1. Barks up the wrong tree: The kind of anti that tries to convert you, even though you work/volunteer at an abortion clinic, wear a coathanger pendant around your neck, carry an "I [heart] Reproductive Rights" bag, or otherwise indicate that you've already chosen a side.
2. Carries a sign: This anti prefers to boil all the complexities of pregnancy, abortion, and decision-making into one trite slogan, e.g. "I'm a child, not a choice."
3. Yells a lot: That's about it.
4. Prays for you (a): A young, sometimes prissy female anti who is more concerned about your salvation than about feeding starving children, who seems to have forgotten that good works, not kvetching, get you into Heaven.
5. Prays for you (b): A morose dude who likes to moan without saying anything articulate.
6. Pedophiles-to-be: Usually an older priest with several younger ones in tow. Hoping that women have more babies to serve as their lust objects.
7. The born-again: She regrets her abortion. But, ironically, if she hadn't had one to begin with she'd have no cause to which to devote her free time and would not be a better person today.
8. Living proof: Someone whose mother considered an abortion, or attempted one that failed, who grew up to be a productive member of society, spending Saturday mornings yelling things in the street.
9. Song in the heart: You'd think I'd tire of tone-deaf renditions of Ave Maria by scratchy-voiced youth, but nope!
10. The solution: These antis can solve all your problems with a pamphlet and a phone number.
11. The Oscar nominee: Riveting in the role of "fetus pleading for its life", portrayed with all the sincerity and believability of Keanu Reeves or Lindsay Lohan.
12. Never too early: How charming is youth! Nothing thrills me more than a 4-year-old telling me what to do.
Still, loud or quiet, belligerent or holier-than-thou: THEY ALL SUCK.
You forgot the terrorist. The Anti that shows up to a clinic and never does anything but intensely stares at everyone going in and out of the clinic plotting his next crime.
ReplyDeleteOne of my high school friends is a #7. She went ALL the way, and started a "recovery ministry." Ugh.
ReplyDelete1. Barks up the wrong tree: The kind of anti that tries to convert you, even though you work/volunteer at an abortion clinic, wear a coathanger pendant around your neck, carry an "I [heart] Reproductive Rights" bag, or otherwise indicate that you've already chosen a side. One of our Saturday loser cruisers, Gerry, started off with “in the name of Jesus, we can help you. . .” and then realized the woman was a staff member and so he finished with “find a job” (Nice cover your ass, McWilliams)
ReplyDelete2. Carries a sign: This anti prefers to boil all the complexities of pregnancy, abortion, and decision-making into one trite slogan, e.g. "I'm a child, not a choice." Mary Hartnett loves the sign Trust God. Ironically, she doesn’t trust god because she interferes with God’s work.
3. Yells a lot: That's about it.Joe Kubick “I wanna go to da beach, I wanna play baseball” as if some nonsentient fetus is talking. Also talks incessantly about mindless stuff like the lake of fire, about homosexuality, about stiff necked Jews.
4. Prays for you (a): A young, sometimes prissy female anti who is more concerned about your salvation than about feeding starving children, who seems to have forgotten that good works, not kvetching, get you into Heaven. We call her Chastity. And can I say, she’s a freaking scary woman.
5. Prays for you (b): A morose dude who likes to moan without saying anything articulate. That has to be John Kelly.
6. Pedophiles-to-be: Usually an older priest with several younger ones. Yep, the dude showed up last week during second Saturday.
7. The born-again: She regrets her abortion. But, ironically, if she hadn't had one to begin with she'd have no cause to which to devote her free time and would not be a better person today. Maggie Sweets.
8. Living proof: Someone whose mother considered an abortion, or attempted one that failed, who grew up to be a productive member of society, spending Saturday mornings yelling things in the street. Joyce
9. Song in the heart: You'd think I'd tire of tone-deaf renditions of Ave Maria by scratchy-voiced youth, but nope! Tattoo baby woman
10. The solution: These antis can solve all your problems with a pamphlet and a phone number. Katie says just go to 530 Union Blvd.
11. The Oscar nominee: Riveting in the role of "fetus pleading for its life", portrayed with all the sincerity and believability of Keanu Reeves or Lindsay Lohan. That’s John Dunkle
12. Never too early: How charming is youth! Nothing thrills me more than a 4-year-old telling me what to do. Yadira Rodriguez’s autistic son
What an accurate description of the protester types out there. As an escort, I can attest to knowing each of them. Thanks for posting!
ReplyDeleteFML
(For some reason, this won't let me post as everysaturdaymorning.wordpress.com/ which is the blog the escorts here do)