An anniversary of a loss

Somehow it's already May 31 again. It's my sibling's twentieth birthday, and it's the third anniversary of Dr. George Tiller's murder by a "pro-life" gunman. It'd be hard to forget this day.

More than one of my colleagues have told me that brilliant blue-sky almost-summer days still remind them of the afternoon we learned Dr. Tiller was gone. It was a Sunday, the Sunday after Memorial Day, and every Memorial Day since then I've thought about Dr. Tiller, who was an Air Force pilot, but who lost his life decades later for being a doctor. "Our veterans died so you could have those freedoms." Except, for once, it's true.

It'd be hard to forget this day, but it's also difficult to remember it. Remembering sets me to wondering how many more years we'll remember to honor Dr. Tiller, and also whether anyone outside abortionland remembers anymore, or cares.

Remember? Remember how our president gave speeches shortly thereafter about finding "common ground" on abortion? Don't you wonder where, exactly, that common ground is? Is it on "Let's come to a compromise on how many healthcare providers you assassinate per year"? In the wake of a Southern string of 3 targeted burglaries at clinics and 3 women's health buildings set aflame (some of which don't even provide abortion care), wouldn't you really like to know what common ground looks like? "Let's agree that no one likes fires in the summer; you could at least save arson for the winter months"?

Where's a libertarian declaring "Those who would trade liberty for security..." when you could actually use one?

Dr. Tiller didn't fuck around like that. They massed outside his office, and he had a huge sign printed: "Women need abortions, and I'm going to provide them." No mincing, no equivocating, and no compromising his patients' care. He went to work every day to protect women's freedoms. Someone shot him in both arms, and he went back to work the next day. He had a gate at the clinic and wore a bulletproof vest -- but his murderer shot him in the head, at church. As you know, freedom ain't free, and that's why we as a society support our abortion providers LOL naw jk that would be crazy.

Dr. Tiller's Late Abortion Patients

Last night, I went to make a cup of tea. All the cups I normally use were in the sink (whoops), so I reached to the back of the shelf where I keep my "special" mugs, and I pulled a mug for Women's Health Care Services, Dr. Tiller's now defunct clinic.

There has been renewed interest in his clinic and the doctors he worked with. More specifically, Dr. Ann Kristin Neuhaus, who provided the legally required second opinion for Dr. Tiller's late abortion cases from 1999-2006. 11 cases are under review, because someone filed a complaint to the State Board of Healing Arts.

I read about it in this article. One of the patients in question, a 15 year old from Illinois, bothered me in particular because the author of the article makes it seem like she got an abortion because she didn't like basketball anymore, and that's it. The cases described in the article are missing a lot of details in general, ie, was the 15 year old pregnant because her 22 year old boyfriend impregnated her? Did she spend 20 weeks trying to get an abortion and was unable to raise funds and ended up at Dr. Tiller's clinic? If there is anything my experience in the field has taught me, it's that the reasons and psychology of a woman seeking an abortion is very complex. Just like people in general. We aren't one-dimensional images that can be fully understood in a few sentences. People reading these articles can easily jump to the conclusion Dr. Tiller was doing abortions on young women for totally ridiculous reasons. He didn't do that.

Dr. Tiller didn't take abortion lightly and did not give abortions to people who were flippant about it. He just didn't. I am thinking because of HIPAA laws the article couldn't reveal more, and as Dr. Neuhaus stated herself, she was worried anti-choice people would get ahold of these documents. Clearly her fears were correct. Obviously, if Dr. Neuhaus was cutting corners and not properly documenting these cases, then that is wrong. I could only find articles about this from the anti-choice perspective, so it's hard to fully determine what was going on her.

It just saddens me that anti-choicers are still obsessing over this clinic which is now closed. Dr. Tiller has been dead for 2.5 years. RIP.

Two Years

Take at the St. Louis Vigil for Dr. George Tiller on June 1, 2009.
It was two years ago today that Dr. Tiller was gunned down in church and brutally assassinated. In the wake of his murder, there were many calls and cries for increased security, for better laws, and more protection for these doctors who provide legal medical services to our citizens.

Just six days ago, Ralph Lang was arrested after accidentally firing his gun in a motel room, located near a Planned Parenthood he was planning to attack the next morning.

Thank goodness Ralph Lang is an idiot and was caught before he could take any lives, but that was a really close call. What would have happened if he didn’t accidentally shoot off his gun? What if more doctors, or even nurses, were killed? Lang didn’t seem to have a particular bias in terms of who he was murdering, stating that he wanted to "...line them up all in a row, get a machine gun, and mow them all down."

Today, two years after the death of Dr. Tiller, are abortion providers safe? Are they at least safer? I don’t think they are. Between the House’s completely messed up agenda, the Planned Parenthood debacle, terrible new state laws, it just seems like the environment is so overwhelmingly toxic.



Though many doctors, nurses, clinic staff, volunteers, and others are stepping up to the plate to help fill the void left in Dr. Tiller’s absence, it is still very apparent that he is gone. On one hand, it seems like so long ago that I spoke with patients, trying to help them make alternate plans after his death, hoping there was someone else out there who could see them. Yet it seems like just yesterday I got a phone call from Placenta Sandwich, letting me know the terrible news that Dr. Tiller had been shot.

I still have his picture hanging in my apartment. I still look at it often, thinking of what he did for people; he really made a lasting impact on so many women’s lives.

RIP Dr. Tiller. You are missed.

The Least Balanced Among Them

Sparky wrote a post about the Rachel Maddow documentary "The Assassination of Dr. Tiller."

I watched it, and thought it was very good. I was expecting to get extremely emotional watching it, but I did not. Seeing Dr. Sella get choked up was very moving, the patient stories, obviously -- but for the most part, I kept it together way better than I was anticipating.

For me, the best point the documentary made was expressed by one of Dr. Tiller's staffers. Essentially, she was saying that anti leaders, like Troy Newman or Randall Terry, are culpable to some degree for the behavior of people like Scott Roeder. She said, and I am paraphrasing here, that they use language of violence, murder, and hatred to incite people. Then, when the least balanced among them acts out as a result of that, they stand back as if they are not accountable and had nothing to do with it. Not unlike how when a football player does something wrong to a player on the opposite team, and then afterwards, when a flag is thrown and he gets caught, he stands there with his hands up as if that somehow proves he didn't do it.




Did I do that?

It is very important for the mainstream media and population in this country to understand this concept. Not just for abortion rights, but a variety of extremely important topics. For example, Fox News saying Obama is a Muslim over and over and over and over and over and over and then acting like it is an interesting news piece / revelation when most of the viewers of Fox News think Obama is Muslim. Similarly, when Bill O'Reilly calls Dr. Tiller "Tiller the Killer" on Fox News 30+ times, it's no wonder then viewers of the program start to view Tiller as not a person but a mass murderer.

The problem lies in where exactly the line of culpability starts and ends. Obviously, it's very complicated and difficult to ascertain. It is mostly shades of gray, and that is why they can get away with it.

I think, generally, the rhetoric of hatred that is so pervasive in this country seriously needs to subside. Hate breeds hate. I have no problem engaging with anti-choicers about the issue and talking about it. Note the word "talking." Talking implies two or more people are participating in a dialogue. I am more than happy to do that. If nothing else, it will help me understand where he or she is coming from better. I have a really hard time doing this, though, when the person is incredibly fired up, saying things that are blatant lies, and seem totally okay with the murder of my colleague. The least balanced among them - those who harass, shame, stalk, humiliate, murder - they are ruining it for everyone.

It would be nice if anti-choice folks were more willing to regulate the behavior of the extreme among them. Their leaders, Randall Terrycoughcough, seem more than happy to embrace their behavior.

Thanks, Rachel Maddow

you are the shit

If you haven't already heard of or watched it, last night Rachel Maddow's show did a special episode on Dr. Tiller's murder. I was unable to watch it because of my lack of cable, but I definitely plan to locate it on the wonderful interwebs.

Here is a brief clip of Maddow interviewing Dr. Elizabeth Newhall. Maddow and Newhall discuss the "WANTED" ads created by anti-choice radicals that target abortion doctors and threaten their lives. I would like to thank Rachel Maddow for broaching a subject that most mainstream media just won't. Abortion providers are endangered. When I am in the clinic, particuarly if I'm alone, I am always very vigilant about making sure doors are locked and I check security cameras countless times a day. It's mad what we, abortion providers, have to do just to do our jobs and help others carry out their choices as they see fit.

Please share if you were able to watch Rachel Maddow's show last night -- what did you think of it? -- or if you know a good way to watch the whole thing online...

Thanks to our com mentors the link above will bring you to the whole episode or you can read commentary for multiple ways of viewing the episode!

Trust

I'm not an optimist by nature, but by God, I force myself to be one. There's enough negativity in and around abortion care; no one needs me to be a grumpy, jaded provider. I dance at work and joke with clients and hype up my co-workers and proclaim my love for the clinic from the rooftops. And sometimes, it's the most exhausting part of the work I do.

I wear a "Trust Women" button like the one worn by Dr. Tiller. I believe it with all my heart and it's the reason I go to work every day, ignoring the protesters, ignoring my lower back pain and sciatica after 12+ hour days. I've sacrificed relationships and friends and sleep and food and health and leisure time and luxuries and vacations for this job. I do it because I trust and love every woman who enters my clinic, and I value the work I do. And I know that the clients appreciate all of us providers. But they don't always trust us.

Women constantly ask us if our clinic is clean, if real doctors perform the abortion, if they'll be infertile, if they'll get breast cancer. They call afterward and accuse us of "leaving something inside of me," they blame their stubbed toe on something we did, they call us money-hungry whores because we can't secure enough funding for them. And it hurts so much and it makes me so angry to constantly be the enemy, no matter what. Providers aren't perfect, but we're good and selfless people and we deserve trust and respect.

I'm sorry I can't be your regularly scheduled, sunny Desembarazarme, but I'm human and I struggle, and I trust you to be here for me.

"With all that you have to deal with..."

"Can I ask you a question? With all that you have to deal with, why do you still do this?"

"Because I remember when it was illegal for women to make this decision. I don't want to see those days come again. And also when a woman comes to me and says that she doesn't know what she would've done without my help...I know I'm doing the right job."

Sounds totally cheesy, right? Like, 100% fresh-squeezed saintly shit, not from concentrate.  (Ack, I'm already mixing my metaphors.) No one ever says stuff like that outside of movies. Probably anyone watching "If These Walls Could Talk" at this point rolled their eyes at the pro-abortioneer bias of the movie, because doctors don't talk like that.

And the part right before that, where Dr. Cher finally gets through the crowd of protesters and into her office, and takes off her coat and then her bulletproof vest: another eyeroll. Who actually uses those? Get over yourselves, filmmakers -- amirite?


"There are all sorts of dangers [for] postal workers, firemen, police officers -- everything has a risk to it. I would prefer, personally, to have a challenging, stimulating and emotionally and spiritually rewarding career that is short rather than having a long one that is filled with ho-hum, mundane mediocrity -- feeling as if you don't make any difference to people."

Dr. Tiller said that. I often have these moments of sharply realizing, all over again, how much we lost when the antis murdered him last year. Many of my friends say that brilliant blue-sky days always remind them of hearing the news that day; isn't that shitty? And I feel that way about Memorial Day weekend in general: from now on it's a time to remember one veteran in particular.

After Barnett Slepian ― an abortion provider in suburban Buffalo, New York ― was murdered in 1998, police brought the Carharts bulletproof vests. They wore them until, as Carhart drily noted, "we realized that the antis usually shoot providers in the head."

And then they killed Dr. Tiller, who wore a vest to work but was shot in the face at church. So his friend Leroy Carhart was right. But that doesn't mean Dr. Carhart has stopped providing abortions. Even if sometimes he carpools to work with U.S. Marshals.

Dr. Hern hasn't stopped either, but his blinds are always drawn and he never sits with his back to a window in a public place and every morning he checks the clinic roof for snipers. And at my clinic the (far less famous) doctors call ahead to let us know they'll be standing outside the back door in two minutes, the nurses are circumspect when registering their home addresses with the state, we get rides to work in others' cars during high protest times.

A lot of older doctors and nurses started learning to provide abortions when they were either mostly or entirely illegal. I think they got murdered less then, because antis tend to get violent when they start losing their legal domination. But they sure had to deal with the police. Why would those providers have risked prison, and today's providers risk death, to offer a relatively low-paying service that universally lacked in prestige among their colleagues?

Almost to a one, the providers who talk about it cite reasons like this:

and this: 

Gerri Santoro, dead in a hotel room at 29, leaving behind two daughters; she never made it to the emergency room, but doctors saw countless others like her, particularly in septic wards.


We talk and write a lot about how it isn't right or normal or reasonable or legitimate that we work behind bulletproof glass and incorporate security routines into our daily life in order to do something that is both legal and very much needed by a great number of people. It isn't normal. Take a minute to think about how not-normal it is! A lot of people seem to assume it naturally comes with the territory -- "occupational hazard," as one editorialist wrote about Dr. Tiller's death, right before comparing him to a mafioso -- and then on the other hand, others somehow seem so surprised to hear that it does.

Last night I told someone that I'd probably have assumed the Dr. Cher character was an absurd caricature of an impossible saint, if only I didn't know people who actually talk just like her and indeed wear bulletproof vests to work. And at the vest thing he said "Wait, really?" People say that a lot!

But they don't then say "that's ridiculous." They often say (always in the same voice), "Oh, wow..." and trail off meaningfully (I guess). And I don't need that. Like, thank you acquaintances, but: making it socially unacceptable for my life to be in danger would be SO much more helpful than voicing your admiration for my doing something that "must be so hard" as you put it. It isn't hard! It just is what I need to do. And it's wonderful, actually. I can be profoundly useful to others, learn a lot about medicine, learn a lot about people's hearts, spend time with great colleagues who share my values and, similarly, are just doing what they need to do.

As Sparky wrote yesterday, some providers are surly, some are sexist, some are looking out for the bottom line. But by and large, those are the people who probably find this work the hardest. To most of us -- whether doctors or counselors or administrators or whatever -- it's worth it, because and because and because. But that doesn't mean we wouldn't appreciate going to work free of firebombs and shotguns. Thanks for taking note.

You know what also stops a beating heart? Murder.

This past Sunday, I was driving home to spend Memorial Day with my family, my handbag on the seat beside me with a Dr. Tiller memorial button pinned to it. I wear the button daily, when I go to work at the clinic and even when I end up in the rural south for whatever reason (When I'm in the rural south, I wear it just as proudly, but I steel myself.), but on Sunday, I wore the button differently, anticipating, dreading the first anniversary of Dr. Tiller's death on Memorial Day, itself.

Heading home to the family that doesn't need to be reminded of what day May 31st will always be, to the family that has never made choice seem like anything but a fact of life, to the family that is a safe haven, I passed under an enormous billboard on the side of the interstate that featured a woman covering her face in anguish. Next to her image, in yellow, the words, "1 DEAD, 1 WOUNDED." Maybe there was a website or a phone number, too, but I didn't need more details to know what it was all about. I raised my middle finger at the billboard ineffectually, and I felt good about the work I do, thankful that flipping off an inanimate object isn't all I can do.

And in my mind, I replaced the anguished woman's face with my own and with my co-workers' and with my co-bloggers' and with all the allies of choice and with the faces of the women who have had abortions and who aren't sorry. In my version, the woman has a cartoon-style thought bubble with Dr. Tiller's face in it. The caption is still there, but it reads, "1 DEAD, MILLIONS WOUNDED." Let me show the world how to appropriate that language, and let me show what it is to be wounded. Let me fight in the REAL war on terror. Let us all show what it is to be wounded and to carry on a legacy and to work harder than ever.

Remembrance

I’m grateful for vulva flower’s post yesterday, on Memorial Day, reminding us to remember the man who served so many women, yet lost his life simply because he trusted women to make the best choices for themselves. In the past several days, many different sites have dedicated blogs to Dr. Tiller. He cannot be forgotten, will not be forgotten, and his legacy lives on.

No one can fill Dr. Tiller’s shoes; yet aren’t we all fortunate that many providers have stepped-up to fill some of the gap that was left behind? Dr. Carhart is amazing. He is now constantly under the microscope and also endures dangerous threats from antis. Dr. Hern continues to work tirelessly. So do many other compassionate physicians who care deeply for women and their struggles. They are heroes. They carry on despite the fright that domestic terrorists throw upon them. Sometimes, I wish clients knew just how much these physicians put on the line for them; just like Placenta Sandwich mentioned in this post, it seems so many people just don’t get how much danger providers are in.

Yet despite danger, they continue doing this work. They continue to be brave in all things. Their heads held high, tall. Dignity and integrity fully in check. For many, when they choose do provide abortions, they also put their families at risk. I keep thinking about Dr. Tiller’s family. His wife, Jeanne. His children. His grandchildren. His dear, close friends both in and outside the abortion world. Oh, how they, too, must be missing him. I hope they know all the abortioneers out there are grateful to Dr. Tiller and to his family. It probably wouldn’t be surprising if at some point, his loved ones asked him to stop providing abortions. I don’t know if they ever did or not; I can only speak from personal experience (where I haven’t even come minutely close to the types of anti activity he and others faced, and my family wanted me to quit). If loved ones had requested this of him, it must’ve been difficult to explain to them why he wouldn’t stop helping women. It must’ve been hard for his loved ones. I hope they, too, know, we think of them.

We also think of all those who were murdered in the 1990s. Dr. Slepian. Dr. Gunn. Officer Sanderson. Brookline. Dr. Britton. So, to all of you. We remember you. We thank you. We thank your families. Ani DiFranco sings it best.

Thank You Dr. Tiller

It’s hard to believe that one year ago, on May 31st, I received a phone call from a fellow abortioneer around noon. Dr. George Tiller had been murdered in his church by a radical anti-choicer. Not only was the devastation felt in the pro-choice community, but it was felt all around the world. Vigils held in packed churches and city parks represented how far Dr. Tiller’s work and compassion spread. Women and their stories of late-term abortions surfaced on radio stations, newspapers, and tv stations.

It was Dr. Tiller that provided care to these women-women who were carrying a severe fetal anomaly, women whose life and health were at risk, and women who had complicated social issues that prevented them from receiving care earlier in their pregnancy.

We will never forget what profound service Dr. Tiller provided. He truly was an incredible physician and an American hero. As a future provider, I will never forget the legacy he left behind and the service he provided to women all over this country.

On this Memorial Day, we remember him for the man he was. A man who stood up for what he believed in and trusted women.

Thank you Dr. Tiller. You are missed.

Gathering for Love

It is a gorgeous, sunny Sunday afternoon and I am with my family. I flew home last night, just in time to attend a beautiful outdoor wedding reception. The trees were strung with lights, the night air- warm and inviting. The mood of the garden embraced each guest as they floated around the open space. We were all there for love.

This morning, I had a flashback to one year ago, this exact day in this exact place one week from today. It was a Sunday morning. I was at home. I was with my family. But on that day, the mood was heavy and although it was early morning, I could see no sun in the sky. It was that morning, I found out about Dr. Tiller’s murder. I was in complete and utter shock. My mind could not process the news. My hands and body were shaking so much I could barely read the news, slowly and then steadily appearing online.

I then broke the news to my mom, and as she started to process it, we began to call our loved ones and share in the inability to comprehend what had just happened. How things would never be the same. For women. For us. For his family. We were all struggling with feelings of outrage and anger, grief and sadness.

It was a Sunday. God’s day (some people would say). And dear George Tiller was at church, unarmed and unaware of what was about to happen. I think about him often, totally vulnerable.

Last year, I was at home. There was a ceremony. It was a Sunday. We lit candles in the backyard. Lots and lots of candles, one for every year he supported women in their choice to have an abortion. In their right to a happy and fulfilling life. All our loved ones were there. The mood embraced every person, but this time it was of heartache. Sadness. Disbelief. And yet, we were all there for love.

Today, I want to share his words:

“Abortion is not a cerebral or a reproductive issue. Abortion is a matter of the heart. For until one understands the heart of a woman, nothing else about abortion makes any sense at all.”

Dr. George Tiller

In Memoriam

Dear Dr. Tiller,

The one year anniversary of your murder is coming up in about two weeks. May 31, 2009. I can't believe it has already been one year. It's weird that so much time has gone by. It seems like not that long ago I was crying at your vigil. At the same time, it seems like four lifetimes ago. I don't tell people anymore, "Oh, just get to Wichita. Just get to Wichita. Don't worry about anything else." I can't tell anyone that and women have babies now. Dead babies. Severely deformed babies. Moms have died. I have gotten used to that fact. Depressing, right?

I still think about you, almost everyday. It's not the deep, stabbing pain that it once was, but I still cry about you being gone, sometimes. Probably too often. I don't know.

I have a picture of you hanging in my apartment. One of my friends asked me if you were my grandpa, and I smiled and explained who you are. She felt bad for asking but I told her that's why I have it there. So I can remember to remember you. And remember how you made the world a better place and to remind me to keep fighting the good fight.

Speaking of, it's definitely been a tough fight, lately. Lots of people trying to pass laws to take away a woman's right to control her body. Lots of extreme right people disseminating misinformation and generally fucking stuff up for everyone. Dr. Carhart is still kicking ass and taking names (obvi). Other doctors have also stepped up to the plate to help pick up the pieces. I just don't understand why it still feels like there are still a million tiny little pieces, all over the floor. Like when you drop a vase on the floor and no matter how many times you sweep and vacuum, you're still stepping on the glass five years later.

Anyway, the main point of this is that I miss you. You are not forgotten and your legacy continues to live on.

Much Love From Your Fellow Abortioneer,
Mr. Banana Grabber

Justice

Guilty on all counts.

I tried not to pay a lot of attention to the trial of Scott Roeder, now convicted of 1^st degree murder for killing Dr. George Tiller. I read a little bit of news on it and read some of Roeder’s testimony. I am amazed that someone who talks about how murder is wrong, and that only the “heavenly father” can take a life, spent so much time thinking through how he was going to kill Dr. Tiller.

Today he has been found guilty. His sentencing will be in March.

It’s weird to say that justice has been served. It certainly doesn’t make me feel any better. But at least the antis are being shown that they can’t murder our doctors, our clinic staff, and get away with it. Scott Roeder is a murderer, he cannot justify it, and now he will pay his court mandated consequences – nothing in comparison to what we have suffered.

Now if only we could go after the anti groups that spew hatred and are also responsible for actions like these. Let’s tell Randall Terry, Troy Newman, Fox News, etc. that it’s not ok to incite violence, it’s not ok to justify killing our co-workers.

Placeholder post

We normally have a full post up on Wednesdays, but for right now I'm just pinch-hitting for Anti-Anti. It's actually three in the morning here, and there's a city repair crew on the sidewalk right outside my window, and their jackhammer's been going for an hour. Seriously, guys? I saw you out there last night, checking out a leak; you couldn't have started this earlier?

So even though I need to wake up in under five hours, I figured I'd stop by the blog. Here's a song I like a lot. Possible reasons I've been playing it so much: (a) Regina Spektor is funny and weird and makes music out of ha-ha laughing; (b) I'm an atheist/agnostic/don'tcare and this song pokes around the edges of that (for the record, I've always thought the quip "there are no atheists in foxholes" was silly); (c) it's got a line that sounds like it was tailor-made for Fred Phelps and his less-sensational ilk, which is always fun; (d) the pre-trial hearings of the narcissistic shitfucker who murdered George Tiller are taking place right now and I'm feeling serious.  Hard to say!

Happy New Year!

A toast:

Here’s to a new year/new decade for reproductive freedom for all. I truly believe that this decade will be the decade that we make a powerful, lasting difference for all women, everywhere.

So many years of fighting, struggling for reproductive freedom. And believe me, we will not slow down. This next decade brings fire, compassion, and hope. Watching the public reaction to Stupak/Pitts shows me that our support is there, waiting, and ready for whatever barrier comes our way.

To the last decade, thank you. You, decade, have challenged me and educated me on what it means to be an activist, a medical professional, and an Abortioneer. Eight terrible Bush years have challenged my dedication to this cause. A new hope in Obama has proven that our struggle does not end and we cannot back down even when we are in the majority in all sectors of government. And the legacy and passion of Dr. George Tiller will not fade away with his murder.

I have learned that women are beautiful and strong. And that choice is personal, difficult, and necessary.

And most of all, I have learned that choice is worth fighting for.

Now raise your glasses. Let’s get ready for 2010, Abortioneers!

"Dignity"

As soon as I heard about it, I anticipated last Friday's episode of Law and Order entitled "Dignity". This episode was a supposed recreation of Dr Tiller's murder. I was curious about how it would be depicted. I know many people think it's too soon, but I understand that is the nature of the way this show works. They use "fresh" news stories.

It started out true enough with an abortion provider being shot in his church. Of course there were the overly dramatic effects of a tv show - the doctor carrying a concealed weapon (scenes of him checking his piece as Sunday service begins), the distraight wife weeping on the church steps about how she pleaded with her husband to stop providing abortions. There was also the anti-abortion rhetroic (I guess to be expected) throughout - the police officer who asserts his opinons over the doctor's staff and his partner while investigating the crime, and the two prosecutors who try (or don't try) to put their personal feelings aside while prosecuting a crime.

After watching this, twice, I knew I wanted the Abortioneers to say something about this episode, but I personally struggled with what exactly to say. This show was far from balanced and really straddled the borders of reality. As my roommate put it, it was anti porn. Besides the blatant anti-choice views throughout the epsiode, there was a blasphemous account of a doctor that would accidentally deliver a live fetus and offer to "finish" the procedure. It is heinous to insinuate that this would happen and that Dr. Tiller had ever done this. Regardless of what the writers and producers of Law and Order might say, this episode was clearly depicting him, so I think they were trying to suggest a good doctor like Dr. Tiller might have done something like this. I won't even get into the courtroom scenes, but it didn't get any better.

I'm not sure what frustrated me more. That the information in the episode was so false and dramatized or that the episode was more about a debate on abortion than on someone's murder. It's disheartening to see this episode only 5 months after Dr. Tiller was gunned down in his church and to see what a callous take the show decided to have.

Whether you agree with abortion or not, you must realize women will have abortions, and they need safe medical care when doing so. Abortion providers and all clinic staff provide a much needed medical service to women and risk their safety while doing so. These people are heroes and deserve a lot more respect than this tv show gives them.

This blog post from RH Reality Check says it better than I ever could.

It's Always Sunny

This morning I woke up and it was brilliantly sunny and gorgeous outside. It's Sunday of course. I don't know if i can properly verbalize this, but do you ever associate specific weather conditions with memories? For example, if the sky is really blue and the clouds are a certain way I think of a time when I was little and my dad took me to the park. And if is it cloudy and gray and a bit gloomy during the fall I think of my first day of third grade. Today I realized that brilliantly gorgeous summer Sundays now remind me of when Dr. Tiller was murdered.

And I re-remember that he isn't here to help anymore. And then I get more sad.

I miss Dr. Tiller. :(