Sunday, May 16, 2010

In Memoriam

Dear Dr. Tiller,

The one year anniversary of your murder is coming up in about two weeks. May 31, 2009. I can't believe it has already been one year. It's weird that so much time has gone by. It seems like not that long ago I was crying at your vigil. At the same time, it seems like four lifetimes ago. I don't tell people anymore, "Oh, just get to Wichita. Just get to Wichita. Don't worry about anything else." I can't tell anyone that and women have babies now. Dead babies. Severely deformed babies. Moms have died. I have gotten used to that fact. Depressing, right?

I still think about you, almost everyday. It's not the deep, stabbing pain that it once was, but I still cry about you being gone, sometimes. Probably too often. I don't know.

I have a picture of you hanging in my apartment. One of my friends asked me if you were my grandpa, and I smiled and explained who you are. She felt bad for asking but I told her that's why I have it there. So I can remember to remember you. And remember how you made the world a better place and to remind me to keep fighting the good fight.

Speaking of, it's definitely been a tough fight, lately. Lots of people trying to pass laws to take away a woman's right to control her body. Lots of extreme right people disseminating misinformation and generally fucking stuff up for everyone. Dr. Carhart is still kicking ass and taking names (obvi). Other doctors have also stepped up to the plate to help pick up the pieces. I just don't understand why it still feels like there are still a million tiny little pieces, all over the floor. Like when you drop a vase on the floor and no matter how many times you sweep and vacuum, you're still stepping on the glass five years later.

Anyway, the main point of this is that I miss you. You are not forgotten and your legacy continues to live on.

Much Love From Your Fellow Abortioneer,
Mr. Banana Grabber


  1. Beautiful post, as always. This one made me tear up.

    I'm going to start using the hashtag "#RememberingDrTiller" on Twitter. To me, remembering Dr. Tiller means so, so much more than just acknowledging the date of his assassination. It means fighting for reproductive rights, even when you are exhausted and tired and ready to give up. It means letting him and other doctors who have given their lives to reproductive justice live on in your heart and in the hearts of other people.

    God bless you, Dr. Tiller.

  2. Thank you for writing this. I feel the exact same way. I can't stop thinking about the upcoming anniversary of his death and still have the same thoughts I did when I found out he was gone. What about the women? What happened to them?
    I too, have a picture of Dr. Tiller and myself that was taken at his office from the summer I spent in Wichita working with him. It's one of my most cherished photos and every time I look at it, it makes me so proud to be working in this field.
    -Kate P.

  3. kudos to you women for doing this work. . .wish i were a doctor just to offer this procedure. ..when i retire from being a school administrator, i plan to run a planned parenthood clinic

  4. I wanted to ask if there are any memorial vigils planned for the 31st?
    I couldn't make it to the one in D.C when it happened last year and I still feel terrible.

  5. TEAR. Wish I could have been at the vigil, but I showed my support from afar.

  6. Steph -- I am not sure... that is a good idea. I haven't heard anything? I'll keep an eye out and post if I hear anything.

    Everyone else -- glad to hear I am not the only feel sort of crazy right now! Love love love to you all.

  7. Someone brought up a good idea on Twitter - if there isn't one happening, we could organize a memorial vigil ourselves.

  8. @ PS - Yes! I am working on getting one started up in my area. :D

  9. MBG - love you. I know that in Seattle, they are organizing one. NOW or NARAL or someone is.

    We love you, Dr. Tiller. And we think of your family.


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