It's my turn to blog and I don't have anything to say. I am emotionally drained. I saw Precious last night which for me felt like I put in another day at the office. My friend asked me how I made it through the movie without crying and I told her if I cried at that stuff I would spend most of my workdays crying. I feel burned out. I feel bitter. I am angry I have a job which is very demanding and I am changing people's lives and doing good, and I have to spend my free time defending it. Some people would say that I am bitter and burned out because it is God finally intervening and showing me the light.
This is not true.
When you hear about the worst things that people do to each other, to their wives, to their daughters, to their families, over and over and over and over -- that is what happens. You get mad. You push it in the back corner of your mind.
When your coworkers get murdered it's hard not to get bitter. When I have to organize a vigil and go to CVS and buy 100 tealights because one of the best people I have ever or will ever know is dead, I get bitter.
When people in the government are working to take your rights away it's hard not to get angry.
When you hear how hard some of these women have it, it is difficult not to get upset. When people don't even know how deeply disenfranchised many of these women are. What it would be like to walk a mile in her shoes. What it would be like to have a monthly budget composed of $237 from food stamps for you and your two small children. And that's it. People don't even know and they make judgments and want to decide this woman's life for her. It's not fair.
This is why I don't have anything to say today.
Hugs. I want to give you big hugs. I know it doesn't make it any easier, but you are a hero. You are a hero to so many people by the fact that you will sit and listen and help. I love you and all of my fellow abortioneers.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. I actually just got back from a long car ride with my mom, where somehow the topic got to abortion and a heated discussion ensued where she accused me of being a "fanatic" of abortion. Nice.
ReplyDeleteNot that she's opposed to abortion, but is one of those people who is uneasy with the subject, seems to think multiple abortions are wrong and the result of women who repeatedly get drunk and sleep around. In other words the type of person who keeps the abortion stigma alive and well.
I wish I could do more to help these organizations and be a true abortioneer, but for now my hands are largely tied. But one day, one day I'll be there for it all.
Steph: you rock, and are always welcome in Abortion Land!
ReplyDeleteMr. BG: we're all with you.
This isn't a rant and it's so true. Let it out, you fine specimen of a human being with feelings!
ReplyDeleteI'm so thankful I'm not alone. <3
ReplyDeleteHugs to all you guys! I love you and I get teary eyed just thinking about awesome you all are. <3
ReplyDeleteOh my god, Steph, everything you said about your mom sounds just like my dad! (Except he pretty much IS opposed to abortion, outside of whatever limited cases he deems special -- but not like it-should-be-illegal opposed, more like deeply-squeamish-about-it-and-also-won't-they-regret-it-forever opposed.) I'm really thankful that, in the end, he supports me doing what I care about, but have no idea if he'll ever get over it.
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