Gimme Presents

If I ever have an abortion you can damn well guarantee I’m having my friends throw me an abortion shower. In addition, I will register online for a gift registry where my loved ones can support me through buying me stuff. Ok, so this is one-part mockery of the baby-industrial complex and one-part me recognizing that abortion is just as important in terms of family planning. If you are friends with me you have been hearing me talk about this abortion shower idea for years. I almost want to have an abortion JUST to have a shower and registry.

So, I think an abortion shower is a great idea because it will serve to reduce stigma and silence around abortion and instead create a way for a woman to share the experience and be supported. Additionally, who wouldn’t want to get all sorts of abortion gifts from a registry such as heating pad, Glee DVDs, lots of vegan baked goods, comfy sweatpants, and maxi pads? For friends low on cash they can offer non-monetary presents such as writing you silly (or serious) poetry, performing an interpretive dance at your shower, or offering to run errands if you need a day to stay in bed after your abortion. For people who have more creative friends, they could come up with gifts that represent what the woman has to look forward to in her life, such as an SAT prep book, supplies for a dorm room at college, or presents for the kid(s) she already has.

Then there are all those silly games people play at baby showers. Things involving chocolate stained diapers and guessing games about baby weight/length. I think a fun game for an abortion shower would be something involving maxi pad sculptures and/or pin-the-pad on the female silhouette. Perhaps a guessing game about sonogram measurement of weeks/days since last period? Really the possibilities are endless.

If you think this whole abortion shower and registry sounds ridiculous, well then you now understand how bizarre baby showers (and wedding showers while we’re at it) sound to me. This could be because I’m Jewish and we traditionally do not participate in these pregnancy rituals—it is considered bad luck to have a baby shower before the baby is born. Hmm, but it’s also probably because I think it’s ridiculous to expect my friends and family to outfit MY kid. I understand that many people use baby showers as a way to get all the necessities in the beginning and that makes sense if you are financially strapped and need help. However, the obsession with baby showers has gone way beyond providing for those in need and has morphed into out of control consumption regarding baby things that borders on baby/pregnancy worship.

For those of you who had an abortion, what do you wish someone gave you? Have any of you given presents to friends who had abortions?