harassing women who are seeking deeply personal health care.

1. Stay home
2. Read Idiot America
3. Distribute food and toiletries to the poverty-stricken, unemployed, and starving
4. Babysit
5. Eat fresh, hulled oats
6. Go jump in a lake
7. Protest heart attacks
8. Unsubscribe from e-mail lists
9. Start a talking circle in the park
10. Hoist blow-ups of Anne Geddes’s photography and pass out champagne at your local maternity ward
11. Keep orchids alive
12. Vacuum your carpet in perfect rows
13. Empty the trash
14. Make turkey ala king with leftovers
15. Host a sex toy party
16. Trade-in the minivan for a hydrid
17. Leave baskets of organic fruits on neighbors’ doorsteps
18. Read The Tao of Health, Sex & Longevity
19. Watch Food Inc
20. Call your mom
21. Wash your hands
22. Jump rope
23. Donate clothes to good will
24. Scrapbook
25. Purchase a star
26. Climb a tree
27. Go camping
28. Roll your own sushi
29. Read poetry
30. Wear skinny jeans
31. Listen to NPR
32. Try applesauce instead of oil
33. Leave quarters in every vending machine at the super market
34. Leave quarters in every washing machine at the laundromat
35. Can vegetables
36. Cut snowflakes out of scrap paper
37. Blow bubbles
38. Take a nap
39. Eat steamed spinach with ghee
40. Cancel your catalogs
41. Tip your barista
42. Tip 25%
43. Order a vodka martini up with olives stuffed with bleu cheese
44. Beat a piñata
45. Don’t mow your grass
46. Replace your light bulbs and seal your window cracks
47. Find a penny and pick it up
48. Ride a horse
49. Move to another planet
50. Be quiet

*Image of Anne Geddes toy