...he allowed himself to be swayed by his conviction that human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, but that life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves. (Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Love in a Time of Cholera)
Reccently, I went to a reproductive health conference after a significant break from abortioneering and was instantly struck by the life energy—the gentle passion and brilliant intention that sweep through a room when abortioneers are near.
Be still my heart! I told myself. You can always come home.
Recently, I have begun to study the Yang style short form of T’ai-chi Chuan—the ancient practice of conscious movement of energy—chee.
The most basic form is called yuan-chee, literally primordial energy. This refers to the original burst of pure energy that occurs at conception and breathes life into the foetus in the womb. It begins to dissipate from the moment of birth, and the rate of dissipation determines one’s lifespan.
Oops! Abortioneer correction on ancient wisdom: It begins to dissipate from the moment it breathes life into the zygote in the fallopian tube and the rate of dissipation sometimes results in implantation failure or the demise of some pregnancies.
Recently, I co-initiated the cultivation of yang-chee with a precious companion.
When I became a brand new abortioneer (was born into abortioneering, if you will) some years ago, I was at the tail end of a toxic, psychologically tortuous non-love affair. The magnitude of distress I embodied at the time boded terribly on my abortioneering (and my overall health). It’s hard enough to face deranged, anti-abortion pests, innocent yet pervasive cultural ignorance about motherhood and abortion, and to effectively neutralize the fear and undue shame felt by women and families experiencing pregnancy termination on a daily basis...
I spent many evenings during my first year of abortioneering reflecting, contemplating, then weeping on my couch alone. It wasn’t abortion that broke my heart. The Knowing felt so immense to me, the needless misery that haunts life because we cannot see the first steps to liberation, the fear that debilitates us—the fear of woman’s innate power to bring forth life, to intuit life force.
The toxic, psychologically tortuous non-love affair ended shortly after my entry into abortioneering because in knowing that abortion is love, I am also subjected to sheer awareness of non-love (fear, ego, greed, stupidity by choice), to sheer acknowledgment that such nonsense is bad for life force, bad for chee.
Recently, recently, recently: My brand new precious companion and I have begun cultivating our yang-chee, the sort of energy that builds in the body during the excitement of intercourse, associated with warmth, light, and motion, cultivating our yang-chee among everything.
Our bodies are mind-boggling machines. So resilient. So delicate. His touch to my body, the tenderness our bodies try hard to remember. Breathing into the tension is the best thing I’ve ever done for abortion.
Recently, my precious companion and I have begun integrating our chee. Thus, the gratitude for every new month that the blood flows so long as we explore each other, so long as we are not ready to reproduce LIFE FORCE for heavens' sakes. Simply put, life is great and all, but not being pregnant is a blessing too.
Concepts of chee borrowed from The Tao of Health, Sex, and Longevity by Daniel P. Reid