The Abortioneers

Susan G. Komen Iditos

2012-02-02T12:39:00.005-05:00

Seriously, this Susan G. Komen stuff is offensive and crazy. So many of us have dealt with breast cancer first hand. My grandmother died from breast cancer. Even had a double mastectomy, but that ugly cancer spread to her lungs. A friend from high school, in her 20's, died from breast cancer. I'm sure most of you can relate.

Why the fuck Susan G. Komen would ever try to defund any organization that helps detect breast cancer, is beyond me. Beyond all of us. And we all know there is no correlation between breast cancer risk and abortion. Even the CDC and WHO...oh, and the National Cancer Institute have said so. RH Reality Check's Editor-in-Chief, Jodi Jacobson, wrote a great piece here. What's uber scary about this, is that she points out that they've hired individuals who are blatantly anti-abortion and politicize abortion themselves. Like their new VP who was quoted writing on her campaign blog (oh, and she was endorsed by fucking Sarah fucking Palin), "I will be a pro-life governor who will work tirelessly to promote a culture of life in Georgia.... I believe that each and every unborn child has inherent dignity, that every abortion is a tragedy, and that government has a role, along with the faith community, in encouraging women to choose life in even the most difficult of circumstances.... since I am pro-life, I do not support the mission of Planned Parenthood." Her name is Karen Handel and is the former pro-life gubernatorial candidate for Georgia. Seriously? Read more here.

I'm so frustrated by all this fucked-up bullshit, that I can hardly write straight about it. There will be better articles than mine. And Vegan Vagina wrote a very good one yesterday. I used to feel good when I'd buy products that went to support the Susan G. Komen foundation. Fuck that shit now. I will refuse to support them in any way.

Screw 'em.

Extra Extra Read All About It: Pinkwasher screws over Planned Parenthood

2012-02-01T07:00:00.001-05:00

You all read the news yesterday, right? It was all over facebook and the blogs and I even received a "personal" email from Cecile Richards about it. Well, in case you don't know what I'm talking about, you can get caught up here at Slate or here at Planned Parenthood

I have felt for years that Komen is one of the worst offenders when it comes to Pink Washing. They seem to be willing to slap a pink ribbon on just about any marketable product, regardless of its health benefits. I have seen cookies, makeup, Mikes Hard Lemonade, propane trucks, etc etc the list goes on and on. I remember a few years ago when the Komen KFC chicken bucket came out. I am still so disgusted every time I see that image (hence, I did not post it here...but feel free to google "komen KFC"). I'm over Komen's bullshit pinkwashing and their bullshit politics. If you want to help women then help women. It is that simple. Now leave us alone and let us figure out how to deal with this gaping hole in preventative services that you have created.

Please please please consider donating to support Planned Parenthood and the great work they do. This is from Planned Parenthood:

Over the past five years, Susan G. Komen for the Cure Foundation funds have enabled Planned Parenthood health centers to provide nearly 170,000 clinical breast exams and referrals for more than 6,400 mammograms. These cancer detection and prevention programs saved the lives of women who often had nowhere else to turn for care.

Now, after facing criticism from anti-choice, anti-women's health groups, the Komen Foundation has decided to stop supporting women seeking care at Planned Parenthood health centers. We are determined to make sure that these women can continue to get the care they need — and, as always, that means we are counting on you.

Please make your emergency contribution today to help us defend access to care and continue to protect and promote women's health.

Click here to donate

P.S. What are some of the most ridiculous forms of pinkwashing people have seen? Please share in the comments!

Staying Afloat

2012-01-31T13:38:00.006-05:00

I work in an abortion clinic, I'm over worked, underpaid, and generally just sort of trying to stay afloat in a backwater madhouse. I have worked at my job for nearly 2 years and I have not had a raise or any paid time off, yet my responsibilities have quadroopled. I'm tired and burned out. The administration at my job feels the business is struggling so much they just can't afford employee incentives, so instead they have good employees who get burned out in short periods of time and leave.

When I consider trying to write about my job and the experiences I have in providing abortion care I just want to scream and curse out everyone.

The anti-abortion movement is clearly really well organized. They have created websites that list abortion providers names and addresses, they terrorize suppliers, and physicians who have any professional relationships with abortion providers even if they aren't providing. Its really sick. They have successfully infiltrated the department of health and hospitals and thus inhibited women's access to abortion in the state where I live and work. I feel like I'm telling them they are winning because I know some sick radical anti is probably reading this now.

I may work longer hours and feel overwhelmed but women who don't want to be pregnant are still finding ways to terminate even given all the obstacles anti-abortion nuts are trying to create. Clinics are still staying open and finding ways to stay in business. I guess I try to operate with a certain level of faith that because abortion should be available and accessible it will continue to be even if access isn't exactly accessible.

I pray to live in a world where abortion is a medical procedure that someone may opt to have. People will some how finally realize someone else's pregnancy and the outcome of their pregnancy is just none of anyone's damn business.

Men are from Earth

2012-01-29T12:26:00.006-05:00

I want to talk about sexual health. Abortion. Yes, abortion is a part of the sexual health spectrum but I want to talk about something else my clinic offers.

Cancer screenings, STD screenings, contraceptive consultations. Yes, we offer these too and they are a part of the sexual health spectrum as well.

But I want to talk about how not every man who walks through the clinic doors is a man involved with a doomed pregnancy. We offers services for men.

In fact, men have sexual health, too.

An integral part of Abortioneers’ work involves normalizing functions of the body and discussing best practices for a best life. Is the scent odorous or just human? Are the size, texture, color, and frequency desirable, creepy, animalistic? Yes, all of the above.

Stinging, burning, itching, round sores, and flesh-tone skin tags probably not normal, but treatable. Everything is treatable. Some things are curable. But only when people know they have them.

An integral part of my work as an Abortioneer involves discussing sex lives namely with women—identities, preferences, mishaps, cycles, outcomes, rape, and abuse. Fluids. In turn, I regard life with awe. We are such wondrous beings. So much inside us still to come.

This week, I met with a man in his mid-twenties seeking a routine screening for sexually transmitted diseases. He had no symptoms but had never been tested despite several sex partners. A partner three years past informed him of a longstanding Chlamydia infection so he was catching up. Chlamydia can have no symptoms.

In completing his routine screening, we discussed another matter. Discharge. He wanted to know if it was normal to have discharge during initial erection when aroused. I suppose he could have asked his friends. Instead, he was asking me. Yes, yes that is normal pending it’s clearish, non-odorous, non-irritating, and normal for him. He had been wondering that for a loooooooong time.

I suppose he could have asked his friends or any one of his past partners. But we live in a strange world where body fluid is rarely addressed despite so much of it. They’ve probably watched porn together and discussed tits and cunts. But then there is actual desire and inherent need. Not just vessels of god’s creation, bloody, wet animals.

All of them. All of us.

Making the Best

2012-01-25T09:59:00.009-05:00

I'm having a hard time getting over what I read in HuffPo yesterday:

Rick Santorum: "Make the best out of a bad situation"

Rick Santorum is awful for a number of reasons, many of them excusable. (hey, he can't help being a TOTAL MORON.) But one thing I can't stomach is this culture of rape acceptance. It's maddening.

I used to be a rape acceptor. I used to be one of the people who thought:

"Of course you're going to get harassed with your tits hanging out!"
"If the guy was bothering you why didn't you just get up and leave?"
"Sure it's tough, but it's just a part of being a woman. You have to expect that kind of behavior from men."

I also made jokes about rape, laughed at jokes about rape, didn't think too much when I heard about rape. Then I realized I was nuts. I don't care how common sexual assault is. I don't care how short someone's skirt is, or how out her tits are hanging. We should never have reached a point at which we simply don't care that a person has been raped. I actually reached this epiphany one night when two of my closest friends jumped down my throat. I had been with a guy who used me for sex, never talked to me again, and left me with a nice little reminder of the occasion for which he never expressed concern. It was not assault/rape by any means, but the blame barrage that followed from these two friends was plain hurtful:

"He didn't even like you. I tried to tell you that."
"You knew what he was like and you still went after him."
"Maybe he never said anything because he was too ashamed. You should have confronted him first."

After that, I could only imagine how terrible I'd have felt had I been assaulted. What if I hadn't chosen it? What if it had been forced upon me, and I still had it thrown in my face? What if, on top of all that, I became pregnant and were forced to bear a child and potentially parent it?

What so many fail to realize is that rape hurts. It's frightening, it's disgusting, and makes you feel like a pile of shit. It can affect the rest of your life. Moreover, it is a crime. Remember that part? Nobody seems to care about this anymore. Why are people more upset about an aborted rape pregnancy than about the rape itself? Rape is fundamentally wrong, and before we can even have intelligent discussions about how to deal with rape pregnancies people like Santorum need to first get on board with the fact that something illegal happened. (Referring to the rape, of course. People also seem to forget that abortion is legal.)

While pondering this matter I discovered "Project Unbreakable". The brains behind P.U. is a young woman who wanted to provide a way for sexual assault victims to heal. That is, by using the words of their assailants to regain their strength after the event(s). Rick Santorum needs to see these. He needs to know exactly what happens to people during rape, the kinds of hateful words they endure. In any case it's a powerful movement and I encourage you all to have a look. You can even participate if you feel so inclined, and bless all your hearts for being in the right place.

Beware of the Superbowl Commercials

2012-01-23T09:00:00.001-05:00

How does one ruin the Superbowl for everyone? Run anti-abortion commercials!

Randall Terry, everyone's favorite anti to hate, is running for President. He has no chance and knows that. So why would he run you ask? Part of the FCC Telecommunications Act says that candidates' ads must be run and can't be altered if aired within 45 days of a Presidential primary. As long as Terry can get the money together (and apparently has in 13 television markets), he can run whatever he wants. If you live in these areas, you can prepare to see some graphic fetus porn. Because I refuse to link directly to Randall Terry's website, I will link to a CNN article. While these ads could be worse, I still don't know too many people who want to see this while they have family and friends gathered for food and football (pro- or anti-choice).

I did go to his website to view the ads, and I saw that he's raising money to air the ads. Undoubtedly there are many misguided people out there who are ok with this crap airing on TV. I wish I could do something to prevent people from donating to this nut job. While I may not be able to do that, I can try to do something to encourage people to donate to his opposition. Below I've listed some fabulous pro-choice options for donations.

EMILY's List
NARAL Pro-Choice America
Planned Parenthood
National Abortion Federation
National Network of Abortion Funds

Let's offset Randall Terry and show him that we will not be silenced or deterred.

Happy Roe Day!

2012-01-22T15:07:00.002-05:00

Roe Day is a celebration of a woman's right to choose. It's a day when we should reflect on the sacrifices made by those who came before us. Remember those who died or risked their lives to have control over their bodies and to ensure that the generations that came after would have the same right.

For 39 years we have had the right to choose. Many of us have grown up only ever knowing what this is like. It's pretty amazing to have grown up with this right, but let's not be complacent. All across the country, state legislatures are slowly chipping away at this right. The Republican contenders for President salivate at the opportunity to get rid of Roe.

We can't allow that to happen. We can't allow the sacrifices made by our predecessors to be in vain. Celebrate Roe today and continue the fight for future generations.

Laughter is the Best Medicine

2012-01-20T13:33:00.011-05:00

Happy Friday, dear readers! We all need a bit of cheer sometimes, so thought we'd try to brighten up your almost weekend by sharing some of our favorite abortion funnies. A huge thanks to someecards which just rocks. So, for starters, we think those of you who get stuck in traffic will enjoy this one!

Sadly, this one seems to sum up our government at the moment!

OMG! Honetly, an Abortioneer must've come up with this one...

An Abortioneer might've made this ecard, too. Might actually be a great blog post sometime!

Because that would happen...(sarcasm)

Feel a bit unsure about whether to post this one or not since I don't agree that there are people who "should" have abortions; however, I love the point that this makes...(15 year olds are able to get on the pill, but can't get Plan B OTC? Puuhhhhlleeeaaaz.)

Ha!
(my favorite funny of the day!)

Hope these made you laugh! This isn't an exhaustive list for us...and feel free to share some of your own favs, too!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Remember Roe v Wade

2012-01-19T03:29:00.002-05:00

Sunday is Roe v Wade. For abortioneers, it is a holiday sort-of. The big celebration of gaining our federal right to decide when - or if - we want to become mothers. Doing direct service work, we see women on a daily basis benefitting this historic decision; yet it feels like many of our patients are unaware of the political climate we find ourselves in currently, always fighting just to keep clinic doors open.

Sometimes, I want to tell patients (especially on Roe v Wade day) that without that decision, they wouldn't be in our clinic. They may be trying to obtain an unsafe, illegal abortion. Or maybe the 15 year old girl who was raped, would be forced to carry an unwanted pregnancy to term.

Sometimes I think there is more we could do to raise awareness of the importance of Roe v Wade to our patients on this day. I mean, I know a lot of clinics won't be working on Sunday, but maybe there is something we could do on Monday. Or Saturday. Maybe your clinic can make Roe v Wade ribbons that all the staff wear and give out to patients. Maybe you can leave colorful flyers in the waiting room for support people to read about how their loved one wouldn't be having an abortion without Roe v Wade and how this very sacred right is currently threatened.

I think this starts with staff, though, too. Employers need to really recognize Roe v Wade as a special day so that the staff can be educated, too...and then, hopefully, pass that onto the patients they see or speak with.

In the very least....without Roe v Wade, none of us would even be working as abortioneers. At least not legally.

We have a lot to be thankful for...

Abortioneers' Blackout (after a quick post)

2012-01-18T11:24:00.005-05:00

We at Abortioneers are supporting the online blackout today and will keep this brief. If you have no idea what I am talking about read here and here.

So, why do the Abortioneers care about this?

Any efforts to increase internet censorship or infringe on free speech will impact us. That simple.

The Abortioneers started because there was a hunger for information straight from the source itself--something that wasn't happening in the "real" world. We gather on the internet to fuel this blog and thus disseminate information about a highly stigmatized and already censored topic. It is a human right for people to have information on abortion, and yes, I personally believe that includes information on controlling ones own reproductive functions however they choose--and for many people that information can only come from the internet.

Thanks for supporting us AND this blackout.

Sunday's abortion wants to be bonny and blithe and good and gay

2012-01-15T20:39:00.007-05:00

As the anniversary of the U.S. Supreme Court decision, Roe v. Wade approaches, it feels a bit (or a ton) like there’s little to celebrate.

Honestly, according to Guttmacher Institute, 92 anti-abortion provisions passed in 24 states in 2011. Ho Hum.

But supposing 2011 is inconsequential and everything of 2012 is new and either headed for a new world or truly doomed...

Eloquently, Whole Woman’s Health issued a press release over a new sonogram law passed in Texas, including this fine gem: “We know that every day, good women have abortions.”

Read the entire release here: Whole Woman’s Health: Official Press Release Regarding the Texas Sonogram Bill

Holistically, there is also this historical perspective from a professor and advocate, Dr. Jeannie Ludlow: "I propose that we look again at illegal, extralegal, and legal abortion and reshape our understanding to focus on the difference between harmful, exploitive practices and safe, compassionate care. "

Read the entire article here: Reframing Compassionate Care: Of Madame Restell and Other Outlaws

(Pleasantly) surprisingly, Forbes magazine features the National Network of Abortion Funds: "In short, requiring women to carry every pregnancy to term would plunge a far greater number of women and children into poverty than are already there.

Those Privileged Among Us Who Continue to Have Choice Have an Obligation to Our Sisters Who Do Not..."

Read the entire article here: After She Sold Her Wedding Ring

However lightly, for those who follow football: Should You Fuck Tim Tebow? Have I mentioned my new year's solution is to convert TIm Tebow? Mountain man...

Looking Back

2012-01-09T09:00:00.000-05:00

When I first started working in abortion, I wasn't as passionate about it as I am now. I knew I wanted to do work in women's issues but didn't have a lot of specific experience. I didn't know what particular direction I wanted to go in, and I knew almost nothing about abortion. I didn't necessarily see it as the most important issue facing women's health (I didn't think/know about serious threats to a woman's right to choose). This all obviously changed, and I realized how difficult abortion services are for women to access and the many barriers that are constantly being put in their way. It became more and more important to me and part of my everyday life.

I've had to scale back on my abortion work for various reasons - other life events happen and sometimes trump our passions. At first I really missed not doing abortion work daily. I really missed talking to the women and helping them when they had just about given up. With anything though, the more and more I'm away from the work, the less I think about it. I get caught up in my everyday life, in the new events I have happening. Then I read the other posts on the blog, think about what I want to write about, and those feelings come back.

Not only do I miss it, but I feel kind of bad. I feel like I've abandoned abortion work and that I'm now a somewhat feaux abortioneer. I've thought about becoming more involved again and maybe in different, more manageable ways. Maybe I could start escorting occasionally at the local Planned Parenthood, I could become involved on a part-time volunteer level with a local fund, or maybe I could get involved locally with Obama's campaign (because he is FAR preferable to any of those Republican a-holes).

This is something I think about and toy with a lot. I beat myself up about it (whether it's fair or not). Maybe we all move on at some point. It may not be realistic to think I would work in direct service abortion work forever. It's not sustainable, and it's difficult to grow professionally. Have any of you felt this way with something in your life - like you abandoned your passion to be practical and then beat yourself up about it late? Because I sure hope I'm not the only one.

AbortionRight

2012-01-07T09:37:00.008-05:00

Re: Abortion doctors charged with murder in Maryland

I once volunteered for an organization that helped women afford safe abortions regardless of their income. I still do work for an organization that helps women afford abortions regardless of their income but it’s a different organization. There are many of us but never enough. There is never enough money in the right hands to make the world so safe for everyone.

I once worked with a woman who made too much money to qualify for the organization’s modest fund. She lived paycheck to paycheck but within comfortable means. Because my organization, as well as several other organizations, could not afford to assist her, she chose to obtain surgery at one of Steve Brigham’s clinics in Maryland—one of the cheapest clinics in the region.

She delayed her surgery to accrue the money on her own and spoke with me throughout the process because she intended to tell no one. Our conversations were completely centered on the expertise I could provide but there were limits to my services and I could offer little beyond confidential abortion information and referrals over the phone.

The conversations were brief but serious. At times, I felt her calls were taking over my life: on lunch, at the laundromat, making dinner, late night. She called me after her second trimester procedure. She was driving and pulled over to vomit. She had been sedated and released from the clinic without an escort to drive her home.

Avoiding and counter-referring the cheapest clinics in the Mid-Atlantic region is difficult and bothersome at best. Demoralizing, confounding, heart breaking that this is how the system works.

The existence of terrible abortion providers—those who make a business out of the desperation women feel when they know they cannot carry a pregnancy to term—creates an ultimate conundrum for Abortioneers—those who believe abortion helps society because they see how often it does. Abortioneers spend free time helping women navigate barriers to obtaining safe abortion care.

Case managers and patients alike desired abortions from Steve Brigham’s clinics because they needed to end pregnancies that were not meant to be but also feed children, pay rent, pay for school, pay bills. In a field so terrorized by anti-abortion monsters, there is urgency in the fight for women’s proper destiny that transcends the demand for safe health care. In other words, history has proven over and over that women will risk their lives to end doomed pregnancies.

An abortion at a shady clinic that’s not a back alley kitchen table seems somewhat more promising—the only option for some of your neighbors and you're okay with that as long as you don’t have to really talk about abortion, the abortions women are actually having, not the political weapon invented by the GOP.

My dear colleague and I visited one of Steve Brigham’s clinics soon after the case of the woman who drove home quasi-sedated. I took a pregnancy test. The medical assistants were kind and accommodating but the atmosphere was unsettling. My dear colleague and I resolved to find the money to help women get to the good clinics, the slightly higher-priced clinics—licensed and certified to provide safe, legal abortions.

In other words, as a non-medical, grassroots organization, we were not obligated to care whether the women we assisted received licensed and certified surgeries but we did care because we’re Abortioneers. The United States of America was founded under the governing principle that all people are inherently free, equal, and due justice. I would add that most people are just trying to get by. Laws have been implemented to protect the general good from the (rare) deviant.

Placing further limitations on the abortion procedure and tighter regulations on abortion facilities in the state of Maryland will not necessarily catch the rare and deviant Brigham-types any sooner in the grand pile of paperwork. However, caring about women having abortions will.

Most to the point, how about cracking down on New Jersey for failing to provide adequate health care? Often, abortion restrictions involve room measurements, time periods and additional hoops for abortioneers and pregnant women to meander through, or just plain prohibit necessary health care all together. I’m all for each state getting to know its abortion providers. Many abortion clinics in this country are quite stellar, but damn if a congressperson or state official ever walked through the doors just to say hello and thank you/ how can I help?

I can’t think of how this story might unfold in any other field of medicine because I do not know. But I can suggest that persecuting perfectly good abortion care providers—arguably some of the best in the country—detracts from a far more pertinent need: taking care of our pregnant citizens.

Steve Brigham was operating a business off the inevitability of abortion. He had a record. He was criminal, a rule-breaker who spotted a need and families willing to pay him for his supposed expertise.

Send him to jail but please do not hunt down the good clinics and treat them in the woods where no one not having an abortion cares to hear. There is a noble world ahead. One where Cheryl of Operation Rescue is not quoted in the Baltimore Sun like she’s some kind of reasonable and credible source.

When a woman resolves to have an abortion she has no choice. There is no world where some pregnant women will not have abortions. In exploring our disgust and misconceptions with abortion we find a real world—one where humans make complicated decisions and dying is a part of living—interwoven, like, death is happening right now inside and everywhere at the same time as life.

Your support starts with listening. Like, being able to hear the truth.

Working 9-5: How We Talk (Or Don't) About Abortion

2012-01-05T06:00:00.000-05:00

We frequently discuss how to talk to friends/acquaintances/family who are not abortioneers about being an abortioneer. Or even, simply, about abortion. Though I’ve been doing this work a long time, I find I go through stages. Sometimes it’s easier to discuss abortion and other times, it just isn’t easy at all. Probably some of it depends on how much is going on at work (if it’s stressful or we’re having a lot of protesters, I tend not to want to discuss work outside work as much. Especially with people who just won’t get it anyway).

It can feel isolating to have the people who are closest to you not understand your work, your commitment to it, and your passion for it. Only recently have I been able to have conversations with my dad about abortion after years of bitter silence. Sometimes, it’s still frustrating to even talk to my husband; for example, if I have a shit day, he is quick to tell me I should just leave the clinic. He reminds me that I already have to put up with protesters and the stigma that comes along with being an abortioneer. He asks why I should stick around if my boss is being…err…unappreciative. It’s hard for me to explain to him that I’m committed to something larger (the “work”) and can put up with a bunch of bullshit in order to feel like I’m making a difference in someone’s life…and I’m motivated by that…not quite as much by recognition from my employer.

It’s stigma that really makes it so difficult to talk about our work. I haven’t even discussed it with my son’s best friend’s mom (who I have become very good friends with). We do mommy things together all the time; we take our sons to soccer practice, to basketball practice. Over the summer, our kids did gymnastics and baseball. We see each other almost every day. Still, I am vague about my work and have never used the word “abortion.” She probably knows. I’ve mentioned asshole protesters before so hopefully she’s put it all together, but we’ve never talked about it: abortion. Not once. I have no idea how she feels about it, but obviously, I’m worried or else I’d speak more freely. The reality is, though I know she’s fairly liberal, I also know she’s a small town girl, a cowgirl at heart, who likes to ride horses and is from a conservative area. (Which does not mean she would be anti-abortion!)

...So I get nervous. And I feel like I need to grow the fuck up! LOL

Would you rather...

2012-01-04T07:00:00.003-05:00

Last night was the Iowa Caucus and I have Republicans on the brain. So, I pose this conundrum to my fellow abortioneers (who I presume to not identify/vote/align as anti-abortion Republicans):

Q. Would you rather have sex with Michele Bachmann OR Rick Santorum?

I mean, you could easily substitute "vote" for "sex" here. However, I really want to talk about sex! I think at this point in my life I would have to say I would rather die from a sex drought than have sex with an anti-abortion Republican. But then I think, can sex just be sex? What if they are amazing in bed??? I have thought about this a lot over the years, and I really don't think I could give one of these zealots the satisfactin of sleeping with a sex-positive birth control-using person such as myself. I mean what happens if that one-night stand with a Republican turns into a pregnancy??? You certainly can't ask them to help pay for the abortion (well, unless you can, which probably happens often...lots of those "anti-abortion until it happens to me" types are out there). But, what if you decide to have the baby? You potentially have an anti-abortion baby daddy on your hands who could be in your life FOREVER. Ugh. So, that is why I have established my embargo.

I would love to hear your "would you rather" scenarios...submit your ideas in the comments!

Some Quick Thoughts on "Until Abortion Ends"

2011-12-22T14:01:00.000-05:00

We love this video by Ill Doctrine!

Enjoy!!

Abortion Stigma

2011-12-21T06:00:00.000-05:00

God, there’s a lot of stigma around abortion. We certainly get our share of hearing the antis slur words of hate to us that propagates stigma (like in Anti-Antis post Monday); but sometimes, we fight it at work, too.

Yesterday, during a counseling session, a patient folded her arms, looked straight at me and declared, “I am not the same as the other girls in the waiting room. I’m not the same as the rest of them having an abortion.” I’ve heard this sentiment before and asked her to tell me more. She followed with, “I’m married. I have kids. I was using birth control when I got pregnant. I mean, I’m older; and I’m a professional. I’m a responsible person! I’m not the type of person who gets an abortion.” Her statements implied that the other patients were irresponsible, in non-monogamous relationships, unstable, and unprofessional. And who, exactly, is the type of person who gets an abortion?

I’ve learned not to grind my teeth and get offended when women suggest they may be better than other women having abortions because the reality is, they’re just regurgitating all that awful, untrue stigma. I turn experiences – like yesterday’s – into learning opportunities with the women and each time, I hope I don’t sound preachy. I usually handle those conversations by initially putting the focus on her and not the other patients; generally women are worried about being judged and stigmatized for having an abortion (e.g. “I’m not a bad mom. I love children! It’s just we weren’t planning for anymore…it’s such a bad time! My husband just lost his job. The economy is so bad...”). I usually say something along the lines that it sounds as though she’s a good mom who cares very much for her children, and that it must’ve been very frustrating to find out she was pregnant when she did everything she could to prevent an unwanted pregnancy (especially under her present circumstance). Almost always, women uncross their arms, soften their eyes, and take a deep breath; then, I follow-up with the lesson learned: who gets an abortion.

I tell her:

- Most women who have abortions already have at least one child.
- Over half of women who have abortions used some form of birth control the month they got pregnant.
- Most are concerned about the financial implications of having another child and/or the overall well-being of the family unit (perhaps the relationship is rocky already, for example).

Usually they don’t know that. Why would they? Most staff that start working at the clinic don’t even know. (We get trained in it!) My hope is that clients realize they aren’t so different from anyone else having an abortion…and hopefully realize then, that they are not alone. I try to touch on stigma and state the fact that at least three out of 10 women will have an abortion by the time they’re 45, which means they probably know quite a few people who have had an abortion: they probably just don’t know it because of stigma.

I wish there was some solution to this. I don’t know what it is. I wish we could stamp out all the negative connotations about abortion and instead show the truth: someone you love has had an abortion. It’s not uncommon. Regular girls have them. It takes strength, courage, bravery, and determination. There’s nothing irresponsible about it and it’s not a frivolous choice. People who have abortions think about the future. They think about now. They think about others.

I know there are some projects out there tackling stigma...but especially now, it feels like our country is incredibly divisive. It's sad. It's scary. I hate it. And I hope it can change.

Poetic Justice: Winning Haiku Revealed!

2011-12-19T15:47:00.006-05:00

Thanks to the faithful readers who contributed their haikus! My spirit took flight with every carefully-placed syllable.

In a way, you're all winners. But in a much more real way, there is only one winner. And the winner is the individual who submitted this literary gem:

Aborted my child
I should have kept my legs closed
I'm a worthless slut

Classic.

I had expected to receive some anti submissions. We actually received a half-dozen. (Of note: none of the antis who left comments left their names. Shocker.) Most of our anti comments are trite phrases that you can find on any posterboard sign propped outside a Planned Parenthood. But every now and then we get something really off the wall like the above. I have heard some hateful things in my life, but this is just revolting.

I don't intend to give so much publicity to this kind of sentiment, but it's worth getting the word out that it exists. It's offensive not only to pro-choicers, feminists, women, and your work-a-day human being, but even to some mild-mannered antis I'd bet. And I want the crazies to know that with every hateful utterance, you only make us MORE PRO-CHOICE. Nobody likes a crazy person.

This, dear readers, is why we <3 you so much, and appreciate all the non-crazy that you bring to this blog. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Rape.

2011-12-18T07:00:00.000-05:00

I just can’t understand that there are people out there who don’t support abortion even when rape is the cause of pregnancy. I don’t want to understand these people and I don’t believe I could even be civil to one of them. I really don’t. (And if you knew me, you’d know I’m civil to most everyone.)

This week, my co-workers and I advocated for a young girl – 13 years old – who was pregnant and had been raped by her father. Last week, I was helping an elderly woman schedule an appointment for her 12 year old granddaughter who had been raped by a cousin. A couple weeks before that, I was trying to help a woman that lived 300 miles away to get to our clinic for an abortion after being raped by a guy 1,000 miles away. All of these girls had to travel to our site. All of them needed help coming up with the money to pay for it. Each of them was in their second trimester. One of them had been denied Plan B at a Catholic hospital after her rape, so she thought she didn’t need it and believed she wouldn’t become pregnant. Under lots of stress, she didn’t think twice about not having her period for awhile. The 12 year old had only just started her menses, so she didn’t even know/understand/think to tell anyone she wasn’t bleeding.

How anyone – ANYONE – could deny these young women an abortion is absolutely beyond me. As clinic employees and abortion advocates, it’s our responsibility to do everything in our power to be there for them, to give them resources, to help make their abortion experience empowering in some way. Our doctor who will help give rape victims a bit of control during their abortion; he will ask the women to hold one of his fingers and if at one point (before aspiration), they want him to stop so they can breathe/take a break, then they just have to pull on that finger. This works. It gives the clients a voice without using their voice. Some control in a position – literally – that could bring back horrific memories.

I don’t agree with – but can be respectful of – individuals who don’t agree with abortion for most circumstances; but I just cannot – and will never – be able to get behind someone who believes that even if raped, that abortion is wrong. Sometimes, I just wish that those individuals could meet one of these girls. Or just talk to them. And though everyone says it: if it was one of their children/grandchildren, I would hope to god they’d be supportive of her having an abortion after a rape, if that is what she chose (because I do know that not everyone who becomes pregnant as a result of rape chooses abortion).

Anyway, I just want to say to those who don’t agree with abortion even under this circumstance, need to totally go fuck off. That is all.

Poetic Justice

2011-12-14T12:12:00.006-05:00

Abortion clinics
Are great because they're awesome
They do abortions

OK, so I'm no Pablo Neruda. I may not even be Dr. Seuss. But I love abortion, so I express it through the majesty of haiku!

Haiku is the art of turning grown people into blundering pre-schoolers by forcing them to count on their fingers because they've forgotten what constitutes a syllable. Here's how it's done:

First, five syllables
Then, follow up with seven
End with five again

Because our readers have been SO great lately, keeping up with us and showering us with love and lots of comments, I'm thinking we need to show our appreciation. Without you we couldn't maintain this blog (well, we probably still would, but it would be much less fun and dynamic), and we're so grateful for your continued support. Hell, we even get our ideas from you! So, the reader who submits the best abortion haiku will have it featured here as an Abortioneers post!

Submit your factual, subversive, hilarious, sensitive, face-kicking, or just plain silly abortion haiku as a comment. If you would like to remain anonymous, please post your comment anonymously. Otherwise, we'll give you full-on mad props for your work! Submissions are accepted immediately, and the lucky winner (plus some honorable mentions!) will be posted this Friday.

Readers, you make me
Feel like a million dollars
When you leave comments!

The Busy Season

2011-12-12T11:00:00.001-05:00

I was making Christmas cookies with friends today, talking about our Christmas shopping, our holiday travels. It made me think of what the holidays mean in the abortion world - "the busy season". It probably comes as no surprise that pregnancies happen around the holidays. It should then also come as no surprise that unwanted pregnancies happen around the holidays. December-February/March is generally the busiest time in an abortion clinic.

It's one thing for a woman to face an unplanned pregnancy in the best of situations. It's another for a woman to face an unplanned pregnancy in a bad economy, after she has been laid off, is living off of public assistance, around the holidays. We hear these tough stories every day, all year, but they really increase this time of year.

We are forced to have really tough conversations. Her family doesn't believe in abortion, so she can't tell them. She has never believed in abortion, so she's punishing herself for even considering an abortion. She doesn't have the money and doesn't know how she's going to get the money. She may have return her kids' Christmas presents. She has to walk past this just to get into the clinic.

The holidays are a tough and stressful time of year for everyone. They can be an especially tough time for women with an unplanned pregnancy and for those of us working to help her. As we gear up to work with more women in their greatest time of need, I would like to ask all of you readers to consider what you can do. Local abortion funds could really use your help right now as they get ready to field an increasing number of calls. If you haven't before, check out the National Network of Abortion Funds.

Protecting Secrets

2011-12-08T05:30:00.000-05:00

I was going to write about something totally different this morning, but Daughter of Wands and Vegan Vagina have me thinking about secrets with the posts they've written this week. We live somewhat double-lives, as DoW mentioned: we give direct service to women seeking abortions, but we all have interests and lives outside abortion work. And like Vegan Vagina shared, we then write for this blog, which means we’re extra secretive because we have to protect our own anonymity from our employer (and co-workers) as well as our co-bloggers’ anonymity.

This blog began so we could discuss how amazing and challenging doing direct service abortion work is. We needed a safe outlet: a place where we could really vent and celebrate. Work isn’t always a safe place to do this, especially if we think improvements could be made in certain areas. There have been times I’ve definitely been nervous at work listening to people talk about our blog. I often worry about getting outted. Even last week, a co-worker talked about one of my own blog entries. I was incredibly scared that I may have blushed and made it obvious it was me who wrote what she was talking about. Why would we care? Because we don’t represent our employer when we write here, and we may not always agree with our employer and we may want to talk about it; some employers would not be happy with this at all. Mine is one of them. And to be totally honest, there are things I still haven’t written about because I’m so scared of being outted! (And this totally pisses me off.)

Being the keeper of secrets for clients, carrying them on our shoulders, in our hearts, will be a job that lasts a lifetime. Even beyond our work with abortion. We know things about some women that perhaps they’ve never told anyone else. We become woven into their stories: their abortion story. And we have a responsibility in that. It’s our responsibility to be kind and to make their stories – their experiences – just a little better. So we are present. We focus on the women. We care for them. We listen, and - hopefully - trust them. And yet, we must be separate and tip toe on this very fine balance…of being a protector: of patients and of self...without becoming cynical and burned-out. It's not always easy.

I try to keep my life outside abortion quiet and peaceful and not filled with abortion stuff…which, let’s face it: is usually not quiet or peaceful. I try to protect my family from my work and clients from the protesters and myself from my employers and you just end up with this spiral of protectiveness and secrecy which can be difficult to unravel.

So, to those who do know our secrets (our dearest of family and dearest of friends who know we write on this blog), we’ve entrusted you with our utmost confidence that you, too, will protect us. And…we thank you for that!

Secret Society of Abortioneers

2011-12-07T08:00:00.001-05:00

This whole "SIRI Abortiongate" situation has really highlighted how my participation in this blog is a secret from most people in my life. All of last week I was seeing news headline after news headline and blog post after blog post about SIRI and her abortion snafu. One of my professors even brought it up!!! I was dying to tell my friends and family, "That's my blog that started it all!!! I am so proud of my co-blogger for bringing this issue into the news and eventually getting a response from Apple! APPLE!!! #%$@". Alas, we here at the Abortioneers have anonymous identities for a reason and we would risk a lot by telling people that we write for this blog. So, I emailed my Abortioneers regularly throughout the week to celebrate our accomplishment, and that had to suffice.

So, I think everyone who works in direct service abortion work experiences some similar level of this. Even for those of us who tell our friends and family that we do this work, there are always secrets that remain. Not the type of secrets that anti-abortion jerks think we have, such as hiding fetuses in dumpsters or other such nonsense. Rather, the secrets we keep are an extension of the work we do. There is something shared between us and can't be understood by "outsiders". I can't explain it, but there is something about a group of Abortioneers that lends itself to secret-keeping. There is such immense trust between us and we are bonded in a way that most co-workers are not. The nature of abortion itself is often secret due to patient confidentiality, so we are used to keeping things hush-hush and protecting privacy.

When I worked at an abortion clinic I remember the days when we had down time and would open up to each other about our lives. We talked about things that probably don't get brought up in most work places. We shared stories of intimate partner violence, birth control failures, family stressors, masturbation techniques, drug use, and even our own abortions. There was an implicit understanding that we could trust each other and respect each other's experiences. I loved it, and I doubt I'll ever find at a job again.

My connection to the other Abortioneers on this blog is a cyber version of my experience at my abortion clinic. I have shared some very personal things with the other writers that I dare not tell most people in my life, and that's mainly because I trust them. The interesting thing is that I have only met a few of the writers in person; most of them are complete strangers in the "real world". However, I trust them because of what we share and what I innately know about them based on the fact that they work in abortion. They are Abortioneers through and through...and that is all I need to know to trust them.

Has anyone else experience this in their abortion work? What about as social workers or other direct service providers?

Double Edge Wands

2011-12-04T23:10:00.001-05:00

I live a double life. I am artist and patient advocate. I am not completely in either world.

When I gather with fellow artists, I am my selfest self, on the edge, whimsical and seeking. But also, the conversations become painfully existential, the dramas seem overdone.

When I create, I am alone. The art unravels itself and I am simply there to witness.

When I go to work, I am my best self: present, compassionate, intelligent, and thorough. But also, the conversations become hilarious and rich, life seems full and incredible.

Something about becoming a patient advocate at an abortion clinic has taken me to another place where things are stripping themselves and the earth seems on the edge of aborting everything. That every time I tell a woman it is okay, if I am dead wrong then this is hell and I am burning.

As I traverse between art compound and health center, I miss things in both. Sometimes puzzling are the things I miss among the artists. The scholarships, the rewards, the feeling that my art is enough. They will suspect I am not involved in the community though I help them with their health care one at a time while keeping it confidential because I am an Abortioneer and that’s what Abortioneers do. They keep the secrets.

They also keep abortion sacred and clean for little pay and precarious support outside the walls of the clinic.

It’s okay. I don’t suspect I need my fellow artists to create the art but I do need my co-workers—the manager, doctor, nurse practitioners, my fellow advocates, the volunteers and external support folk—to be able to serve others well.

No matter where, there is love.

Desembarazarme meets Siri

2011-12-01T18:14:00.003-05:00

I don't have an iPhone, but my co-worker and carpool partner does, and this evening, she let me have a go at it.

While still in the parking lot of our clinic, I tested what we already know:

Desembarazarme: "Siri, I'm pregnant and I want to have an abortion."

Siri: "I'm sorry. I can't find any abortion clinics nearby."

So perhaps I'm only hallucinating my job.

Then, to see what she thought of the taboo word, itself, I challenged:

Desembarazarme: "Siri, abortion!"

Siri: "I'm sorry. I can't find any abortion clinics."

Completely foreign to her, but she IS able to extrapolate on it? Hmm.

As we continued own the street, my co-worker attempted:

Co-worker: "Siri, please help me find [Anonymous Abortion Clinic Where We Work]."

Siri: "I'm sorry. I can't find [Anonymous Abortion Clinic Where We Work]"

Desembarazarme: "Siri, please help me find [store across the street from the clinic]."

Siri: "I have located two nearby locations of [chain store across the street from the clinic]."

Next, I ventured to alternative pregnancy options:

Desembarazarme: "Siri, I want to give my baby up for adoption."

Siri: "I have found one nearby adoption agency."

And then, a different kind of pregnancy option:

Desembarazarme: "Siri, I want to become pregnant by artificial insemination."

Siri: "I have located ten nearby baby stores."

OK, so that was funny.

But then, the kicker:

Desembarazarme: "Siri, I am pregnant and I want to go to a pregnancy resource center."

Siri: "I have found two nearby pregnancy resource centers."

"Siri, why do Abortioneers care so much about you?"

2011-11-30T21:30:00.004-05:00

Instead of petitioning Apple about Siri's propensity to be as helpful to women as a college bro with a pocket full of Rohypnol, we could be petitioning against the Hyde Amendment. We could be calling for increased funding for programs that train potential abortion providers. Instead, we're up in arms about a trendy gadget's robot not pointing us to the nearest locale where we can terminate or prevent a pregnancy tout de suite?

Yes. We are up in arms because this is not simply a matter of Apple or Siri's original developers being careless about introducing "abortion" into Siri's vocabulary, though that is, indeed, eyebrow-raising. It's a matter of a distinct lack of information about abortion, contraception, resources, and support that is all too prevalent throughout society. Whether or not this was an oversight on the development end (editorial comment: I doubt it. Those guys are basically rocket surgeons.) is irrelevant because at best society made it into something that is acceptable as an oversight.

Siri is not the be all and end all of resources for an unplanned pregnancy or for an unplanned marathon erection, but it is not so much the application of the application (ha, Apple pun intended) that matters as the fact that Siri has a huge impact on current culture and lifestyle. It is less of a matter of artificial intelligence's stance on abortion rights and access as it is a matter of implicit misogyny gone mainstream and explicit. Pre-Siri, we weren't quite so privy to technology's political and moral views, and we liked to think that it had none. That nonsense was limited to the absurd fringe groups. Now, here we are in ~~1984~~ 2011 and we are slapped in the face with a reminder of how far we have not come and how easy it is for anti-choice, anti-women views to slip under the radar and into our phones, and that's not OK.

Screw Siri, but be careful because she can't access contraception.

2011-11-30T11:07:00.004-05:00

Continue to sign the petition! We have 945 signatures! http://www.change.org/petitions/siri-why-wont-you-help-me-find-family-planning-services

Apple iPhone Siri Update

2011-11-29T21:20:00.007-05:00

This past Sunday, I blogged about the Apple iPhone's Siri, and her noticeable lack of knowledge regarding abortion, contraception, and reproductive health in general.

I was thrilled to get a ton of feedback, via our wonderful readers and other sites picking up the story.

First things first:
The rumors are true -- Siri does not have any useful information about abortion/contraception/etc. Reader Amadi was amazingly helpful and provided screen shots of all the relevant questions we wanted to ask Siri. I highly recommend you check out her piece, which is fantastic. The images below are from her post.

Amadi notes there is a clinic less than three miles from where she was sitting when she asked Siri this question. Siri did not define abortion and did not offer to search the web, either.

Even searching by specific clinic names (and then with their street names) turned up nothing, while searching for a specific hardware store brought results, even though she searched using an incorrect specific name (!).

Birth control, EC, and rape queries were all similarly useless:

So, it seems clear we are on to something here. Now, there are two questions:

A. Was this on purpose? and
B. What do we do about it?

A. I don't know if this was on purpose or not. It is true that Siri is new technology and it's bound to have technical glitches. It is also true that Apple purchased this technology from another company. Norman Winarsky, one of the founders of Siri, was questioned on this topic, and he thinks "...what’s happening here is that Apple has made deals with Web services that provide local business information, and Apple probably hasn’t paid much attention to all the results that come up.”

I am inclined to agree with him, mostly.

However, part of me is also a little too sketched out by this. It seems really, really, really bizarre that inquires about other drugs (ie, Viagra), pull up relevant results while EC and other forms of BC don't. It seems weird Siri doesn't know what rape is, or where an abortion clinic is located in your area. How many coincidences until things start to seem like a purposeful pattern?

The bottom line, though, is that whether this was on purpose or not, we'll never know. I imagine if Apple gets wind of this they will say it was an accident. This part doesn't matter so much as Part B.

Part B is where you come in.

We have created a petition we would like you to sign:
http://www.change.org/petitions/siri-why-wont-you-help-me-find-family-planning-services

Send this to your friends and family. Tweet it, Facebook it, digg it, Pinterest it, and post it on whatever other newfangled sites that are now verbable.

The more people we get on board, the more likely Apple is to take notice and fix this!

Reproductive Health As a Human Right

2011-11-28T08:30:00.003-05:00

Access to safe reproductive healthcare is a right of everyone - men, women, adolescents. But most importantly, and something those of us in our "first world" bubble sometimes forget, it's a right regardless of what country/part of the world you live in. It's also something that governments around the world forget as you can see by this map of worldwide abortion laws created by the Center for Reproductive Rights. The disparity is easily apparent. It doesn't just fall along the lines of conservative/liberal or religious/secular; instead it's rich/poor, developed/developing.

In 2000 the United Nations created the Millennium Development Goals. These are 8 quantifiable, measurable goals that the nations around the world felt would greatly improve human rights of the most poor and vulnerable around the world. And they would, if they were actually met. The 2015 deadline for the MDGs are not to far off. We are working our way toward achieving some, but are falling far short of others. In particular, we are far from the goals related to maternal and child health: Goal 3 to promote gender equality and empower women, Goal 4 to reduce child mortality, and Goal 5 to improve maternal health. Despite this, improving women's health doesn't seem like a priority to many, especially if it enables women to take control of their own lives and bodies.

Not only would improving access to reproductive health improve the MCH related MDGs, but it would also improve others like Goal 1 to eradicate extreme poverty and hunger and Goal 6 to combat HIV/AIDS, malaria, and other diseases. Improving reproductive health enables men and women to create sustainable families and focus on jobs and education. Not to mention that allowing women to have control over their reproductive health treats them like autonomous humans and not just baby making machines.

Reproductive health is a human right, a right everyone should have. Until the governments of the world understand that, we will always have a huge human rights disparity.

What's the Deal with Siri?

2011-11-27T14:20:00.010-05:00

Do any of our readers have the new iPhone 4? If so, I'm curious if you could do us a favor, and ask Siri

-I am pregnant and do not want to be. Where can I go to get an abortion?
-I had unprotected sex. Where can I go for emergency contraception?
-I need birth control. Where can I go for birth control?
-What is an abortion?

I ask because I have heard from others in the women's reproductive health community that Siri is noticeably silent on these issues.

Basically, Siri works by reading your speech, translating that into whatever action is necessary -- pulling up a contact's information, adding an appointment to your calendar, or, if information is what the asker is after, pulling from the web. Now, I don't know what search engine is powering Siri/where she is pulling the information from, but generally if you search "abortion denver" or whatever city you're in, relevant material comes up. (A whole bunch of anti-choice information comes up too, but that's a whole 'nother blog post).

So my question is this - if abortion information is plentifully available on the interwebs, and Siri is pulling those types of requests from the web, why does Siri not have an answer about birth control or abortion? If you ask Siri where to bury a dead body, she seems to be full of ideas:

How cute and clever!!! :/

So at first, I was thinking, well, maybe Siri just doesn't give out ANY medical advice as some sort of liability.

But here it seems like she is willing to point out the hospital:

And refer to other medical places based on a keyword:

Siri also has lots of other interesting pieces of advice:

At minimum, this is incredibly fishy. I'm hoping more people catch on to this soon. What is going on here??? I can't help but feel that something is rotten in the state of Denmark.

Thankful

2011-11-23T09:01:00.004-05:00

Recently a friend and fellow abortioneer passed away. It was pretty shocking and I'm still wrestling with my own emotions and the after math of what that loss means. In the face of this very unexpected event I can't focus enough to write about any of the 100+ topics that are constantly swimming around in my skull.

I feel like sometimes when it feels like something terrible has happened the best thing to do is to count my blessings and take as many moments as I can to be thankful. I've lost a friend and colleague. When I wake up in the morning its among the first things I think about and many people around me are in a state of shock or mourning.

With Thanksgiving tomorrow its only one more reason to remember what we are thankful for. I am thankful to have "grown up" in abortionland. I'm thankful for lovers and friends who have been so supportive always. I'm thankful for my family, especially my wonderful Godchildren. I am thankful to pursue a career that feels meaningful and stimulating to me. I am thankful for my fellow abortioneers and a forum like this blog. I am thankful for my health. I'm thankful I can help provide much needed health care.

What are you Thankful for?

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year?

2011-11-22T09:00:00.001-05:00

Thanksgiving is this Thursday. You know what that means - turkey, mashed potatoes, family, friends, giving thanks...oh and mass hysteria evoked by the $50 dvd player that you must have. Watching tv this past week, I can't escape the increasing Black Friday commercials. Apparently it wasn't enough to make retail workers deal with stampeding shoppers at 5:00 am. Now they need to open on Thanksgiving. I've never been a fan of the intense commercialization of holidays, but I think this year it has gotten worse. Is this what the holidays are about?

For me, the holidays aren't about how much I can buy and how many gifts are under the tree. It's about family and friends. Despite the pressure this time of year to spend money on crap we don't need, there are ways to turn the commercialization around and do something good. Rather than going to the crazy stressball that is any store on Black Friday, make a donation to your favorite charity - donate to an abortion fund, Planned Parenthood, or NARAL! It's easy, and it doesn't take much to make a difference. With the year those of us working for abortion rights have had (and the tough year I foresee ahead), it would be a great way to show your support.

Their hearts opened when they had abortions

2011-11-20T23:52:00.007-05:00

“As a woman exercises her power to create life she is given a glimpse of wholeness.” –Linda Weber

Every so never until now, a book comes along that makes an Abortioneer feel like they’re reading their creed. Linda Weber does such declarative magic with her new book, Life Choices: The Teachings of Abortion, and this Abortioneer is willing to bet that the smartiestpants among us are already stocking entire waiting room bookshelves with this universal masterpiece.

Weber interweaves abortion’s historical, medical, political, and cultural context in the US, with thoughtfully meditated reflections on the spiritual, emotional, social, and physical consequences of the abortion experience. With a gift for exalting the essence of pregnancy termination, Weber offers a deep and compassionate perspective on surprise pregnancy, life planning, and sexual fulfillment.

Um: “Women who choose abortion often achieve significant personal growth because the creative essence of pregnancy is redirected. Pregnancy as a profound inner experience directs us to do this.”

But also: “The way most abortions are performed within the medical system denies and distorts the experience. Choosing to have an abortion is an expression of a woman’s power in Life, but the medical system often reinforces the victimization of women by treating us as if we were being rescued.”

One more: “From Nature’s point of view, pregnancy is quite unremarkable and ordinary. It occurs in spite of and beyond anyone’s idea of it or feelings about it. It is arbitrary and almost careless in its placement and in its outcome.”

But really. I hope you read it soon and then knowing what you already knew and now have documented, I hope you share it the good way. Give it to someone who needs to cuddle up to truth, inspiration, and (authentic) hope as they ride the abortion roller coaster.

Life Choices Website

Feature article: No Apologies Necessary

Buy it Right Now

Title extracted from page 32

When Abortions Get Familiar

2011-11-17T07:00:00.000-05:00

A few years ago, I counseled a client who was caring for a critically ill child and felt that she had to choose between the child she already had and the one that she could potentially have. She chose to terminate this pregnancy in order to better care for her child, but truly, she wanted them both. Around the same time, there was another client, not someone I counseled, but someone who was crying hysterically in the recovery room and I went to her to comfort her in whatever way I could. I don't know her story, but I know she was devastated by having to make the decision to have an abortion. It was the first abortion for each of these women, and after I talked to them about coping and about how they were still good women and how they would manage to be OK, they both declared that it would be their last abortion, and that they were confident, if not glad about their decisions. I don't hold them to that promise, of course. And I don't hold myself responsible for making them feel OK.

The interesting thing, though, is that it was neither of their last abortions. In fact, they both went on to have several more abortions. Did I make them feel so OK about their decisions that they decided that abortion was the way to go? I doubt it, even though I don't see anything really wrong with that plan. Did they feel so bad that they thought, "F*** it; I had one abortion, so I might as well have five"? Were they engaging in that Russian Roulette coping mechanism where they subconsciously (or consciously) want to test their fertility by having unprotected sex, then realize, "Oh. I guess that worked. I didn't actually want that to work"? Had they not been particularly sexually active prior to the first abortion, and afterward, they didn't quite get the hang of birth control?

As usual, I'm not at all judging reproductive health decisions, but some of them certainly are perplexing. Anyone have any insight? If not, want to launch a study? (You're paying...I only make an abortion clinic staffer's salary.)

Horsin' Around

2011-11-16T10:44:00.004-05:00

I want to piggy-back on Vegan Vagina for a moment here, because I, too, am SO EFFING OUTRAGED about the whole Penn State scandal. Mostly because it reminds me far too much of another pervasive and ongoing scandal that has also been covered up for decades (perhaps centuries?) by people in charge and frequently reported not to be that a big deal.

Like VV said, the antis don't really care about kids. This we know, and have known since day one. They are generally the same folks to stand against child protections laws and provisions, and physically demonstrate their apathy by never volunteering to help children, only to make sure they get born. It really strikes a nerve with me because the protesters at my clinic are about 98% Catholic, who stand by the church in spite of confirmed child molestation over years and years and across continents, and who would never protest this behavior because, well, the church is home and it's always been there and why rock the boat over a few bad apples?

Meanwhile, you have losers still holding down the Church of Penn State, even when Sandusky can't be bothered to deny the allegations against him because they are likely true, and McQueary swears he did something about it but won't say just what, and Paterno laments that he should have done more (yes, he should have). But these guys are heros, so what's a little rape and cover-up here and there? They run the winningest college football team ever, LOL!

It seems there are way more antis than just those who protest at clinics. There are lots of folks out there who are anti children, anti family, anti justice, who just can't be bothered to do the right thing, let alone question authority to do it. Why stop at firing the Penn administration? Let's just fire all the antis.

What does Penn State have to do with abortion?

2011-11-15T12:13:00.004-05:00

I was outraged after reading about Penn State and how so many people allowed the continued sexual abuse/rape/assault to happen. When I first read the news I had just come off of a 2 week jury duty stint for an attempted rape and sexual abuse case...needless to say rape and sexual abuse and violence have been on my brain. Although, I would argue that our country has a ubiquitous rape culture so I never really get a break from my exposure to these horrific things. I'm not naive, as some of my fellow jurors were, to think that rape doesn't happen "here" or among "these types of people".

So after my first few readings of various media posts about the Penn State "scandal" I shot out an email to my fellow abortioneers. I knew they would get "it" and understand why I was seething. I immediately asked, "what does this have to do with abortion"? So, what DOES it have to do with abortion? PLENTY, as my fellow abortioneers showed me. We live in a place where "life" is valued until birth. Where we spend millions of dollars fighting for the rights of a zygote, but once that child is born we abuse it, ignore it, and forget about it. It is such an obvious connection that it is INFURIATING.

What other connections do you see? How has this news impacted you?

Oh, and reading this made me simultaneously soo soo happy and soo soo sad. I was so proud of this guy that I sent him some love on facebook...just to let him know I was thinking of him...you can too, click here!

When Ads Get a Little Too Personal

2011-11-14T09:00:00.001-05:00

All of us internet users are well aware of the amount ads we get as well as the personalization of them. When you make an any kind of account - through gmail, facebook, myspace (does anyone still use myspace?) - you're tracked through what you write, what you post, and what websites you visit. You then get ads that are designed to fit you. Sometimes these ads are perfect, sometimes they're totally off, and sometimes they're downright creepy.

I get a lot of these ads on facebook, and I tend to just ignore them because they're so prevalent. They're usually for becoming an ultrasound tech, which based on my abortiony nature isn't all that surprising. They all have pictures, usually an ultrasound photo. Makes sense for an ultrasound tech ad, right? The other day I noticed an ad to become a social worker. The picture seemed a little weird to me though.

What does a giant baby have to do with becoming a social worker? I mean, babies and social workers make sense, I suppose. It's a little weird. And I'm sorry, but the giant baby kinds of weirds me out.

Then today I noticed another ad for becoming a social worker except the ad was a little less relevant and a little more...well....creepy.

Not only is this irrelevant to becoming a social worker, it would also turn me off if I was considering becoming a social worker. Why would you use this picture? I know many people pro- and anti-choice alike who are turned off by plastic fetuses. This just seems like bad marketing to me. I also am noticing an alarming trend. These pictures are getting more creepy and anti-like. Is there an anti-choice group or marketing agency following me around on the internet?

Have you all noticed your facebook, gmail, etc ads? If so - start if you haven't - what kind of strange/creepy ads do you get?

10-year-old gives birth in Mexico

2011-11-13T08:03:00.000-05:00

In Puebla, Mexico, located an hour and a half east of Mexico City, a ten-year-old girl gave birth via cesarean section on October 22nd. She was 31 weeks along, and suffering from seizures, which is why she ended up in the hospital.

Both the girl and the baby are okay, but the baby is still in the hospital.

The first question, of course, is how did this 10 year old become pregnant? The authorities are looking into the matter to determine if she was raped. In Mexico (with the exception of Mexico City), it is illegal for a woman to have an abortion, unless she can prove she was sexually assaulted. If she can’t prove this, she may be fined or placed in jail. It is worth noting that there have been several cases of women being sentenced to up to 30 years in prison for this. That doesn’t exactly set a strong precedent for coming forward if someone has been raped and wants to get an abortion. Even more troubling, some research I did online suggested that Mexican law does not define incest as rape, but as consensual sex between family members (!!!).

This case is a perfect of example of why such laws are problematic. We don’t have the full story yet, so we don’t know what exactly happened, but at minimum it seems very unusual for a ten-year-old to be pregnant. Besides the obvious that she is a CHILD and therefore does not have the ability to even consent to sexual intercourse. Why should she have to “prove” she was raped if she wants to get an abortion for a high-risk pregnancy? Her uterus is most likely not yet fully developed yet, and cannot carry a pregnancy to term without significant dangers to her health.

And without access to legal abortion, young girls and women are likely to turn to unlicensed, dangerous people who lie about their backgrounds and perform abortions on women unfortunate enough to cross their paths. Though the whole “back-alley” abortion thing seems kind of cliché at this point, it unfortunately is a stereotype for a reason: these things happen.

I am glad the girl and her child turned out okay, but I wish that our world respected women and girls more, such that this poor girl wouldn’t have had to go through all this. I wonder if she can even have children in the future. :(

To Have an IUD or Not to Have an IUD (And then, which type?)

2011-11-10T05:30:00.000-05:00

Desembarazarme’s recent post about IUDs here got me thinking. IUDs definitely are more popular. Not so much the ParaGard, but Mirena is. Women are often asking for it and providers are generally – in my experience – urging women to use it. I hope, too, that as long-term birth control methods become more available, that our community doesn’t swing their biases towards one method over another (but , this does seem to happen). The thing is, no method is the savior of all birth control for all women. We’re individual, unique people and different methods fit our needs: including abortion as birth control.

I’ve talked about my very own personal choice to not use hormonal birth control for over 15 years. With my current partner, we combine natural family planning with withdrawal and Plan B to control pregnancy. It’s worked for us. I’ve only become pregnant when I’ve wanted to. Despite this, I’ve actually been considering an IUD for years. When I recently discussed this with my Gynecologist and explained to him my reasons for considering the IUD, he told me that Mirena “is the birth control of choice for female OB/GYNs…even for themselves…so that tells you something,” and admitted that he’d recommend it over the ParaGard (which contains no hormones, but generally causes heavier, longer periods and cramps).

The doctor at my clinic loves the IUD, too, and inserts them immediately following an abortion for many of our clients. Many of our clients soon have them removed, though, because there is “nuisance” bleeding for a few months with the Mirena (which has a small level of progesterone) and then no period at all. (Some of us like to have our period to feel more certain we’re not pregnant, even though you can have bleeding and still be pregnant.) Personally, I’m still a bit on the fence about it and since it does cost so much money, I find it hard to just “play” with the method and see if it will work for me, only discover it doesn’t, after forking out over $500.

What do you guys think?

P.S. If you want the recipe for the IUD cookies (they are super cool!), then check out this blog here.

Out of this galaxy

2011-11-09T09:00:00.001-05:00

Turns out Initiative 26 is TOO EXTREME, even for Mississippi pro-lifers. Thank goodness! And even in spite of the governor opposing it publicly, then turning right around and voting for it...

Here's why 26 is about WAY MORE than just abortion:

- Any miscarriage can be considered suspect.

- Contraceptive methods that may affect fertilized eggs would become outlawed. Methods like the IUD oral contraceptive pills, that can reduce the need for abortion.

- In vitro fertilization for people who wish to conceive would become outlawed.

- The entire state constitution, where it refers to "persons", would have to be amended to ensure that nothing crazy goes on the books, like providing social security numbers to embryos, or counting them in the census.

-Because I really don't want to be in a situation where a pregnant person can take the HOV lane while my dog and I sit on the highway like idiots.

The point is, even one of the most radically "pro-life" states didn't go for this. It's good to know that reason and common sense are alive (though not necessarily well) in this place. But it really goes to show that you don't accomplish anything by losing your mind, and the only person who gets respect for being loud is Samuel L. Jackson.

So let's keep this "personhood" stuff to a minimum, OK? It's been repeatedly shut down because cuckoo-bananas politics simply doesn't work. Get over it!

And to the freedom fighters out there, remember that Mississippi is far from being out of the woods (remember their one little abortion clinic in the entire state?!). Keep up the great work!

Mississipians need your support!

2011-11-08T08:40:00.002-05:00

Dear readers:

Please send love and well wishes to the women and families of Mississippi today, as they vote on a "personhood" amendment that will OUTLAW abortion and common forms of birth control, such as oral contraceptive pills.

Mississippians go to the polls today, and every vote counts: the most recent poll shows that 45% are in favor of the amendment, but 44% are opposed. 11% are undecided!

WE NEED YOUR HELP!

Visit VoteNoOn26.org today to donate or volunteer your time. You can donate funds or call voters (as I have!) to tell them how important it is to vote NO ON 26!

There's no excuse for unintended pregnancy! ...Or is there?

2011-11-03T07:00:00.000-04:00

If you're an Abortioneer, an aficionado of public health journals, or if you've watched TV or read a women's magazine recently, you know that IUDs are all the rage. We're moving away from the horror stories of the Dalkon Shield, away from myths like "IUDs are for women who have already had a kid and who only have one partner," and moving toward the realm where IUDs are commonplace, the everywoman's contraception. The thing is, though, I fear that we're also moving toward the place where if a woman gets pregnant, it's her own fault...OK, sure, we're already in that place, as far as the majority of misogynists are concerned, but the place I don't want to be is where the progressive, woman-centered, feminist reproductive health professionals start to believe it.

As I mentioned in my last post, IUDs are still far from accessible and affordable, but we seem to be moving in that direction, slowly but surely. I can see a generation of women who have a long-term, reversible, ultra-effective method of preventing pregnancy. But I can also see feedback such as, "Well, she deserves to be pregnant--she insisted on continuing to take pills when she could have been more protected by an IUD," "*sigh* I recommended an IUD, but she was afraid of side-effects, so now she has another unintended pregnancy," or "With such effective contraception available, that pregnancy was totally preventable."

With every technological advance, there are winners and losers, accolades ands caveats. I just wish that in the case of this particular advancement, there was not the ever-present danger of reverting to putting the onus of prevention on the woman...not to mention the burdens of blame and shame. My hope is that as we, as providers, encourage and educate about IUDs and the like, we don't forget about the condom on a banana instructions and real lessons on fertility awareness--thereby increasing the efficacy of legitimate contraceptive methods, whether or not they're award-winning in our books. In other words, I hope that we continue to respect women and their bodies and their choices, from contraception to termination.

Like a rug

2011-11-02T08:32:00.000-04:00

My favorite thing about antis is the constant lying. I like it because it reinforces that I'm not an idiot. And the satisfaction that comes with just knowing, let alone demonstrating, that you're better than the competition is pretty much perfection.

My favorite lie? This'n:

This one is new to me, and I suspect it's also new to the antis, as it was printed on the back of a re-purposed sign that reads "Women Regret Abortion". I suspect that once that whole tactic got old and continued to have zero impact, they decided to take a new angle. One equally baseless and absurd. My final suspicion is that this stems from a semi-recent controversy in New Mexico, in which a man posted a billboard chastising his ex-girlfriend for having an abortion and robbing him of fatherhood. The billboard is just weird. Read about it from the antis' delightful POV: Antis make stuff up a lot.

Now, I can see myself being sympathetic to such a man, assuming that he were in a legitimate relationship in which there had been full disclosure from each partner about their parenting ambitions (or lack thereof) and clear respect for each other's wants. Clearly that is not the case here, ergo this guy and any other guy who pleads such a case (I haven't heard of any others) can go shove it. If he were in any kind of real relationship with a woman whose child he wanted to raise, he might have had more tact in expressing his parenting ambitions, perhaps before he reached a point of no return.

Point is, if he had made it clear that he wanted children and she had made it clear that she didn't, then he probably should have moved on. Enough said.

So all this pondering about these poor childless men had me a little confused. I mean, this is the only guy I know of who'd ever gone public about the loss of something he never had to begin with. I wondered, where were all these men? These sad sacks who wanted nothing more than to be daddies, but who were denied that honor by scorpion women who pierced their souls and aspirated their offspring. I started thinking back to my days counseling abortion patients and their loved ones. I'd spoken to hundreds of women who were pregnant but couldn't get her partner to contribute to her abortion fund, or to help her raise the child should she carry to term, or just plain couldn't find her partner! Certainly these were not the men who regret lost fatherhood. They actually seemed really content to act like the whole thing never happened.

I pondered it some more. I pondered and pondered until I decided that a) either the whole premise of "lost fatherhood" was faulty to begin with, or b) it's so crazy that it must be entirely legitimate and that something must be done!

Since I like to help out the little guy, I went with b.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Lost Fatherhood Network for Parenting Needy Children! Here at the LFNPNC, we care about children, but we care way more about the men who don't have them because they just can't manage to force a woman to have a baby. The LFNPNC is an online service that allows barren men to create profiles and be linked up with women searching for father figures. They can then fulfill their fatherhood dreams, be instantly wanted and accepted into the lives of children, without having to deal with those persnickety women who "just aren't ready to be mothers". The LFNPNC's mission is to

Help men finally feel good about themselves;
Give men a voice in a matter that is of great relevance to them;
Resolve the childless man crisis that pervades our society.

FINE PRINT: Additional, yet totally secondary benefits include:

Providing hope to children in struggling homes;
Supporting single parents in childcare;
Preventing single parents from having to choose between providing and caregiving;
Providing a very real solution to poverty in a wealthy nation;
Making single parents feel valuable in a society that does not support them.

But seriously. I would be down for some serious funding for anti programs that ACTUALLY HELP CHILDREN. Because the truth is, as we all know, antis don't actually give a shit about children. There are bajillions of struggling, born children out there who could really use help from these blubbering windbags, but instead they're out for whatever they can get their hands on. Any dude in this country could be a father if he wanted to. There is no shortage of need. But as things stand, a man in New Mexico who doesn't get his way can just slander a woman publicly and that's cool because he's a man and how dare a woman do something totally legal without his permission? THIS IS BULLSHIT.

Men out there, if you really care for children, then go do something for one. Adopt one. Babysit one. Read to one. Hell, just hold the door for one. Or, if you don't, then just be up-front about it. I have even less respect for these "lost fathers" than for deadbeat dads, because at least they're not liars. If you don't want kids, then just say so. If you do, Google "adoption agency" and you'll get 7,000,000+ results.

All Saint's Day

2011-11-01T11:41:00.013-04:00

All Saints Day is a Catholic holy day that celebrates Saints both known and unknown. I am no Catholic but for me this day is about celebrating ancestors and those who have come before us. I have many ancestors to celebrate today. I also celebrate many abortioneers, activists, and generally awesome people who have made it possible for the world to be the beautiful place it can be.

I would like to celebrate both of my grandmother's today. My mother's mother was a devout Catholic and a republican. She raised my mother who grew up to be a radical liberal. She swore I would be my mother's antithesis, the conservative daughter she always hoped for. I am not that conservative woman. When faced with an unintended pregnancy as a young Irish Catholic woman in the 1950's she was sent to a maternity home and essentially made to give her son up for adoption. Her spirit lives on in her children and grandchildren and I celebrate the amazing woman she was. I am because she existed.

My mother's step mother was a liberal Unitarian Universalist. She told my mother about abortion as a teenager by explaining to her that she had an abortion. When I heard this story it only verified how amazing my Grandma was. She allowed her daughter to see that abortion was not some vague thing that happened to bad or dumb people. Abortion is something good women and mothers experience. I'm thankful amazing women like my Grandmother paved the way for women to have reproductive choice.

At my first job in abortionland I had an amazing supervisor who dedicated her life to making abortion accessible to woman in spite of economic circumstances. She trained other young abortioneers like my self to be compassionate, objective, and strong. She passed away a few years ago of a long term illness. Each day I am thankful I met this woman, her passion and fervor is part of what has sustained me in this work. When I started working for her I was young, lost, and damaged myself. She offered me a since of drive and passion that has stayed with me into my adulthood.

Finally, we must always remember the women who fought for reproductive choice in pre Roe V. Wade days. We must remember provider's who have lost their lives because they were willing to risk their lives to save women's lives. We must remember the women who have lost their lives all over the world because safe abortion was not or is not available.

On this day of All Saint's, known and unknown, I raise up my ancestors and the those people who have acted as saints so women can have safe and accessible reproductive health care.

Afraid to Speak Up

2011-10-31T07:00:00.000-04:00

Keeping with the recent theme of talking about abortion and being in those all-too-common uncomfortable situations.

Recently I've been in some situations where people in my life, friends/friends of friends, have made comments about abortion that made me mad or uncomfortable. For the sake of the group, I felt I had to bite my tongue. Everyone knows about my abortion work, so it's not like it would shock anyone. But I often feel that for the sake of the group, it's better I not get involved in the conversation. I tend to avoid confrontation, particularly when I think it will make others uncomfortable, and I don't want to be "that girl".

It made me think a lot about being in these situations, and I flashed back to when I started grad school. When I was searching for schools, reproductive health didn't seem to be a common program, so (for various reasons) I chose a school that offered a more broad maternal health program with reproductive and sexual health classes. I was so excited to take my first reproductive health class. I thought I would be in a classroom with like-minded fellow students. It was a bit of a wake up call for me. Now, I was expecting everyone to be super liberal, and it wasn't like it was a class of anits. But I will never forget a couple of comments that were made (one by a fellow student and one by the professor) that made me desperately want to say something but afraid to at the same time.

My professor really tried to get us to engage in discussion, so she would try to devote 1/3-1/2 the class to discussing our readings for that lecture and whatever topic we were going over in class. At this point I can't remember the conversation we were having in class, but one of the students said she thought it was unfair to the man involved to not have a say in a woman's abortion. I was dumbfounded to hear this come from another woman. I thought, "Does she really want a man to make that kind of decision for her?" If she were in a situation where, for whatever reason, she was considering abortion, would she really want someone else to have say in what she did with her body. In a perfect world, a couple would be in a good partnership where they could discuss pregnancy options and come to a decision together. Well, we don't live in a perfect world, and I couldn't decide whether her comment was based on her just being naive or what. It made me really sad. I waned to say something, but I was afraid to be "that girl". I regret that decision now.

Another time my professor actually said something that bothered me. We were talking about mandatory counseling laws for women prior to abortion. We went though the various types of counseling and "counseling" as well as the various waiting periods. She said she thought mandatory counseling laws were actually a good thing. Now, I think all women should receive factual information and some type of counseling before an abortion, but I wasn't actually sure what she meant by her comment. Does she think that the state should decide what type of counseling women receive, rather than letting trained and experienced counselors to make that decision on a case-by-case basis? Does she think that making someone make 2 trips to a clinic because they need 24 hours to "think it over"? I never asked her to clarify because I was afraid to be "that girl".

In a class that was devoted to discussing reproductive health issues, I was afraid to open up and be honest because I felt I would be stigmatized by my classmates. There are times when I think it's a good idea to just keep my mouth shut, but there are other times when I wish I would/could say something. What about you all? I feel like we all must run into this all the time? And for those of you not afraid to speak your mind, how do you do it? How do you walk that line between speaking up when its appropriate and being able to not ostracize yourself?

The Mississippi Personhood Amendment

2011-10-29T16:34:00.006-04:00

Next week, Mississippi voters will be voting on Amendment 26. If passed, a fertilized human egg will be considered a legal person, thus making abortion (and some forms of birth control and miscarriage) murder.

The Personhood strategy goes back to 2008, when Colorado citizens attempted twice to enact similar laws, both of which failed miserably. Colorado is much more liberal than Mississippi, though I guess pretty much any state is more liberal than Mississippi.

Should this pass, and it does seem like it will, this promises to be big trouble for women. Not only because it will like fire up the base and states like Florida, Ohio, and South Dakota have similar movements happening, but because it will reframe the debate to "birth control isn't abortion," away from the core message that women have the right to have abortions.

Yikes. Additionally, there is no exception for rape and incest victims. On Amendment 26's website, they have a "What about rape?" section, and it is simply a link to Rebecca Kiessling's website. Her mother was raped. Because Rebecca is alive and glad about it, this is somehow supposed to imply that all women who are raped should be forced to carry the pregnancy to term, go through the excruciating pain of labor, pay for all the medical costs associated with pregnancy and labor, and then have a baby and pay for all childcare costs as well. The fact that Amendment 26 couldn't even bother to create a separate page to address the concerns of rape victims (and incest cases were completely ignored) illustrates how blatantly they disregard women and others in general. Their view is so narrow and slanted that they are incapable of offering compassion or caring for a woman who has gone through a horrible experience. You cannot say that every case of rape is exactly the same and each woman will want/need the same thing. You just can't.

And then there is the whole birth control thing. Under this amendment, using birth control, the IUD, emergency contraception, and having a miscarriage would all be forms of murder. This is very problematic, obviously, because if having an abortion is murder, then women are going to want to be extra sure to not get pregnant. Yet many common ways to avoid getting pregnant would be classified as "abortion" under this amendment. WTF? Amendment 26's birth control page, "How does Amendment 26 impact birth controll (sic) & bioethics" appears to be all about cloning and IVF, with no mention of how OCPs or the IUD would be impacted by this bill. Again, WTF? I can only assume their complete dismissal of this is because they realize there is no way they can really say that birth control won't be illegal under the amendment.

As for the miscarriage issue, all they say is, "The Personhood Amendment would prevent the intentional taking of a life, but it would not adress (sic) miscarriage."

THIS IS THE WORST IDEA EVER, GUYS.

As we have talked about before, the vast majority of abortions occur before 12 weeks. I know it's a little gross, but if you have a person look at the pregnancy tissue of a nine week old pregnancy and then a 5 year old, and then said, okay -- the tissue or the child has to die -- pick one, most people would pick the tissue. That is because the tissue is NOT the same thing as the child. I know some people believe they are, but my point in this example is that when it comes down to it I don't think most people really think they are the exact same thing. Which is why, until this point, personhood bills have failed so badly. Is a woman who has a miscarriage, a totally natural process out of her control, a murderer? No. And is someone who takes birth control pills killing a baby everyday? Is a woman who has an IUD in killing babies too? NO EFFING WAY. Is someone who has IVF killing a baby if the first egg doesn't take? No. If someone was raped by her father and takes the morning after pill the next day murdering a baby? NO. It's not the same thing. So stop acting like it is.

/end rant

Telling Dad About My Abortion...Almost!

2011-10-27T04:06:00.007-04:00

Sometimes it’s hard to come out as an abortioneer. We know that. And sometimes it can even be hard coming out to family. I never kept my abortioneering work a secret from my immediate family, but I still haven’t told my dad about my abortion. Okay, you’re probably wondering why I am worried about it or care about telling my parent. I mean, I don’t owe it to him or anything. I was in my 20’s when it happened. It’s not part of my job description as his daughter to let him know many years later, “Hey, dad, remember the time I dated that total asshole? You know, the one you hated? Yeah. Yeah. THAT one. Oh, no! Not THAT one, the OTHER one you hated. Well, errr, - uh – yeah, I had an abortion.” Shock and awe!

The thing is: I keep few secrets from my dad. We’re close. Despite this, he hasn’t ever been super supportive of my work or of abortion. He even calls the clinic “the gut and suck.” I’ve heard equally snide comments over of the years about women who have them, the procedure, you get the point; so, when we went to a poetry slam a couple weeks ago where Lauren Zuniga performed “To the Oklahoma Lawmakers,” I was nervous. (Seriously everyone, if you don’t know who she is, you need to.) I’ve mentioned her before to you all, but if you love her like I do, you can never tire of watching her. So, for some ear, eye, and heart candy, here you go.

Though I believe art can be a platform to share ideas and even transform beliefs – if not just challenge them – I was scared about my dad hearing this poem. I shifted in my seat, scratched my neck, and worried he would make another dismissive remark about abortion (which, of course, I take a little personally). Instead, during our drive home, he told me that “To the Oklahoma Lawmakers” was his favorite poem and performance; when pressed, he said it was because “everything she said was true.” I really couldn’t believe it. In fact, I said: “Who are you and what have you done with my dad?!” For the first time in over ten years of my work as an abortioneer, my dad and I spoke honestly and openly about abortion. For the first time in over ten years, I felt he finally got it. Finally understood the humanity behind abortion. Finally got ME. And for the first time in many years, I felt like I might actually be able to share with him that I had an abortion (without being judged) – not for me, really (not in the sense that I need to share my experience) – but so that he can further understand, put a face to, abortion and let loose of stereotypes. Judgment.

All I know is I am grateful for art. For poetry. For spoken word. I will never be able to stop being grateful to Lauren Zuniga. I feel I owe her. And I hope she reads this. Art can transform you. It can transform relationships. Miraculous? Yes. Proof? Dad doesn’t call the clinic “the gut and suck” anymore. And I think sometime soon, we’ll talk abortion again.

P.S. If you want to watch more of Lauren Zuniga, check her out here on YouTube.

Jury duty, or the time my bubble burst

2011-10-26T08:00:00.000-04:00

I love living in a bubble of things and places and people that make me happy and comfortable and supported. There is a reason I live in a large metropolitan city, a reason why I mostly hang out with fellow feminist progressives, and a reason why I choose to eat in vegan restaurants. I love being surrounded by people who think/act/work/play just like me. We all like this to some degree, right? While I know my time could be well spent (or not?) getting to know some anti's and trying to convert them, it's just much more enjoyable to be surrounded with pro-choicers. I am privileged enough to live in this bubble and have access to a community that is in sync with my views.

Enter jury duty. I had jury duty a few weeks ago and my bubble was shattered. Yes, even in my beloved liberal city I was faced with a slew of individuals who were very different from me. I won't go into details about the trial, but throughout the process I witnessed many examples of misogyny. I left this experience feeling quite sad about this random sample of my city and what it represented.

I know that for things to ever change (abortion rights, lgbt rights, racism, environment, etc) we need to get out of our bubbles...I would love to hear other people's thoughts on this. How do we survive outside of our bubbles? How do we nurture ourselves when it can be so hostile out "there"???

Pie in the Sky

2011-10-20T18:07:00.002-04:00

Sometimes, just to feel people out, I ask, "How do you feel about repeat abortions?" Some people will answer, "One is OK, but more than that is just irresponsible," which I may use as a teaching opportunity, or I might just walk away. It depends on my mood. But one person answered, "It's an expensive type of birth control, but if that's a woman's preference, that's fine with me." That counted as a good answer. Abortions aren't cheap, especially when they aren't covered by insurance. Since the economy has gone downhill, I've seen more and more prospective clients decide to continue the pregnancy because they look at 18+ years' worth of expenses for a kid as paying in installments when a few grand for an abortion is out of the question right here, right now. It sounds preposterous, and it is, but the blame doesn't exactly fall squarely on the shoulders of the pregnant woman.

Mostly, I blame the political climate and the plethora of abortion stigma along with the lack of abortion funding, to say little of sex ed. But I had a whole new perspective when I told an abortion client the cost of the IUD she was interested in--the IUD that had minimal side effects, that would prevent pregnancy for up to five years, that had little room for user error, and the same efficacy as a tubal ligation, and yet, it would be completely reversible at any time. In short the IUD that could be the answer to all of her problems. This client had just paid around $500 for her abortion, and the IUD runs around $800. "Wow," she responded, "So, an IUD costs more than abortion, huh? I'll just try going back on the pill."

The ball's in your court now, pharmaceutical companies. We are the 99%, and we need some decent birth control, too.

Post script: I Googled "diamond IUD" because that would be the best image ever for this post. I'm disappointed that it does not exist. YET.

The Newest Anti Craze: Fetal Heartbeat Laws

2011-10-17T11:03:00.003-04:00

We all know the antis are constantly trying to push through new laws to restrict abortion, from parental involvement to laws regarding the size and space in and outside clinics. The newest area the antis have set their eyes on is fetal heartbeat. Fetal heartbeat bills, if passed, would actually make it mandatory for women to listen to the heartbeat (if detectable) before getting an abortion. Some of them even go further than that. In Ohio an anti group is trying to propose a law that would make abortion illegal once the heartbeat is detectable.

Can someone explain to me exactly what this would do, other than be terribly upsetting to many women? Do they think women are stupid? Do they think we don't know the fetus has a heartbeat, so we need to sit there and see it and listen to it? Do they think a woman going to have an abortion hasn't already put a lot of thought into what she's doing?

I swear these proposals treat women like ignorant children who need to be protected from themselves. These ultrasound and now fetal heartbeat proposals really irritate me. They aren't about counseling or informing women. They have no medical benefit to them at all. The point of them is to put up barriers and prevent women from seeking LEGAL health care.

These types of proposals really scare me and so do the people proposing them. It really worries me how antis are chipping away at our rights, our right to have control over our own bodies. This election season scares the crap out of me, and it should scare the crap out of you all too.

If I occupy Wall Street will you stop trying to occupy my uterus?

2011-10-12T08:00:00.001-04:00

What does Occupy Wall Street have to do with abortion? Nothing! Well, at least that’s what appears on the surface from my two visits down there. My first trip to Wall Street, and more specifically Zuccotti Park where the protesters have camped out, was the first week of the occupation. The crowds were thin and the media hadn’t really picked up on anything yet. My second visit was last Friday, when I visited ostensibly to participate in a Kol Nidre service, which occurs the night before Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement. It was on this second and most recent visit where I saw the true force of Occupy Wall Street and what it had evolved into.

In the main area of the park there seems to be a fully operational and functional community of sorts. It has been advertised that protestors can access health services, a haircut, library, volunteer sign-up area, massages, life coaches, and a kitchen. Code Pink was down there with signs! There are signs about demanding universal healthcare. There are tons of women! So many signs! Signs with messages about every issue you could think of…except abortion. So where were the signs about abortion? Did I miss them?

How does abortion fit into this protest? Does it need to? Haven’t I said in the past that I see abortion EVERYWHERE??? So of course abortion has to fit in somewhere, right? Wall Street matters...it has to. Not only is this protest about the current state of our economy, government, and politics, but it is about dissent. So many of us who are involved in left-leaning issues have lacked adequate venues to SCREAM CHANT SWEAR SING DANCE VENT COMMUNE about what we’re feeling. As abortioneers, we often hold our feelings in and let them fester. I see Occupy Wall Street as a form of catharsis (at the least) and a significant potential for social change (at the most).

I also think there is potential for abortion to enter the dialogue at these protests. While they are parading around signs that say: “we are the 99%”, what about making some signs that reference “we are the 33%”, which is the percent of women who will have had an abortion by age 45?

Occupy Wall Street has spread to many cities and I’m curious if anyone has seen some awesome abortion or reproductive rights messages at your protests?

And then there are these condoms...

Side note: As you know “vegan” makes up half of this vegan vagina and I was overjoyed to see signs and messages supporting animal rights AND lots of vegan food being donated to those who have camped out. In fact, the protestors are ASKING for vegan/vegetarian food to be delivered!!!

Sometimes I would rather write about butterflies, rainbows, and unicorns:

2011-10-10T15:51:00.010-04:00

I resonate with About A Girl's post from Sunday. I often choose not to be the constant defender of abortion. I live my life, I choose to work in a field that I know has chosen me. I often do have conversations about abortion that offer folks perspective they may not have considered. At the same time, I refuse to take the whole world on in regards to abortion. Sometimes I just can't debate what is not debatable for me.

I have an uncle I have not spoken to since the day I told him where I work. A cousin of mine married a republic who is conservative on many fronts. One day he says to me, "so what did you major in during college?" I told him, "Soicology with a minor in Psych." His response was, "so you really aren't using your degree then?" Of coarse I very quickly told him that there was lots of sociology and psychology involved in my daily work duties. I chose not to tell him I also make more money then him because I have my degree.

I know that so often as abortioneers being the most devout abortionista means defending abortion every day. Personally I choose to defend abortion by helping make sure they are available to women in my community. I cannot take on the whole world on.

I understand that most of us who work professionally are passionate about our work. The work, life, politics, etc balance is tricky and very unique to each individual. I know I am fighting for choice each time I am in the procedure room or each time I assist a woman in accessing abortion care. Each person has to find a way to make their own footprint in the world!

Abortion Girl: To the Rescue!!

2011-10-09T13:53:00.004-04:00

To delete or not to delete: that is the question. Ever wondered if you should delete someone as your friend on Facebook? Maybe because their political stance is so opposite to yours, you could wave to each other from the different poles (but wouldn’t want to)? Maybe because they’re totally anti?

Right, so there’s this girl who I accepted a friend request from on Facebook. We must’ve gone to high school together, but I honestly don’t remember her (which I feel guilty about). Recently, she posted one of those “repost if you feel the same way” stupid things, but it was all “Dear Mommy, don’t have an abortion.” Immediately, I wondered if I should delete her. By not deleting her, am I being a hypocrite? Not a real Abortioneer? Obviously, I could’ve stood up to her – and for all women who have abortions because surely, some of her other FB friends have had abortions (like me!) – and make a comment on it. I didn’t. Bad, bad Abortioneer, About a Girl. I felt guilty about that, too.

Since then, she’s posted things like, “I will not be forced to learn a foreign language to accommodate illegals in my country.” Yuck, right? Not cool. Clearly, she has dehumanized two groups of people – those who are undocumented in our country and women seeking abortions – and still, I haven’t said a word. Why?

Well, do you ever just wish you didn’t have to stand up for abortion all the time? I get sick of it. I get tired of putting my neck out there just to get it chopped off. By being an Abortioneer, did we also agree to wear the “I protect the freedom of choice” badge on our arm 24/7 for all to see? Are we all really meant to be fucking superheroes all the time? The “Defenders of Choice” On Their Way to Save the Day!!!!” (Maybe sporting a hot pink cape with a great big huge A on it. Abortion Girl to the rescue!!!) I’m tired of being Abortion Girl and I am tired of having to stand up all the time. (And don’t get me started on how pissed off it makes me that we even have to!) I’d like Facebook to be a place where we can all just get along and I can say hi to all my little friends and stalk pictures of their super cute kids. No harm in that right?

Well, I’ve now just posted a response to her anti statement. We’ll see if she replies. That will dictate if I delete her or not. She might even beat me to it. I guess, though, it kinda is our job to be the Abortion Girl.

CHOICE begins at conception

2011-10-06T07:00:00.000-04:00

A stereotype for many reasons.

TV commercials tell us that we should be thrilled when presented with a (blood) diamond from a dude down on one knee. Billboards instruct us to expect all of our problems will be solved after a Botox injection or two. Magazines remind us that we should be melancholy when we gain 5 pounds after a delicious, heretofore enjoyable Thanksgiving meal. In fact, in that publication vein, I wrote my senior thesis on the prescriptive nature of women's magazines, but it doesn't end there--Society as it relates to women is prescriptive. They will ask how we feel about everything, but then tell us how we should feel.

And although it doesn't involve Photoshop and fancy editorializing, the world is all about how we should feel about a pregnancy. How I would love to say that this is limited to the antis, loitering outside of clinics, harassing women about how evil they are for being so selfish for not wanting to be pregnant at this point in time. They do, of course, shoulder most of the blame, and they are certainly responsible for creating guilt instead of acknowledging it. After all, we Abortioneers typically steer away from talking in absolutes, understanding the wide spectrum of emotions following an abortion. But what about when we retrace our steps, walking back to the moment of a positive pregnancy test?

There have been so many times that I perform a pregnancy test at work for a young woman, anxious and alone at the clinic. When I see the second red line appear, my gut reaction is, "I have to tell her bad news." So I deliver the news with a straight, professional, nonjudgmental face, and that face is so often met with an exclamation of, "Oh my god, I'm so happy!" And for every time that scenario replays itself, there is a put-together professional woman in the clinic for a pregnancy test with her husband or partner. I subconsciously prepare myself to celebrate with them after I give the results, only to have her burst into tears, gasping, "This is horrible."

What made me more aware of this phenomenon of assumptions and directives is one of my best friend's recent pregnancy. I make it a point not to tell others' stories here because they are not mine to tell, but the point of this account is that her story is not mine (or anyone else's) to direct, either. Her pregnancy was incredibly planned, and I knew it was in the works. When she disclosed her expectant status, I screamed and hugged her, and she told me, "I'm scared. I'm not sure I'm 100% happy." And I hugged her again and made a bad joke about how she has until the third trimester to change her mind (she smiled), and I told her I understand, because I do. I understand that women and complex and brilliant and have every right to own their bodies and all of their feelings surrounding them.

My dear friend told me that even her other staunchly pro-choice friends have looked at her befuddled, saying, "Why aren't you happier?" As though choice is a straight line, a fluid action, a yes or no. I'm not prefect in my reactions, either, but in her honor, and in her baby's honor (or in her fetus' honor, if she chooses to call it that), I want to remind the world that women's choices aren't limited to the abortion clinic, and our respect for them does not end at our expectations.

35 Years of Suppression Should Not Go Unnoticed

2011-10-03T09:00:00.001-04:00

Last Friday marked the 35th anniversary of the Hyde Amendment. You all probably know what it is, but for any that do not, the Hyde Amendment is a provision started by Former Congressman Henry Hyde that is added as an attachment to appropriations bills. This provision prohibits any federal funds from funding abortion services with exceptions for rape, incest, or danger to the life of the mother/pregnant person. In 1976 Henry Hyde proposed this amendment and Congress approved it in response to Roe v. Wade, and it has been reauthorized every year since.

There are many people that believe there is a war on the poor, and they are doing something about it. And you know what, I'm starting to think they might be on to something.

There is a problem with how how our political system treats the poor, uninsured, disenfranchised people in this country. We need to start a revolution. We need to make a plan to not let crotchety, conservative, windbags (and I'm looking at you Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin) rule our lives and the lives of all women. Let's show them that 35 years of the Hyde Amendment hasn't defeated us or weakened our resolve. Let's keep fighting until every woman has the option of exercising her freedom of choice.

All stigma great and small

2011-09-29T12:27:00.001-04:00

Gender Across Borders just hosted a fantastic series on stigma, including - shocker - abortion stigma. Stigma against providers as well as patients, perceived as well as anticipated, internalized as well as externally enforced. I'll probably be talking more about these things in the coming weeks.

But the thing I really want to talk about ASAP is this one: Pivotal Positions: Transforming Abortion Provider Stigma. Jennifer Colletti accurately depicts stigma against providers as the complex and diversely-manifested problem that it really is. It's not felt the same way or from the same sources in all places, and I think that's important to remember.

It's not hard for us, for abortioneers I mean, to rage against the full-blown anti-choice model of stigma: literally demonizing us and alleging Satanic rituals, stalking our children, calling providers murderers and those who provide any related care accomplices (or "killer-helpers," in the words of one persistent but not very inventive fellow). When we encounter people who do this, their failure to accept our personhood and the value of our lives (while insisting that those of the embryos are inalienable, I'll add) says to us that they don't care about how life might be lived by people other than themselves, meaning they're either oblivious and narcissistic or cruel and dictatorial. So we can easily write them off.

What's harder, though, is to talk about how our parents sidestep friends' questions about what their progeny are doing these days, or how high school reunions are at even greater risk of being depressing/distressing/disastrous than for everyone else, or how we worry about our kids learning what we do not because we aren't proud but because their classmates' parents might shame or punish them.

We go to schools that don't want to talk too much about abortion because some nebulous outside audience may object; we attend reproductive health lectures by professors who feel comfortable accommodating the opinion that it's OK to be anti-reproductive health; we don't get hired because someone thought we'd bring unnecessary attention to an organization that doesn't even really care about abortion either way, maybe they even support what we do, but just wants to get its own work done without pointless interference. You will never see an abortioneer nominated to the Department of Health and Human Services.

These things don't feel like stigmatizing incidents so much as the material that our lives' scenery is made out of. It's in the water, it's in the air. It feels like there's not as much to say about them, or else you're being melodramatic, compared to how fucked up it is to get shot down dead. But it's still stigma and it still harms our health and happiness.

We need the abortioneers around us to support us through crap like this; and we need non-abortioneers around us to get it. Make it your mission to let your on-the-fencey non-abortioneer acquaintances know what you deal with just for going to work.

Got harassment???

2011-09-28T07:00:00.000-04:00

Have you heard about Voice of Choice? Check out this landlord-turned-reproductive rights-hero Todd Stave who is sick and tired of being harassed by anti-abortion STALKERS...he speaks on the Rachel Maddow show here

This all started when Todd, who is the landlord of the building that houses Dr. Carhart's abortion clinic, refused to back down to pressure from antis. So, naturally the antis did the next logical thing and protested at Todd's children's school (yeah I know, mind is exploding)...read about it here

Oh, and did I mention he is a second generation abortioneer? Yup, his pops was an abortion provider! Apple did not fall far from the abortion tree...

Todd is urging everyone to check out Voice of Choice...all you have to do is click here!!!

They are looking for people to volunteer, donate, and most importantly SHARE stories about being the victim of anti-abortion harassment.

Here is a blurb from their website:

Finally, a voice of reason.

For too long, the abortion discussion has been dominated by angry, nasty protests fueled by individuals and organizations that thrive on sensationalism and extremism. Now it is our turn.

"Voice of Choice" was established as a calm, measured response to anti-abortion activists who engage in misguided, raging protest tactics that are often ill-informed and only serve to victimize women, pro-choice professionals, law-abiding businesses and unaligned bystanders.

We use email, telephone and social media in peaceful, person-to-person counter-protests, against groups that target abortion facilities, providers and patients, as well as their families and communities. We don’t question anyone’s right to express opinions and ideals; we challenge their bullying tactics and their contempt.

"Until I come to you"

2011-09-27T08:57:00.010-04:00

Motherhood by Georgia Douglas Johnson

Don't knock on my door, little child,
I cannot let you in;
You know not what a world this is
Of cruelty and sin.
Wait in the still eternity
Until I come to you.
The world is cruel, cruel, child,
I cannot let you through.

Don't knock at my heart, little one,
I cannot bear the pain
Of turning deaf ears to your call,
Time and time again.
You do not know the monster men
Inhabiting the earth.
Be still, be still, my precious child,
I cannot give you birth.

From The Crisis (October 1922)

Georgia Douglas Johnson was a black poet and writer who was among the first female poets to gain recognition during the Harlem Renaissance. She was often criticized for not addressing race in her poetry however, much of her writing spoke to issues unique to women's experience.

Motherhood spoke to me in so many ways. Its about choosing motherhood and wanting to bring children into a world that is safe and kind. Based on history we know that the world was less than a safe or kind place for a black woman in the 1920s.

Women who have abortions are mothers. We are mothers of 1 or 7. We are future mothers. We are aunties who raise other people's children but never birth our own. We are women who want to come to motherhood by choice and when we know we can create a world that is as safe and kind as possible to our children. And sometimes we aren't mothers.

Pregnant Abortioneers: We Still Love Babies

2011-09-26T12:43:00.003-04:00

One of my co-workers is pregnant and in her third trimester. She happens to do ultrasounds and assist the doctor during abortions. I notice that sometimes, the women stare at her belly, then quickly glance at her face. It’s as though they’re confused and searching for an answer to, “You work here? But you’re pregnant. Are you judging me?”

I wish the women who were worried if our pregnant colleague was judging them, could have seen all of us when Veronica brought in her newborn. Everyone stopped working for a bit to swoon over this precious little bundle. It was a cacophony of estrogen swirling around, making music out of all our “ooohs” and all of our “ahhhhs.” Thing is, Veronica chose to continue her pregnancy, so we sang with delight. When a woman chooses to abort, we hum. We hold her hand while she may moan and we hum with warmth, compassion, and love.

I think it’s beautiful to see a pregnant woman working at the clinic. It’s the full circle. Nothing more perfectly shows how at different stages/places in our lives, we make different choices. We are women. Women who have had abortions, miscarriages, still births, babies…we’re women who have been infertile. We are amazing and we carry all those experiences within us. Sometimes, one woman has experienced all of what I just listed. Mothers have abortions. Single women have babies.

And, just on a side note: hopefully women see our pregnant staff and realize one more myth about abortion and abortioneers is squashed. We are not baby haters. Most of us adore babies and children. Some of us have even worked in child education. Many of us are mothers. We love babies. And we also honor your choice.

HATE MAKES DUMB

2011-09-25T20:24:00.005-04:00

Is it just me, or is 40 Days for Life like every day.

Lately, we’ve had no protestors, which is dandy. This community doesn’t tolerate them but every so often they sneak up to the corners with their grotesque posters, baby dolls, crosses, and high water khakis. Last week, we had rare but always disturbing protest activity. At the end of the day, they followed my colleagues to their cars. There was damage to bumpers backing out. My colleagues were shaken.

Dummies. It was Thursday. They were protesting annual exams, infection checks, STD testing and treatment, and birth control consultations. They were protesting the woman who just moved here because she lost her job/insurance and will be living with her brother but contracted a bacterial infection along the way. They were protesting the seventy-five year old man desiring routine testing because he was entering a new relationship. They were protesting cancer screenings, bump checks, treatment for variable degrees of genital discomfort and dysfunction. They were protesting women attempting to prevent pregnancy with contraceptives.

They are dumb.

I keep thinking one day everyone will go to sleep and have the same dream, the one about abortion being necessary. The next day everything will just fall into place.

The Care and Keeping of Your Abortioneer

2011-09-22T07:00:00.000-04:00

So, if you have stumbled upon or have been directed t0 this blog, you might have the honor of being a friend or loved one of an Abortioneer. Congratulations! Abortioneers are fascinating and dynamic people, and they can also be quite complex, and I hope that the following guide will help you to appreciate and understand your very own Abortioneer. This is, of course, intended to be a general guide, as every Abortioneer and Abortioneer's experience is unique. Now, let's get started.

As a friend/loved one of an Abortioneer, try not to joke like an anti-choicer. In some of my cruder moments, I've been known to say sarcastically, "Well, I'm off to make my living as a baby killer!" My best friend, a non-Abortioneer, is allowed to say things of that nature. However, if I have just met you and we are not BFF, it really isn't necessary to pretend you're a close-minded clown just to prove your pro-choice cred because all it really accomplishes is making me think that you're a close-minded clown trying quite feebly to prove your pro-choice cred, which is questionable, at the moment. For the time being, stick with, "Oh, you work in abortion? I completely support that. Please, tell me more."

Of course, you are more than welcome to ask questions about my job. I would much rather clarify something than have you under the (very wrong) impression that an abortion is performed through the nostril. You also can and should ask more probing questions like, "Wow, an 11-year-old who was raped...what was that like for you? Do you need to process that? I'm happy to listen."

And when it's a job where I provide compassionate and empowering care to a child who was raped and is 23 weeks pregnant, please understand that it's not just a job. I do this work because it's a calling and a passion, and it's not for everyone, and it's not easy, so it's prudent to keep in mind where I'm coming from.

On the flip side, occasionally, it's just a job. 90% of the time, I feel fortunate to do the work I do, but that doesn't make me immune to the usual workplace frustrations. That doesn't mean I'm going to turn in my letter of resignation tomorrow, but recognize that I deal with a lot of the same things that you do in corporate America. (OK, not a lot of the same things. But some.)

So, whether it's just a job or not, please honor my need to self-care, anger, or bragging. It's in the job description of an Abortioneer to deal with people in crisis, no matter how small. Even on the most tranquil day at the clinic, we're still providing customer service, and that gets stressful and/or exhausting. Thus, I might need to come home and watch a marathon of Weeds instead of vacuum the floors, and as long as the floors don't look like the ones on Hoarders, it's OK for me to zone out once in a while. (Others of us cope by vacuuming instead of vegging out. Whatever works.) I also might just need to rant and rave about injustice or frustrations, and you're not obligated to fix anything; just listen. And yes, sometimes, I have to toot my own horn about how awesomely I advocated for that client, and you're welcome to join in praising me.

And I do genuinely like talking about my job. You've probably noticed. But please be aware that there is a time and place top talk about my job and before going off on your own rant about anti-choicers, as much as I appreciate the sentiment, consider that I might not want to talk about such a loaded topic at the drop of a hat. It's a good idea simply to ask if I'd like to hear about your thoughts at the moment. I might rather just talk about what's for dinner.

In a similar vein, while I do value most of your opinions, I don't value your revolutionary thought that "if she didn't want to get pregnant, she should have just used birth control." There is no need to state the obvious, and especially, no need to state the judgmental. And please, don't play devil's advocate. A friend of mine once tried to tell me that the anti-choicers "mean well," and then I stopped listening...to most things she ever said.

Of course, even though I'm speaking for the Abortioneers as a whole, I also want to acknowledge and want you to acknowledge that there is not just one type of Abortioneer. Some of us are Christians, some of us are atheists; some of us are hippies, and some of us are socialites; and all of us are Abortioneers. And all of us are fortunate enough to have built lives full of people who adore and support us and our work, so thank you, friend.

'Tis the Season for Misinformation

2011-09-19T09:35:00.003-04:00

How exactly can people with no true knowledge on a subject get away with telling the public lies about it? This happens all the times with antis and abortion. They just love to say things that aren't true to scare people. But that's not what I'm talking about in this case.

I'm talking about Michele Bachmann's claim that she spoke to a woman who said the HPV vaccine gave her daughter mental retardation. What?! First of all, the claim that vaccines cause horrendous side effects like autism was found to be fraudulent. Second, I've seen no legitimate source show proof that the vaccine could cause mental retardation. In fact, the CDC has information on vaccine safety on their website and lists info on the HPV vaccine.

Luckily Bachmann's claim has been ridiculed by pretty much everyone, including conservatives like Rush Limbaugh! Her claims are ridiculous and clearly not founded in scientific fact, but most importantly they are dangerous. The HPV vaccine helps prevent cervical cancer. To suggest to someone they shouldn't get a vaccine because they could have a serious side effect (that you have no proof of) is criminal. Vaccines are one of the most important advances we've made in public health. They don't cause mental retardation, they don't cause autism, they save lives.

Dr. Tiller's Late Abortion Patients

2011-09-18T15:10:00.003-04:00

Last night, I went to make a cup of tea. All the cups I normally use were in the sink (whoops), so I reached to the back of the shelf where I keep my "special" mugs, and I pulled a mug for Women's Health Care Services, Dr. Tiller's now defunct clinic.

There has been renewed interest in his clinic and the doctors he worked with. More specifically, Dr. Ann Kristin Neuhaus, who provided the legally required second opinion for Dr. Tiller's late abortion cases from 1999-2006. 11 cases are under review, because someone filed a complaint to the State Board of Healing Arts.

I read about it in this article. One of the patients in question, a 15 year old from Illinois, bothered me in particular because the author of the article makes it seem like she got an abortion because she didn't like basketball anymore, and that's it. The cases described in the article are missing a lot of details in general, ie, was the 15 year old pregnant because her 22 year old boyfriend impregnated her? Did she spend 20 weeks trying to get an abortion and was unable to raise funds and ended up at Dr. Tiller's clinic? If there is anything my experience in the field has taught me, it's that the reasons and psychology of a woman seeking an abortion is very complex. Just like people in general. We aren't one-dimensional images that can be fully understood in a few sentences. People reading these articles can easily jump to the conclusion Dr. Tiller was doing abortions on young women for totally ridiculous reasons. He didn't do that.

Dr. Tiller didn't take abortion lightly and did not give abortions to people who were flippant about it. He just didn't. I am thinking because of HIPAA laws the article couldn't reveal more, and as Dr. Neuhaus stated herself, she was worried anti-choice people would get ahold of these documents. Clearly her fears were correct. Obviously, if Dr. Neuhaus was cutting corners and not properly documenting these cases, then that is wrong. I could only find articles about this from the anti-choice perspective, so it's hard to fully determine what was going on her.

It just saddens me that anti-choicers are still obsessing over this clinic which is now closed. Dr. Tiller has been dead for 2.5 years. RIP.

Abortion - Mixed Feelings: We Aren't All Nicely Wrapped Packages

2011-09-15T13:23:00.003-04:00

We know that women have abortions for many reasons. And we know some women feel a myriad of emotions about having abortions. Sometimes, they don’t; but I’m going to talk about complexity today. Sometimes the “abortion feelings” are wrapped so tightly, are so entwined with the “everything that’s going on in my life” feelings, that they aren’t separate at all. Yet, they kind of are. It’s like the ying and yang. It’s usually the “everything that’s going on in my life” that turns a woman toward abortion. Life/Abortion. One not quite existing without the other. If things were different…different decisions might be made. (Always the conundrum of life, really.)

I’m not telling you anything new; but sometimes, abortioneers like to make the abortion decision - and the feelings about the decision – nicely wrapped into a fine package of “I’m going to be okay. Everything’s fine. I am woman. Hear me roar.” But it isn’t always so simple. It’s not always wrapped up so nice and sweet, delivered into the palms of clinic workers with a smile on the face and a “here you go. You don’t have to worry about me! I’m your text book feminist having an abortion.” Sometimes, the decision is dead easy…but attached to a heavy heart. Sometimes, it’s sad. Sometimes, it’s terrifying and feels wrong. Wrong, because your life wasn’t supposed to be like this. You weren’t supposed to be one of those girls. You didn’t grow up saying, “One, day, I want to have an abortion.” But life can take twisty turns down dusty roads. Shit happens. He happened. It happened: whatever “it” is. The “it” is not the same for everyone. And trust me, we get it.

Sometimes, just sometimes, the experience – or multitude of experiences – that brought her to stand in front of us, asking for an abortion, can’t even be dealt with at the time. Just getting the abortion completed (money in hand, ride at her side, pads in the car, kids taken care of) might be all that can be handled with right then and there. Don’t fuck with her about her relationship or question if she’s sure she doesn’t want to try a new birth control method (because, this one failed. Right?). If she sighs deep, looks like she hasn’t slept, seems distant: just fucking hold her hand. Show her kindness. Let her breathe. Let her deal with the other shit when she can.

We (women/people) can’t always handle life all at once. We can’t always be expected to be strong. We can’t always be expected to carry the heavy, heavy weight bearing on us. So we take out strips of our life from our pockets and face what we can. Piece by piece if we have to. Year by year, if needed. Maybe he hurt you in ways you never told anyone. And though I don’t think women have to heal from an abortion, it might sometimes seem like it, because we may have to heal from all the hurt that surrounded “it” happening to us. And it’s not that it’s confusing: we shouldn’t have to separate, really, the possible pain/sadness/hurt/regret (that things weren’t different) about the abortion from what our life was like at the time of the abortion. To let go, to grieve what you’ve lost in your life – that “what could’ve been” – is okay. It’s equally okay to have mixed feelings about an abortion during a mixed up part of life and still feel solid and certain that abortion is the best decision, while feeling so…unraveled.

We’re women. We’re complicated. And we don’t fit in neat little boxes, wrapped up nicely, with smiles on our faces. All of the time.

Hello from the Haven Coalition

2011-09-14T07:00:00.003-04:00

I have written in a few posts about the organization I volunteer with as a patient host, the Haven Coalition. I realized that in all my time writing as an abortioneer here I have probably not written enough about this awesome network of patient hosts. I did write a patient hosting FAQ here, but I thought I would share some excellent media stories about our organization and our history. We are always looking for new volunteer hosts (contact info here) and also willing to talk to people in other cities about getting their own volunteer hosting network started.

So, if you have some free time I highly suggest checking out these great pieces written about our org:

In Salon: here

In NYMag: here

and Brooklyn Rail: here

...and finally, here is a link to join our Facebook page: here

Happy Reading! I would also love to hear about any other DIY or grassroots efforts in your town that provide support to women.

Dreamland

2011-09-12T15:54:00.012-04:00

Maybe this happens to every abortioneer. I know a few other abortioneers have shared their dreams about pregnancy and abortion. I had a dream I was 20 weeks and 6 days pregnant. I had no idea I was pregnant until for some random reason I got an ultrasound and I was told I was in the second trimester of a pregnancy.

I was astounded. I'm gay and I have not slept with a man in over 5 years. In my dream I could not comprehend how I ended up pregnant without sleeping with a man. It seemed obvious my very masculine female bodied partner was who impregnated me. It was some form of immaculate conception except in my dream it seemed less immaculate.

I considered abortion, my partner was like, "this is amazing, its my baby of coarse you aren't going to get rid of it." There I was knowing I did not plan this pregnancy and I have always been very clear that any pregnancy will be very planned especially given that accidents are so highly unlikely given my sexuality. In my dream I started searching for a pregnancy test, just like the ones we use at work. I finally found one and only when I saw the positive second line did I believe the ultrasound.

I felt really ambivalent about keeping the pregnancy because I did not plan it and it did not feel like it was the right time. However, I also felt really unsure about having and abortion. Ultimately I very ambivalently decided I would keep the pregnancy. Then I got lost in an unfamiliar city, alone, still trying to figure out how the hell I got pregnant.

I woke up thinking about pregnancy, parenthood, abortion, and babies. I feel really blessed that planning pregnancy is pretty much a must because I'm gay. I fear that when I'm ready it might be hard, or my ovaries will have expired. However, I feel really blessed that I will not face an accident that results in an unplanned pregnancy. In my dream every one around me was like, "this is amazing!" and all I could think was that I did not plan to get pregnant right now!

When faced with something so unintended I felt really unsure of what to do. I know one thing, it was really important to know I had the ability to choose how to handle the very unexpected circumstance.

What isn't about abortion?

2011-09-12T15:08:00.000-04:00

Abortioneers. Tell me if you haven't met someone -- a young girl, an older woman, a mother of four, the grandmother of the patient, a survivor on the run -- whose hands you wanted to grasp as you told her, basically, this:

The Laughing Heart

your life is your life
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is a light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them.
take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you.

Charles Bukowski

A Novelistic Abortion

2011-09-11T23:33:00.005-04:00

I would never become a mother, but that would not be the same as never bearing children. I would bear children, but I would never be a mother to them. I would bear them in abundance; they would emerge from my head, from my armpits, from between my legs; I would bear children, they would hang from me like fruit from a vine, but I would destroy them with the carelessness of a god. I would bear children in the morning, I would bathe them in the morning with a water that came from myself, and I would eat them at night, swallowing them whole, all at once. They would live and then they would not live. In their day of life, I would walk them to the edge of a precipice. I would not push them over; I would not have to; the sweet voices of unusual pleasures would call to them from its bottom; they would not rest until they became one with these sounds. I would cover their bodies with diseases, embellish skins with thinly crusted sores, the sores sometimes oozing a thick pus for which they would thirst, a thirst that could never be quenched. I would condemn them to live in an empty space frozen in the same posture in which they had been born. I would throw them from a great height; every bone in their body would be broken and the bones would never be properly set, healing in the way they were broken, healing never at all. I would decorate them when they were only corpses and set each corpse in a polished wooden box. It is in this way that I did not become a mother; it is in this way that I bore my children.

Excerpt from Autobiography of My Mother by Jamaica Kincaid

Judging a book by its cover calling the kettle black

2011-09-08T14:46:00.002-04:00

Several years ago, in my pre-Abortioneer life, I was working at a PR firm, rocking blazers and long, sleek, painstakingly straightened hair. And fancy-me mentioned to my cubicle-mate in passing, that I was a fiercly pro-choice feminist. "You are?!" she replied incredulously. "You...don't really look like one. I'm really happy that you are, but I just didn't expect it," as though that were a compliment. I bought a "This is what a feminist looks like" shirt shortly after. In the years since my career change, I've taken to looking a little more crunchy, but I'm still aware of how I'm treated a little bit differently (in the abortion community and out) when my hair is flat ironed or when I have mascara on.

I was at a fundraiser a few months ago, hair done and heels on, and I started chatting up a woman who I knew was pro-choice because, well, she wouldn't have been at the event if she weren't. Although she wasn't dressed much differently than I was, I immediately read her as someone who was the pretty face of choice--someone who was non-threatening to the antis and who was charming to the moneyed pro-choicers. However, once we got past pleasantries, the first words out of her mouth were, "I love events like this, but I wish everyone would stop goddamn dancing around the word 'abortion.' I've f*****g had it with people who pretend there's something wrong with it, and I'm not afraid to say it." So, yes, I was wrong.

I also recently met a woman who wanted to volunteer at my clinic, and she was polished, put-together, and poised. She projected an aura that said, "I know what's up, and also, I WILL help you out." My brain, however, translated it as, "We could never be friends." It wasn't just me, either--an established volunteer walked by, caught a glimpse of the new woman, and rolled her eyes. But I kept talking with the prospective volunteer, and whether or not we would be BFF was irrelevant--she was one of the most articulate, observant, passionate Abortioneers I've ever met. She acknowledged her privilege and recounted her experiences, and openly discussed where she fell short as well as where her passion lay.

Despite the fact that I've been on both sides of the feminist discrimination fence, I'm still surprised at how tricky it is for all of us to navigate. I'm certainly not proud of it, either, but I'd rather call it as I see it, even if I'm not excepted. And I won't even get into how mind blowing it is to some people when they meet a pro-choice male feminist.

Abortion is an option

2011-09-06T21:17:00.003-04:00

Read that post title again. Perhaps twice more. Slowly, if you need to, to let it sink in and make sense.

Abortion is real. It happens. It is an actual thing. I didn't make it up just now.

I feel the need to belabor this point because lately I've been bitch slapped in the face with outright denials of abortion's awesomeness. What's more, I've had people straight up tell me that abortion is not a pregnancy solution. COME AGAIN?!

I've been thinking about abortion stigma lately, due in part to an upcoming series in the Gender Across Borders blog (check for it in a couple weeks!). Now, I have no delusions about being able to eradicate abortion stigma anytime soon. But the first step towards fighting stigma in any arena is just to get people talking about it. Get folks to the point where they can actually say the word "abortion" in public without giggling or lowing their voices. But how can we even get there if people won't even think of abortion as a real live option? And I'm becoming increasingly frustrated that it doesn't even come up in the family planning conversation, even as an idea that one might reject.

Remember: Just because you don't like it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

What's funny is that a lot of the aforementioned "abortion denial" does not come from the full-on antis. No, they know abortion is real, and they make it very clear to everyone else how much they hate it. BUT HEY: at least they're talking about it! At least they use the word, even if it's in the [false] context of "Abortion is dangerous" or "Women regret abortion". So, in that respect, I have to applaud the antis for their awareness, if nothing else.

No, it's the middle-of-the-road, don't-care, would-never-happen-to-me-so-I'll-never-have-to-think-about-it types who, for whatever reason, have never talked about abortion. Sure, we've all talked about abstinence, and most of us have talked about contraception. But ask them what they know about abortion and they can't be bothered. And I suspect it's not a matter of distance from the problem. (Just see our latest poll, in which 100% of respondents report knowing someone who's had an abortion!) I think it's a matter of ignorance, of never having had the opportunity to ask questions, or to listen to someone else talk about it. Ignorance, notoriously, begets stigma and hatred and fear and all that, so I think it's super easy for someone who's never actually thought about abortion on a complex level (besides would you/wouldn't you) to think it's weird and scary and something you should never talk about, let alone post to someone's Facebook wall.

So, as an ally of both abortion and people who want to know more about it, I've tried to open myself up. I still face a small degree of stigma from people who learn that I'm pro-Abortioneering, but it's so worth it when someone finally comes to me and - even in hushed tones - asks what abortion is really all about. Is there really such a thing as "partial-birth abortion"? How much do abortions cost? Are all clinics like that one in Philadelphia?

Abortioneers far and wide, I feel your pain. But I also feel the joy of being a sounding board for curious fence-riders who simply want to know what's what. And being able to educate someone with factual, experience-based information to help balance out the tripe they read elsewhere is definitely worth the cost. Who knows; the heart you open up could be that of the next Abortioneer!

Defining Choice

2011-09-05T09:00:00.000-04:00

I came across an editorial published online for the Chicago Sun Times about being pro-choice and whether that means defending one's right to have an abortion or to carry to term. I won't recount their editorial, but I think it's a pretty interesting read and recommend you check it out. It made me think about choice and what it means to be pro-choice.

For me personally, pro-choice isn't pro-abortion. I am pro-choice because I think that people have the right to make decisions about their life and their body. If your choice is lawful, why should it be any of my business? For me this means people should be able to choose abortion, choose to carry to term, choose to use their preferred method of contraception, or choose not to use contraception - all without stigma.

It frustrates me to no end when someone refers to me as pro-abortion, which is something anti-choice folks say all the time. First of all, abortion is only one part of what choice means to me. Also, and this may surprise or bother some of my pro-choice brethren, but I'm not pro-abortion. I don't necessarily think that someone should have an abortion. I think they should have the CHOICE. That's what it's about - the ability to choose what is best for you. This blog is the Abortioneers and a lot of what we do and talk about obviously revolves around abortion, but choice, for me, includes many different aspects of reproductive health. And I am happy to live in a country where people have the right to decide which choice is right for them and their families.

Seriously, the GOP frightens me.

2011-09-04T13:34:00.003-04:00

A Few Things:
1. Could this video be anymore reminiscent of George W. Bush? Seriously creepy.
2. Liberals often criticize GOP leaders like Bush, Palin, Bachmann, and Perry for being, well, not very smart. I think this video is an excellent example of this. Republicans counter that Liberals are just snobby intellectuals who think people who don't talk in "educated" ways are therefore stupid. Therein lies the problem and I think the crux of differences dividing the parties. Just because I think Rick Perry is a fucking idiot and this video is an excellent example of his fucked up ideas, does not mean I think everyone from Texas is stupid. I think Rick Perry is stupid because he has a moral stance (sex before marriage is wrong/bad/sinful and abstinence is the only way) that he maintains in the face of overwhelming evidence that abstinence only education does not work and does not do any favors for the teens of Texas or anywhere else in the United States. When pushed on this, and I give props to the interviewer for refusing to let Perry off the hook, Rick Perry bumbles and offers no legitimate reasons why abstinence-only education works besides "abstinence works."
This is what Liberals find so annoying - just saying you personally believe it works in the face of facts that suggests otherwise does nothing to persuade me that you have a credible opinion. Conservatives, who tend to have more opinions based on morals, I think find this appealing because he is "sticking to guns" that sex is bad and abstinence is the best.
3. This practical/moral divide is even more apparent in the abortion debate. The pro-choice sides argues that women should have control of their reproductive rights and be able to choose when and if they have children because it's a complex issue and sweeping laws banning it don't make sense in many cases. Rape, incest, maternal indications, say the father is abusive, or the family lives under the federal poverty line, or the mother gets sick often, or the mother already has 3 kids.............etc. Anti-abortion people say abortion is murder no matter what and therefore all abortions are bad. (Except for, of course, when they get pregnant. Every clinic I've ever interacted with has stories of protesters who come in for procedures).
4. Both the contraceptives and abortion issues also highlight, at least to me, that Republicans don't care about women. Their beliefs on this matter have no gray area, no wiggle room. If you are a teenager and had sex (BTW I wonder how old Rick Perry was when he lost his virginity?), there is no message of "Maybe we should talk about sexuality," or even, "Let's talk." It's you are bad you did a bad thing and if you are pregnant then you better keep it! Because that bad thing you did results in a magical holy pregnancy and if you want an abortion then that is EVEN WORSE because that's murder. Obviously, not everyone who identifies as Conservative holds these beliefs and I'm not trying to suggest that every Republican thinks that way. However, there is something to be said for the idea of fact-based opinions and moral based opinions, IMHO (SEE WHAT I DID THERE?)
5. THIS IS TERRIFYING NEWS FOR THE ELECTION. Since, historically, the economy is the greatest predictor of who will get elected, it seems likely (at this point) a Republican is most likely going to get elected. The prospect of having to deal with another of these idiots in the Oval Office is really sad/frustrating/UGHHHH

Jennie McCormack: You Rock!

2011-09-01T04:00:00.001-04:00

I’m often in awe of the strength of women. In my experience, women who seek abortions often exhibit the most strength I’ve witnessed. In awe? Yes. Strengthened myself as a result? Yes. So women who stick their tongues out at abortion stigma and announce to others they’ve had one, and announce loudly and proudly publicly they’ve had an abortion (and to get off their backs), amaze me even more. I’m saddened it must amaze me (stigma, stigma, stigma), but still, I respect the strength.

Jennie Linn McCormack is one of these women. She’s from Idaho. Pocatello, Idaho. And if any of you know much about Idaho, you know just how conservative it is. You may not know this, but, Idaho is one of the states that made it illegal to have an abortion after 20 weeks’ gestation. Jennie was arrested in May for having an abortion (which would’ve required her to go to Salt Lake City, Utah as there aren’t any providers in Idaho that go beyond 14 weeks. She didn't have the financial means to do this, as many women don't.). Allegedly, she performed a self-induced abortion. Get this: her sister’s “friend” called her in to authorities. If you want to read more about Jennie Linn McCormick’s situation, you can read here; but obviously, since we’re abortioneers, we’re supportive of her decision to seek an abortion after 20 weeks, regardless of her reasons. Well, anyway, charges were dropped, but she has now filed a lawsuit challenging the “fetal pain abortion ban.” Jennie is pressing charges against the state saying the ban is unconstitutional as it doesn’t allow for maternal or fetal indications (as reason for abortion later in the pregnancy) as Roe v Wade promises.

I'm incredibly sad that Jennie Linn didn't know about other resources that may have been available to help her obtain a safe, legal abortion. The Justice Fund within the National Abortion Federation is a national abortion fund that can help women in Idaho pay for their abortions (they also help women from any other state where Medicaid doesn't cover abortions). I'm not sure if she ever contacted a clinic, but if she did, I can only hope they tried to connect her to the National Abortion Federation. And hopefully, then, she would've spoken to an individual who would've brainstormed with her and helped with case management in order to get her to a clinic to have an abortion either in Boise, Idaho; Spokane, Washington; Seattle, Washington; Salt Lake City, Utah; or Portland, Oregon. Traveling to such places can place a huge hardship on women, like Jennie; but there are some clinics and abortion funds that will help women pay for the cost of travel, pay for hotels, or set clients up with volunteers so they can stay in their homes.

I think Jennie Linn is a hero for pressing charges against the state and for bringing to light the lack of access to abortion services in Idaho. Whether she realizes it or not, she is facing stigma straight on and telling it to go suck itself. She’s telling the lawmakers in Idaho to do the same. All the while, she’s standing up for all Idaho women – women who are totally undeserved – in hopes of helping pave the way for better rights.

Jennie Linn McCormack. You rock.

Hurricane weather report

2011-08-31T07:00:00.000-04:00

So my large metropolitan city just got hit by a hurricane…well I think we did. Maybe it was just a big storm? I’m still not really sure. What I do know is that the city shut down for almost two days, which included public transit, stores, restaurants, and most importantly, outpatient medical facilities.

At work on Friday many of my co-workers seemed excited about the prospect of a forced weekend holed up in their apartments. They would get to clear their TIVO, lounge on the couch drinking wine, and just have a general good ole’ time with this “situation”. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t also excited to be on lock down for a few days, after all I had loads of reading to do for the start of my doctoral program. However, Friday afternoon I was listening to case managers call our clients to prep them for the storm and it got me thinking. The staff were instructing clients on what supplies to procure (flashlights, batteries, food, water) where/when to stock up on food (many of our clients rely on my agency for their daily meals), and how to get their daily medications (for those who receive directly observed therapy). In my head I started to think about what other health services would not be available for two days…and yes, you know where I’m going with this.

When Hurricane Katrina hit I was working in the South at an abortion clinic. I remember hearing stories through our networks of women desperately trying to find an abortion clinic after they were evacuated because the hurricane caused them to miss their appointment. Or some were even just trying to locate emergency contraception, sometimes after being sexually assaulted in the aftermath of Katrina. I envisioned all this happening again this past weekend and my heart went out to all the women who were told their appointments would be cancelled.

For a woman who finally gets the money together, the transportation, the childcare, the determination…what happens when she is then told the clinic will be closed? Or the buses aren’t running? I know that we have no control over the weather, but it just adds one more barrier. At my clinic when there were a few times we were forced to close due to circumstances beyond our control, we would “freeze” the fee for women so that they did not have to pay the extra money it would cost them to wait a week. That is one thing clinics can do, but what about women who have reached the limit of what is legal in their state? What happens to them? My heart breaks for any woman who tried to get an abortion this past weekend and will now have to carry to term. I wonder if they see this Hurricane as a sign that they were not meant to abort? For those who are not past the legal limit, how do you “do it all over again” the next week and find the time/money/transportation/childcare/determination???? I am exhausted and sad just thinking about it.

Have any of you who work in clinics dealt with these issues?

State Mandated Information

2011-08-30T13:59:00.004-04:00

I live in a state where there is a state mandated 24 hour waiting period. In addition to this waiting period abortion clinics are mandated to provide literature that is designed by the state to discourage women from having abortions. We are required to use verbiage that mentions the patients' "unborn child" and we have to give out resources from the state that are supposed to offer options aside from abortion.

Once I actually attempted to contact some of the agencies listed as alternative resources and was not surprised to find out that most of the agencies did not answer their phones or they were not able to provide resources that would actually assist a woman in carrying a pregnancy to term. Sometimes when a woman comes in for a pregnancy test and states that she wants to continue her pregnancy I give her the bundle of booklets provided by the state but I also have to tell her the phone numbers and agencies might not be useful. In order to provide them with a resource that could ACTUALLY assist them seeking prenatal care, I usually give them the number to the same community health clinic where I go for medical care.

Its amazing to me that state and federal government has so much emphasis on discouraging women from accessing abortion care. Yet, when I am asked for resources or information on carrying a pregnancy to term I can not depend on the the "resources" provided by any government agency. I depend on my own knowledge of the community I live in and I try to provide the most comprehensive and useful information I can.

Recently, a patient with some pretty severe mental health issues became very upset upon seeing booklets provided by the state. She was sure she wanted to have an abortion but felt extremely emotional about her decision. All I could do was explain to her that we were mandated by the state to give her such material and assure her that no one working in the clinic wanted to give her such skewed information.I wish both state and federal agencies based policy on abortion on actual science rather than subjective standards of morality.

Once upon a long long time you will wait for an abortion so bring a good book for heaven’s sake

2011-08-28T13:48:00.002-04:00

Ever notice that people will wait in line sometimes for days to attend sports events, grand openings, musical concerts, royal weddings, holiday season sales, reality television auditions, presidential inaugurations, a hand shake with the Pope…but come to their crucial, medical appointments hungry and late with somewhere else to be in no time?

I believe this is yet another hairline repercussion/inevitably of obtaining and providing stigmatized services in a degraded society where notions of spirituality have been reduced to owning new things.

Hell is the plastic island in the Pacific.

Once, abortion was sacred. Both tea parties and recovery involved delicious cake.

Featured photo by Anne Geddes, of course

It's the Final Countdown (Not final, but I like music references.)

2011-08-25T14:48:00.002-04:00

Top Ten Dumbest, Most Annoying Comments About My Job

10. "Do you do the abortions yourself?"
9. "Do embryos get anesthesia?"
8. "I'm not pro-choice, but I think women should have the option of an abortion."
7. "But if you offer birth control, you'll have fewer abortion patients!"
6. "I know they want to kill you, but the anti-choicers mean well."
5. "Are abortions free?"
4. "I would never have an abortion...but if I did need one, could you give me a discount?"
3. "The doctors are just in it for the money."
2. "I don't think abortion should be used as birth control."
1. "You do know what a fetus looks like, don't you??"

Top Ten Most Amazing Comments About My Job

10. "You saved my life."
9. "I was way more close-minded until I met you and heard about your job."
8. "My bank account is almost empty, but I'd like to donate to your clinic."
7. "By the time I left the clinic, I felt so much better than I had when I walked in."
6. "I've never told anyone, but I had an abortion, and I'm not sorry."
5. "Thank you for being there for women."
4. "I don't care what those jerks outside protesting say; you are absolutely going God's work here."
3. "You're an angel."
2. "I can't wait to tell people that staff at an abortion clinic helped me KEEP my baby!"
1. "I've never been treated so well by anyone as I was by everyone here."

Please shut up so we can actually talk

2011-08-24T09:10:00.003-04:00

Sometimes anti-abortion spokespeople act like it's huge news or a total outrage that abortion providers and abortion-rights advocates are hesitant to discuss flaws in their colleagues, partners, or movement. "See," the antis say -- and you can almost hear their crossed arms and satisfied smirk -- "They're only worried about protecting themselves, even if it means protecting their predatory, dangerous, greedy peers." And anti-abortion "activists" are constantly manufacturing problems to "investigate" and "expose" as well -- like when Lila Rose tries to prove that Planned Parenthood staff protect child traffickers, when actually they're telling the fake traffickers that young women can receive free checkups there (true), and then alerting the police (appropriate).

In such an atmosphere, where tapes are heavily edited and even simple statements get twisted to mean something else entirely, is it any wonder that we fear perverse or disproportionate consequences, from antis and employers alike, if we speak up about the non-manufactured problems that do exist?

Don't misunderstand: all of us, pro- and anti-choice, want dangerous abortion practices or abusive providers to be brought to light. But those are few and far between, way rarer than anti press would have us believe. So we have to spend our time dissecting what's real and what's BS, and meanwhile, there are more subtle issues that can't take stage, like "I prefer X style of abortion care provision while the only clinic in town provides it like Y," or "My organization has a fantastic mission but terrible leadership," and so forth. Stuff that I really want us to work on. Stuff that would move abortion care from "widely safe, usually decent, sometimes wonderful" to "uniformly excellent."

I won't give a million more examples right now, but I'm working on it. But if, for example, you want to know why it's taken me weeks to draft (and months to conceptualize) a critique of Planned Parenthood's current position in our field, all you have to do is take a gander at shit like this:

"AT LAST!! Former Planned Parenthood Director and "Employee of the Year" to Reveal Abortion Chain's WEAK LINK!"

Pro-Choice Hypocrisy

2011-08-22T09:00:00.001-04:00

I was doing some internet reading when I stumbled on this Slate article that asks the question of why some pro-choicers are bothered by selective abortion. One thing that really bothers me about the mainstream pro-choice movement is hypocrisy. I am tired of hearing that people have the right to safe, legal abortion until....until it makes me feel uncomfortable or it conflicts with what I would do personally. Isn't that what drives us all crazy about antis, that they try to make people fit into their own moral constraints?

The New York Times has recently published articles on abortion including one in which a woman decides to reduce a twin pregnancy and another about sex-selective abortion. These articles have sparked various blog posts regarding selective abortion, including this one. Now, I understand that even pro-choicers have limitations on how far they personally would go. But what I do have a problem with is casting your morality on someone else and saying their decision to have an abortion is wrong because you don't like their reasoning.

I won't go on a spree of linking to and commenting on the many blog posts the articles have spawned, as the Slate article does a pretty good job of that. I do want to mention one in particular that really bothered me, this short post on RH Reality Check. The author of this post says that she wasn't bothered by the idea of selective abortion...until she read the reasoning given by the patient in the Times article for reducing her twin pregnancy. This woman said that if her pregnancy had come about naturally, she wouldn't have aborted one of the fetuses, but because it was created artificially, she felt it was just one of the decisions she could make about the pregnancy. I don't know exactly what makes the author of the RH Reality Check post so uncomfortable. If you have no problem with selective abortion, then why do you have a problem with this woman's? But I really don't think it's the author's place to judge this woman. She clearly had to make a very difficult decision; one that was ultimately best for her. And isn't that what we want? Don't we want women to be able to make these decisions for themselves? Don't we, pro-choicers, want people to make decisions about their reproductive health free of scrutiny?

Personally I have no problem with anyone's decision to have an abortion - whether it's because she can't afford it, doesn't want multiple births, doesn't want a boy/girl, etc. If you call yourself pro-choice, how about you be just that. Celebrate choice and let the person who has the pregnancy decide what she's going to do and why she's going to do it, and keep your opinions about it to yourself.

Presidential Election 2012

2011-08-21T18:47:00.003-04:00

Straws are a pollin, people are debatin.

Presidential 'lection season is in the air. Take a deep breath in and get a whiff of the piping hot bullshit.

Maybe I'm just getting old, but I am NOT looking forward to the election and all the fearmongering, lies, and general untruths that will prevail.

UGH.

Remember when John Kerry's campaign was basically derailed because a group of people MADE UP LIES about him and then had a well-funded ad campaign to disseminate said lies? And then most people seemed to believe them? WTF?

Or all that crap about Obama not being a citizen, or being Islamic, or whatever else?

FUN TIMES.

This batch of GOP candidates aren't really inspiring for those interested in women's reproductive health either.

Rick Perry, Governor of Texas

Perry spokeswoman Katherine Cesinger: “Gov. Perry is proudly pro-life and successfully championed strong pro-life legislation in Texas including parental consent, this year’s sonogram bill and a budget that significantly defunds abortions in Texas,” she said. “The governor has long supported overturning Roe v. Wade, and would support amending the U.S. Constitution, with the backing of Congress and the states, to protect innocent life.”

Rick Perry said he believes abortion should be legal only in cases involving rape or incest or when carrying a pregnancy to term would threaten the woman’s life.

Michele Bachmann, Minnesota Representative in the House

Life is the first right; I'm 100% pro-life from conception.
Prohibit federal funding to groups like Planned Parenthood.

“Part of our faith is standing for the area of life. and we are completely committed,” Bachmann said of herself and her husband. “After our second child was born, we became pregnant with a third baby, and it was an unexpected baby, but of course we were delighted to have this child. And the child was coming along, and we ended up losing that child. And it was devastating for both of us, as you can imagine if any of you have lost a child. At that moment we didn’t think of ourselves as overly career-minded or overly materialistic. When we lost that child, it changed us. And it changed us forever. And so we made a commitment that no matter how many children were brought into our life we would receive them, because we’re committed to life. And we didn’t know it at that time that we’d be foster parents and that one day we’d be parents of 28 children, but we are extremely grateful for that opportunity because you can get money wrong, but you can’t get life wrong. And I am committed to life.”

Also let us not forget Bachmann sponsored the incredibly fucked up redefine rape bill earlier this year.

And she voted for a Personhood Amendement in February 2009.

Mitt Romney, former Governor of Massachusetts
Romney has an interesting background relating to his stance on this issue. Previously, he has stated he is "unwaveringly" pro-choice because he had a relative die from an illegal abortion back in the day. This was, of course, in Massachusetts which has a liberal stance on abortion. Later, when Romney was considering running for office in Utah, he wrote a letter to the newspaper stating "I do not wish to be labeled pro-choice." (??) This "flip-flopping" continues depending on whether he is trying to get elected in Massachusetts or facing a broader, more national audience. He basically seems to say whatever he needs to depending on that audience. I suspect at heart he is not actually pro-life, but who knows. I don't trust him. Salon has a good piece on this.

So these three are considered the front runners thus far for the GOP nomination. The more I read about each of them, the more disturbed I am. Like Michele Bachmann, foster mother of 20-23 (depending on when you ask her), voted no on a parental leave assistance program for federal employees with new children. WTF?

Can't wait until this time next year when we are in full tilt 'Lection Season!

:(

Today, a Poem

2011-08-18T01:53:00.003-04:00

Today all you great readers get a poem. A cool poem at that. Tell me what you think!

And God Created Abortion
by Sharon Esther Lampert
1. In the Beginning of God's Creating the Heavens and the Earth -
2. When the Womb was Astonishingly Empty, Inside of Every Woman Being
God Made Millions of Eggs That Lived a Fleeting Lifespan. And One by
One, Each Egg Cascaded to its Death. God Made Abortion for Womankind.
And It Was So.
And Inside of Every Man Being, God Made Billions of Sperm That Lived a
Flitting
Lifespan, And Cascaded to Their Deaths, on the Upstream, Against Gravity.
God Made Abortion for Mankind. And It Was So.
3. God said, "Let there be Abortion," And there was Abortion.
4. God Saw that Abortion was Good, And God Separated the Eggs from the
Sperm.
5. God Called to the Sperm: "Male," And to the Eggs God Called: "Female."
And There Were Men and There Were Women, One Day.
6. God Said, "Let There Be a Conception. And One Plummeting Sperm and
One Plunging Egg Melded into One, And Propagated the Human Species.
And God Let the Lower Species Have a Greater Survival Ratio of Eggs to
Sperm.
7. And God Said: "Let There Be More Ants Per Square Inch Than Human
Beings Per Square Mile." And It Was So.

New school year=new anxiety

2011-08-17T07:00:00.001-04:00

I’m starting my doctoral program this month and I’m getting a bit nervous with homework due on the first day, learning my way around a new school system, and of course the inevitable “what if I’m the only pro-choice person in my program?”. For my masters program I knew that I would be surrounded by like-minded folks, mainly because my department put a strong emphasis on reproductive and sexual health, and more importantly, I knew students who told me how pro-choice the environment was. Well, my new program does seem to have some faculty who focus on reproductive and sexual health, but it doesn’t seem to be as integrated or dominant. I could be wrong, and I hope I am, but in the meantime I will have to feel things out. I imagine on the first day of class I will confidently state that I work in sexual and reproductive health, and eye the room, looking for signs of potential comrades, those who will talk freely about abortion.

Every time we abortioneers enter a new realm, whether it is a job, school program, or meeting a new social circle, we are faced with the decision to “come out” about our work. I started my new job this summer and I have yet to discuss my past work with most colleagues. I asked the HR guy when he described my benefits package if our health insurance covered abortion….he certainly had never gotten that question before (he also didn’t know the answer). I don’t think most people at my work would be anti-abortion, but I also do not feel the need to bring it up unnecessarily. I also haven’t “come out” as having OCD (although I have a feeling my boss might suspect due to some of my behaviors, ha!). I imagine that I will have to leave work early some day to go pick up an abortion client that I’m hosting, and then I’ll bring it up, and it will be a non-issue. But, there is part of me that feels like not discussing it means I’m hiding it, but I also don’t really have a reason to bring it up.

I will definitely report back on the pro-choice’ness of my new classmates and program. I hope to have nothing but positive things to say, so stay tuned.

So Maybe You're not an Abortioneer?

2011-08-16T11:09:00.005-04:00

We realize that not everyone who reads this blog is an abortioneer in their professional life. Maybe you believe in a woman's right to choose but you have not ever faced an unintended pregnancy or you haven't ever been asked for support from someone else facing an unintended pregnancy. Policy changes can seem pretty outside of the average individuals realm of influence.

This blog from feminists for choice presents 8.5 simple steps one can take to be pro-choice. You don't have to be a lobbyist on the hill, or working in an abortion clinic, or even bringing your best friend or sister to the clinic to be prochoice. Sometimes its as simple as having a conversation or seeking information about health insurance coverage. Happy Reading!

FREE OTC ORAL CONTRACEPTIVES ZOMG!

2011-08-15T12:51:00.003-04:00

...not quite.

BUT, you can help provide some data for a study by The Oral Contraceptives Over-the-Counter Working Group to learn about the public's attitudes towards OTC oral contraceptives. In light of the government's recent approval of copay-free contraception, as well as other preventative services, this group based in Ibis Reproductive Health wants your opinion on taking this one step further to maximize access; OTC contraceptives.

In order for such groups to properly advocate for change, they need to understand the motivations and desires of their target groups. So, let them know! Take 5 minutes to complete the survey.

SURVEY!

It gave me lots to think about, and I want to pose some discussion questions on the subject. Comment if you have any feelings about them!

a) Will users start skipping their annual gynecological visits if they are no longer required for getting oral contraceptives (OCs)?

b) Will users will feel even more stigmatized having the pimply 16-yr-old cashier ring up their OCs?

c) Will they be sold next to the condoms or behind the counter with the emergency contraception (EC)?

d) What are the implications for users forgoing EC due to all the procurement constraints and using OCs as EC instead (of which I am a big advocate, btw). Is this a detriment to full-on EC promotion? Might EC become obsolete, assuming that barriers to procuring it are greater than those for OCs?

e) Can they print up discreet receipts that don't list the product name?

f) Can cashiers refuse to ring it up citing the conscience clause?

Lots to think about! I'm sure this is not even close to happening anytime soon, but good to be prepared in any case. Discuss, I'd love your opinions!

Turning the (Exam) Tables

2011-08-11T07:00:00.000-04:00

I've never had an abortion. I've never even had a pregnancy scare, though that's probably more because of the lack of opportunity than anything else. Sometimes I start to think that I could have just a teeny bit more Abortioneer cred if I had had an abortion, even though I don't really believe that there is a hierarchy of pro-choicedness. And one time, when I was worked up about someone's anti-choice Facebook comment, I considered lying and saying I'd had an abortion, just to shock him and shut him up. You do not need to tell me the many, many problems inherent to this idea, and I'm proud to say I came to my senses. In any event, if I did have an unintended pregnancy, I would have an abortion, and it would not be up for debate, with myself, or anyone else. I would be glad, I would be grateful, and I would be a patient at my own clinic.

A friend once asked me, "Would you choose your clinic if you needed an abortion?" I looked at her like she had grown an IUD out of her nose, and replied, "Um, yeah. Of course." I'm really good at answering without thinking sometimes. Then I ruminate about it for hours. It's a lot of fun being me. So I thought about it later on and considered the fact that a lot of Abortioneers might not be as fortunate to work at a clinic they love and believe in, and it might be just a job to them, and they might have no qualms about going to a clinic that's friendlier, brighter, or, heaven forbid, safer.

A former employee of my clinic was a patient a couple of months ago. I chatted with her about the place and how it had and hadn't changed, and then, feeling a rapport, she confided about how embarrassed she was for being on the other side of stirrups as a patient. "I should have known better," she lamented. "I can't believe I'm here for THIS." "I'm really ashamed of myself." They were all of the heartbreaking reasons our clients often give, but I was surprised to hear them coming from the mouth of an Abortioneer. I'm certain that she wouldn't have judged clients they way she was judging herself, so was she just being hard on herself, or was she expressing her subconscious thoughts about abortion? She was, of course, entitled to her feelings, but those feelings are pretty complex.

I treated that client as well as I treat any other client, and like I know I would be treated if I were an employee-turned-patient. But I can't say for sure how my emotions and biases would or wouldn't align if I were the one having the aspiration. On the plus side, if I ever do, you can be sure I'll write all about it here.

Miranda for Abortioneers

2011-08-10T12:35:00.001-04:00

I was very moved by The Abortion Provider's Declaration of Rights. It really gave me an aha! moment, when I realized just how bad our beloved docs and nurses have it. You think open heart surgery is tough? Reattaching a severed thumb?

Try laying out your Kevlar vest along with your shirt and socks. Planning a new route to work everyday. Being escorted by security personnel each time you go out in public. Drawing the curtains to block out the protest on your sidewalk. Making sure you kiss all your children goodbye each morning, because it might be your last time. Because you know, as a health care provider, that not only is the well-being of your patients at stake, but yours too.

This is the reality of abortion providers and clinic staff. They wake up every morning knowing that they are stepping into a lion's den and might be clawed to pieces. And they continue to do it! There is no doctor on earth who faces the music like an abortion doctor, whose livelihood and life is constantly hanging in the balance, who faces obstacle upon ridiculous obstacle simply to be able to treat a patient. Nobody cares if a dermatologist's office is associated with a local hospital. Or if it has a 20 sq ft broom closet, or fluorescent lighting, or toilet paper that rolls from the front and not the back.

Anyway, sign the declaration in honor of Dr. Tiller, Dr. Carhart, or any of the other stupendous abortion providers! To commemorate the occasion, I've rendered an illustration of an abortion doc declaring his rights:

Economic Woes

2011-08-08T08:45:00.000-04:00

With the doom and gloom of the economy, we all naturally take a step back to think about our own personal finances and what we really need to spend money on. Do I really need that morning coffee from the coffee shop on the way to work, when I can brew one to go at home? Maybe not. Do I really need to eat out as much when I can cook at home more often? Maybe not. Do I really need to buy that shirt/sweater/dress even if it's on sale? Maybe not. Do I really need to continue making donations to my favorite charities? Absolutely!

Even faced with my own upcoming financial insecurity, I am determined to continue making regular contributions to my local abortion fund. I know it's difficult to decide what to cut out, but if you're a contributor to abortion funds, I implore you to think twice before giving up that donation. With the economy still tanking and the budget cut process sure to bring cuts to social welfare programs like public funding for abortion (where they still do that), help is needed more than ever. I talk to more and more people who are out of work, off unemployment (or never received it in the first place), and who feel helpless about their situation.

Please think about continuing (or starting) to donate to a local or national fund. They are really hurting right now, and could really use the support. I know those of us that work in direct abortion service, can tell you how much the people who do receive help truly appreciate it and feel as though they've been given their life back.

Can we talk about Sandy Rios and why she sucks?

2011-08-07T14:59:00.004-04:00

Have you watched the clip Sparky posted on Friday? If you haven't, watch it now. I'll wait.

Okay. So can we take a minute to talk about how incredibly fucked up the views espoused in the clip are?

If you watch the whole segment from FOX News, Sandy Rios, Vice President of Family PAC Federal, says some insane things that deserve more attention:

“Why in the world would you encourage your daughters, and your granddaughters, and whoever else comes behind you to have unrestricted, unlimited sex anytime, anywhere and that, somehow if you prevent pregnancy, that somehow you’ve helped them. I would submit to you that uncontrolled sexual behavior is what is harming our girls, not their lack of birth control — which by the way they don’t seem interested in taking anyway. Having a baby is not the worst thing. I think having multiple sex partners without any kind of restraint or responsibility is much more damning, why would you support that?”

So, this is a pretty popular, deeply embedded societal belief: If women take birth control, they WILL have wild promiscuous sex. If they have access to EC, they WILL abuse it and use it as a method of birth control. Why is our country so terrified of women having access to birth control? What is so threatening about the prospect of women being in control of their bodies?

Also - "Having a baby is not the worst thing." EXSQUEEZE ME? Having an unwanted child seems like a pretty bad option, for both the mother and child. Instead, Rios demonizes women who have multiple sexual partners, saying that is much worse. So it's better to have sex and have babies, versus have sex? .......................What?

“Is the White House out of their mind? Does the West Wing not know what the left wing is doing? We’re $14 trillion in debt and now we’re going to cover birth control, breast pumps, counseling for abuse? Are we going to do pedicures and manicures as well?”

:LSKDJFDSL:KFNDSKBGFHJKFJGKFHDJH

I like how birth control, which in the long run will save the country billions per year, breast pumps, which have proven to improve the health of the mother and the child (thus also has long term savings benefits), and counseling for abuse survivors somehow equates to a completely frivolous, unnecessary purchase like a manicure.

And what is with her complete dismissal of abuse survivors? Statistically, she knows someone who has been abused. Therapy is fucking expensive. If you are lucky enough to have insurance, it probably doesn't cover the full cost of each session, which in metropolitan areas easily runs $150 for a 45 minute session, so it can add up quickly. If you don't have insurance, good luck paying for that. $150 4x or 2x a month? Forget it. Free counseling for abuse survivors is a completely awesome service. I'm sure Rios prefers our society's traditional method of Shame & Silence. I'll just stay with my husband and he can keep beating me, NBD. :/

Some Comedy for your Friday!

2011-08-05T17:23:00.001-04:00

Giving Love to Those Who Stand Up

2011-08-04T00:55:00.005-04:00

I'm sending mass love out to this man who stood up to protesters who had been doing their normal yelling thing at his wife as they were walking into an abortion clinic in Brookline, MA this fall. (Yes, the same Brookline, MA where John Salvi murdered two clinic workers in 1994.)
After he walked into the clinic with his wife, he returned outside to confront the protesters and let them know that the abortion they were about to have was because of a fetal anomaly. It was a wanted pregnancy and they were very sad. Watch this video: he's wonderful!

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You can read more about him on The Good Men Project website here. And also on his personal blog, here.

I've read he's been having a hard time and the anti trolls are onto him. He probably doesn't know about us - I sure as hell didn't know about him - but I think we need to reach out. Give him some love. Let him know we understand, that we're sorry he had to go through such shit, that his wife had to go through such shit. That all women who go to clinics deal with this. And sorry we need escorts, sorry our doctors are attacked, sorry that our society is so silent and judgmental. Sorry that not enough of us who have had abortions have spoken out.

Give him some love everyone. I'm giving him my thanks, too. (Because, Mister Man, there aren't enough of you.)

Love,
About A Girl.

One in three (but not me!)

2011-08-03T07:00:00.004-04:00

People talk to me about abortion, theirs and others. They talk to me because they know I am a “safe space” of sorts, and you, my dear abortioneers reader can relate, right? We are the people who friends, family, family friends, and strangers on the street confide in about their friend’s abortion, their sister’s abortion, their mother’s abortion, THEIR abortion.

I meet people, usually men, who say they don’t know anyone who has had an abortion. And I always reply, “oh yes, you definitely do, they just haven’t told you”. And then, I meet the women who are always willing to divulge their own abortion story, or their birth control experiences, or who seek advice on reproductive health topics. In fact, one of my favorite get-to-know-you topics is what kind of birth control someone is on (for those engaged in the type of sex that could lead to a pregnancy of course).

We in abortion land often quote the “1 in 3 by age 45 will have an abortion” statistic. We parade it around—our banner of pride that demonstrates the ubiquitous nature of abortion. This statistic can be debated over and over, and it will vary by race, class, sexuality, etc…but whether it’s 1 in 10 or 1 in 2 it’s still a lot of fucking people. And we all know a lot of fucking people right? So we all know someone who has had an abortion. But for most people they clearly would never know it.

Someone I work with sent an email out at work today stating that he was leaving early for an emergency dental appointment. I dream of the day when I get a similar email from a coworker leaving early for an abortion. Because I know it’s happening.

Do people talk to you about their abortion? Do you talk to people about yours?

Three-Week Follow-Up

2011-08-01T21:15:00.008-04:00

At the clinic I work at, patients are told to return for a three-week follow-up. I always feel a sense of joy when a patient comes in for her follow-up visit and it’s as though her life has made a 180, a complete turnaround.

Last week a woman showed up for her follow-up with a big smile on her face and mentioned her boyfriend who had accompanied her to her appointment. She said she and her boyfriend hoped to get more financially stable and then plan to have a kid in the next few years.

This patient had stuck out to me, because she cried through every moment of both her state-mandated counseling appointment and her procedure appointment. I assisted in the room during her procedure and her tears seemed endless.

Call me brash, but I often feel challenged by patients who cry, particularly when their tears seem to be infinite. I am always professional and I try to be supportive and kind. However, I cannot tell a lie: in every capacity I have ever worked in as an abortioneer, I have been challenged by “criers.” I do understand when a woman sheds tears, and I believe women have the right to respond to the choice to have an abortion however they need to. There is a certain harshness in me that is challenged by other people's tears.

I remember being trained at my first job in an abortion clinic. After I took my first phone call, the person training me told me, "Good job, but try to watch how harsh your voice is -- many of the women calling need to hear a supportive voice on the other end of the phone." I'm not sure if it is personality or life experience, but I just don't cry a lot, and when someone else cries I have to make a special effort not to be dismissive, in both my personal and professional life.

The patient who recently showed up to her follow-up appointment beaming had presented this challenge for me. She cried when I told her we did not allow male partners to the back, she cried when she met with the doctor, she cried when she set her appointment. On the day of her abortion she walked in with her boyfriend, sniffling and tearing up. She cried as her boyfriend paid the fee, she cried when I handed her the gown to change into, she cried off and on throughout every moment of both of her appointments.

I know that I treated her just as I treat any other patient and we did the best we could to make her experience as comfortable as possible. And she walked into her follow-up appointment with a smile from ear to ear. She told the receptionist that she was feeling great and she hoped to have a kid with her boyfriend when they were more stable. I was tied up with another patient and didn’t have any interaction with this patient at her follow-up, but I heard the relief and joy in her voice and saw it in her body language.

So often this is the case -- patients come into follow-up appointments with joy and relief written all over their faces. It's part of why I know what I do is sacred.