Wednesday, December 29, 2010

That's Entertainment!

Ah, TV. I'm not really sure where I'd be without you. Who better to supplement my early childhood education? Who better to boost my self-confidence with your pathetic reality slop? Who better to show me what real life is all about?

Wait. Scratch that last one.

My favorite thing about TV is how inaccurately it portrays everything (except, of course, for Sandra Lee's "Kwanzaa Cake" calamity, which is depicted with frightening accuracy). For example, very few programs or movies related to pregnancy address abortion as more than a sidebar comment. This problem extends beyond it's disdain for reality and thoughtful women; I wager that folks who are not involved in the pregnancy options world actually buy this tripe and take it as gospel. In the last couple years, since the outpouring of pregnancy-related entertainment, I've lamented to friends and coworkers time and again that abortion should be part of the story. Their responses are usually to this effect: "But Anti-Anti, if she had an abortion there would be no story lol!"

Apparently the media has made ignoramuses out of all the people I know and respect. No story?! People are actually starting to believe that abortion is a nonsense topic. It's something that people don't go through. It's something that people don't seriously consider. It's something that is not nearly as chaotic or side-splitting as a woman carrying to term an unplanned pregnancy brought on by some doofus with a stupid haircut.

Let's count the ways in which choosing an abortion continues to be an issue of substance:
1. the woman actually has to weigh her options to make a decision
2. the woman probably already has kids
3. the woman has a deadbeat partner, or an awesome partner who doesn't want her to have an abortion
4. the woman doesn't have the money for an abortion
5. the woman doesn't have an escort to get to her abortion
6. the woman is near the gestation limit in her state and has to get to her appointment NOW!
7. the woman has to get a judicial bypass because her parents would mangle her if they knew
8. the woman gets mugged and all her hard-scrounged abortion money is stolen
9. there is a fetal anomaly and the woman has to get to a specialized health center NOW!
10. the woman is homeless
11. the woman is a teenager
12. the woman is ill
13. the woman doesn't speak English
14. the woman has no support from friends or family and has to rely on total strangers
15. the woman was desperate enough to attempt a DIY abortion
16. the woman's pregnancy circumstances are not ideal, yet her biological clock is ticking
17. the woman belongs to some moron religion
18. the woman was a virgin impregnated by God, but still thinks it's not cool
19. the woman makes a living as a swimsuit model and doesn't want to compromise her figure
20. the woman wound up at a CPC and has to make up for lost time and lost sanity

Phew! With any combination of those circumstances I could write a Judd Apatow-esque comedy that would knock your socks clean off, about abortion! What's our world coming to? When did unplanned pregnancy become HILARIOUS? Something that is a wild ride while you're on it, but always feels better at the end? Screw that. I want to see a) an abortion comedy, where a woman does some hilarious things and faces zany circumstances to make her abortion happen or b) a pregnancy tragedy where a woman listened to all the folks around her telling her not to have an abortion and dies in childbirth and utters with her last breath, "If only I had chosen abortion, one of the safest medical procedures in the United States."


On that note, I'd like to pay tribute to MTV, who aired a wonderful special on abortion last night. One of my fellow Abortioneers will investigate this topic in depth, but I'd like to first share with you the link so that you can see for yourselves just how interesting a story about abortion can be.

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