My dearest Cliche,

Disclaimer: This critique of mainstream media blasphemy and the raw dissection of another human being's lived experience is in no way reflective of The Abortioneers' over-riding belief that every human being is unique and valuable and that overcoming isolation is the key to de-stigmatizing abortion. Furthermore, in addition to the anti-abortion movement, so-called reality television, as well as glossy magazines full of manipulated sound and visual bytes (such as People magazine) are the bane of this author's existence and she has no idea who this woman is or what her show is about. Please excuse her temporary lapse in righteous advocacy.

Do not take this with a grain of salt.

She is many women in one. All slightly mistaken.

Abortion is a literary minefield. Abortion is ironic because it is as common, safe and liberating as it is stigmatized, limited and unsettling.

As an abortioneer, I can be artful and abstract but I can also be intensely demanding of downright truth. This article was riddled with untruths and not in an Alice in Wonderland kind of way. Instead of burning down a newsstand, I have provided commentary.

Kourtney Kardashian's unplanned pregnancy forced the shocked reality TV star to make one of the most difficult decisions in her life: Would she have the baby or terminate the pregnancy?

You mean: Would she have a baby? If we are going to be so brief as to discuss a woman's difficult decision in her life in the matter of nine repetitive paragraphs then we also don't have space to dive into why some women prefer to call a non-viable embryo or fetus a baby. Along the lines of commonality, we will assume Kourtney made this decision in her first trimester of pregnancy so she was deciding whether or not to have a baby. Her actual pregnancy wasn't a baby she could abort because women can't abort babies--that's murder.

"I definitely thought about it long and hard, about if I wanted to keep the baby or not, and I wasn't thinking about adoption," Kardashian, 30, who was shooting E!'s Kourtney & Khloe Take Miami at the time, tells PEOPLE exclusively. "I do think every woman should have the right to do what they want, but I don't think it's talked through enough. I can't even tell you how many people just say, 'Oh, get an abortion.' Like it's not a big deal."

And I can't tell YOU how many people just say, "Oh, just drive to Target." Like it's no big deal. But the real question is: when will consumption of fossil fuel and support of degrading labor practices be as stigmatized and grossly distorted as women’s experiences regarding abortion and family planning?

But pardon me because I’m value-judging and part of living in this beloved country is accepting others’ values.

Scott Disick, the baby's 26-year-old father, was supportive either way. The pair had split in November after two years of dating, but reconciled shortly after finding out she was pregnant. "He wanted me to talk about it more, but I just kept to myself," she says. "He said, 'I really want you to keep it, but I will support you whatever you decide to do.'"

You know what abortioneers call Disick? A future man-uninvolved. I dare you to track him for three years or five--IF they accrue money and fame because of the child.

Confused and concerned, Kardashian says, "I called my best friend crying, and I was like, 'I don't know what to do.' She said, 'Call your doctor, and at least find out the risks and stuff.' " So Kardashian discussed abortion with her physician, and then headed to the Internet to do further research.

FYI: Abortion is one of the safest surgeries performed on earth. In the United States, the most common complications include infection which is preventable and treatable, followed by the possibility of a missed pregnancy and/or retained tissue which is also preventable and treatable.

Many women having abortions are mothers or plan to be mothers and their decision to abort weighs heavily on their head and heart. However, a primary experience of a majority of women choosing to terminate their unplanned pregnancy is a strong sense of relief following the abortion and the ability to move forward with other crucial long-term goals with a renewed sense of courage and determination in life.

"I looked online, and I was sitting on the bed hysterically crying, reading these stories of people who felt so guilty from having an abortion," she recalls. "I was reading these things of how many people are traumatized by it afterwards."

I feel traumatized after reading anti-abortion blasphemy online as well and cry hysterically about it even when I'm not pregnant.

After scouring the Internet, Kardashian says she started to realize that an abortion wasn't an option for her. "I was just sitting there crying, thinking, 'I can't do that,' " she says. "And I felt in my body, this is meant to be. God does things for a reason, and I just felt like it was the right thing that was happening in my life."

I feel in my body that abortions are meant to be and that women who have abortions are sometimes guided to do so through their love of a supreme being or guidance from a doctrine or prescribed faith and that abortion is the right thing happening in their life. Great.

Kardashian says she did some intense soul-searching. "For me, all the reasons why I wouldn't keep the baby were so selfish: It wasn't like I was raped, it's not like I'm 16. I'm 30 years old, I make my own money, I support myself, I can afford to have a baby. And I am with someone who I love, and have been with for a long time."

Merriam-Webster definition of a parent: one that begets or brings forth offspring. People magazine definition of a parent: famous, rich people in-love who don’t like to consider themselves selfish. (Also, score one for the rape survivors and minors, per usual.)

Although Kardashian sought out the advice of others, she says it was her decision – and hers alone – that was the most important.

See also: God

"I really wanted to think it through for myself, and not hear what my sisters were saying, or what Scott was saying. Even though I took it all in, I wanted it to be my decision," she says. "My doctor told me there is nothing you will ever regret about having the baby, but he was like, 'You may regret not having the baby.' And I was like: That is so true. And it just hit me. I got so excited, and when I told Scott he was so excited. But I think if I had said I'm not going to keep it, I really think he would have pushed me into keeping it."

Life is full of regrets however fleeting. For instance, I regret this woman's doctor is a practicing physician.

See also: Post-partum psychosis

PS. Octomom makes my cortisol boil and my oxytocin weep. There! I said it.